


Chiaroscuro

by rakefire



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, The Force Awakens - Fandom
Genre: Actor Kylo Ren, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Flirting, E is for Eventual, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Jealous Reylo, Kylo Ren is Bad at Flirting, Love at First Sight, Possessive Kylo Ren, Possessive Rey, Rey is Bad at Feeling, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, photographer Rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-05-12 23:14:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 95,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14737622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rakefire/pseuds/rakefire
Summary: Rey Johnson is a street photographer. Kylo Ren is a model turned actor. After a public mishap that happened one afternoon, they had to work together.ORRey just wants to do her job, but Kylo falls too fast, too hard.





	1. It Appears that They Hate Each Other

**Author's Note:**

> Plot might not be the strongest suit in this fic. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> Unbeta'd.
> 
> EDIT: Plot kinda happens.

 

It was a lunch hour. The street in a shopping district in Coruscant was packed. Rey had finished her sandwich and was now ready with her camera again. She still had an hour before her big appointment. And what would be better to do than to take few pictures of strangers?  
  
Rey Johnson was a street photographer. She started when she was sixteen, the first time she got her hand on a 35mm SLR film camera. And since then, she had won a scholarship to get into a good college and an award from a street photography magazine. She liked taking pictures of people, especially when they were unaware. She knew that sometimes it felt like she was peeking into some stranger's intimate moments, but the idea of human connection always enticed her. There was something voyeuristic and homely about that. She could just attribute that to her own childhood but that would be too hairy for her. What she had was now and her camera.  
  
She graduated from college last year, but had been showcasing her photographs longer than that—although, mostly online. She considered herself lucky when she accidentally took a street picture of an up and coming male model, Finn Storms, who then was kind enough to promote her works online. They exchanged social media accounts and tagged each other once the photo was finished. Rey was using her 35mm even then, and it wasn't because she disliked the digital ones. She just felt more comfortable with the working of analogue photography, and apparently Finn was also a fan of such practice. They became fast friends after that.  
  
And thanks to him, Rey was on her way to be interviewed for a job at Amidala, a fashion magazine under Skywalker Publishing—one of the biggest mass media companies in the world. Finn told her there was an opening for a secret project that would launch in approximately eight months from now, but the photographer quit abruptly. Rey took the offer in a heartbeat.  
  
Moving to Coruscant from Jakku was a bold decision. And she needed the money—she always did. It delighted her that she passed the first round of interview. She recalled she almost got her portfolio wet and ruined that day due to the sudden heavy rain. In fact, that day worked like a perfect Murphy's Law had they not called her later to inform about her moving to the next stage. It was a horrible day, but Rey was glad that she got through. Today would be just formality, Finn said—he knew this because someone from the project had informed him before. The top management had liked her works, so she needn't to be nervous. After all, she thought, there was no way anything worse could happen twice. She got her fair share of a living hell when she almost lost her portfolio due to the merciless rain. Today was supposed to be easy breezy, like the weather.  
  
But when she looked up from her camera after taking a picture of a kid with an ice cream, someone yelled at her from behind. Rey turned around to face the source of a voice.  
  
"Did you take it?" a man in sunglasses, dressed in a tight black t-shirt and a pair of black jeans, stormed toward her. His pace was large and quick, and he looked so angry. Oh, not to mention, the guy was also very tall and broad in stature.  
  
"What?" Rey frowned her face and took a step back as the man crowded her personal space. She held her camera away from the beast.

"My picture. Did you. Take. It?"

Rey blinked, trying to remember if she actually did. "No—maybe. I took—I took pictures of so many people today."  
  
"Give me the damn camera!" The man in black swung his arm, his shoulder-length raven hair moving as his head jerked.  
  
"No!"  
  
Rey noticed people started to gather around them. She didn't want to be a spectacle—especially not with smart phones being directed at her face while the angry, unreasonable stranger was trying to pry her camera off of her. The stranger didn't seem to care, and kept reaching for her hands. She took a look at him, and she swore he looked familiar although she couldn't really place him. A celebrity?  
  
"You were taking my pictures without my consent," he fumed. "Vermin like you always do!"  
  
"Excuse me?" her eyes widened. _Did he just call her a vermin?_  
  
"Camera. Now."  
  
"No!" she replied defiantly. Behind the tall stranger, a beautiful woman with long dark hair and longer legs scurried toward him and then held his arm as though that could help to calm him down.  
  
It couldn't.  
  
"What the fuck!" Rey cried. He managed to grab Rey's arm, and then the strap of the camera. Rey yanked her arm away from him, but he was stronger. His much longer arm extended and his hand finally reached her camera and pried it off her hand. "Get off me. This is assault!"  
  
"Yeah? Then call my lawyers!" he said while raising her camera higher from her reach, opening the compartment in broad day light.  
  
"You're burning the frames!" she desperately tried to take it back.  
  
He took the roll, and then ruthlessly torn the rest of the frames. Rey could only watch with a shriek and mouth wide open. "What is wrong with you?" she snatched the camera from his hand as he looked into the film against the sun light. The woman next to him said something like, "Did she really get it?" but the man didn't answer her.  
  
Instead, he shifted his attention back to Rey. She immediately hugged the camera very close to her chest, staring back at him. She could see her reflection on his sunglasses. For some reason, he paused for a while right in front of her face, before pointing his index finger at her.  
  
"Get a real job!" he snarled.  
  
He left while chugging the damaged films to his too small jean pocket. The woman gave Rey a stink eye before following him.  
  
"Asshole!" Rey yelled.

 

* * *

  
  
Rey arrived at the Amidala headquarters with a foul mood and a scratched camera. The damage was minimal, but it still pissed her off. She immediately went to the rest room after the front office lady gave her the pass.  
  
She stood in front of the mirror and tried to control her breathing. That celebrity—she remembered who he was now, that asshole Kylo Ren—would never take this away from her.  
  
That wasn't the first time Rey met a celebrity—or even a rude celebrity. But never once in her life she was mistakenly accused as a paparazzi (or being called _'vermin'),_  let alone got her camera taken away from her—especially since her street camera looked nothing like one of those giant intimidating gears actual paps would sport. But that Kylo Ren was just something else entirely. She'd heard of his antics before, but she never thought, not in a fucking million years, that that pasty white monster truck would strike her and ruin her afternoon. She wished to heaven and hell she wouldn't have to encounter him again. Coruscant was of course full of the the rich and famous, and it'd be a rare opportunity to run into him. But she'd spit on his face if she saw him again.  
  
But that was not her concern at the moment. She had to look professional and presentable. The last thing she wanted was Leia Organa to see her in such a messy state. She ran her fingers through her hair before re-knotting it into her usual three buns.  
  
Her phone buzzed, and she saw a message from Finn.  
  
_Go Peanut, go!_  
  
Finn and Rey had become close friends and even had a pet name to call each other. They clicked easily like longtime friends, like two peas in a pod. Like peanuts. And Rey liked him so much that she didn't want to let him down. It was true that the job was for her and she did it for her only, but Finn was the one who opened the door. Even though she wanted to vent, she didn't want her best friend to worry about her. So Rey ended up sending a thumb up emoji, and Finn replied with a kiss and a rainbow.

 

* * *

  
  
"Welcome to Amidala."  
  
After spending about fifteen minutes with the Editor-in-Chief, Leia Organa, Rey was officially getting the job. She enthusiastically reciprocated Leia's extended hand with a strong hand shake.  
  
Rey was taken aback when she first entered the room. She imagined Leia Organa to be the stereotypical fashion editor-in-chief in movies, the one who wore sunglasses indoor, a coffee in her hand, and a sour face that would turn darker if someone wore the wrong color of belt that day. Rey was careful when dressing for the occasion for that reason. But it turned out, Leia Organa, although she looked so dignified still, was nothing like a caricature of someone else's idea of a fashion mogul.  
  
She had the warmest hazel eyes that reminded Rey more of warm baked goods and knitted sweaters than someone who would melt an iron with a glance. She was shorter than Rey and didn't even try to wear high-heeled shoes. Her grey, obviously undyed, hair was in a big bun. She still looked mesmerizing—and expensive without trying too hard. Rey understood there must be a reason why she had been keeping her job for so long and so widely respected, and upon meeting her, she could understand exactly why. Charisma oozed from her, and even Rey couldn't take her eyes off of her.   
  
"I want you to meet the model today, Rey." Leia said while sitting back on her chair. "Well, when I said model..."  
  
Rey had been briefed about the nature of the project. It was going to be a set of short movie and photo series. Amidala made it clear that the photographer they worked with in this project must not be already well-known, and Rey was considered to be unknown though some of her photographs had gone viral before. She was surprised that the model was a man because usually Amidala focused on female and non-binary models, and rarely use male models as the center of their campaigns. It didn't stop her excitement, but it got her scratching her head a little bit.  
  
She didn't have a clue about who that would be, but now she thought of Finn again. It would be awesome if the model was Finn! And he had worked with Leia so many times before. But Rey didn't want to get her hopes up. Surely, he would've told her if he were involved in the project.   
  
"Yes," Rey said. "I can't wait to see him, ma'am."  
  
Leia smiled—oh, Rey liked her smile. There was nothing in this woman that she disliked, Rey thought.  
  
Her secretary, Kay Connix, entered the room to tell her that he was already waiting for them. Thus, Leia immediately took Rey to said room. It wasn't that far from her office. It was just another spacious white room, but with more couches and artistic objects.  
  
When Rey finally saw the model, she stopped herself dead in the tracks.  
  
The man was standing in front of the big window, his back was facing them. But Rey recognized that dark hair, that broad back and long limbs which were now covered in leather jacket—black, of course. When Leia called his name, Rey felt a knot in her stomach.  
  
"Kylo Ren," Leia said. "This is Rey Johnson. Rey, that's Kylo Ren. You're going to work together."  
  
Kylo—that prick Kylo Ren turned his heels to face them. He was not wearing his sunglasses, but now his eyes who were just unassuming few seconds ago went wide. Rey held her satchel close to her hips. Her breathing hitched, and she could see the man in front of her was as shocked as her.  
  
Leia stood in between them, hands clasped behind her back.  
  
"Like I said, Rey." She looked at Rey, eyes crinkled with a smile. "He used to model, but then you know the rest of the story."  
  
"He's an actor now..." Rey found herself mumbling. Kylo Ren's eyebrows were raised like the fact Rey really knew him confirmed some suspicion.  
  
"Yes, he is." Leia nodded. "How about you take a camera test right now? Is it okay? You can do it on that wall—or anywhere you want."  
  
Rey and Kylo Ren were still staring at each other, unmoved. But she could still react to Leia's words better. She nodded, and then took out her camera. She could see Kylo Ren's shoulders heaved as the camera came into his sight.  
  
Rey, unaffected by his reaction, kept his eyes on him and opened the compartment. She took a glance at the empty space in the camera and then looked at him before tilting her head at Leia. Kylo Ren tightened his jaw as Rey opened her mouth.  
  
"Oh, silly me." She smiled at the Editor-in-Chief, "I forgot to put on a film roll."  
  
Leia smiled back at her. "Don't worry," she said. "Take your time. I need to get back to my office. Is that okay, dear?"  
  
Rey nodded. Leia took a glance at Kylo Ren, and Rey could've sworn that in a split second she saw her eyes turned into a glare when she looked at him. But then Leia left, and there was no one else but Kylo Ren and Rey.  
  
"Stand over there, please." She nonchalantly directed him to a wall across from them. Kylo Ren pursed his lips like he was calculating something for a moment before following her order. Rey prepared the camera while Ren took off his jacket and laid it down on one of the couches. He then stood on the wall, arms crossed, showing his swollen biceps under too tight of a t-shirt. _Show off._  
  
Rey aimed the camera at him when he said, "So, not a paparazzi then?"  
  
She paused to look at him for a moment. She scoffed as he cocked his eyebrow, seemingly taken aback. She continued aiming the camera at him.  
  
"Are you going to call the police now that I'm taking your pictures?" Rey asked as she took few continuous shots. "It's tragic, really, that taking your pictures turns out to be my _real_ job."  
  
He leaned his head on the wall, lazily rolling his head before looking straight at the camera again.  
  
He snorted, "You're funny."  
  
Rey rolled her eyes, and took down her camera. And once again, they were in a staring match. He was still leaning on the wall but now his hands were on his sides, and she was standing few feet away from him, one hand with a camera, and the other balled into a fist.  
  
Kylo Ren's eyes were the color of amber, she noticed. And that fucker was looking at her funny now. His eyes went all over her with the kind of inspection like he was the one with the camera, not her. He tilted his head, and then his eyes went at the length of her body. Rey staggered back and instinctively covered her chest with the camera like a shield. She clicked her mouth, and Ren's eyes were back on hers.  
  
"I didn't notice before," he said with the rumbling deep voice of his.  
  
"What?" Rey sighed, raising the camera back to her eye level. She was definitely telling Finn about this, about today, about _everything_. With the thinning patience she got now, it was a surprise that she didn't just spit at him the way she wanted to. The guy was still staring with that cocky attitude. Actors. _Fuck this guy._  
  
Even worse, Rey couldn't believe the next words coming out of his mouth as she clicked the shutter button.  
  
"You're beautiful."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I wrote this one on a whim because I wanted to write a story in past tense. :D
> 
>  
> 
> But if you want a fic with a plot (apparently) and fluff and angst and shameless Star Wars references, you may read my other fic, [Pygmalion Resonance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13994994/chapters/32225532).  
> 


	2. Curiosity Killed the Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone's got into late night sleuthing.

Her roommate wasn't home yet when she arrived. It was easier for her that the apartment was empty since she definitely had no energy left to even make a sound, let alone to engage in a conversation. Jess, the roommate, knew about her going to Amidala for the interview, and she would ask for details. And Rey didn't have time for that. She didn't even text Finn because her mood wasn't exactly up for it.

So she went straight to her room to develop and scan the film, and only got out to take a shower and grab a cup ramen for dinner. Suddenly it was almost midnight and she almost fell asleep if not for the sound of her roommate opening and closing the door. She rubbed her eyes, staring at her computer. Kylo Ren's headshot was displayed on the screen.

His eyes looked straight into her as if drinking her in—exactly like what he did that afternoon. Rey recognized that particular photo was from the moment when he told her,

"You're beautiful."

She shook her head and then clicked the mouse. The screen displayed the next frame taken less than a second after.

Kylo Ren was smirking. _The gall._

"Turn to your left, please." She remembered herself saying while rolling her eyes.

"I've never heard Rey Johnson before," Kylo Ren said, following her direction. "Never seen any of your works. Anything I might know?"

She could see how prominent his profile was. That angular face, aquiline nose, strong jaw, long neck. And the hair. _The hair._

He was also large and muscular—in a way that it was just right, not too bulky. And there was also the air of gracefulness in the way he moved that she swore she recognized somewhere. She couldn't help noticing how good he looked from the camera, and how thinking about him like that only pissed her off even more. Fortunately, he couldn't see her.

"Never watched any of your movies either," she quipped, taking a couple more shots.

"Oh, _never?"_ his eyebrows quirked.

"None." Rey gestured her finger to the other side, "To your right."

"Well, I have a premiere tomorrow," he shrugged, putting his hands as far as his jeans' pockets could accommodate. She cursed at the fact that she now noticed how defined his backside was from the strain of the pockets. "I can give you a ticket. Or, if you bring a plus one, two."

She raised her head from the camera, "Is that a peace offering?"

"Peace offering?" he looked at her. "For what—oh."

He shifted his body to face her. His mouth curved into a smug smile. "To be fair, you did take my pictures without my consent." He crossed his arms, "And no, it's not a peace offering. But you can interpret it all you want if that works for you."

_What a prick._

She exhaled sharply, "I'm a street photographer. I take pictures of strangers on the street. Also, I don't recall taking your pictures."

She did remember alright. He wasn't the focus, though. She took a picture in front of a diner. But it was of an elderly couple who sat one table next to his and his long-legged, possibly girlfriend's. But there wasn't exactly evidence of it now since the bastard burned the damn film.

"Well, you did. Maz Cantina, Takodana District."

"I took pictures around Takodana so many times. I took people's pictures. Anyone can get in the frame." She crossed her arms, the camera dangling from the strap safely attached to her neck, "Not _just_ you."

"Hm," he nodded, and then walked toward her. She instinctively wanted to shuffle back, but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of scaring her off again.

When he didn't show any sign of stopping even when they were only a couple of feet apart, she started to jerk her head back and hold her camera close to her chest again. But then he stopped. Her eyes immediately darted to his lips—his full, lush lips. She forced herself to tilt her head up and look at him in the eye.

The man was already staring down at her. They were so close that she could practically smell him. And it wasn't surprising for her that his cologne was manly and dark, the kind of musk that smelled masculine and screamed Alpha. Rey usually found this kind of scent obnoxious. Except now that she didn't. And she hated that she didn't hate it.

He crossed his arms again as his darkening eyes were still locked on hers. She swallowed, but didn't budge.

"Well then," he said, voice low and velvety it created a buzz in her ears. "It's tragic indeed that now you are required to pay attention to _just_ me."

She clenched her jaw, and her eyes shot daggers at him.

"We're done here," she said, stepping back to put her camera into her satchel.

He didn't move, his eyes following her. He licked his bottom lip and then softly said, "Not quite."

But they didn't talk to each other after that since Rey immediately bolted from his proximity (after making sure he saw her rolling her eyes again). And instead, she met his manager right at the door. They exchanged numbers, but then Rey also noticed that the manager looked over her head before giving her Kylo Ren's number as well. That bastard must have told him to. She wouldn't contact his personal number though she kept it anyway. For what, she didn't know yet. But now they had each other's contact—so it seemed.

* * *

  
Rey was done with the scanning when the clock struck 2 in the morning. But even after lying down in bed, she couldn't fall asleep. Thus, she grabbed her phone and for some reason, her fingers typed Kylo Ren on the search bar. She should've been trying harder to fall asleep since she hated waking up late and groggy, but now she found herself staring at the search results in the dark comfort of her own room.  
  
And the first page immediately showed the news about his recent movie, followed by his filmography. Rey noticed a couple of movies she remembered someone recommended her to watch but didn't get to. His range was rather versatile, Rey noticed. He was not only in those commercial movies, but also the ones that won festival. There were a couple of action movies (this didn't surprise her), but then there were also varieties of romance, comedy, sci-fi, drama, low-budget indie—she started to wonder if he really was that good.  
  
She scrolled down and saw the excerpt from his Wikipedia page. Birth name: Benjamin Solo. Rey snorted.  
  
_Fucking Benjamin. Kylo my ass._ _  
_  
But then she read the parentage section. Parent(s): Han Solo, Leia Organa.  
  
Rey's eyes went wide. She straightened her back on the pillow, rubbing her eyes for confirmation. But there it was. There were two different kinds of focus that popped in her mind. Both names were equally meaningful to her.  
  
One, she didn't know that Leia and Han Solo were married. Two, that they were Kylo Ren's parents _._ Leia Organa, her boss, was his _mother._ But not only that, her idol, the award-winning photojournalist _Han Solo_  was also Kylo Ren's _father?_  
  
The running thoughts crashed and burned inside her mind. That was so unfair in every aspect. Now that she learned that Leia Organa and Han Solo were a couple, Rey marveled at how incredible it was. And if she were still that lonely little girl in Jakku, she'd be wishing to every shooting star she'd encounter to make them her adoptive parents. But the reality was two people she admired were the parents of _Kylo fucking Ren?_  
  
Where did it go wrong? _Fuck._  
  
Now Rey couldn't help thinking whether the decision to involve Kylo in the project was because of the familial relationship. Nepotism wasn't exactly uncommon, and it wasn't like Rey didn't use her connection to Finn to get into the first interview. She wouldn't call it nepotism though, since she worked her ass off and it wasn't like Finn was someone who had any say in the working of Amidala. But fuck, if that was true.  
  
And then Rey's attention shifted to the next page of her search. There were different headlines from various blogs and fansites. Mostly they were talking about his movies and his 'top-notch' acting, and that got Rey rolling her eyes again. And then there were also thirst posts that made her cringe. She scrolled down and saw a headline of a blog, 'Kylo Ren is Problematic and Here's Why'.  
  
She snorted, "Tell me about it."  
  
And it wasn't the only post which showed some sort of disdain toward Kylo. But it wasn't a surprise for her to find him to be such a polarizing figure. Rey found other sites—they were blogs, actually—who would go as far as calling him a womanizer (not surprising), the poster boy of toxic masculinity (his privileged background was mostly highlighted), that he was violent and abusive (mostly to the paparazzi, apparently), ugly as sin (even Rey found this debatable although she didn't want to dwell on it), that he was an unredeemable asshole, and how it was wrong to like him.  
  
She opened few of the links and found most of them didn't exactly have any foolproof evidence and more of the projection of the writers' somewhat unresolved personal issues. And worse, some couldn't even separate their hatred against certain characters he played in movies and Kylo Ren the actor to justify their _discourse_. And that was when Rey realized she had gone too deep into the rabbit hole.  
  
But she couldn't help looking further into the notoriety of Kylo Ren's terrible relationships with paparazzi since she could still remember perfectly how he grabbed her camera and ruined her half-day worth of work. And she was right. There were multiple pages talking about it.  
  
Kylo Ren, as Rey learned, hated paparazzi with his entire being. He sued some, and got sued at some point. He broke someone's camera, sometimes he threw the camera to whatever surface could serve his intention (she'd murder him on the spot if he did this, she thought), ran away with it, deleted the footage, or took the film—thankfully, her encounter with him in Takodana didn't get reported or even go viral.

Scandals followed his career, but mostly they were centered around either his unpleasant encounters with paparazzi, rumored girlfriends, or his quick temper. The latter got him in various troubles with studio executives and some crew members so many times.  
  
It was already 5 am when Rey yawned and her eyes grew too heavy to continue staring at her phone. She went on sleeping after that since it was Saturday and she had no plan other than to e-mail the camera test results to Poe Dameron, the creative director.  
  
She woke up four hours later, feeling lousy and hungry. She found Jess in the living room. As she expected, Jess asked her about the project. Rey could only tell her so much because of the secrecy. But then they had breakfast together while watching the morning news. And that was when she saw the live report of the premiere of the new Kylo Ren's movie—the one he mentioned during the camera test.  
  
Before she could stop herself, Rey asked Jess if she could recommend her a movie of his. _Out of curiosity._  
  
At least that was what she told herself when her roommate was beaming with enthusiasm.

* * *

  
Rey hated herself.  
  
She had so many reasons to, but now it was because the fact that she ended up spending her _entire_ weekend binge-watching Kylo Ren's movies. Jess only accompanied her during the first two movies, and then she went on a date. Rey took her laptop back into her room, and then finished watching another three and a half after that. The next morning, she continued watching by herself, finishing what she'd left off, and then more.  
  
She couldn't watch all of them, but she got the good ones—or so she thought. She went with the highest rating on IMDB first although she didn't read any reviews or fan thinkpieces about any of the movies. She didn't want her judgment to be clouded.  
  
Her judgment. _Right,_ that was the problem.  
  
Because the more she watched his performances, the more she couldn't pin down what kind of person exactly Kylo Ren was. He kept changing—his appearance, mannerisms, even accents. She understood that that's just how acting works. But even a glimpse of his real character that he showed during the interviews (she watched them in between movies) couldn't make her see the real Kylo Ren. Or, she got more and more clueless was more like it.  
  
She experienced his quick temper first-hand, and then the possibility that he was also a bit of a flirt. But there was still some itch inside her head that demanded to be scratch. She needed to know who Kylo Ren was. It was important if she wanted to carry on with the project.  
  
She'd already given Leia Organa her interpretation of the project during the interview, and had e-mailed Poe Dameron about it along with the photos. But in order for her vision to work, she needed to see how Kylo Ren fit into it.  
  
Rey was a perfectionist, and she valued her work. She always made sure if the people she worked with were compatible with her. And since this was the first time she handled a big project like this, she wouldn't let anything to jeopardize her work. Especially since the project could launch her career.  
  
And thus, that Sunday night, after pacing back and forth in the kitchen, Rey swallowed her pride. She decided to contact Kylo Ren—not his manager; Kylo Ren himself.  
  
_Hi.  
Are you available sometime next week?  
__\- Rey_ ** _  
_**  
She threw her phone to the couch soon after the text got sent. She thought Kylo was most likely to be busy, so she would probably receive the reply tomorrow— _if_ he didn't ignore her. But she couldn't help picking up her phone and staring at it. And in that very second, he replied.  
  
**_..._ _  
__Is tomorrow okay?_** _  
_  
_K._  
  
**...**  
**I'll be at Amidala at 11.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> If you like this, please tell your friendly neighbors about it. ;)


	3. Righting the Foot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey continues her research, and Kylo is, well, being himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd and a bit longer, so expect some mistakes.

Rey arrived in front of Leia Organa's office at 11:20, and Kay Connix immediately informed her boss. When Rey got into the office, Kylo Ren was rising from the couch he'd been sitting. For some reason, he looked taller than the last time she saw him. His figure was hulking in the room, as his mother sat behind her desk with arms crossed. Rey still couldn't wrap her head around the fact they were mother and son. 

"Like I said," his eyes lit up at the sight of Rey standing by the door, before looking back at his mother. "Don't worry about it. Miss Johnson and I will be fine."

Rey greeted her boss, and Leia smiled as a response. Kylo gestured her to leave the office and head to the elevator.

"What's not to worry about?" Rey asked as he punched the floor number.

"The Editor-in-Chief told me to be nice to you."

"Why would she say that?" she quirked her eyebrows. "You're a grown man."

Ren's head jerked at her, the edge of his mouth quirked upwards. "Exactly."

"Unless," Rey looked at her watch nochalantly. "You're naturally incapable to act like one that your _mother_ has to reprimand you. You know, just in case you're throwing tantrums and stuff."

She could hear his low and rumbling chuckle. "Ah, I see you've done some research. But I suggest you to stay away from clickbaits."

"I don't care," Rey looked straight at the elevator's door, avoiding seeing his reflection in it.

"What else is the result of your research?"

"Don't know yet," she said matter-of-factly. "As I'm still doing it now."

Rey was expecting a remark from him, but instead he was quiet. And after a while, he gave her a short answer.

"Right."

She noticed him staring again—and there was a hint of a glee in his eyes, but then the door opened.

 

   
Kylo told her he knew a good place nearby, but it turned out to be Maz Cantina in Takodana, of all places—not that she minded. And it wasn't that near because they had to walk around a couple of blocks to get there—he said he hadn't taken a walk in a long time. But during the journey, they stayed quiet. In Rey's part, she didn't want to run out of conversation when they were having a lunch—and not running out of things to talk about also meant she was in control. She still couldn't believe that she asked him to meet up. 

As for Kylo, Rey wished he would stop stealing glances. He was wearing his sunglasses again, but they did a terrible job at hiding it—if he really wanted to hide it at all. Truth to be told, she wouldn't have noticed that if _she_ didn't look. But Rey brushed it off. He should be the one who stopped staring, and she didn't need to remind him of that. She wasn't his mother.

"Where are you from?" he asked as they were already seated. The server just left with their orders: one chilli burger and large french fries for Rey, and one large ribeye steak and also large french fries for Kylo. It didn't surprise her that someone as large as him would eat that much—Maz Cantina was known for their giant portions, but it seemed he was a bit taken aback with her order.

Rey frowned, "I should be the one asking the questions here."

"I also need to know the person I'm working with," he shrugged. "Not just you. So where are you from?"

She nodded. _Well, it does make sense.  
_

"Jakku," she replied quickly. "Why did you want to be an actor?"

"To follow my grandfather's footsteps," he entwined his fingers, placing them at the edge of the table as he rested his back on the seat. His sunglasses were hooked on the collar of his dark gray v-neck shirt which made Rey's attention drift to his clavicle for a short second. "Jakku? I went there once. When did you get here?"

"Six months ago. Your grandfather?"

"Anakin Skywalker? You haven't gone there with your research?"

Rey's eyes widened. "No way! Your grandfather was Darth Vader? You're Luke Skywalker's nephew?"

She watched Darth Vader I, II, and III during her childhood. The other kids in the foster home thought it was a cool trilogy, and they would spend their time trying to talk like Anakin Skywalker's character all the time until it annoyed her. She liked the movies, though.

Meanwhile, she considered Luke Skywalker one of the legends in journalism. At one point in her life, she wanted to pursue journalism after reading about him, but apparently her interest in taking pictures of strangers triumphed. But really, how was this guy's family so impressive? Rey couldn't imagine what kind of life he'd been living. 

"You didn't look into my mother side of family?" he smirked—and she _hated_ his smirk. "Well, I started to doubt your investigative skill, Miss Johnson."

"I'm sure I'm getting there sooner or later," Rey bit her inner cheek, eyes darting to the glass window. The weather was so perfect for photography, she mused.

"But you haven't because your attention was focused on me?"

Rey rolled her eyes, and she could hear him snigger. 

"I understand you had sixteen movies under your belt by now. What made you choose a project?" she asked, "I see that your choices weren't exactly always commercial-leaning."

He narrowed his eyes, but smile still painted on his lips. "This started to sound like an interview, Miss Johnson."

_Annoying._

"It is," she shrugged. "It's easier."

"Alright," he nodded. "I only do a project if I like the script and the director. I don't care about the budget or other people in it." The server came with their orders and placed them on the table. Rey's eyes immediately focused on the big portion, and she gulped. She hadn't had her breakfast this morning.

She was secretly glad that when Kylo suggested the place, he didn't take her to some hipster café with overpriced kiddy portions. She knew he wanted to remind her of their first encounter—a petty guy like him would (one more thing to learn about Kylo Ren), but the food itself was enough to get her on board with going to Maz Cantina.

"I saw your portfolio over the weekend, by the way," Ren continued. "I didn't expect that you've showcased your work a couple of times already."

"I started young," Rey took a fry and shoved it into her mouth. "When did you start modeling?"

"When I was twelve or so. I guess I started very young too."

"Is that why you hate paparazzi?" She asked, chewing her lunch. She wasn't a dignified eater, she knew. And it wasn't like Kylo Ren's opinion would matter to her.

She kind of hoped he would mind or he would at least get annoyed, but he didn't look like he did. Instead, he was tapping his fingers on the table absentmindedly, still not touching his food.

"One of the reasons," he replied. Rey's attention now was on the movement of his fingers. "But I'm not usually comfortable getting pictures taken as well."

She scoffed, "You were a model. How do you not like getting pictures taken?"

"Burn-out, I guess?" he ran his hand through his hair. Rey noticed how his fingers combed the strands of his lock swiftly. He got pretty fingers, in a way that they looked sculpted with veins and they were long—so damn long. Kylo Ren might've been a chameleon in acting, but she noticed the subtle similarity of gestures in how sometimes he ran his hair in the movie, and how he touched the leading lady when he kissed her with his soft, plump lips, devouring her like there was no tomorrow.

Rey blinked and then looked at her own food as he explained, "I always got my pictures taken since I was a child. I think that's a side effect of having a family like mine. I turned to modeling at first, because I thought I might enjoy it, but then it was more of a money situation."

"What money situation?"

"I couldn't access my trust fund until I turned 21. And modeling can give you some benefits, if you do it _right."_

She scoffed in disbelief. A rich, entitled boy got bored and played around, and yet there'd still be other rich people who would pay him. And she knew what kind of benefits they were: she'd seen his string of girlfriends on the internet. One girl for one ocassion or another vacation. Speaking of girls, _where's Missy Long Legs?_

"What got you into this project?" she asked instead. The girlfriend question can wait, she told herself.

"My mother thought it'd be a good idea, although I very much disagreed. In fact, I was reluctant at first."

"At first?"

"I didn't think it'd be interesting." He gave a slight pause, and then his voice got lower, "Though, I started to think it is now."

Rey raised her head from her chilli burger, "What changed your mind?"

When she looked at him, he was already staring. This should not surprise her by now, but she couldn't help that her breathing somehow hitched. He clenched and unclenched his hand as his eyes were darkening. She swore she could see his breathing shudder for a moment, like he wanted to...

Rey, for some reason, started to feel self-conscious under the intense stare, but she ignored it by taking a big bite of her burger. And before that sight, he just smiled and crossed his arms, amused. It seemed she was going to be the only one eating here.

He then said, "I don't think this whole getting-to-know thing can be done in one sitting, Miss Johnson. How about I'm taking you to d—"

"Ren?"

Rey stopped chewing as Kylo's eyes suddenly darted at her right, to the source of the voice.

"Hux?" he raised his eyebrows, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm with Phasma—she's... somewhere." The ginger-haired man looked around, and then his attention shifted to Rey, "Oh, you've got company."

Ren exhaled, hand gesturing to Rey. "This is Rey Johnson, photographer. She works for Amidala."

"Didn't she quit after you made her cry?"

"Different photographer."

Rey furrowed her eyebrows inquisitively, but kept her mouth shut. 

"Oh, well." The ginger shrugged, and then extended his hand to Rey who was immediately rubbed her hands clean with a napkin. "Rey Johnson, nice to meet you. I'm Armitage Hux."

"I know you," Rey got to her feet, extending her hand to reciprocate the gesture. "I mean, you were great in War and Peace. Uh, nice to meet you too."

She awkwardly smiled in front of the one and only Armitage Hux. Rey wasn't exactly the type who fangirled at the sight of an actor, but she respected people who were dedicated to their craft. And Armitage Hux, she believed, was one of those people.

Hux smiled back at her—as far as his stoic face could. But she could see that he was scanning her as if building his own judgment. Rey thought maybe it was like an actor's thing to look at people condescendingly. But it wasn't like she wanted to be his friend or anything; she was just a bit starstruck.

"You should go back to your table," Kylo said, his voice sounded sharp. "I'm sure Phasma is waiting."

Rey shifted her attention back to Kylo, and she found him glowering.

"Oh. Yes, yes I should." Hux said, and then he nodded to Rey. "Again, it's a pleasure to meet you. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Rey sat down as he left to the other side of the diner. But she couldn't help seeing where he was going because she wanted to see Gwen Phasma—was there another Phasma?—as well.  
  
"You've seen his movie but not mine?" Kylo asked, there was a tone of disbelief and a hint of sharpness like the one she heard a moment ago.

"There are a lot of movies," she shrugged as she continued devouring her lunch. "I couldn't get to watch everything."

He scoffed, "So, you still haven't seen mine after all?" He let out a sigh, "I should've given you the premiere ticket, then, Miss Johnson."

"I was busy last Saturday," Rey replied. _Busy watching_ your _movies._ "Speaking of which, aren't you supposed to promote it or something?"

"I am," he finally touched his lunch. "That's why maybe this is the last time we get to see each other—at least, for sometime. I'll be back in Coruscant next month."

He paused as if waiting for her reaction. She just bit her inner cheek in silence, and then he took a big slice of his steak. 

"Alright," she said after a while. "By then, I think the concept will be fully completed. We can discuss it then."

"Sure," he wiped the edge of his mouth with a napkin.

And then they were busy with their food for a while. That, until Rey couldn't take it anymore. She had to say this.

"Kylo Ren," she started.

"Hm?" he raised his head from his plate.

She shut his eyes for a moment, and then sighed. "This project is important for me."

Ren's eyebrows were raised. "I wouldn't suggest otherwise."

Yup, she needed to get through this.

"I don't know what you did to the last photographer, but I'm not going to let you ruin my chance," she said without missing a beat. Kylo Ren's eyes widened as the sentence strung along.

And then, she stared at him dead in the eye, "I’m not going anywhere until it’s done."

She could see his eye twitch. But then, his smug face was back again. "You're assuming I have the power to fire you," he smirked. "I honestly don't."

"Ren." Rey didn't budge, her jaw tensed.

He paused for a moment, eyes roaming over her and there was a glint in them as if a secret plan was formulated inside his brain. Rey felt a sudden shiver at the back of her neck, but she tried her best to not react to it. 

"I don't think that'll be a problem, Rey."

"Good."

 

* * *

 

They really didn't see each other after that.

Rey went on with her business, meeting Poe Dameron and the photography department. Rey found herself easily fit in with the team, especially since Finn had briefed her about them before (and everyone here _loved_ Finn Storms). She made acquaintances with Paige Tico, the recently appointed head of photography, and Rose, Paige's sister who interned in the same department.

However, on Friday, there was a package delivery addressed to Rey at Amidala, and coincidentally, that day she happened to be in the building. The front office called her through her desk. She unassumingly went to the first floor only to come back upstrairs with a huge bouquet and a medium-sized box.

Poe was there when she came back, whistling at the sight of the flowers. Rey opened the card and saw a seemingly abrupt but nicely written calligraphy, and it read:

_Dear Miss Johnson,_

_After spending some time with you, I came to realize that we started off on the wrong foot._  
_I would like to offer an apology for my lapse in judgment the first time we met._  
_I'm looking forward to ~~se~~ working with you._

_\- KR_

She scoffed, but then realized everyone was staring with anticipation.

She had to explain to Poe and a handful of the photography department staff as to why Kylo Ren sent her a bouquet of white daisies and a nicely wrapped box. Leia was apparently standing behind her when Rey was telling her coworkers about the incident in Takodana. The Editor-in-Chief scoffed and told her that she had to bribe his son (apparently everyone _knew_  about their relationship) to say sorry for breaking their neighbor's window, and even then it didn't work out. "He must've felt _really_ bad then," Leia chuckled. "Good."

Rey opened the box and saw a black camera strap made of leather—pristine and expensive. Her gaze was fixated on it as she absentmindedly held the ratty old strap hanging on her shoulder. Unbeknownst to her, Leia and Poe were exchanging glances.

On Monday, everyone had already forgotten about the flowers. Rey's time was spent mostly on the project, though she still had the time to go on the street, and to do her side job as a wedding photographer. When she got home, she continued her research on Kylo Ren.  
  
She had watched every single movie he was in—including those where he wasn't the main character (there were quite a handful—he was known for being a breakout character during his early acting career). She also listed the photoshoots he had done before, examining his body language and facial expressions. And during this time, she stumbled upon an article about a rumored feud between Kylo Ren and an 'infamous fashion photographer' who'd taken his pictures before. There was physical altercation which resulted in a broken nose—the photographer's. The case almost turned into a lawsuit which then was dropped for unknown reason. Rey asked Paige and Rose when they were lunching together.  
  
"Oh, that." Rose took a swig of her soda while pointing her index finger to the air, "Aren't we supposed to not talk about it?"  
  
"Well, it was like four years ago or so, I guess." Paige said while playing with her salad.  
  
"It was during a photoshoot for Rogue Magazine, wasn't it, Paige?"  
  
"Uh-uh."  
  
"What happened?" Rey asked. The two sisters sitting in front of her shrugged.  
  
"I was still an assistant back then," Paige replied. "You should ask Poe about it."  
  
"Ask me about what?" Poe suddenly materialized behind them. Rey looked up and saw him gesturing her to scoot over.  
  
"Kylo Ren's Rogue photoshoot," Rose said. "Rey wants to know what happened."  
  
"Yeah," Rey shrugged, but then she grinned, "I need to know in case he wants to do that to me. Been contemplating whether I need to wear protective gears or something."  
  
"Right, right!" Rose laughed.  
  
Poe took a glance at Paige and then snickered. "He won't do that to you," he said. "He doesn't hit women."  
  
_But hits_ on _them, apparently,_ Rey added internally.  
  
"In fact, he was protecting a woman at that time."  
  
That got all three girls tilt their heads to the Creative Director. "What, who?" asked Rose, eyes wide.  
  
"A girlfriend?" Rey asked, ignoring a slight pang that suddenly appeared in her chest.  
  
Poe shook his head. "Not even close," he scooped his chicken marsala to his mouth. "It was one of the stylists who worked for Rogue at that time. That photographer is notorious for misconducts like that. I think Kylo heard him making lewd remarks or something. He demanded him to apologize, but the guy refused, so they got into a fight. The photographer wanted to pursue this but couldn't risk his reputation—that's also why the assault and battery charge was dropped, actually. But everyone who works in fashion already knew about his behavior. Stuff like that wouldn't go unnoticed, but sadly not many are on a mission to challenge it. Kinda sad, if you ask me."  
  
"Wow," Rose blinked. "Never seen Kylo Ren in that light before."  
  
Paige snickered, "Well, chivalry's not dead, apparently."  
  
Rey was quiet after that.   
  
It wasn't until three weeks later that she saw Kylo Ren again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhh, should I add Jealous Kylo Ren and Obsessive Rey on the tags? Someone needs to tell that girl, though. ;)
> 
> In this universe, Darth Vader is like The Godfather. And Hux was in War and Peace. So there's that.
> 
> Thank you for reading. :D


	4. It Hits Him Like an Asteroid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Change of atmosphere: Kylo's POV.

He arrived in Coruscant the night before so he planned on sleeping in. That was, until his mother called him at 7 in the morning, telling him to go shower and get dressed because he had to attend a wedding on her behalf three hours from now. He didn't leave his house until 12 pm, completely forgoing the ceremony—regardless what his mother might say, he was definitely _not_ going to a morning ceremony—and heading to the reception instead. He didn't plan to stay long anyway. All he needed to do was to just show up and leave. He wanted to go back to bed.

That, until he saw her.

Kylo had been thinking about Rey Johnson more often than he'd thought he would. During his time traveling all over the world to promote his movie (it was, of course, a box office hit and the critics were thrilled), he found himself thinking about her from time to time.

So, when he really saw her at the wedding reception, he still couldn't believe his eyes. He thought the drink—which he got himself hogging since he'd arrived—caused him to see her double again.

He didn't go to her right away because 1) she was working—it seemed, it was hard to not notice her big DSLR in her hands and a backpack hung on her shoulders; 2) he hadn't been recovered, not really, from sending her a bouquet of flowers and a gift he'd spent so much time to think about—and she didn't even text him back or anything—not that it was expected; 3) she looked hot as fuck.

She was wearing a suit with no tie, and her chesnut hair was styled in three buns like usual. There were stray strands that got on her face and her nape which he wished he could tuck back in. Her tanned skin was glistening with sweat in a way that made her glow like the sun was made for her. He didn't think she could be any hotter, and yet, every time he saw her, it seemed her existence became more and more grand in his eyes.

But here's the thing about Kylo Ren: he did not believe in love at the first sight. He was an actor, he knew better. And it was just stupid to think that this was more than what it was: just something he needed to get out of his system. But still, this girl from nowhere had wormed herself into his mind and made him act like a high school student—he recalled how he jumped out of his bed when she texted first—all in a couple of days he'd been knowing her.

Thus, not knowing what he actually felt toward the girl, he had been paying attention to her (everybody had done some online stalking in their life, right?) and to his own reaction when she was around. Because this was, again, stupid. He had played a character in a romcom before. And that was the thing: what he'd got for her, that didn't belong in real world. It should stay in fiction—this was not a fucking Hallmark movie, for fuck's sake. And if he wanted to keep it that way, he had to do something about it, _anything._

And it wasn't Kylo Ren if he didn't dive in, head first into something he was passionate about. Also, it didn't hurt that he liked it too much.

Thus, with another drink in his hand, he positioned himself in a spot where she could see him.

And she did.

"Ren?" her pretty hazel eyes widened as she saw him.

_Perfect._

"Rey?" he looked back at her, pretending to be slightly surprised. "What are you doing here?"

She shifted her camera to her side, holding the strap on one of her shoulders. "Working," she scrunched her eyebrows as she walked through the grass to get closer. "You?"

"This is a family friend's wedding," Kylo shrugged. "My mother nagged me to come."

"Ah, that makes sense." She raised her eyebrows, and then crossed her arms, "Because if I didn't know better, I'd think you're stalking me."

_Did she... did she just make a joke?_

He dumbly tried to hide his smile. "I'm not the one with the camera, Rey Johnson. Speaking of which, digital?"

"It's more practical," she shrugged. "Of course, if they ask me to use film, I would. But it's almost never happened. I have my analogue with me, though. In case I find something interesting."

Ren started to regret that he didn't attend the morning ceremony. That way, he might've seen her earlier. Especially since she looked so relaxed and willing to have a casual conversation with him. He should've listened to his mother.

"Like what?"

Rey bit her inner cheek, and then gestured her arm to her surrounding.

"A wedding reception?" he asked.

"People."

"People are interesting?" he repeated, there was a glint in his eyes.

"Yeah."

"What kind of people?"

"Unaware people."

"That doesn't sound creepy at all," he snickered.

She rolled her eyes, "Ha-ha."

All he could do was just smile at how adorable it was. And he could see that she wanted to smile as well, and if it wasn't for the sudden interruption, he would've offered her a drink. 

"Kylo?" a woman came over, tilting her head right under his nose. "I didn't know you're here."

"Marissa?" he staggered back, taking a quick glance toward Rey before looking at the intruder. "Oh, yeah. My mother made me."

"Ah," Marissa said while batting her eyelashes— _no kidding_. "I was wondering why I didn't see your mother although I saw her name on the guest list. I didn't see you during the ceremony."

Kylo could only give her quick and short answers after that, wishing her to leave them alone. But the woman seemed adamant to be at his side. And as she stroked his arm and commented how good he looked, he gave Rey a pleading 'help me' look, but she just stared at them blankly before turning her face away. But he knew that she could hear everything since they were talking on her earshot. He knew she now learned that he'd hooked up with Marissa before. And somehow it embarrassed him—he was never embarrassed about stuff like this, but having this kind of conversation in front of Rey apparently changed that. It took Kylo some patience and his acting skill to drive Marissa away.

He didn't want Rey feel left alone and in result, she could just walk away any moment. So, when Marissa started to talk about his recent movie, Kylo just cut that short and managed to wriggle his arm away from her clutch. The woman finally left, but not before she could brush her face closer to his ear, whispering loudly to invite him to her hotel room. Kylo's jaw clenched as he could definitely see that Rey could hear the exchange.

After Marissa was gone, Kylo just stared blankly at the grass. What would he tell Rey about it? Was he in a position to explain? But apparently Rey had another thing in her mind.

"Is that why you didn't bring your girlfriend with you?" she suddenly asked, he could hear her holding a small laugh.

"What girlfriend?" his head jerked toward her, looking at her confused.

She raised her eyebrows, "The woman who was with you when you _destroyed_ my film?"

Ah, she hadn't fully forgiven him, apparently.

Ren blinked. "Bazine?" he said, still confused. "Bazine's not my girlfriend."

"In a way that Marissa the Maid of Honor was not?" she laughed, and then shrugged. "I'm not judging."

Oh, apparently he also loved the sound of her laugh. And how she looked like when she laughed, beaming like not even sunshine could match.

He could only tilt his head and give her a lopsided smile, ears blushing red. He didn't know what prompted his attitude since he was never considered himself a shy person. He was a nervous wreck sometimes, but acting had taken care of that. But he felt some sort of tingling in his stomach and he couldn't help curling his lips into a smile when she was around.

And upon realizing this, he also realized that he needed a time out.

Kylo Ren wasn't exactly big on the idea of romance. Although it was true that his 'track records' weren't exactly as impressive as the tabloids made them out to be, he was into what he considered as _symbiotic mutualism_ (or what his mother called with disdain, 'feral sexcapades'). He fucked all the way through his twenties because it was practical and it helped him with understanding human connections—being an actor required a 'bank of emotions' after all, he said (but again, his mother would just dismiss it and call bullshit).

But the more he spent time with Rey, he started to doubt if sex was the only thing he wanted from her. It was still too soon to think—let alone to talk about it. But certainly, he had the general idea anyway. He found her endearing and he wanted to spend more time with her.

But again, it seemed she had other plans.

They saw someone approaching them, a guy with another DSLR to match Rey's. She took a few steps toward the guy, leaving Kylo alone only with his drink. He saw them chatting up for a while, and then the guy looked at him and his eyes went wide. Rey took a glance at Kylo before continuing talking to the camera guy. Ren darted his eyes away since it would take a while for Rey to go back to him—if she wanted to go back at all. He forgot that she was here only for the sole purpose of working. And wasn't he supposed to leave by now anyway?

"Thanks, Teedo." Rey said to the guy while walking toward Kylo.

Ren cocked his eyebrow, mildly—okay, not mildly—surprised that Rey was indeed coming back. He stood there in silence as she took off the backpack from her shoulders to the grass right next to his feet.  
  
"Are you leaving or still staying for a while?" she asked.

"Staying," he croaked, for some reason his voice was gone. So was his desire to leave.

"Oh, okay."

She then closed the lid of her DSLR and took out its case from her backpack before placing the camera and the big lens inside it. And then, she took another case—a smaller one. She opened it, and there it was: her dearest film camera. His heart skipped a beat as she dragged the leather strap to hang it around her neck. It was _his_ gift.

Rey seemingly realized that he had been staring, and then she just bit her lower lip—not seductively, he knew it wasn't meant to seduce him but he was already a lost cause anyway. "Uh, thanks for this," she muttered. "It's a good strap."

Ren's lips curved into a warm smile as he lowered his voice, "I'm glad you like it."

She looked up to him, doe eyed—again, it wasn't meant to seduce. "My shift just ended," she said. Kylo replied with a tiny 'oh', and then she continued, "I think I'm going to take some pictures now."

"Those interesting people?" he playfully asked. Oh, he wanted her to keep looking at him like _that_.

She chuckled, "Yeah."

_Fuck._

He was a bit daring—thank god for alcohol, so he went on, "Mind to tell me what you consider to be 'interesting'? Surely you weren't thinking that that guy with his sixth sangria and exposed butt crack to be interesting?"

She laughed. _It worked!_

"Maybe," she shrugged. "You wouldn't know. Sometimes it feels like taking home a mystery bag. I could only see what might be interesting to me, but the end result can only be judged when it's finished."

He then remembered that they were about to work together. So, it wasn't exactly far fetched if he asked about herself with professional relationship as a disguise, right?

"Is that how you're going to work on our project?" he asked. _Our._

She bit her inner cheek again, and then nodded. "Pretty much. But it wasn't just about winging it. I've made the concept, you know. 'Cause that's a _real_ job and all."

He barked up a laugh. If he thought about it, it was almost like they had their inner jokes by now. That thought alone did something to his core. But he kept going.

"But why do you like taking pictures of unaware people, Rey Johnson?"

Rey Johnson paused for a while, as if thinking if she wanted to talk about it. But eventually, she did.

"I like it when people don't have their defense up," she explained as she leaned on the open brick wall behind them. "Unaware people tend to look vulnerable and it gives a glimpse of what kind of person someone actually is. I like to see them come undone. Like when they're genuinely laughing, getting on with their lives—you know the split seconds when they're unaware, like when they're drunk, or after having s..."

She clears her throat, "Of course, if it is after sex, it requires verbal consent. If not, that'll be an actual creep shot." She chuckled, eyes twinkling like they were persistent to make him go crazy, "And I'm too pretty to be in jail."

Ren's thought was probably going for like thousands mile per hour at the moment. He wasn't sure which one was his priority to fantasize. The thought of Rey taking picture of them from a mirror while he took her from behind seemed to be more and more vivid, and he could only gulp his drink all at once to fight off the raging strain inside his pants.

"Well, if you didn't publish it, that'll be private between you and your partner," he said while trying not to choke.

"Yeah, but still." She stared at the grass before darting her eyes around the garden. There were still people scattered around, and they could still hear them having fun—as much as an outdoor wedding reception would go.

Kylo followed her line of sight, and stopped when she stopped. She suddenly turned her head to him, and in retaliation, he darted his eyes to an empty air.

"You're going to be here for a while, yeah?" she asked. "Would you take a hold of my bag while I take a creep shot of a sweaty drunk old man in a broad daylight?"

He could see her wide smile again. He would stay here forever, his feet would grow roots, if she asked him to.

"Sure," he replied, and then narrowed his eyes playfully. "I'll even bail you out if you get arrested."

She snickered and then waved her hand. "I'll bring you a drink when I come back. I won't be long."

While she was away, Kylo gave his empty glass to one of the servers and then forced himself to take out his phone and scroll through it absentmindedly. He was not going to follow her _every_ move even though he wanted to and completely blow his cover to look calm and unattached. He was aware of people taking glances at him, and it wasn't exactly easy to hide from the prodding eyes—and he had avoided talking to people as much as he could. His figure was made for all the attention, really. It used to be a problem when he was just a gangly teenager, but now he could just brush it off. By now he could literally get away with acting bored and reticent. The perks of being a 'bad boy' and stuff. 

He was replying a text from his mother ('You didn't attend the ceremony? Where are you now?'), when he heard the sound of a shutter not far from where he stood. He immediately raised his head and saw Rey pointing her camera at him.

He stared at her as Rey came over and handed him a glass of scotch—neat (she did pay attention, after all). He blinked.

"You're not going to burn my film again, are you?" she slightly tilted her chin upward.

"Depends," he took the drink from her hand, and then gave her a smirk—and a wink, "Do I look good in it?"

* * *

 

It was, of course, radio silence which followed his meeting with Rey. And that day didn't even end the way he wanted.

After their playful banter, Rey excused herself. Kylo offered her a ride—because what else could he do?—but she refused. She said she'd got someone else to drive her home as her car was still in a shop. He wasn't going to lie that it stung a bit.

It hadn't occurred to him before that she might not be, well, single. And certainly, it hadn't occurred to him that the person she _might_ be with was that kid Finn Storms. When Rey bid Ren goodbye and went to the car with _him,_ it felt like the soil had opened and swallowed him whole.

There was no other conversation after that. And it wasn't his place to text her about it.

He could only hope he could see her again because apparently, not seeing her didn't work well when it came to getting over her. He wasn't sure if he wanted to get over her or if there was _anything_ to get over with.  
  
But then, he met her again.  
  
It was the first official meeting for their project at Amidala. She sat opposite him at a conference table, and between them, there were Dameron and his goons.  
  
Rey came prepared—of course she did, and she eloquently explained what she wanted to achieve with the project. She was then standing up in front of projector, the screen showing mind maps, diagrams, and hundreds of his photos. If this wasn't a work thing, Kylo's ego would've been so massively stroked to see how much she had been paying attention to him. Hell, even now, he couldn't get enough of her voice. That, until he remembered that she _might_ have a boyfriend.  
  
Ren's attention was split in two. One, of course he had the focus on the meeting. He was a professional, after all. And after years of living in a not-so-peaceful household, he had learned how to compartmentalize. Two, Rey was right in front of him, taking her job seriously like a pro—just like him, but there was still part of him which kept nudging to get into the surface. He wanted everyone to leave them alone. It would be just him and her. And it wasn't for something sexual—although he would definitely be down for that if she was.  
  
For some reason, he didn't want to face the possibility that Rey might not be available for him. Stuff like this didn't bother him before. It wasn't exactly the first time he got rejected, or hit on the wrong girl. But usually, he would just give up and move on. Shit happened, and it wasn't like he had the control over other people whether they wanted to be with him or not.  
  
But he wanted Rey— _oh._  
  
Where did that come from? Was it because she was blindingly beautiful? Was it because of her voice that could lull him to sleep? Was it because now he learned how passionate and capable she was with her job? Was it just a misguided curiosity that needed to be (sexually) satisfied?  
  
Kylo was tapping his fingers on the table pensively when he heard her mid-sentence. "—going to dance—Kylo Ren?"  
  
He snapped himself back to reality and then looked at her from across the room. "Yes?"  
  
"Were you even listening?" Rey scrunched her eyebrows at him, obviously looking annoyed. "Did you hear what I just said?"  
  
He looked at the projector and there were pictures of him—younger him, in leotards. It was taken more than fifteen years ago. He opened his mouth but couldn't manage to even make a sound.  
  
At that sight, Rey sighed and kneaded her temples. "Well, Kylo Ren," she said. "I'm sorry if I bored you—"  
  
_You're definitely not boring me._  
  
"—but let me repeat what I just said—"  
  
_You could just talk and talk and I won't mind._  
  
"—for this project, there'll be some coreography involved."  
  
_I would love to take you to dance someday._  
  
She paused for a while, seemingly trying to read his expression. "That means," she propped her hands at the edge of the desk. "You're going to dance. I know you were classically trained since you were six. Ballet, to be exact."  
  
Ren blinked, but then a hint of a smirk came out of his lips. "You did your research well, Miss Johnson," he crossed his arms. "Not everyone knew about that."  
  
"Well," she shrugged. "Your mother did."  
  
"You asked my mother about me? That's cheating."  
  
He could feel everyone in the room was paying attention to their exchange, heads darting right and left like this was a tennis match.  
  
"I've already told you, Mr. Ren," she looked straight at him, and he felt like melting into a puddle. "I'm not going anywhere until it's done. And with that," she smirked, "I'll do whatever it takes to make you work for it."  
  
His breathing hitched.  
  
And in that moment, he knew he was done for.


	5. Boys and Their Toys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe takes Rey to Rogue. Rey meets people and learns about stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and responses.  
> The fact that you read—let alone liking this fic is the motivation I need to actually continue this. :D

Rey was almost done with the moodboard meeting when Poe appeared and asked her if she'd like to accompany him to Rogue. He had an appointment with their Editor-in-Chief, Jyn Erso, and perhaps Rey could learn one thing or two about the magazine. He also said there was an editorial photoshoot being held at the moment, and Qi'Ra Martin was the photographer.

She jumped right from her seat and gave her reply before Poe even finished the photographer's name. Qi'Ra Martin was one of her heroes. They had similar childhood (bouncing from one foster home to another throughout adolescence) and she used to be a street photographer like her before making it big in the fashion industry.

When they arrived at the building, Poe left Rey to see Editor-in-Chief Erso. And apparently, Qi'Ra had already expected her as an intern was summoned to usher her to the studio. The photoshoot had been going on for a while, but the older woman found a moment to talk and invite her to join the process, albeit just watching it. But it would definitely be an exciting experience for Rey, watching her childhood hero at work.

What she didn't expect, though, the models for the editorial happened to be Armitage Hux and Ren's Not Girlfriend, 'Bazine'.

Hux immediately saw Rey the moment she entered the room, but didn't show any reaction as he was busy with the stylist fixing his hair. It took her a while, but then Not Girlfriend saw her also, squinting her eyes as Rey stood not far from the wind blower.

Rey didn't actually care if Not Girlfriend recognized her. It was a misunderstanding (which resulted in resentment—but it'd been a month since that happened, so she'd got over it, and a tiny scratch on her camera—this one, not so much) and it was resolved already (Rey decided she had to be the bigger person, and she didn't hate the newly minted camera strap). And she wasn't in the fault in the first place anyway. But when Qi'Ra casually conversed with her about street photography in between takes, Rey could see the model grinned wickedly as if she already planned her funeral.

Hux, on the other hand, just subtly took a glance at Rey and smirked—for god knows why.

When they took a break, Qi'Ra and Rey continued their conversation while the two models were preparing for the next shoot. Martin seemed to be a laidback person and Rey found her likable. She kept asking her about Leia, though, which got Rey's eyebrows raised but she figured maybe it was because they were friends or something. But after a while, Qi'ra had to excuse herself to deal with the set designer. Before leaving, she told Rey to be comfortable.

She would, if Not Girlfriend didn't immediately corner her. Hux followed her as soon as he saw the befuddled look on Rey's face.

"Aren't you Ren's stalker?" Not Girlfriend nonchalantly asked, as if that kind of question would be given a casual answer. Her silky smooth long dark hair moved and caressed the front of her floral dress. And now with the heels she was wearing, Not Girlfriend was practically towering over Rey.

"What?" Hux furrowed his eyebrows as he positioned himself between both women. His red hair was pushed back and he was wearing a ruffled dark shirt and a pair of embroidered wide pants which kind of made him look princey—the kind that would backstab his step brother in a political dispute. Rey decided it was just the vibe he gave out, just like Ren who always looked like a Byronic hero when he shut his mouth and just glowered.

Rey huffed, rolling her eyes, "I'm not a stalker."

Hux gave Not Girlfriend a confused look while gesturing at Rey, "She's the photographer who works with Ren for Amidala."

"I thought he made that bitch quit?" Not Girlfriend raised her eyebrows at him.

"Different b—photographer." Hux sighed, "I apologize, Miss Johnson—Rey—may I call you Rey?"

Rey blinked, surprised that now Hux seemed to be more approachable than the first time they met. "Sure," she replied, a bit flustered. "I mean, yes, you can call me Rey. Everyone else does."

"Okay, Rey." He contorted his face as if trying to force the muscles around his mouth to pull a smile, "What are you doing here? Another work? Ren told me you were also moonlighting as a wedding photographer."

Rey dumbly blinked again. Why would that jackass tell Hux that? In what context? Given what she'd seen at the diner, there wasn't much information to make an assumption on the nature of their relationship. Maybe they were close? But it didn't bother her as much as the idea that Kylo Ren would have a conversation with another human being—especially if said conversation was about _her_.

"No, not another work. I'm here with—"

"Me."

Poe Dameron, the master of cat-like stealth, suddenly appeared next to Rey. He was shorter than Hux, but seemed to position himself larger than he actually was. The sour expression Rey subtly saw when she first met Hux reappeared, if not completely dominated, the ginger's lily-white face.

"Dameron," Hux growled.

"Hugs," Poe tipped his head forward like a mocking salute, a smile painted on his face although it appeared more like a fresh bait for an aquarium full of raging piranhas. The actor's face turned red and the sight of it fascinated Rey.

 _"Hux,"_ he gritted his teeth, tilting his chin up to assert dominance. "It's _Hux."_

But Hux's Alpha stance didn't work as the Creative Director just flashed out a grin before shifting his attention to Rey.

"Let's go, Rey." He tapped Rey's shoulder, "Rose just informed me the wardrobe you asked just arrived."

She was a bit dumbstruck watching Hux's change of expression, but then she took out her phone. "Right," she muttered. "I'll inform Kylo then. If you'll excuse me then, Mr. Hux. Miss..."

"Bazine Netal," Hux gestured at Not Girlfriend who was now playing with her nails, and then his expression was neutral again when he looked at Rey. "You may call me Armitage, Rey Johnson. Are you going to see Ren today?"

"I—I don't know," Rey fumbled due to the sudden invitation to friendly first-name basis. "We don't have any appointment today, so I doubt that. I'm just informing him about the wardrobe."

He quirked his eyebrow, staring down at Rey's phone screen. "He gave you his personal number?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah?" Rey shifted her phone closer to her chest.

And suddenly his expression changed again. Rey could've sworn that Hux—Armitage's eyes glimmered for a while and there was a hint of menacing smirk curling at the edge of his lips.

But Poe interfered. "Well, _Armitage,"_ he said, breaking Hux's intense stare. "If you've got nothing else to talk about, Rey and I gonna bolt now."

"It's Hux to you, Dameron." His nasal voice snapped, his nose scrunched like a foul stench just emanated in the room. Rey could see Bazine Netal rolling her eyes like this argument was a recurring thing between the two men.

"Oh, you can also call me Poe—or Handsome Fella if you want. I don't care," Poe shrugged as he gestured Rey to follow him. He waved his hand at them as he and Rey left the room, "Bye, Miss Netal. Bye, Hugs."

Rey could still hear him when they reached the door.

"It's HUX!"

 

 

They met Qi'Ra again on the first floor. Rey was saying goodbye and showing her gratitude for being allowed to watch her work when the elevator opened and Bazine Netal stepped out. She was wearing a different dress now.

With Qi'Ra now talking to Poe, Rey tried to hide herself between the two of them. But Bazine apparently spotted her quickly and gestured her to come closer. Rey didn't move and just stared. But then the model rolled her eyes and took long strides toward her. Feeling like she didn't want to interrupt Qi'Ra and Poe, Rey relented and met her in the middle.

Bazine looked over Rey's head, seemingly to check on Martin, before whispering, "Ren's playing with you now?"

There was no malice in how she asked. Rey just didn't like the tone. _Or the question._

"Excuse me?" she staggered back.

"No need to act surprise," Bazine waved her hand, "It's fine. I knew something must've happened when he stopped coming to my place."

Rey frowned at her, _"Nothing_ happened."

The model just shrugged.

Did she just go all the way down here to tell her that Kylo Ren wasn't sleeping with her anymore? Oh, yeah, and the way she said it sounded like it was a frequent thing. So much for ' _not_  girlfriend', Rey mused. _Typical._

They stared at each other for an uncomfortable moment, and then Bazine 'Definitely His Girlfriend' Netal crossed her arms.

"Be careful though," she said. "You don't want to quit your job like that other one."

That, definitely got Rey's attention.

But before Rey could ask any questions, Poe already called her. So, once again she bid goodbye to Qi'Ra Martin—and the senior photographer hugged her—and then they left Rogue Magazine's building.

 

* * *

 

 

"How did you and Armitage Hux know each other?" Rey asked as they were on the way back to Amidala.

Poe's hand rapped on the steering wheel as his eyes were still focused on the road, "He was my junior in college."

"Oh."

"Him and Ren."

_"Oh?"_

"Different departments, though."

That answered her question—sorta. Kylo and Hux being college friends would be a good enough reason for them to hang out. Although, not so much for making her their topic of discussion.

Rey shifted on the passenger seat uncomfortably when she asked the questions she'd been meaning to ask Poe.

"What happened to the photographer before me?" she finally said after clearing her throat. "Why did she quit?"

Poe was silent for a while as they were reaching a traffic light.

"Um," he replied as the car slowed down. "Creative differences."

For some reason, Rey didn't buy it. And apparently, Poe could sense her doubt.

"Rey," he said as he waited for the green light, throwing her a wry but reassuring smile that made her feel more uneasy. "You're doing fine so far. No need to worry."

Rey nodded, and then started blankly at the road ahead as the car picked up the speed again. Her phone suddenly buzzed, and it was Kylo Ren, replying her previous text about the wardrobe.

_Great. I'd like to see them ASAP._

She, however, didn't want to see him.

 

* * *

 

Rey found herself to be irritable after that. It felt as if she had to work extra to prevent herself snap at her coworkers over some mundane things. Thankfully, none of them seemed to notice. She later spent the next two days discussing the wardrobe with Korr Sella from the fashion department before Kylo Ren's scheduled fitting. The thought about the former photographer was completely forgotten as her attention was entirely focused on doing her job.

The night before the fitting day, Rey stayed up late to review the rough draft of the storyboard. And it was just her luck that she woke up late the next morning. She was on her phone with the choreographer when she realized she left her binder in the kitchen. She forgot to take it with her when she took an energy bar from the cabinet in a hurry. But she was already near Amidala and couldn't risk going back. So, she called Jess who happened to be at home to bring her the binder.

Rey was pacing in the lobby, waiting for her roommate, when Kylo Ren strutted through the front door, turning everyone's head in his wake. She thought these people would have gotten used to him by now, but apparently not.

Suddenly it felt like every fiber of her being wishing her not to be there—not without her binder, her camera, anything that could keep her occupied. She already put her bag on her desk to clock in on Paige. So instead, what she could do was just lamely staring at her phone and pretending to not notice her surroundings. But when a big shadow and a familiar scent loomed over her, she had to raise her head. Kylo's handsome face was already smiling down at her.

"Good morning," he said. He was wearing a black dress shirt and a pair of black slack—in this weather, and a pair of dark slip-ons. His hair was half-knotted, preparing himself for the fitting. There was going to be a lot of wardrobe changes today.

"Uh, morning," Rey chewed her bottom lip, eyes wandering anywhere else but the subject in front of her. "Korr is already waiting for you upstairs."

"What are you doing here?" he tilted his head to get into her line of sight, voice low almost like a whisper. Rey was about to answer when she spotted Jess on the main entrance. She waved and her roommate practically bounced to her with a big binder in her arms.

"Rey—oh my God!" Jess' cheerful expression shifted in a millisecond, replaced by a gaping mouth and fish eyes. Kylo looked over his shoulder and then took a step back, giving a space to Jess and Rey to see each other clearly. Jess was just standing there and staring at the movie star, and after she snapped herself back, she inaudibly mouthed at Rey, _"Kylo fucking Ren?"_

Upon seeing this, Kylo smirked and took a glance at Rey.

Rey took a step closer to Jess, "Thanks for coming here, Jess."

"Oh my God, that's _really_ Kylo Ren?" Jess whispers, but Rey knew the man could hear her. Rey quickly nodded and gestured Jess to step away so they could talk more privately. But her roommate's feet seemed to be planted on the floor and she kept gawking at Ren, the binder was still in her clutch.

Rey didn't tell Jess about the project in details. She only told her that she was working for an editorial shoot and a model whom Amidala had already picked. It wasn't because Jessika was the biggest Kylo Ren's fan or anything—although she might be. And now, looking at how it went, not telling her roommate seemed like a good decision. In that moment, Rey hoped neither of them wouldn't initiate a conversation so she could get this over with.

But of course, _he_ did.

"Hello," Kylo greeted her. "Are you Rey's friend?"

Rey's shoulders immediately tensed. Jess let out a muffled gasp, and then struggled herself to answer, "Room—roommate. I'm Rey's roommate, Jessika."

"I'm Kylo," he extended his hand. Rey could hear a hint of delight in his voice. "Hi, Jessika."

"We watched all of your films!" Jess unpromptly said, shaking his hand with gusto. Rey bit her lower lip and shut her eyes, a knot started to form in her stomach. Jessika Pava, if anything, would babble when she got nervous.

"Oh, thanks— _we?"_

No.

"Yes," she replied. "Me and Rey."

_No no no no no._

"Jess..." Rey gritted her teeth. She could feel the hair on her nape stood up.

"Did you now?" Kylo asked. _Slowly._

Jess didn't seem to notice Rey's distress, and continued expressing her admiration. "Yeah, we binge-watched your movies everyday for a whole week and then went to see the new one—we even had a discussion about it," she said enthusiastically. "We _both_ loved you as Hades."

_Shit shit shit._

"Hm," Kylo hummed as he positioned himself right next to Rey who was now wishing the ground would split open and swallow her whole—or swallow Jess—or Kylo. "Rey never mentioned that," he continued, and for some reason, Rey knew that smug bastard deliberately lowered his voice to make it sound huskier.

And it worked. Jess' face reddened, though she didn't seem to show any sign of stopping.

"It was—it was Rey's idea, actually."

_Fuck._

Kylo didn't say anything, but Rey wished she could just immaterialize right there. This wasn't happening.

"She told me she had never watched any of your movies before—weird, right?" Jess appeared to be more comfortable now— _too_ comfortable. "So then we watched them together, and then she suggested we see 'Hades' at the cinema—because eff it, right? It was already a 'Kylo Ren Week' anyway," she giggled. "But now that I think about it, I think that week Rey also—"

"Jess..."

"—watched a couple more than I did—"

"Jess..."

"—didn’t you, Rey? I remember when I went on a date—"

"Jess..."

"—you stayed home and watched—"

"JESS!"

Her roommate blinked in surprise.

Rey extended her hands, "My binder... _please?"_

"Oh, right!" Jess gave Rey the large binder, and then looked at her watch. "Shit—sorry, I've got to run. My shift starts in twenty."

Rey forced herself to smile, "Thanks, Jess. I'll see you at home, yeah?"

"Good luck for the editorial," Jess wrapped her arms around Rey, and then whispered, "I want all the deets—the Kylo Ren's deets. Also let Korr Sella know that I exist, okay?"

The latter managed to make Rey genuinely smile. Jess was an aspiring designer, and it was her dream to work on a bigger platform and get recognized by publications like Amidala. It was one of the reasons why she and Rey became close friends in the first place.

And after that, Jess bid Kylo goodbye before leaving the building.

Rey turned her heels to the elevator, but Kylo Ren was still in the way. His expression was unreadable but his eyes were on her. She rolled her eyes and walked past him. He followed her immediately.

They were in the elevator with some other people—fortunately, until they got out and then it was just the two of them. Rey stepped forward, widening the gap between her and Kylo—or she was just positioning herself closer to the door was more like it. Anything to get out of there fast.

"Your friend's interesting," he started.

"Well," Rey was looking straight at the door. "That's Jess."

Silence.

"She seemed like a good friend."

"She is."

Silence again.

She could hear Kylo exhaled sharply and then there was a rustle, followed by the clacking sounds of his phone. Neither of them were saying anything.

_Nothing._

Kylo was humming and his attention seemed to be glued on his phone still. Rey was clutching her binder tightly.

And then, another sharp exhale. Rey's jaw tightened and her eye twitched.

"Oh, spit it out, Ren!" she conjured finally.

"What?"

Rey turned her head to him. "Yes, I went through your filmography. I did it all in one week because I wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. It's not weird!"

"Okay..." he staggered back with his phone left abandoned in his hand, but the hint of amusement in his face didn't go unnoticed. They were staring at each other for a torturous period of time. And then, a glee flashed through his darkened eyes, and it prompted a pink flush on her cheeks.

"Like I told you," she cleared her throat, jutting her chin out as an act of defiance. "I'm just doing my research."

The elevator dinged open, and she stepped out of the elevator, deserting him.

In all honesty, her own words felt weightless in her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to see Solo a couple of days ago! (Can you tell? ;))  
> The! Dice! Though!  
> And Chewie, as always, is such a precious Wookie gem. <3  
> (This is not spoilery, I hope.)


	6. Reaping What One Sowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo answers Rey's questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, there are some things about this chapter:
> 
> 1) Kylo's POV was supposed to be like a rare occurence, but then I got impatient. :p  
> 2) The second part of this chapter was kinda trope-y, but things need to happen, you guys. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> 3) Plot keeps knocking on my door because I put more Chekhov's blasters than I planned.  
> 4) It's 3,000+ word-long. I apologize.
> 
> Without further ado, enjoy. :D

He wished she would look at him the way she looked at his pictures.

When he found her again later that day, her eyes were already scanning a large board with his pictures on it—and in the making of them, he often caught himself with futile attempts to make her focus on his eyes and see something he wished she could. But even after he paraded himself with countless extravagant outfits and prolonged the time of showing skin in between changes, she would still hold her camera firmly and command him to look ahead so she could have a better view—not _that_ way.

He had done so many camera tests for fittings in his life, and yet he had never felt as naked as he was when she aimed her camera at him.

The fitting was uneventful, to say the least. In fact, he spent more time with Korr Sella, who was in charge of the wardrobe styling, rather than with Rey. She only popped up when he was ready with an outfit so she could take a look and snap a picture.

If he didn't know any better, he would think Rey was avoiding him after the elevator—oh, who was he kidding? If she really was avoiding him, he wished it would be because of that exact reason. 

She was flustered when she stormed out of the elevator, and he obviously enjoyed it more than supposed to. He shouldn't have been surprised if she had seen his movies—after all, she told him that she 'will do whatever it takes' to study him (and he wasn't going to deny that thinking about it made his knees weak—he recalled how lucky he was for being covered under the conference desk during that meeting). But it delighted him that it _bothered_ her to admit that she had seen—and seemed to enjoy his films like it was an illicit affair.

He couldn't help thinking about what she and her friend might've discussed—or whether he should befriend her friend instead. He wanted to know if she was as troubled as he was on the inside. And if she was, then she did a pretty good job at hiding it.

But honestly, she was good at her job anyway. He'd seen her portfolio, he'd had a glimpse of her work ethics and her laser-like focus. She was one of the good ones. And even if he wasn't madly crushing on her, he'd work with her again if given the chance.

But in reality, he was the one who found it hard to concentrate these days—so much for professionalism. Sometimes he felt how unfair it was since she seemed to appear so blasé when they worked together. And maybe this was the scummy part of him speaking, but he'd like to see her unable to focus. He wanted to see her fumbling and distracted—come undone, like the people whose pictures she took—preferably, by him.

One could always dream.

And soon after the fitting was done, she disappeared. He didn't want to leave the building without seeing her properly, so he went looking for her. He told the other staffers it was because he wanted to hear her opinions. The intern, the girl with bouncy black hair, told him where she was.

Thus, he found her in one of the smaller conference rooms, standing in front of a long white board with today's printed pictures of him in various clothing pinned on it.

She looked at his pictures like a scientist, meticulous and sharp. Her head was moving as she went through the board as though nothing else mattered. It looked like everything around her was dimmed, and whatever she was focusing on was her only world. He felt a sudden rush of envy—of his own damn pictures. _Silly._

"Like what you see?" he asked as he stepped inside. He didn't mean it to sound suggestive, but at this point he had given up already. Come what may.

She had a photo in her hand which she then pinned on the board as she noticed his presence. "Does this one make you uncomfortable?" she asked while pointing at a picture of him wearing all black tunic ensemble covering his neck all the way down.

"No," he answered. "Why do you think so?"

"It looks..." she glanced at the width of his chest before darting her eyes back to the board. "...a bit stuffy around your, uh, pectorals."

"No, it's comfortable. I think it was just the fabrics," he paused, testing the atmosphere. "Do you want me to lose some weight?"

She jerked her head at him, "Oh no, no. You look fine." She clears her throat as she shifted her glance back to the board, "By that, I mean, you don't need to—"

"It's okay," he shrugged. "You don't need to explain it to me. I thought you were going to ask if I'm comfortable with wearing dresses." He gestured his head to a couple of pictures of him in superfluous gowns.

"Are you uncomfortable with dresses?"

"No. I was just surprised you're incorporating Naboo culture here," he smiled, his long index finger lightly tapping one of the pictures. "Was it the result of your research on my background?"

She looked fixated on his hand for a while, and then seemed to snap out of it, returning her focus on the board.

"The Naboos have always fascinated me," she explained, her hand pressing the back of her neck. "I was planning on adopting their feminine-coded ceremonial dresses in my interpretation for this project ever since I learned that the model was a man. It fits the theme."

She paused, and finally really looked at him. He pulled his hand from the board, anticipating her as his eyes fell on her lips for a quick moment.

"The fact that it turned out to be you made it easier," her eyes softened for a moment before turning impersonal again. "Because then I could go all the way since you had Naboo blood in you."

He smirked, "Glad that hours you spent on researching me had a positive outcome."

Her face suddenly blushed, and she shifted her face away from him. "I knew you're going to rub it in," she muttered, eyes shut like she was in pain.

He chuckled, his hand caressing his chin. "You know I still think I should've given you the premiere ticket. You could've brought your friend with you."

"Get over it, Ren."

"Get what over?" he gave her a shit-eating grin, head tilting to chase her eyes.

She suddenly glared at him, hazel eyes bright with a flash of annoyance, lips pouted, and pink flush on her cheeks. She had never been so adorable in his eyes. He bit his inner cheek in an attempt to not just kiss her right there.

And then she let out a sigh, darting her face away from him again.

"I suppose I've been doing well so far, then?" she said.

"Trust me," he replied. "No contest."

She put her hands on her hips, jaw clenched as her gaze fluttered down to her shoes. They stood there in silence for a moment, until he noticed the tense on her shoulders.

"What is it?" he threaded carefully. "Rey?"

"Did you really make her quit?" she asked, her voice cold. "And did you really make her cry?"

Ren raised his eyebrows, "Who are you talking about?"

"The photographer before me."

"This again? I thought we talked about it at the diner."

"Well, you never gave me your side of the story," she raised her head, avoiding him. "And I still need to know."

"Why? Why do you care so much about it?" he asked as he took a glance at the board. "Isn't the fact that she quit the reason why you're here in the first place?"

"And I'm not going anywhere."

"You've been doing well so far," he gave her a wry smile "I am pleased with how things are going, honestly."

"And if you aren't?" she prodded. "What's going to happen if you aren't?"

Kylo's mouth opened and close.

"It depends on the reasons why I'm not," he said finally. "From the way I see it, I am very pleased with what you do."

She was quiet. Kylo took a step closer, and he could feel her body heat before she pulled herself back. Call it crazy, but he knew something was up.

"What happened?" For some reason, he remembered his mother's face, tight lipped and wagging her finger at him when she was about to call him out on something. He then sighed, "What did I do?"

"Do you know the difference between you and me?" she asked, eyebrows still furrowed as she stared back at him. "You have the power and I don't. You literally can get away with anything."

His stomach dropped. _Where is this going?_

"I'm not invincible, Rey." He shook his head, "Not some comic book villain."

"But you can fire someone when they failed to _please_ you?" she was seething, he grimaced at the word. "I'm not going to let you do that to me, but I need to know what would happen if I found myself in that situation."

"Incompetence deserves no reverence, especially not in this industry." His eyes roamed, studying her. "If you did not live up to your work expectation, that would happen. But so far, I don't see you that way. Neither does anyone else in this building."

He continued, stabbing in the dark of what might've bothered her in the first place. "Your predecessor did not make me happy because she was exactly that. I didn't even understand why they picked her in the first place. I was just letting her know and making it easy for her."

"By making her cry?"

"I made people cry sometimes," he said matter-of-factly. "For various reasons. But in her case in particular, it was because I couldn't see how her vision and her lack of imagination would work with this. Crying was the _least_ of her problems."

He wanted to add, 'that's not going to happen to you' and 'I can assure you', but he knew she would not take it well. There was a slight disturbance he felt about the implication behind her questions, and how she looked at him like she wanted to grab him by the collar and throw him against the board— _not that way_ , he flinched.

Truthfully, he was aware of his lack of subtlety in showing his interest in her. He told himself to cool it off, but he kept postponing it. The grand gesture of flowers and gift, he realized, might not make her comfortable in a workplace but it was done because he didn't know where she lived—and he was between schedules. And given what she had learned about him— _indirectly,_ through her little 'research', it was easy to figure that she'd known his 'reputation' by now. The same reputation which was being blown out of proportion by societal expectations, tabloid squabbles, and his own moments of weaknesses.

Kylo Ren rhymed with tantrums and anger management in the eye of the media. Kylo Ren, he admitted, was also associated with—

"And contrary to popular belief," he continued, there was a sour taste in his mouth. "I'm not much of a slut people think I am, if that's what you think happened."

Harsh, he found himself thinking. But he couldn't stop right now, "I'm not firing people just because they reject my advances—if I even think of doing that in a work environment."

He never did—not when he was working.

There was a slight change in her expression, but she still appeared unwavered. Did she not believe him? With everything going well when they shared a moment at the wedding, he didn't think that they'd be back to square one as soon as the week changed. He'd like to think at least someone _must've_ told her something, and if he could find that bastard—

"Let's keep it that way, then." She put her arms on her side, fists balled like an attempt to hold composure rather than stifling violence, "I promise you I'll deliver. And in the time being, let's tolerate each other."

His eyes widened.

"I don't need to tolerate you," he said, voice low. And then the realization came to him like a cold shower, "But you _think_ you do, don't you?" 

She looked away, and there was a pang in his chest. And before he could stop himself, he dropped the truth that had been nagging in his head like a plea to not be said outloud.

"To be fair, Miss Johnson," he could hear how sharp his voice was. "You've been studying me and yet, you still know nothing of me."

With that, she stared back at him. Her eyes widened and her face turned red, not out of annoyance—nor anger—but something akin to embarrassment.

And then there was a knock and both of them gasped in surprised. Rey craned her neck to the entrance and he turned to the same direction. Finn Storms was already standing there, with a falter smile as he read the atmosphere in the room.

"Oh, sorry," he said. "I didn't know you're preoccupied."

Rey sighed, like a relief, which added the hitch in Ren's chest. "It's okay, Finn. I'm done already."

Finn Storms stepped into the room and greeted him.

"Ren," he said.

"Storms," Kylo nodded.

There was an awkward silence as Finn Storms' eyes shifted from Rey to Ren. But then, the younger man seemed to brush it off as he looked at Rey, "You're ready there, Peanut?"

Ren stepped back to get out of Rey's way. "Yeah," she smiled—the kind she never gave him. "I'll just need to grab my bag."

And after that, Rey walked past him. Finn Storms gave him a nod before placing his hand at the small of between her shoulder blades as the two of them left the room.

Kylo Ren just stared at the empty space as another reminder of his situation sunk into him once again. He forgot about the might-be boyfriend. He always did.

It was reckless of him, but he couldn't help it that every time he saw her, nothing else seemed to matter.

 

* * *

 

He went home right away, and spent his evening forcing himself to read the scripts his agent had sent him. It took him a while until he gave up and just decided that maybe working out would be better for him.

But as he was preparing himself, he heard the doorbell ring. He took a look at the intercom and found Bazine Netal standing in front of the main entrance, hugging her faux fur coat. He let her in.

"What do you want?" he asked as he walked around the living room, wearing his work-out gloves.

"Charming," Bazine invited herself to sit on one of the couches. "I miss you, you know. Haven't seen you in a while."

Ren sighed, "We're not in that kind of relationship."

She laughed. "There he is," she pointed her index finger at him. "My grumpy fuckbuddy."

He paused, glaring at her.

"Hey, at least I'm not shying away from using that term," she shrugged. "I've no shame."

"I figured," he narrowed his eyes.

She took a look at his tall build and then stared at his face again. "You look tensed," she said. Kylo rolled his eyes. "I take it it didn't work well with that cute photographer?"

Now his interest was piqued. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, Ren." She got to her feet and came closer to him, "You gave her your personal number, Mister Call My Manager."

"And? That doesn't mean anything." His worsened annoyance started to seethe through his tone, and then it came to him, "Wait. How did you know?"

Bazine tapped her fingers lightly on his bare arm, and then playfully caressed the seam of his tank. "You always like pretty things, don't you?" she said seductively. "I can be your pretty thing tonight. Relieving that stress on your muscles."

He shrugged her hand away from him. "You're not answering my question. Tell me how did you know."

She drew her hand back, looking dejected. "Geez, what's eating you?" she snapped. "Of course, I know. A pretty girl like her and you. She look like the kind of women you like. Hard like a rock. At least, that's what I thought when I saw her."

"When..." he snarled, his hands clenched. "When did you see her?"

"A couple of days ago," she rolled her eyes. "She went to Rogue with that hot curly-haired man with 5 o'clock shadow from Amidala when Hux and I were doing a photoshoot."

And it all clicked to him, what had happened this afternoon.

"Did you speak to her? What did you tell her?" he asked. Bazine looked away, but Kylo immediately yanked her arms so her head snapped to him. "What. Did. You. Tell. Her."

She scoffed, "Nothing. I was just asking if you're playing with her."

"What?"

"Like I said," she tried to wriggle herself from his clutch. "And it was just a casual thing. I asked stuff like how Hux asked stuff. I was just wondering why you didn't contact me as soon as you came back from the press tour. I know we never put any label but—"

"Why the fuck did you ask her that?" he barked, stopping her dead in the track. But then he let her arms go.

Bazine clenched her jaw, and then swung her arms in frustration. "Because I was curious!" She shot, "And don't act like you're not that kind of guy. I've paid attention to you long enough to know how easy it is for you to ignore me and pay attention to some bitch—"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know damn well what I'm talking about," she folded her arms. "You have it easy, Kylo Ren. You don't have to even try, and chicks would flock around you—even when you knew I was interested in you the first time we met. You _always_ ignore me and play around with some random whore."

"I'm not having this conversation. I just want to know why the fuck did you tell her that," he seethed. "You're definitely deflecting now."

"Am I?" her eyes widened. "You're not in love with her, are you?"

He clenched his jaw, looking away.

"Are you kidding me?" she waved her arms in disbelief. "The mighty Kylo Ren fell in love with some unknown photographer whom he only knew for a few weeks? Are you in character now? Another acting method that's got too deep inside your head?"

He glared at her, his nostrils flared like he almost exploded. "If you have nothing else to say, get the hell out of here."

"Do you know how funny this is?" She jutted her chin out, "I don't think you never know, you never paid attention to the people you fuck. Because that's what you are. And what comes as a—what did you call it?—a mutualism, an attempt to learn about people—to you? That was just an excuse. Let's call it as it is. It's a fear of intimacy."

Ren bit his lower lip until it stung, but Bazine was adamant to keep going.

"Honestly," she continued. "You never really fucked anyone, Ren. You _served_ them. They came to you and beg for your cock, and you _let_ them. And yet, the whole world thinks you're this big of a player. If anything, you're their punching bag; you didn't play anyone, they played you—and you fucking know this. In fact, you prefer this, don't you? It's much better than emotional labour of actually giving a damn! So congrats, I guess, that now you feel something to someone else other than your sad little solitude."

"Out." He pointed at the door. "I said, OUT."

Bazine staggered back before finally stomping out of the living room.

"Well, fuck you too, Ren!" she said as she slammed the door shut.

Kylo was trying to regulate his breathing to calm down, but then it didn't work out. He launched himself onto the nearest objects and threw them against the wall.

He stood in the middle of the room, and his eye twitched. He felt like everything was too much.

And of course, this was also the right time for his phone to buzz.

_Empty you afternoon schedule on Friday._

_We need to talk._

Great. Now his mother was onto him as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to Jess444 for guessing how it went down. <3  
> Has anyone else thought of that as well? 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	7. One Girl Walked into a Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Poe's birthday and everyone is invited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 3,000+ word-long again. At this point, should I give up trying to be concise?

The movie didn't start for the next twenty minutes, so Rey and Finn were sitting at the cinema café while waiting for his friends to arrive. Finn had planned to see the new Gwen Phasma's movie since the first time he'd seen the trailer and immediately asked Rey to go with him.

Rey didn't go to the cinema often—she usually just opted for Netflix, and during the seven months she had been in Coruscant, she'd only gone twice. So, this was the second time as the first one was when she and Jess went to see Kylo Ren's.

The things she had to do to study him better. _Study._ Yeah, right.

_"You've been studying me and yet, you still know nothing of me."_

Rey's jaw tensed as she picked up her milkshake while Finn was talking about something that went over her head. Her friend probably noticed her lack of attention, so he asked if she was okay. Rey smiled and told him she was just tired.

"What happened in there, by the way?" Finn asked as he took a bite of his corndog. "Between you and Kylo Ren."

Rey got caught off guard, trying not to choke on her strawberry milkshake. "Nothing. Just work stuff."

He looked concerned, "Was he being difficult? Because you could report him to the Editor-in-Chief if he was."

She chuckled. "Do you think that'll work?"

"Well, she's his mother. She could just pull his ear and drag him down the hallway."

They laughed at the imagery of much shorter Leia Organa yanking freakishly tall Kylo Ren's ear while he was kicking and screaming. 

"So," Finn took a swig of his Diet Coke. "Was he?"

She bit her inner cheek. "No."

"No trouble at all?" he raised his eyebrows. "Because he can be such an ass sometimes. I used to work as an extra in one of his films—it got cut, you won't see me there. He was in an argument with one of the execs. And wew, that was intense—like, really. Everyone in the vicinity didn't want to get near him that day."

Finn gave her a lopsided grin although concern remained in his eyes, "Don't take this the wrong way, but when I saw you both today, I swear I felt chill down my spine."

Rey snorted. But then she looked at her genuinely worried friend. She considered if she should tell him about their argument.

If there was anyone who could understand the gravity of this situation, it would be Finn, she thought. So then, she told him about her encounter with Bazine Netal and Hux at Rogue, about the departed photographer and Ren's explanation.

After listening to her story, Finn just nodded while stroking his chin.

"Well," he started. "I don't consider myself as a big fan of Kylo Ren the person, as opposed to him as an actor—I mean, I respect him and all, but in this case, maybe he was telling the truth? I don't mean to be the devil's advocate here, but Bazine's not his girlfriend—"

"So he said," she interrupted.

"—right. So he said—but, I also kinda know her and stuff," he rolled his eyes. "Maybe she just wanted to rile you up? I mean, I don't know why she did that, but with Ren's reputation, it's easy to make an assumption like—"

"Wow,” she narrowed her eyes but no heat came out of it. “Way to discredit the woman in the story there, Finn."

"—Oh, come on. You know that's not what I meant!" he jerked his head enthusiastically, this was Finn's signature when he got exasperated. She cackled.

"I heard stuff about the past photographer too. And it's not uncommon for someone to get fired for creative differences. Shit happens," he continued. "Well, it doesn't have to happen like what Ren did. He might be a grade A douchebag, but he's also known to always hold his work in the highest esteem. That's why he keeps getting hired in the first place—as annoying as it may sound."

He paused for a while. 

"...aren't you supposed to know this?" he asked. "You know, since you've been 'studying' him and stuff?"

Rey bit her inner cheek, her hand twirling her phone on the table.

"Look," he held her wrist, swaying it playfully. "If I weren't your dearest friend who knew how passionate you are with your work, I'd think you sound a tad bit obsessed with him."

"What—I'm not—" she protested, but it came off unconvincing. Her friend wiggled his eyebrows while sipping his soda. Rey knew he was joking, but it hit her all the same. Then, she just shook her head and snickered, "You're crazy."

She was unable to concentrate on the movie after that.

 

* * *

 

Days passed and suddenly it was Friday. But it wasn't just a regular Friday because it was also Poe's birthday. Rey got him a nice fountain pen and planned on giving it to him with the rest of the staffers this evening at The Resistance, a dive bar he loved so much ("What do you mean dingy? I used to bartend there to pay for my student loans. That place _saved_ my life," he said).

Rey's team had finished their meeting and was about to head to the bar when she got a text from Finn. He was nearby—and bored. It gave her an idea to ask Poe if she could bring him with her. She just needed to ask for permission.

"Come on, man!" she heard him once she stepped out of the elevator. "It'll be like the old days."

She heard a groan of another man, and then a familiar voice as she sauntered the hallway. Poe was leaning on his assistant's desk, with someone Rey didn't want to see so soon.

"I told you," the other man said. "I already have a plan this eve...ning..."

Kylo Ren's eyes immediately fell on Rey. She could see his Adam's apple bob, and could sense that he was as reluctant—or disturbed was more like it—as she was to see each other. Her work made her see his pictures all the time and she grew accustomed to it. The actual person, though, still felt overwhelming to her. Looming like a shadow, his brown eyes darkened like a pit of the ocean or an angry quicksand made specifically to make her feel helpless and out of breath. Whatever happened when they last met seemed to add the discomfort in seeing him.

_Also why the hell is he here, anyway?_

"Poe?" she darted her eyes from him to Poe who was now also looking at her.

"Yes, Rey?" he flashed his pearly-white teeth.

"I know this was supposed to be just us," Rey threaded, coming closer to both men but not too close to avoid the taller man's stare. "But can I bring a friend with me? He happens to just finish his photoshoot nearby."

"And who is this friend you're talking about?" Poe asked, leaning his head to her. 

"It's Finn."

"Absolutely!" his face lit up. "He's my friend too."

"Alright," she grinned, ignoring the inquisitive look flashing in Ren's face. "I'll let him know, then."

 

 

Regardless of what she'd heard earlier, Kylo Ren apparently ended up coming to the bar. It was either because Poe managed to coax him or he didn't really have anything better to do. Nevertheless, the man was there, and he was sitting alone when Rey spotted him.

He looked so out-of-place in the middle of the celebration. He was sitting at the darkest part of the bar, wearing all black and brooding, seemingly to focus only on his drink. The female patrons who walked by were checking him out, but he didn't seem to pay attention to his surroundings. Rey doubted he even interacted with the bartender.

When Finn was busy chatting up with Rose, Rey was left alone to her own device. From the place she'd been sitting, she could see Kylo clearly, and the more she paid attention the more the sight of him downing his order alone made her stomach churn. She knew it had nothing to do with her, but like an itch she couldn't scratch, she couldn't help staring—monitoring, like a biologist in front of a sleeping bear.

And it wasn't that she hadn't thought about him the past couple of days. After their conversation ended awkwardly, Rey had her own share of thinking. Well, she didn't think of him _all_ the time, but once in a while, he would appear in her mind as though the air carried his essence and she could only catch it when it circulated around her.

Thus, before she chickened out, she finished her drink in one gulp and marched toward him. She plopped herself on a seat next to his.

"Ren," she started.

"Rey," Kylo's eyes widened. He was looking at her like she grew three heads.

"Having fun?"

"Splendid," he snorted while lightly stirring his scotch with a swing. "You?"

"Yeah," she stared at the mini wave inside his glass. "I didn't think you'd join us here."

"I guess there's one more thing that's surprising about me?" he joked while staring at his own hand. But then he raised his head in panic, "That's... not what I meant."

"No, it's fine." Rey shook her head, "I want to apologize."

"Rey, you don't have to—"

"It was presumptuous of me," she cut him, feeling the rush of confidence—if not urgency. "I've seen your works, I should've known how much you take what you do seriously—even when I disagree with how you carry it out in some cases."

She could've stopped right there. But then, she blurted— _damn alcohol,_ "But I also let my personal feelings cloud my judgment."

As if at cue, Ren straightened his posture. There was a little spark suddenly flashing in his eyes, "Personal... feelings?"

"What I'm saying is..." she cleared her throat, ignoring the heat that sprawled across her cheeks with a hope he would recognize it as just the effect of drinking, "Truce?"

And then, she extended her hand, trying to make it as impersonal as she could. After all, that was the reason why she did this. She had a job to do and getting along with her model was one way to achieve it. 

He was quiet, and his drink was already left abandoned on the desk. But after a while, he also extended his hand. Their hands intertwined in a handshake, his large hand dwarfing hers, callous fingers touching her wrist as her palm couldn't accommodate properly. His touch was warm, and if was probably the alcohol talking when she felt a tiny jolt traveled through her veins.

"Truce," he said with his low and velvety voice that made her squirm.

Rey fought the urge to look away. And thus, they were stuck in a staring match again. She didn't know what came to her mind, but if anything, this man in front of him was making her heart went flip-flop. She waited for his usual arrogant smirk, but it never came. All she got was his eyes boring straight into her, like a puzzle just clicked in his mind—and somehow, that scared her even more.

"Peanut!" Finn, once again, interrupted their stand-off. Rey dropped Ren's hand as his best friend hugged her shoulders from behind. "They're dragging me on stage. Sing with me, please?"

She could see a sudden change in Ren's face. His eye twitched, and there was something sharp—if not contemptuous in how he raised his head at Finn. It was almost like he wanted to make himself taller—she remembered this gesture when Hux was around. Rey blinked.

"Sure!" Rey gave a friendly tap on Finn's arms and he let her go. She looked at Ren again, "Uh, I should..."

"Go," he said, waving his hand nonchalantly as if whatever emotion he had a few seconds ago dissipated in an instance. He smiled at her, "Have fun."

"You too," she replied, not knowing what else to say.

So, she left him alone again. She took one last turn to look at what he was doing, but his attention was back to his glass, looking forlorn—just like his drink.

When she and Finn reached the stage, everyone was seated facing them. Poe swung his bottle of beer and howled while everyone was clapping and whistling.

"The usual?" Finn asked. Rey grinned.

"The usual."

It wasn't until the song really started that she saw Ren moved away from his seat and sat in one of the empty booths facing the stage. And as she playfully sang, she noticed his eyes were onto her again. She roamed her gaze all over the room to compensate her need to stare back at him.

_"Have you no idea that you're in deep?_

_I dreamt about you nearly every night this week..."_

  

* * *

 

As the night went on, everyone was getting more and more drunk. After Finn and Rey got back to their booth, one by one the staffers went on stage, giving their worst karaoke skills. But Rose and Paige turned out to be pretty good singers—and Poe dubbed them as The Tico Troubadours. And after that, everything felt like a supercut.

When Rey got back from the rest room, her seat was already taken by someone else. And it got too hot for her to wriggle herself back onto the overcrowded seat anyway, so she looked around to find another place to sit.

And just her luck, the only empty seat was the booth Kylo Ren was sitting.

If this was a normal situation, Rey wouldn't have walked to him. But this was already late and she was exhausted—and he looked _pathetic_. His head rested on the back of the booth, as his legs eagle-spread and one hand bonelessly held an empty glass. The other was busy with his phone before he tossed it to the empty space next to him. On the desk, there were various empty bottles. Poe was there for a while and they got into some nasty competitive drinking until the birthday guy's attention got drifted to the empty stage.

So, Ren was left alone for the rest of the night.

"Ren, are you alright?" she asked while waving her hand to his face.

Ren looked at the ceiling, and then nodded before looking at her. He was flushed and sweaty from head to the neck, a few strands of his hair sticking on his face. He looked so debauched it made Rey instinctively gulped.

"Terrific," he gave her a thumb up, his lips curved into a slight smile.

"Do you have a designated driver?" Rey touched his shoulder, looking at his face carefully. He was a big guy, and she didn't think it would be easy to carry him if he passed out. "Should I call someone?"

"’M fine," he grabbed his phone and waved it. "Already did."

"Oh, okay."

They were sitting in silence, one feet apart. Rey couldn't remember if she was sitting that close to him in the first place or if he moved himself closer to her. But neither of them seemed to distance themselves from each other as they watched the shenanigan in front of them.

Poe apparently hadn't run out of energy as he got back on stage and dedicated a heartfelt performance to his colleagues. "I love you guys," he sobbed drunkenly, and everyone cheered. And after that, it was just a very long sing-along that got more and more absurd as it went on. Rey laughed at the sight, sipping her mineral water as she looked to her left.

Kylo's head was on the back of the seat again, and he was staring at her with widened eyes, like a revelation just descended before him. Rey swallowed.

"You're still here," his eyes twinkled as his lips curved into a smile. His knee softly brushed hers, so she scooted a bit further from him.

"Apparently," she replied.

Suddenly it almost felt like the noises around them were muted. Under the dimmed light of the bar, she saw his face—the face she'd spent weeks staring and learning for the sake of the art. But this time, in front of her, somehow it felt more real than ever before.

She could probably describe how he looked like off the top of her head by now. She'd taken countless pictures of him, discussing them with her peers casually. She'd seen his face emote in various roles he'd played. She'd noticed his beauty marks, his raven hair, his pale complexion, the length of his neck, the firmness of his shoulders and chest, his long limbs—he was so familiar to her. And yet, none of her previous observations was as clear as it was now.

There was sadness in his eyes, she noticed. Was it because of the drink? Or was this how he actually looked like when no one was looking? Was there really something off about him tonight? She had spent weeks with questions about who this man was, what kind of person he was without the limelight and accolades, following every urge to know more and more. And how she knew—she knew that she'd gotten enough information already for someone whom she had to work with. But it was never enough.

Why did it matter? He was just a model she was working with. And everyone else had told her that she'd been doing well—she wouldn't get fired. And yet, it bothered her when there was a possibility that the exit of a photographer would link to him in a more personal note. Why did it so hard to believe that nothing happened between them? After all, she knew he was just being a jerk by tearing down other people so easily—not that she condoned it. 

She'd thought the worst of him. It was easier that way—just like how it was easier to study his works than to actually interact with him. And even when she heard the story of him protecting a stylist from a creep, she felt a lump of distasteful emotions—like it was unfair (but for whom?). He was someone whom she worked with, so why did it matter what he did when she wasn't around? Why did she put him on a pedestal like that? Why did she hate the thought of him giving his attention to someone else, looking at someone else the way he looked at her?

Rey was lost in her thoughts and didn't realize that she'd been staring. The realization sent a rush of blood to her head. She shifted her gaze, but then she felt him move. And suddenly, they were only few inches apart.

"May I kiss you?" he asked—pleaded, a mix of hot air and the smell of alcohol brushed her cheek. Her breathing hitched.

She laughed, nonetheless. The breathy sound coming from her felt strange and otherworldly, "You're drunk."

He nodded.

"May I kiss you when I'm sober?" he asked again. His voice was low, rumbling like a thunder as it buzzed close to her ear.

She laughed again. But maybe she was still a bit intoxicated when she replied, "Only if you remember this."

He pulled himself away from her, lolling his head to the back of the seat. And there it was, his smirk was back again.

"I will."

She snorted. "Yeah, right."

She averted her eyes from him, feeling a rush of heat all over her body. And she felt the need to squeeze her legs tighter, and perhaps, she should leave instead. But she was there, and _he_ was there. 

It wasn't until she saw Finn coming to her direction that she snapped out of the tension.

"Peanut, you ready?" he asked. As planned, Finn ordered a cab for both of them at a designated time.

Rey nodded, and got to her feet. But suddenly, Kylo grabbed her arm. She yelped in surprise, and Finn yelled, "Hey!"

She gestured Finn to not attack the other man, and he relented, although with a frown and an alarmed stance.

Rey stared down at Kylo. 

She heard him saying, "Promise."

Her eyes widened, "What?"

"Promise?"

She gulped, her throat felt so damn dry. But then, not sure what came over her, she gave him an answer.

"Sure."

Suddenly his face lit up and it made her stomach tingle. He let go of her arm, and then pointed his index finger at her like a warning, although he gave her such an endearing grin.

"No take back."

And then he collapsed on the couch, completely wasted.

There was a sudden shiver crawling through her spine the moment she heard him saying that. Her feet felt like they had a mind on their own. They wanted to stay and coax her to make use of his promise. Thankfully, Finn—god bless him, managed to drag her out of the booth.

When they were reaching the door, they saw a familiar figure going to their direction.

"Hu—Armitage?" Rey said. "You're here for Ren?"

Armitage Hux looked like he had been dragging himself to the dive bar. His face was laden with reluctance and disdain, "Unfortunately."

"Hugggs!" they heard Poe shouting from the stage. Rey looked at his boss gleefully waving his hand.

"Christ," Hux hissed. "Where is Ren?"

Rey gestured her hand to Ren's booth, and Hux immediately followed it after nodding as a polite gesture.

And as Rey and Finn were on their way out, they could still hear Poe's slurred voice from the speaker.

"Huggssss... Where are you going? Come baaaack. Hugggsss!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'd like to think Hux ended up driving BOTH Kylo and Poe home, and then throwing both men in front of each of their doorsteps.)
> 
> Arctic Monkey's Do I Wanna Know is still a good song, but most of all, it's a reylo song. I don't make the rules. :p
> 
> Anyway, thank you for the kudos and comments. They've been so motivating. :D
> 
> And also thank you, reylocalligraphy, for the tumblr shoutout! <3


	8. Opening a Can of Worms Can be Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is coming to term with what happened at the bar.

He didn't remember.

She was right. With the amount of booze he consumed that night, he wouldn't have remembered. If Poe was so shitfaced he didn't even remember what happened on his _own_ birthday, then there was a chance that Ren, who drank as much as he did—and more, wouldn't have remembered anything from that night either— _right?_ After all, he was practically unconscious when she left him. And this was the best outcome Rey could've wished.

Except that she didn't feel that way—and why was that?

When she woke up the next day, she recalled what she told him and she groaned so loud the sweet roommate of hers knocked to ask if she was alright. She cringed at her own volition from the night before, blaming it all on alcohol and trying to move on. But there was a part of her who was as excited as she was embarrassed for the prospect of...  _something._

So, after she checked on her schedule—just to make sure she got it right, she found herself in need of an underground bunker to shelter herself from the world, from her own bad decisions she made under influence. As time went by, her mind also jumped into mental gymnastics.

Did she regret it?

Surprisingly, she didn't—at least, not as much as she thought she would.

But did she want him to remember? Well, if the fact she spent hours at the gym on Saturday trying to ebb her own inner conflicts could say something, it would be she didn't fucking know. She didn't _want_ to know.

And lo and behold, when she saw him again, it was clear as day that he. Did. Not. Remember.

Kylo was in a dance studio downtown, practicing for the project. Rey was also there. He had been at it for a week now, but this was the first time she saw him practicing.

When she and Rose arrived in the studio, the practice had already been going on for quite a while. Rey had prepared her gears to document as part of the behind the scenes—hence, Rose was going with her. But what she didn't prepare was how glorious Kylo Ren looked in his training getup. A black tanktop (did he have any other color in his closet?) which showed off his shoulders and arms, and dark gray track pants which accentuated his back side so nicely—no, she was _not_ thinking about leotards.

He didn't look at her as she entered the room, his focus was fully on his own routine. It was U.O. Statura, the choreographer (one of the finest in Coruscant), who greeted them and talked a bit. Rey had to force her eyes to look at the person she was talking to, instead of the sight of Kylo Ren doing pirouettes on the dance floor in the background.

She was there, she reminded herself, to see his progress and take enough pictures. The latter, she found, was not an easy task. But she kept a straight face during the whole time she clicked the shutter—like she always did. She followed his movement, ever so graceful with a hint of ruggedness that for some reason made her stomach flutter. His hair was lazily tied into a knot, and as he moved, the tendrils of his curls swayed like an offense to her composure. And then there were his bare arms—strong, masculine arms. Again, _offensive._

Then they finally took a break. Rey was standing near a long bench, hiding herself with her camera as Rose was busy talking with Statura. Rey noticed Ren walking toward her direction, and he was glistening with sweat. As he stepped closer, her heartbeats seem to betray her with anticipation for god-knows-what.

But, instead, he went straight to his water bottle which was sitting on top of his gym bag. Rey frowned her eyebrows. Her eyes followed him as she pretended to pay attention to a non-existent text on her phone. Not that she was waiting or anything, but she _was_ waiting for him to greet her.

But none. Nothing. The guy just wiped his face with a towel, threw it on the bench, and then took a glance at the wall next to her while absentmindedly chugging his water, and then went to the bar, stretching, showing his back muscles right in front of her face. She cursed inwardly.

He didn't acknowledge her presence. And this was why she thought that whatever happened at The Resistance was going down the drain—it wasn't just about what they talked about in the booth, but also about their truce. That goddamn truce she initiated. And what now? Should she apologize again?

But if she told herself that was the main reason why she was pissed, she'd be lying.

What pissed her off was that he didn't even _look_ at her. Kylo Ren, the guy who had been persistently teasing her and staring at her with piercing amber eyes she'd sworn could've drilled holes in her skull, was now not even _glancing_ at her.

It was... _disappointing,_ to say the least.

So, she just stood there, debating and hating herself to even care, making theories about the possibility of him to actually remember and perhaps regret whatever happened on Friday night like she did the morning after. Time felt like going so agonizingly slow.

But then, thankfully, her phone really went off. Paige was calling, probably to ask about the progress. So, she gestured Rose to follow her outside as she took the call, leaving Kylo with his choreographer.

It was better this way then, she told herself. Everything was back to normal. Now they could just work together. Like professionals do. 

  

* * *

 

When she was back in the studio, Kylo Ren was the only person in the room.

Rey was on her own too since Rose had to go back early to tend to other responsibilities in the office. The only reason why Rey wasn't leaving yet was because she needed to talk to Statura about the costumes. And yet, the guy was nowhere to be found.

What was left was an attractive 6'3" man with a brick house of a body heaving in the middle of the room with sweat rolling down his exposed skin and tousled hair, now untied, that could pass as a post-coital look. Rey balled her hands into fists until her nails dug into her skin. _What the fuck is wrong with her?_

"Where's U.O.?" she asked nonchalantly.

Ren raised his head and looked at her. From the distance she stood, she couldn't decipher his expression—but hey, he _finally_ looked at her. She hated how even her own thought gave an impression that she really craved his attention.

"He's receiving a phone call from his daughter's school," he replied, wiping his face with his tank, exposing his sculpted abdomen. "Might be a while until he gets back."

"Oh," Rey nodded as she looked around.

"Do you have something I can pass on to him?"

_Yes, please tell him to visit Amidala to look into the outfits. I got to go._

"No," she shook her head. "I think I should tell him myself."

Ren straightened his posture, and she could see his hands were clenched and unclenched on his sides.

"I don't think he'll be back soon," he said. There was a hint of snark in his voice, like he wanted her to leave, to not disturb his training. "The call came from the principal. I think his daughter was in trouble."

She didn't like his tone, and somehow that became enough motivation to actually stay. Let him taste his own medicine.

"It's alright," she took off the strap hanging on her neck. She then sat down on the bench and placed her camera next to her. "I can wait. It's an _important_ matter that I need to personally discuss with him."

She could see his jaw tensed, and with that sight came a satisfaction that rushed inside her. _I'm here to stay, you prick._

"Suit yourself," he said.

Rey tried to pose herself as comfortable as she could. She crossed her legs and took out her phone, ignoring whatever Kylo was doing there. She could hear his footsteps, and the vibration from his movement thrummed to the soles of her feet.

And then it was quiet.

_Too quiet._

Rey lifted her head up to see what happened. He was standing immobile right across her. She raised her eyebrows, wondering what he was doing. And suddenly, he was advancing.

He looked annoyed, so Rey frowned at him. He paused not so far from her seat, his arms folded and muscles on display. _Rude._

His mouth parted as if he wanted to say something but then chewed his lower lip instead.

"Can you..." he then said. "...leave?"

"Excuse me?" she got to her feet, glaring at him.

"You can still be in the building, just not here."

"I didn't know you have the right to police where a free person could be," she crossed her arms. She realized she suddenly became so irritable although she didn't want to dwell on the reason why. "What are you, a bouncer?"

"No, that's not—" he let out an exasperated sigh. "I need to work."

"So do I!" she raised her voice. She didn't usually raise her voice at people, and yet she just did. She hated that he always managed to get under her skin. "I'm working. Here. Right now. _This_ is a workplace. _That_ is my work camera."

This, she thought, wasn't supposed to be like this. Hadn't they made up already? _Well, fuck him._   

He pinched the skin between his brows, "Can you please just not be here?"

"Why is that?"

"Are we really getting into this?"

"You tell me."

He bit his inner cheek, looking away as he mumbled. "You know why."

"Why?" Rey took a step closer to him, and he flinched. "What's your problem with me being here? Am I a sore sight to you?"

"What—no, that's ridiculous—"

"Just so you know, Mr. Kylo Ren, it wasn't just you who are allowed to—"

"You're distracting!" he yelled.

"So are you!" she yelled back.

And then there was silence.

They stood and stared at each other, eyes wide and mouths slightly open. In sync, their folded arms fell to their sides. The realization hit them like an airplane crashing a barn. He was the first to make a sound.

"It was real..." he muttered, and in an instance a glint materialized in his eyes. Rey felt shiver down her spine, and the aftermath of her own realization hadn't really sat in for her.

"What... what was real?" she swallowed hard. She _knew_ what he meant.

She just didn't think he would doubt his own recollection of _that_ event.

He took a step forward, and she retaliated. Her neck craned, adjusting to their height differences—for some reason, he looked taller than he was. He towered over her, eyes scanning her facial expression meticulously.

Her eyes, against her better judgement, were fixated on his full, lush lips—and he noticed this. He licked his lower lip and Rey immediately shifted her gaze to the empty space next to his face.

From the corner of her eyes, she could see a smirk formed in his lips. He narrowed his eyes. His voice was low and dark, and enticing.

"It _was_ you."

She gasped. Her instinct told her to run—but it was too late. He was already crowding her personal space.

"So, this is how it works then?" he murmured, eyes roaming over her. "I thought there was a rule."

"Wh—what?" she hated that her voice sounded more like a squeak.

His hand lingered to her waist, creating a phantom touch that made her squirm. He then leaned down to her. She bit her lower lip to prevent a whimper escape from her.

"This," he whispered right onto her temple. She could smell his cologne and sweat mixing into one and it was intoxicating. Rey forced herself to move. But he followed her like they were doing tango in slow motion.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, trying to sound aloof. She kept moving with a futile attempt to find an escape. The room was large enough, but her space was reduced significantly. The back of her knees kept nudging the bench as she tried to find balance and not fall backward.

"This is a work environment, Miss Johnson." He said with pretend mockery, eyes wandering to her lips, "I thought we were against something like this when working."

"I don't know wh—"

She let out a gasp when her shoulder bumped against the mirror wall. Taking his chance, he cornered her until her back was flat against the surface, and then his arms were caging her.

"Ren..." her voice sounded breathy— _fuck._

"You don't think I'd forget, do you?" his voice was so rich and intimate. Rey was very much aware that her heart was pounding frantically inside her chest, and she must look so red right now. Suddenly he distanced himself from her, his face was unreadable.

"Does it bother you?"

"What?"

"Does it bother you if I don't remember?"

"No!" she averted her gaze. But he followed her eyes and trapped her again. He tsk-tsked while shaking his head like this was amusing to him.

"You should've at least waited until I'm done before pulling a trick like this," his hands were placed next to each of her ears, cutting her desperate attempt to ignore him. At first, she didn't understand what trick he was talking about, but she could put two and two together, and suddenly she felt so embarrassed.

"That's not..." she stammered. "I—I really need to talk to..."

He hummed. Then he shortened the distance between them, it'd take a slight push for their heads to bump together. His body heat was like a furnace to her.

"Good girls don't break their promises," he whispered right to her ear, his breathing hot and it made her knees weak. "Are you a good girl, Rey?"

She was fighting every urge to instinctively nod, and just staring back at him in silence. She couldn't trust herself with producing any movement—or sound. She shifted her legs closer together to hold herself steady, hoping he didn't notice her blooming arousal.

Her shoulders heaved but there was no resistance left in her body. Her heart was racing faster. He let out a shaky breath, drinking her in like he couldn't believe it. His hand trailed to her cheek and she staggered back, lightly bumping the mirror.

He then softly said, "No take back, remember?"

Rey was about to protest when his mouth already crushed hers, swallowing her high-pitched squeak and turning it into a moan. His hand held the back of her neck so she wouldn't knock the mirror again—but what it did, really, was just trapping her even more. She went stiff with her eyes open.

And suddenly he stopped. He withdrew and gazed down at her. The room felt quieter and as she stared back into his darkened eyes, she could see her own reflection in it. She realized he was waiting for her permission. Her brief defiance seemed to have an impact on him.

Rey swallowed, her mind was racing thousand miles per hour. _Must go. Push him. Run. Now._

But she must've been out of her damn mind because then, just like the impulse she felt when they were at the bar, she found herself gripping the collar of his tank, and yanked his face down to hers. His eyes widened before closing. And as their lips crashed again, she could feel him smirk.

Soon her hand ran through his shoulder to his neck to his hair, yearning for control. Her other hand was uselessly trapping her phone to his chest while the grip of his hand on her nape was getting tighter. She moaned in surprise as his free hand reached her waist and pulled her closer to him. He was halfway hard already.

He licked the seam of her lips to prod it open, and she let him in. He kissed like she thought he would. Raw and sweet. Punishing and delicate. His tongue ran through her mouth, his teeth grazed her lower lip. His kiss was exhilarating, like every touch was charged with the determination to ravish her whole. Everything was fire and she was engulfed in it.

She was lost— _damn_ _lost_ until suddenly he pulled back.

"Wh..." she whined.

He chuckled.

They heard steps coming in. The door was opened and closed. Kylo dropped his hands from her altogether, leaving traces of warmth she begrudgingly missed.

"U.O.," he said while walking backward to the other side of the room, effortlessly hiding his front side from the attention of the other man who just entered the room. "Rey wants to talk to you."

Rey's eyes widened, mouth open in disbelief. There was a surge of panic flooding inside her.

"Oh, what's up, Rey?" Statura raised his head from his phone and then proceeded to walk toward her, not noticing Kylo's sly attempt to avert the attention from himself.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting," he strolled, nearly reaching Rey. "I couldn't get a hold of my husband."

Rey was trying to muster her cool, to not make it suspicious as she covered her mouth, pretending to cough—or doing anything that didn't scream 'fresh from being kissed senseless' face.

As the unsuspecting choreographer continued his small talk, Rey looked across the room.

Kylo Ren was standing with crossed arms, a smug smirk painted on his face. And then, as she was struggling to conjure up words, the bastard had the gall to fucking wink at her.

If she thought her life was hard then, she now realized that the worst was yet to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (In all honesty, someone should've thrown a water bottle at Rey.)
> 
> Thank you for the reviews, bookmarks, subscriptions. Validations always feel so good. Keep 'em coming! :D
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> ICYMI, I wrote a one-shot canonverse fic (I know) called [A Missed Connection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14997104).


	9. The Cat is Out of the Bag but It Wants to Stay Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the incident in the studio, Kylo's got some things in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's pretend this is how fashion magazines work and we're good.
> 
> (My romcom trash brain is shown here. Well.)
> 
> AND, just so you know, I very much appreciate every single comment you left on this fic. The previous chapter's comments really made my days. Lol. I'm glad you enjoy this fic and I hope it can at least make you a tiny bit happy. :D
> 
> Anyway, now enter Kylo "dumbass" Ren's POV.

Now that he got a taste, he knew he couldn't stop.

However, he didn't even get to see her in the following days. His schedule was pretty much packed with training with U.O. Statura, a couple of movie negotiations, and more interviews. And lately his mother had been dragging him into doing activities together now that he worked for her— _technically._ They had lunches regularly when their schedules allowed them to (or sometimes she _made_ him cancel plans with various messages that could rope him up).

It all started with one text message she sent him the day before Dameron's birthday. He was in a foul mood, having been arguing with Rey and Bazine on the same day that week. He thought he'd lost all chances with Rey, realizing that she probably hated him. And he didn't have anything to rebut Bazine's accusations against him because...

...well, she'd got a point.

Thus, that particular day he dragged himself to lunch with his mother and his instinct told him that she'd say something that wouldn't make his day any easier. And he was right.

"You haven't made Rey's life difficult, have you?" she asked while scanning the menu. They were at her favorite Italian restaurant.

Kylo almost choked on his water, "What have you heard?"

"Nothing," his mother said matter-of-factly, and then mentioning her orders to the server. "Just asking. I don't want the same thing happened again. Did you even apologize to the poor girl?"

_Ah, the previous photographer._

"Do I have to?" he scowled. He was _not_ in the mood for this. "You and Dameron should've picked a better photographer in the first place. What were you thinking? You're going to retire soon and what you got was an amateur?"

Leia sighed, "She wasn't that bad. Just because her style doesn't fit you—"

"It doesn't matter," he cut her. "Rey's better."

His mother tilted her head, lifting her reading glasses up to her hair. "Is that why you think she's worthy of your apology?"

Kylo dropped his gaze and clenched his jaw.

"Oh, quit it. With that big ass bouquet you sent her, anyone with their two eyes could see it."

"It was just flowers."

And a camera strap which looked so good on her pretty neck.

"I sure hope so," she took a swig of her water. "Because if you make a scene again, I might have to drop you."

"Over some unknown photographer?"

"So now Rey's just some unknown photographer to you?"

He waved his hand in frustration, "What do you want me to say?"

He wasn't sure where his mother was going. There was an accusative tone in her voice, but what did she know? He didn't even get to exercise any of his wishes. Nonetheless, she'd given him an ultimatum.

And that day, he thought his mother didn't need to do that because Rey Johnson made it perfectly clear that she hated him.

 _That_ was until the night at The Resistance.

He was severely hungover the next day, and he couldn't even remember clearly what had happened. Hux didn't help either. When he called him to ask if he did some dumb stuff (he felt some weird emotions nagging at the back of his head), the ginger said, "You need to be more specific there, Ren."

And then he called Dameron, but he didn't answer. Kylo texted him and the guy called back the next morning, saying that he didn't remember anything and that he felt he needed a brain transplant ("It's like my brain is leaking through my ears and my nose," Dameron sobbed). But during that time, Kylo had partially remembered about that night. He just wasn't sure if that wasn't some fever dream.

She said she let him kiss her. How could that be real? In what universe?

But it _was_ real.

Even better, she kissed him back. _Hard._

If Kylo had any doubt before about their mutual attraction, that kiss definitely changed everything. 

  

* * *

 

He spent his Sunday evening in his parents' house, having dinner with his mother and uncle—as per her request ("I don't care if that's your day off. Your uncle is in town and I don't take no for an answer," she told him). But then, in the middle of that excruciating dinner, he learned that Dameron and his team were having an emergency photoshoot. He didn't mean to eavesdrop his mother's phonecall, but he was bored to death and any attempt of faux courtesy his uncle was doing only made him more irritated.

"Alright, Poe. You can come here and take it," his mother said as she returned to her seat. In her hand was a binder for the next issue. He didn't hear what the problem was, but they were doing a re-shoot.

"Wait. Is that Dameron?" he jerked his head forward. "I can bring it to him. Where's he now?"

His mother pulled her phone away from her ear, "You're not going anywhere. You're having dinner with me and your Uncle Luke. And that's final."

"Fine," he sighed. "After dinner. Where's he? He's with his team, right?"

"The photography team. They're at Amidala," she frowned her eyebrows. "Are you sure?"

"Trust me," he shrugged, eyes narrowed aimed at his uncle. "I'd rather be anywhere else."

His uncle just rolled his eyes and sipped his tea. Leia bit her inner cheek, thinking. And then she nodded before talking to her creative director again, "Poe, Ben's going to deliver it to you personally. Alright. See you tomorrow."

  

* * *

 

Once he arrived at Amidala, he dropped the book on Poe's desk and then went to look for Rey. Everyone else was there but he couldn't find her. They were in the middle of a photoshoot (probably the re-do his mother mentioned earlier). Kylo strolled around, resisting to actually ask anyone about Rey, until he felt he couldn't handle it anymore.

"Where's Rey?" he asked casually to a group of staffers. Everyone raised their head and then passing glances at each other.

Paige Tico replied without looking at him, "She's not here."

"Rey's on a date!" the intern chimed in. Kylo's heart skipped a beat. A _date?_

"Isn't she, Finn?" she continued, tilting her head at the seated model who was getting his makeup fixed.

Finn Storms stared at Kylo through the vanity mirror, and then shifted uncomfortably. "Uhh, yeah."

Kylo frowned his eyebrows, "But... you're here?"

"...yeah?" the model said, looking confused. And then he turned so he could face Ren directly, "Why shouldn't I be here?"

He blankly stared at Finn Storms and suddenly the image of drunk Poe Dameron emerged in his mind.

"They're buddies," he remembered the curly haired man slurred. It was during their binge-drinking on his birthday. "Very tight, but I believe they mentioned that they're just friends." And then Dameron shoved his face near Kylo's ear and shouted, "Why'd you aaask?"

He vaguely remembered staring at Rey all night while she was laughing and joking around with Finn Storms when the question popped in his head. He'd always wanted to know the nature of their relationship but he felt Rey would never give him the answer if he asked. It was clear that she addressed Storms as 'a friend', but it wasn't enough for him.

He was brought back to the present when he heard the intern and a giggly staffer mentioned 'Rey's roommate', 'a double date', and 'Tinder.' That, and because Finn Storms looked at him funny for staring too long.

Based on the tidbits of information he heard them gushing, Kylo learned that Rey was apparently being a good friend for agreeing to do a double date with Jessika's date's friend—or something. He didn't care for details. _Rey was on a date._ That was all that mattered.

But the thought of her not having a boyfriend or girlfriend didn't calm him down a bit. There was a surge of uncomfortable emotions emerged inside him. _Rey. A date_. Did they also mention _Tinder?_ Was this a common occurrence in her personal life? How far had she gone? Were one night stands also on the table?

With the kind of lifestyle he'd led, he knew he shouldn't be mad or anything. Was he even mad? He didn't know anymore. But if there was any indication of disapproval, his clenched fists were exactly that. The good news was at least now he knew Rey wasn't exclusively dating anyone—wasn't dating that kid Finn Storms. But still, he didn't like it one bit that she went on a—

"Rey!" the intern suddenly squealed. Kylo immediately turned his head to where the small girl's eyes were directed.

"Damn, girl!" Finn got to his feet and hugged her for a moment. "You look gorgeous."

And there she was.

Kylo thought he could die and go to heaven. All the internal hissy fit boiling in his mind suddenly evaporated the moment he saw her.

Not too far from him, Rey stood with a smile in her faintly dolled-up face. Her freckles on her face were covered up a bit, but not the ones around her clavicle. Her chestnut hair was down and styled in one messy braid which she let hang on her shoulder. She was wearing a low-cut yellow dress and a washed-out denim jacket. Her pretty fingers were holding the strap of her satchel—she would never not take her camera with her. Her long and toned tanned legs were out for display and they were nicely decorated with a pair of cute blocked-heeled shoes.

"Thanks," she replied shyly.

"How's the date?" he heard Paige Tico asked. Kylo blinked and closed his mouth. He tried not to embarrass himself in front of everyone else from gawking too much.

Rey cringed at her question. "I don't want to talk about... it."

Her voice faltered once her eyes fell on Kylo. There was that moment again where it felt like they were in a completely different place together. Her eyes widened before him, and he needed to really convince himself if the pink flush on her face was from the make-up she wore. It couldn't be because of him. _How ridiculous._

Suddenly he felt someone's hand on his shoulder and he almost wanted to twist whoever’s arm that was. But apparently it was just Poe Dameron.

"Hi, Rey—damn." His eyebrows raised, and Kylo felt a sudden twinge of discomfort from the way Dameron saw her. But then the shorter guy snapped out of it and tapped Kylo's shoulder. "Oh, by the way, Ren said he wanted to talk to you."

Ren blinked, remembering that he _did_ tell him about that. He forced himself to speak like a normal person.

"I, uh, need to ask you some things," he cleared his throat. "Work stuff."

There was a hint of blush on her face again and her jaw tensed—it was _really_ because of him, wasn't it? _No way._ Kylo felt his ears started to match the color of her cheeks.

"Oh," she then said. "Sure."

She appeared to get herself together when she gestured him to follow her. She led him to one of the fishbowl conference rooms. She opened the door and waited until he was inside and then closed it. Everyone could see them inside and he wondered if she did it on purpose.

He pulled a chair for her to sit, but she walked past it and sat on the opposite side instead. Kylo held a smile and took the seat for himself. As he sat down, he hid his trembling hands under the sleeves of his jacket. He wasn't supposed to be nervous, _dammit._ He'd been waiting for days to see her again and he was not going to ruin this. 

 _You're Kylo fucking Ren,_ he internally shouted at himself. _Get a grip!_

And then she started the conversation about the impending photoshoot and filming. It was like Kylo'd predicted. She talked like she meant business, eyes downcast at the notebook she'd taken out of her bag. Serious. Assertive. Distant. When he asked several questions, she answered him immediately. He liked that about her. He didn't mind that the whole time Rey didn't even look at him.

But he obviously did mind the fact that she dressed up to see someone else. She looked so goddamn beautiful and the thought of her smiling with some random guy triggered a sense of jealousy in him. Nonetheless, he held himself back until their work conversation was over. It turned out to be not easy as time went by. 

Rey was on her way to leave the room when he asked her.

"How was the date?"

She paused. "Excuse me?"

"You went on a date," he leaned back on his seat, his fingers twirling his phone on the desk. "How was it?"

She frowned, "It was fine."

_Lie._

"That's not what you told your friends" he quipped. He didn't like how he sounded, but couldn't stop. "You said you didn't want to talk about it—meaning: it was bad."

"Your point?" she folded her arms.

"No one should ever take you on a bad date," Kylo stood up and then leaned on the desk. "Whoever they are, they don't deserve you or your time."

"Some dates are bad," she rolled her eyes and headed to the door. "It's what it is."

"It doesn't have to be."

Rey immediately stopped and turned around.

He advanced and he swore he could see her gasp. Her doe eyes—her pretty hazel doe eyes stared back at him as he got closer. Her peach-tinted lips were slightly parted. And the exposed skin below her neck was so deliciously distracting.  _Fuck._

"What happened in the studio..." she averted her gaze. "It won't... It won't happen again."

"Why?"

"Because!" she glared at him for a while, and then shifted her eyes away from him again. She huffed, "I don't owe you any explanation."

"Is it something that you always do?" he folded his arms, ignoring her answer. "The date? You go on dates a lot?"

"What—I'm not answering that. That's my personal life," she shot back. "And we're not in any position to talk about it."

Kylo's left eye twitched. He stared down at her, giving her a cold face to prevent himself to pull and kissed her pretty lips. Oh, how much he wanted to change her mind.

"Is that what you really want? All business?" he then asked. "Even after all of this ends?"

He could see her facial expression changed. He waited for her response but she stayed quiet. So he took a step closer.

She finally stared back at him. He must've been crazy or imagining things, but he could see that she looked sad for a moment. It wasn't the look of someone who hated him or wanted nothing to do with him. But she kept her mouth shut still and it was frustrating because he could clearly see that she wanted to say something.

"Do I have any say in this?" he said quietly. She swallowed.

"No."

There was a pang in his chest. But he kept his eyes on her, studying her face. He wanted her to tell him to fuck off if she really didn't want to have anything to do with him. _Fuck,_ if she brought the incident in the studio to his mother, he'd take the responsibility like a grown man. It'd be far better than not knowing what she wanted and living in agony.

But then, he saw it—it wasn't a mind trick. He really saw her eyes dart to his lips, and he could damn well see how she faintly sucked in breath.

This wasn't like the first time they kissed. There was longing in the way her eyes lingered. Did she miss him as much as he did? Kylo could feel shiver on his nape and his body was heavy with desire. He heaved slowly and soon it felt like they were breathing in tandem.

Seemingly aware of her own doing, Rey instinctively raised her head to deflect his attention away from her sight. She ended up awkwardly looking at anywhere else but him as she gripped the door handle tightly. She then cleared her throat to stop him from staring. But it was too late; he already caught a glimpse of her darkening pupils. 

And suddenly his heart pounded in glee.

He smirked.

"Nice try," he muttered. "It doesn't change the fact that you kissed me back."

Her eyes widened and her cheeks turned redder—it was the cutest thing he'd ever seen. There was no mistaking it for just the make-up now. He _made_ her react that way. _Him._ It was because of him.

And then he raised his finger as though he just remembered something. _Act cool,_ he told himself. _Don't look too happy._

"Wait," he said. He paused for a dramatic effect until she finally stared back at him.

"If I remember correctly," he gave her the shittiest-eating grin he could muster as he looked at her dead in the eye. " _You_ initiated it."

She seemed so taken aback that her back bumped loudly against the door and her hand fell from the handle.

"Pulling my hair and all," he continued, slowly running his hand through his hair, and then he sighed. "That was kinda hurt. Didn't know you have that in you."

Rey opened her mouth but nothing came out of it. Kylo was enjoying every second of her descend to panic. He could kiss her again right there. 

"It was just one time thing!" she stammered, her voice shaky as if she wanted to convince herself more than him. "It will—it will never happen again."

Her words were powerless against him and they both knew that. He wasn't going to push her to admit the truth now, but if anything, he was having so much fun watching her falling apart with denial she didn't even seem to believe enough. And Kylo Ren wasn't a good actor if he couldn't recognize the bad ones. Rey Johnson, without a doubt, was a _terrible_ actor.

He extended his arm to reach the door handle. He could smell her hair; it was citrus and coconut and everything nice. He narrowed his eyes at her and smirked. 

"We'll see."

Kylo opened the door as she looked at him in disbelief. He strutted past her before Rey got to make a sound and he didn't even look back.

He basked himself in satisfaction as he entered the elevator. When the door was about to close, he saw her already standing right across him. Her friends were calling her but she ignored them.

Her eyes were on him—and him only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey is shook (again). But the question is: will she let that happen again? ;)
> 
> I'm making Loud Drunk Poe a thing. No one can change my mind.
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	10. Plotting a Revenge Requires Self-Discipline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (In the voice of Legend of Korra's narrator)  
> Rey wants to strike back, but is her opponent as easily defeated as she thinks he is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, this got out of hand.  
> Long chapter.

As the production date was drawing near, Rey and her team doubled—tripled their meetings to make sure things would run smoothly. She'd been spending so much time at Amidala and only went out when she had to, like joining the set designer to review the locations and making sure there wouldn't be any problem with the permits or the decorations. Everything was so hectic that it didn't come into her mind until few days before the shoot that Rey, a new kid, was in charge of a big scale project for the first time in her life.

And thus, the impact of that realization hit her one day in the middle of a meeting.

She drank an endless amount of coffee even though she usually opted for tea. And sometimes it took her a moment to actually grasp what her crew members were saying because her mind went somewhere else. Rey wasn't exactly the kind of person who would lose focus easily, but apparently, the reality of this project got into her more than she thought it would. And because she didn't like the helplessness aspect of such situation, she tried to extinguish it by detaching her mind from the whole process.   

It wasn't easy sometimes, but she got by. Until it didn't work anymore.

And then there was also another thing. _That_  one other thing.

After the last time they spoke, Kylo Ren left her alone. He popped up once in a while on her floor, but he didn't approach her or anything. He would just walk past the conference room when she was inside and take a glance before going upstairs to his mother's office. She heard that he always took Leia to lunch these days. It wasn't Rey's problem, of course, because mother and son could do that kind of thing. Well, she'd love to do that kind of thing.

But what bothered her was how her mood always changed every time she saw Kylo for brief seconds he was on her floor.

She didn't _care_ why he was there. Rose once told her that Kylo sometimes asked about the development of the project or if there was any problem—the intern thought he was just being anal about the whole thing since Rey was a rookie. Although she kind of disagreed with that, there was a part of Rey that thought he went on her floor just to spite her—because that was what he implied the last time they spoke. But that would be too obvious, wouldn't it? And if he really wanted to torment her or anything, he would've said something to her already.

But the thing was he didn't. He was just looking around—sometimes their eyes met and he smiled (and she scowled), but that was it.

After he'd left her alone in the conference room that night, Rey kept thinking about how to get back at him. He couldn't be the only one who could do anything he wanted. She fantasized about how their next meeting would go and what kind of zingers she could throw at him if he tried again. And although this could be embarrassing to admit, she was kind of looking forward to facing him again.

Just so she could _own_ him.

Thus, when she saw him outside the conference room when she was in the middle of a meeting, she kind of wished he would wait for her (because it was near lunch hour), and then he would say some dumb stuff again.

Rey had a problem, she admitted. She never liked losing. It was a Jakku thing—maybe: an eye for an eye. She wanted to be the one who left him speechless.

But of course, what happened was nothing like she wanted. He didn't stay—he never did. He was there to meet his mother, although she always caught him looking at her when he passed by.

Then, she started to think that this was some kind of a mind game he played. Because what else could that be? He cornered her _twice_ and acted so cocky the whole time, so certain that she would fall into his arms _(pssh!)._ The next logical step would be a fucking mind game. He _must_ know how it frustrated her that she couldn't have the last words.

But joke on him because Rey was _busy._

 _And_ anxious _and_ a mess because this project was nothing like she'd ever dealt before.

Thus, another realization came to her mind: in the middle of her crazy work schedule, Rey started to look forward to seeing him—no, she _really_ was looking forward to _every_ brief encounter with him.

It was like a clockwork, or a dog expecting a treat, that minutes before lunch hour, Rey would take a glance outside and waited for him to show up. Sometimes he appeared as she predicted, sometimes he was late, and sometimes he didn't show up at all. And to a certain degree, it affected her overall mood for the rest of the day.

When he did show up, Rey would obviously look annoyed and she made sure he could see it. But behind the façade she put on, she was anything but. If she didn't want to admit that, the butterflies in her stomach would.

 

* * *

 

Kylo Ren finally joined the meeting since the last time he was present. He'd been poking his nose through the progress from day to day, so he didn't raise many questions. But again, Rey had been preparing herself in case he would do or ask something that could distract her.

He didn't do any of those things, but Rey had her guard up still. There was a little part in her that wished he would come to her personally.

She was aware of the implication of such thought. If what he'd been doing was a mind game, he was successful in making her psychologically engage in it. But to be completely honest, Rey really wished it was only a game he played because then she could explain why she always felt like she hadn't gotten enough of him.

Yes, that would be preferable, instead of thinking about him and that damn kiss voluntarily from time to time. He'd got to be the bad guy in this, right?

 

 

The wardrobe department hadn't been reviewed because they had to make an appointment with Kylo's manager for the fitting. He was of course a busy working actor—even though he still managed to take his mother to lunch from time to time. Rey was just doing her job when she visited Korr Sella later that day, and if he was there during her visit, it'd be a  _pure_ coincidence.

When she arrived in the fitting room, Rey heard giggles and laughs coming from inside. As she got closer, she could see it was just Ren and Korr talking and joking around while she was fixing his outfit. Among other employees on her team—or at Amidala—Korr Sella was the only person (other than Poe) who could speak casually with Kylo Ren. They seemed to know each other for a long time and have a friendly relationship.

But still, after watching it with her own two eyes how comfortable they were with each other, Rey felt a sudden spike of discomfort in her core. She flinched before making her presence known.

"Rey," Korr greeted her. "Come on in."

Rey dragged her feet closer as her eyes and Kylo's met. He raised his eyebrows and smiled but she was having none of it. "How is it going so far?" her face hardened as she asked the fashion stylist.

Kylo was wearing an intricate, _haute couture_ top with a pair of high waisted pants while Korr Sella was holding the garment around his abdomen almost like she was hugging him. Rey's jaw tensed at that sight.

"You see," Korr chuckled. "I think this guy's losing a couple of pounds."

"No, I'm not!" Ren interjected, but then followed it with a guffaw. "My mass is perfectly fine. But doing ballet for a few weeks always do stuff like this to me. I’ll get my figure back once I get on with my usual routine."

Korr shook her head and squinted her eyes at Rey. "See, this is what I'm talking about. Dudes and their gym talks."

Rey forced herself to smile but her eyes kept darting at Korr's arm around his torso. "Is there a problem then?" she asked.

"Nothing I can't handle," Korr shrugged. And then she gestured Rey to come closer. "Can you hold this for a second while I'm grabbing my tools?"

"What?"

"Yeah, I left them outside when I was talking to Poe," she sighed. "I sent my assistant for some errands downtown and she hasn't come back yet."

Rey swallowed, "Do you want me to get it for you? Just tell me where it is and I'll go get it."

"No need," Korr shook her head. "I had to do another thing on the way there anyway. Would you please hold this, Rey?"

Rey realized she couldn't get away from it, so she relented. Her hands carefully replaced Korr—one hand around his waist and the other on the seam on his back, and soon she found herself circling Kylo Ren's body. She positioned herself not too close to him so she wouldn't hug him when Korr told her with a cheery tone of hers, "Don't let him move. You have to lock the fabrics in place. You may stand closer, Rey, it's fine."

It _wasn't_ fine.

Rey forced herself to move closer and now she was literally _this_ close from hugging him. The only thing that separated her from his chest was the decoration on his top and few inches of air between their torsos. She sucked in breath like she feared he would catch a scent of her frustration—or sense her frantic heartbeats. And as Korr Sella disappeared, Rey got more tensed.

But the only thing followed was silence.

Kylo was just standing there with his arms at his sides, sandwiching Rey's arms but weren't quite touching them. But her mind kept wandering to his chest and shoulders, and how they heaved slowly before her. She'd been preparing herself to be in this situation (not exactly _this_ particular situation), but now that it happened, she didn't know what to do other than trying to not look at the man—or reminisce about how firm his chest was when he pulled her closer that one time in Statura's studio.

Rey looked around and got her eyes on the couch in the middle of the room. She wondered if he would push her down and climb on top of her right there. Oh, and how he would kiss her and do _more_ than that. His clothing might be a bit complicated, but she was wearing a button-down blouse today and it would be so easy to tear it open—

"Are you nervous?"

She heard him asking and she immediately blinked back to reality.

"What?" she raised her head. His eyes fluttered down at her and she noticed how long his lashes were.

"Are you nervous?" he repeated. "About the project? It's getting closer."

She frowned at him, "I'm okay."

He chuckled and the rumble from his chest immediately transferred to her own. Rey's hands tightened on the fabrics.

"It's okay if you are nervous," he said. His baritone voice felt so calming in her ears. "I remember when I got my first gig as an actor." He then shrugged, "I was a mess."

Rey realized he wasn't being flirtatious this time. But she had already set her mind to not trust him. She wouldn't engage in any conver—

"What happened?" she heard herself speaking.

He pursed his lips and looked up to the ceiling, seemingly remembering his own experience, before staring back at her.

"I got a small part in this indie movie, 'Young Hearts'," he started.

"Oh, the one where you played the little brother?"

"Yeah," he nodded with a glint in his eyes. "That one. It was during my last year of college, I think. And although I'd done student movies and community theater before that, an actual movie with actual professionals working in it felt so much different."

"Wait," Rey tilted her head. "You did community theater?"

He bit her lower lip like he was holding a smile. "I know, right? You'd think Anakin Skywalker's grandson would jump right into Broadway or something. But I didn't. I started small and 'Young Hearts' was my debut."

"You probably could've gotten an off-Broadway or any big scale play."

"I could've. But you'd rather be surrounded by people who would really see your talent rather than who your family is."

"So, they offered and you refused?"

"Like I told you," he shrugged. "I only pick projects that I'm interested in. And 'Young Hearts' was one of those. I remember being so excited I couldn't sleep, and as the production date was getting closer, I was on edge."

She raised her eyebrows, "What did you do to, uh, fix that?"

"I didn't,” he replied. “I just coped. I studied my character and got really into it. I think being method is easier for me because I don't have to be myself during filming. It does sound pretentious,” he chuckled. “But as long as it works, then I’ll do it.”

“So, like,” Rey nodded. “You were in character the whole time?”

“Not always. There was also the time when I was just me.”

“What did you do then?”

“Meditation.”

Rey snorted, “You? Meditate?”

Ren staggered back, "Hey, it helps, you know—"

“Stop moving!” she instinctively pulled the fabrics of his top to her, but it ended up pushing their bodies together.

And thus, they were locked in a hug—or a body crash was more like it. Her shoulders to his chest. The phantom of her lips to the slope of his neck. His scent to her lungs. Heartbeats to heartbeats. Their eyes met and everything went still.

She could see his face started to flush, and she could feel the same for her. His Adam’s apple bobbed as Rey’s sigh touched the skin on his neck. He was as warm and sturdy as she remembered, but now she was the one who had her arms around him. And if she raised her head a little bit more—or if she stood on her tiptoes, her lips would reach—

“So,” she cleared her throat, distancing her torso few inches from him. “Meditation?”

He also cleared his throat, but the pink flush on his ears still remained. "Right,” he darted his eyes over her head. “I do that like every morning and before bed. And during filming, it's usually between takes. It helps calming me down."

"I don't think it'll work for me,” she said, chewing her lower lip to distract herself from an unspoken thought. “I've tried it."

"Really?” he looked at her again. “I thought someone with focus like yours would be good at it."

"I just—you know, the idea of focusing on one thing on your mind while doing nothing is not...” she rolled her eyes. “I'd rather move and do stuff."

He gave her a small laugh. "You don't have to focus on one thing,” he said, his voice was rich and warm like a hot chocolate in the midst of winter. “Meditation is about recognizing your own thoughts and emotions. Good and bad. Light side and dark side. It can be ugly sometimes, but that’s what we are. We’re all just a bunch of mess trying to function every single day and then we die. So, why deny it?”

She didn’t expect to receive a sage advice from someone who seemed to be driven by his own emotions, and yet here she was. However, that kind of outlook in life made sense to explain his behavior. How he seemed so open with what he wanted and unabashedly expressed himself. Rey never let herself be that loose because she always had something to prove. Work was her entire life, and sometimes she had to ignore her own wandering thoughts so she wouldn’t fall trap to indulgence and laziness that could be her downfall.

She always wanted to survive. But then again, they were different—Kylo and her.

She wondered if he was always that genuine. That everything he did was out of earnest desire. That his talent and skills were polished as he learned to manage his own thoughts. That his interest in her was the result of something impulsive, that it’d die down soon after she gave him what he wanted. Her jaw tensed by just thinking about it.

Rey realized they had been staring at each other _(why do they keep doing this?_ she mused), so she broke eye contact and looked elsewhere. “Alright,” she said. “Meditation. Cool.”

_Nice response, Johnson._

“Give it a chance,” he muttered, and then faintly shook his head as though he just cast some thoughts out of his mind. “Things are probably nerve-racking because you're doing this... managing thing instead of taking pictures. I think once you get your hands on camera again, you'll get your rhythm back."

“Okay,” she murmured as she looked down.

After that, they didn’t say anything, but just stood there with her hands still on his clothes and his arms awkwardly hanging at his sides. This might sound crazy even for Rey, but for the first time in days—weeks, she felt like her troubles melt away. She wanted to hang on to this moment, forgeting her worries about the project and ignoring the lingering thoughts about this man who stood before her, who probably had been messing with her head simply by existing.

But suddenly, she felt the heat of his hand hovering over her shoulder. When she looked at him, he clenched his fist as though he prevented himself from touching her. But for some reason, she wanted him to keep going. He didn't, though. He stared down at her and his darkening eyes were conflicted with what appeared like hesitation. Rey wondered how she looked like in his eyes.

"Rey..." he whispered. "I—"

"Sorry to keep you guys waiting!" Korr Sella suddenly emerged from the door and all spell broke loose.

Rey dropped her hand one by one as the stylist marked Ren's outfit with pins. Soon she was ejected from the two of them. But since she couldn't leave before making sure everything was fine, she stood not far from them, chatting casually with Korr about the wardrobe and whatnot.

When she darted her gaze at Kylo, his eyes were already on her. She would never get used to the way he looked at her. But instead of looking away, this time she decided to stare back—deliberately, like they were in the dawn of a battle or something more intimate than that.

 

* * *

 

Here's the thing: Rey might look plucky and sunshine-like to many people, but she knew better that her mind could go to dark places easily. In fact, the reason why she survived Jakku at all was because she always kept one eye open. She believed in the goodness of people but would not be severely disappointed if they ended up doing shitty things. She got out of past relationships quickly with that kind of mind set.

And as she left the fitting room, that was what came into her mind.

Whatever happened in that room came back to her in a worsened light. The talk about meditation and owning your emotions? It wasn't as sincere as it'd sounded the first time. Especially since Kylo also mentioned about giving it a try or something. Was it double-meaning? Was it his plan all along? Was it why the reason he kept passing by her floor and didn't say anything to her? After all, he was all cocksure when he cornered her. She would not let that happen again. He wouldn't get what he wanted.

She knew she couldn't focus on her work for the rest of that day if she didn't face him. She wouldn't partake in his mind game—regardless the fact that now she could admit to herself that, yes, she, to some degree, was very much attracted to him. This just wasn't the time for monkey business.

"What's your game here, Ren?" she said as she confronted him in the parking lot.

Kylo Ren perked up before turning to face her. He looked confused.

"What?"

"You," she pointed her index finger to his chest. "Being nice to me like that."

He tilted his head, still looking confused. "Am I not allowed to be nice to you?"

Rey could feel her cheeks warmed. "That's not what I meant," she folded her arms.

"Then what?" he furrowed his eyebrows. She started to think how stupid this exchange was. She could've just let it go and ignored him as usual. It worked before— _sorta._ And she'd got plans, dammit. Didn't she want to show it to him that she couldn't be intimidated?

She exhaled sharply as her eyes steeled on him.

"You keep popping up on my floor," she shot. "And you gave me advice—ugh, never mind. Why were you on my floor?"

"Oh," he raised his eyebrows, gripping his car keys as he stroke his chin with his free hand. "I was on my way to see my mother. She wants us to have lunch regularly." He then waved his hand, "Long story."

For some reason, the blasé attitude he displayed just got on her nerve even more.

"Well, in that case, you could've just taken the elevator right to her floor," she spat.

He stared at her blankly and then replied without missing a beat.

"No."

Rey was appalled, _"No?"_

"No, because I want to see you."

She staggered back. And then he added, "But when I wanted to say hi the first time, you were so busy and so stressed out. I figured I shouldn't disturb you." He gave her that endearing. sheepish grin she _hated_ the most, "But I still want to check in on you—I mean, I know you can handle yourself. I just want to see your face without, you know, disturbing you."

Rey's mouth hung open, not sure what to say. He looked so innocent and child-like when saying all that. _Who the fuck does he think he is?_ She gritted her teeth.

_Don't fall for this, Johnson. He's an actor. ACTOR._

She clenched her fists, "And you do that by popping up in front of the glass window where _everyone_ can see you?"

And suddenly his expression shifted. Now he looked like a kicked puppy—because of course he did!

"Do you want me to stop doing that?" he asked quietly.

Before she could answer, she heard someone's voice from behind him.

"Ben?" Leia Organa walked toward them and then her eyes darted to her. "Rey? What are you guys doing here?" She then looked at his son and then back at Rey, "Is Ben bothering you?"

Rey blinked. "Uh, no. We were just talking. About the project."

"Oh, yeah," she nodded as she advanced her. "How are you holding up? It can be stressful for first-timers."

"Everything is fine," Rey smiled. "Thank you for asking."

Leia gave her a warm smile, and then she raised her eyebrows as if she just remembered something. "Ben and I are about to have a lunch. Why don't you come join us?"

"Excuse me?" Rey's eyes widened. She looked at Kylo and his expression mimicked hers.

"Yeah. Join us," Leia grabbed her arm and guided her to her son's car. "I've been meaning to speak with you, anyway."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pray for Rey. Lol.  
> (whispers) Korr Sella is the hero in this chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> P.S.: there might be no updates for the next week or two due to real life obligations. I'm excited about the next chapters but my current schedule isn't giving me enough time window to write. But I'll see you as soon as I'm able to. Thank you for your supports so far. <3  
> (I'll still check on my inbox, though. :))


	11. The Inexplicable Pettiness of Being Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is having lunch with Leia Organa and her son. An old friend comes by their table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *the title came from Sebastian Faulks' quote.
> 
>  
> 
> Hello. I'm back and the chapter is LONG. :)  
> (In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have hyped this up for Jess444. :'))
> 
> Thank you, reylocalligraphy, for making me this rad [moodboard](https://reylocalligraphy.tumblr.com/post/176089898063/moodboard-for-chiaroscuro-by-rakefiree-rakefire) for this fic. And check out her [sport!Reylo fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15234105/). She's the sweetest. <3

 

Rey had only seen Leia Organa and her son in the same room together twice before.

The first was the day she got the job, and the second was when she initiated a meeting with him. Now she was seated at a round table with both of them at Mos Eisley, a place where Rey didn’t even dare to imagine splurging her money on for any casual circumstances. Leia was sitting on her right, chatting up with the Maître D' like they were old friends. Meanwhile, her son, Ben—she called him, was sitting closer on Rey's left, having been quiet during the whole trip and he remained so when they arrived at the restaurant.  
  
Rey noticed he didn't exactly look comfortable—his legs kept moving (maybe the table was too small for him?) and sometimes his knee brushed hers. But every time that happened, Kylo would look at her awkwardly and then shifted his gaze back at the table like he was in a detention. She wondered if that was the impact of their earlier conversation or if his mother's presence shrunk him back like a little boy.

"So, how's the pre-production been treating you?" Leia started with a smile as the server left with their orders. "I hope you didn't encounter any trouble."  
  
_Your son,_  Rey thought. _Your son is the trouble._

"No, um, everything is fine," she replied with her megawatt smile. "And everyone's been so accommodating."

From the corner of her eye she could see Kylo looking at her. She hoped he didn’t plan on bringing up their conversation in the fitting room. _But why would he?_

"Well, that's good." Leia tapped Rey's hand for a moment and Kylo looked somewhere else, "If you encounter any problem with it, you know you can come to me or Poe, right?"

Rey shifted awkwardly and smiled. There was nothing she could tell anyone, she thought. Her problem wasn't unique or anything—it was just a rookie problem. But since Leia was so kind to care at all, she found it difficult to actually articulate her words.

Fortunately, food was a really good distraction for her as it helped to melt the tension, and soon she managed to chat with her boss rather smoothly.

Only once in a while her eyes and Kylo's met, and it seemed like he didn't really want to be there—or he didn't want  _her_  to be there was more like it. He kept quiet and when his mother asked him questions regarding his work with Rey, he only nodded and gave short answers. As the conversation went on, her interest in his sudden change of attitude piqued.

She shook her head to drift her focus back to Leia's questions about her college days and past photography works. Leia's husband was a photographer, so she was pretty much familiar with the subject.

Han Solo and Leia met through her twin brother, Luke Skywalker, during a mass protest in the late seventies. It was a strange time to be in. Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa (then Organa Skywalker), and Han Solo were parts of the Rebel Alliance, a group of young people who promoted anti-war sentiment through art and citizen journalism. They'd been arrested at least more than once each and had been vocal to declare their cause.

Leia's decision to work in a fashion magazine was being criticized by her community at first, and many of her articles were dismissed because of that. "Classic misogyny," she snorted. Meanwhile Luke and Han were thriving as more 'serious' journalist and photographer. But it never bothered her a bit that her brother and then boyfriend got more spotlight than her.

"I was working for Rogue in the eighties," she said. "People used to think that being a fashion journalist would be just about runways and gossips. But we went political too, long before Amidala started. For me, whatever the story is, if it's important and can help other people, you should go for it. People saw me as just a fashion magazine girl. I didn't mind; it let me do whatever I wanted and surprised them right under their noses."

Rey had heard about this before. Leia Organa and her undercover mission as a model for Jabba Hutt's agency. She managed to expose the embezzlement and slave contracts within that company. Poe had repeatedly told this story, telling everyone to read her books and stuff. If there were a trophy for the biggest fanboy of Leia Organa, Rey believed Poe Dameron would claim it and put it on display in his office at all times. That, and add a sash as well. He'd _wear_ it. 

Their discussion went on quite a while. Rey felt like she learned a lot about Leia Organa and the older woman seemed to enjoy their conversation. Leia was particularly invested in Rey's story about her small group of street photographers in Jakku, and how they were chased by the police at some point (this was probably also the only time Kylo looked interested). Meanwhile, Rey asked her about her rebel days a lot. There were pieces of the story that she'd heard before (mostly from Poe Dameron), but listening to the person who'd been through it was different.  
  
Soon the discussion shifted to a more domestic topic—which Rey tried to deflect when the conversation became a bit too personal. But she also noticed that Kylo started to slump down more and more, especially when his mother started to mention their family.  
  
"We were so caught up with our jobs when we learned that I was pregnant," Leia said as her son got to his feet.  
  
"I'm going to the restroom," he muttered before turning on his heels and left. His mother's attention shifted back to Rey.  
  
"And soon after that," she continued. "We decided to move to Chandrila and Ben was born. But our quiet life didn't last for more than a couple of years. Amidala was established soon after that, and when Ben was six years old, we brought him back to Coruscant."  
  
It was apparent that Kylo— _Ben_   _Solo_ had busy parents and he'd spent most of his childhood with nannies. Rey had never known her birth parents, but it must've sucked to have both parents present and distant at the same time. It must've been lonely. She'd never seen Kylo Ren as something else other than his present self: a tree-like, larger-than-life man who walked the world like he owned it. But even that man was a child once.  
  
A  _filthy rich_  child, Rey reminded herself. She wouldn’t allow any compassion to see the light when it came to him.  
  
"But wasn't Ren also working in the industry?" she asked after Leia told her about not being able to see him as she pleased when he was a teenager due to her work.  
  
Kylo was back and his fringe was a bit damp. He probably washed his face out of boredom. As he sat down, the legs of the chair skidded the floor a bit.  
  
"Oh, yes." Leia narrowed her eyes and threw a devilish smile at her son, "He modeled when he was twelve _after_ throwing a fit because he saw me spending time with child models for some photoshoot."  
  
Rey raised her eyebrows as the sound of cutlery clanked from Kylo’s side of the table.

Well, this wasn't what he'd told her before. She couldn't help imagining a cartoonish picture of him holding his mother's skirt because he didn't want to share her with the other children. She kind of felt bad that it happened, but she’d pay to see that.  
  
"So..." she looked at Leia and then Kylo. "He became a model because he was  _jealous?"_  
  
She could see him flinch before wolfing down his chicken salad (the upcoming photoshoot really didn’t give him that many food options when eating out). His ears were now as red as the cubes of bell pepper on his plate.  
  
"Well, he's an only child," Leia laughed, and then winked at Rey. "But wasn't that adorable?"  
  
"Yes," she stared at him with a grin. "It was  _adorable."_  
  
Kylo raised his head and looked at her in disbelief. But before he could say anything—Rey knew he was about to protest, Leia's phone went off. Poe called. "I have to take this," she said as she raised from her seat and went somewhere else.  
  
Thus, they were left alone at the table. Rey was playing with her almost-finished aglio olio while staring at Kylo. The trace of grin was still painted on her face. She realized that he was embarrassed—and perhaps, even before the talk about him was initiated by his mother, he must've known where that would entail.

She wondered if it was a common occurrence for his mother to talk about him like that—or perhaps that was just what parents do. But still, Rey felt some sort of satisfaction in watching him looking so shy and demure. She'd never thought she would see him that way. She was wicked, she thought of herself.  
  
"I hope she doesn’t bore you,” he finally said, still sulking. “My mother is enjoying this too much.”  
_  
Well, she's not the only one._  
  
Rey bit her inner cheek, "You have an amazing family—"  
  
"I know," he rolled his eyes.  
  
"— _Ben."_  
  
He glared at her, and she snorted. "Why'd you change your name? Is it because of your family?"  
  
"There you go," he mumbled as he waved his hand. "You have the answer right there."  
  
Rey laughed. Kylo blinked before softening his eyes, "Having fun?"  
  
"Yeah," she wheezed. "I am."  
  
His face was blushing but now his mouth also quirked into a smile. They stared at each other as Rey's giggle died down. He nudged her idle hand with the handle of his fork almost sheepishly. It was a small gesture but it brought warmth to her stomach. She'd forgotten about their confrontation in the parking lot already, she thought.  _What was that about?_  
  
But suddenly his eyes steeled as he stared at the spot over Rey's head. She immediately turned to look at his direction and saw Bazine Netal standing not too far from their table. And soon the smile on Rey's face also faltered as the woman approached them.  
  
"What a nice surprise," Bazine said, her voice shrill as if every syllable was meant to physically stab anyone at the table.  
  
"What are you doing here, Bazine?" Kylo asked as he rested his back on the seat.  
  
She scoffed. "I thought Mos Eisley is open for everyone who wants to have a nice lunch at this hour," she folded her arms. "Did you think I'm only here to  _stalk_  you, Kylo Ren?"  
  
Rey looked at her and then at Ren. He clenched and unclenched his hand, his eyes glowering. Rey felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave, because sooner or later, Bazine would—  
  
"And look," Bazine tilted her head at Rey. "The photographer, Rey Johnson, is also here. It's so nice to see you  _again._  How's your lunch?"  
  
"It was nice," Rey replied. Bazine gave her a smile but her eyes seemed to signify anything but. Suddenly she sat down at Leia's chair uninvited and advanced toward Rey's seat.  
  
She propped her arm on the table. "It must've been nice," she narrowed her eyes, still with an eerie smile Rey didn't like one bit. "Ren always knows where to take a pretty lady to eat out."

The innuendo wasn't lost on Rey. She tried to hold herself from cringing.

"No, it wasn't him—"  
  
"We're here with my mother," Kylo cut her. "She'll be back soon."  
  
Bazine blinked at him. "Oh," she raised her eyebrows while looking at Leia's food like it just materialized there. "So, this isn't a date?"  
  
"None of your business," he shot. "That's what this is."  
  
She hummed and then gave her attention to Rey again. "Has he asked you out on a date yet? 'Cause I know he wanted to. What do you think about that,  _Rey?"_  
  
Rey scrunched up her eyebrows.

There was an underlying spitefulness in how she spoke, Rey knew this. She also knew that Bazine Netal would definitely make a scene if she felt like it, so she decided to just stare at her and not give her the satisfaction of an answer.  
  
"Let me tell you something," she continued, probably due to the lack of response from Rey. "He'll  _ruin_  you. Regardless what you think of him. You want to date him because you like him? That's not a good idea, because he'll get bored of you and move on. You want to date him because you want to advance your career?"  
  
"Bazine," Kylo gritted his teeth.  
  
She took a glance at him for a moment and then back at Rey, "That's literally the worst thing you can do. Because people will always associate you with him. You'd think you'll be taken seriously? No. It won't happen because they will only see you as  _his_ girl."  
  
"Bazine!" he stood up. "Leave her alone. Or I swear—"  
  
"What?" she narrowed her eyes at him and then looked at their surrounding. "You don't want to make a scene, do you, Ren?"  
  
Rey could see Kylo's jaw went tensed. But Bazine didn't stop right there.  
  
"So," she stared at Rey again. "Which one are you?"  
  
Rey sighed, and then stared back at the other woman.  
  
"Neither," she answered calmly. "We're not currently seeing each other."  
  
Bazine staggered back. "Well," she huffed like she didn’t buy it. "Then see my words as a warning for you."  
  
"Why?" Rey asked.  
  
"Because he is that kind of man," she replied. "He would go around with different girls, but—" she looked at Ren. "—in the end, he'll leave you and come back to the only steady  _relationship_  in his life."

 _She meant with herself._  And for some reason, Rey felt her stomach churn.

But then she could hear Kylo scoff.

"He won't help you with your career," Bazine crossed her legs, ignoring him although it was obvious that her words were meant as a jab for him. "That far I can tell you. Even though he's one of the powerful men in the industry, he'll leave you in the cold while he's having lunches and dinners with executives. I don't know what's on your mind, Rey Johnson. But don't tell me I've never warned you."  
  
"Did you get rejected at an audition again?" Kylo suddenly sighed. "Is that what this is all about?"  
  
"Shut up!" Bazine spat.  
  
Rey put down her fork and reached for her satchel. "That's unfortunate," she said nonchalantly as she took out her pocketbook. "Miss Francine—"  
  
"Bazine!"  
  
"—Natal—"  
  
"Netal!"  
  
"Right, Miss Netal." Rey placed a business card on the table and dragged it to the other woman using her index and middle fingers. And as she looked at her in the eye, she said, "If you need a new headshot, I'd like to inform you that I'm available for an appointment. Here's my card, you may contact me when you need me."  
  
"What?" Bazine jerked her head quizzically.  
  
"In the meantime," Rey smiled. "Have a nice day."  
  
Bazine's cheeks reddened. Rey thought she would throw a drink at her or something, but apparently Bazine Netal didn't want to further the commotion and just took her card before leaving the table.  
  
Rey exhaled sharply and took her drink, finishing it in one gulp. Kylo Ren was already sitting down and staring at her.  
  
"I don't want to know," she said.  
  
"There's nothing to know," he replied. "She can't act, that's why she got rejected a lot."  
  
"I said I don't want to know," Rey repeated sharply and her grip at the neck of her glass tightened. Kylo shrugged, but his mouth was curling into a smirk. He looked like he just won a bet or something, and that was unsettling to her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You said currently," his eyes were scanning her. "You said we're not  _currently_  seeing each other."  
  
"And?"  
  
"It means for the time being," he said, resting his elbows on the table. "Which also means, you do not object the idea of it in the future.  _Us._  The idea of  _us."_  
  
Rey could feel her cheek getting warm. "I was just saying that so she could leave me alone. It means nothing."  
  
He shrugged again. "It means something," he muttered as he played with his fork. "That's how words work."  
  
Fortunately, Leia was back soon after that and Rey had never felt such relief. They continued their conversation as they finished their lunch. And this time, Rey ignored his stealing glances.

  

* * *

 

It would be a lie if Rey didn't think about what had happened at Mos Eisley during their journey back to Amidala. She was sitting at the backseat and sometimes she caught him glancing at her from the rear-view mirror. She continued ignoring him and focused on the road instead, even though her mind kept coming back to the event past.

She was trying to be objective about whatever just happened, but the more she thought about it, the more she felt like it was unfair that she got dragged into a fight between Kylo and Bazine. She flinched. That  _shouldn't have_  upset her, she told herself. Being upset meant admitting  _defeat._  
  
This man was a trouble. He had been since the moment he stepped foot in her life, taking away her camera, burning her films, and then pestering her with his presence. He didn't just worm his way into her mind, he  _bulldozed_  it.  
  
Every time when she thought she could show him that he shouldn't have messed with her, she ended up cornered. Or  _kissed._  Well, it wasn't like she hated that kiss, or his presence—no, she should've hated that. _Right?_

Damn her body. And his stupid body. It was all carnal, wasn't it? Nothing more and nothing less. Oh, how she wished it could be less than that!  
  
She could... well, she could give in to her own desire, but what Bazine Netal had said made sense. If she agreed to his... courtship, she might end up a joke. The world changed but some things didn't. It just wasn't worth it.

Her mind had gone to a lot of places even before today—she always tried to rationalize it like, maybe whatever she _felt_ about him was due to the intensity of her work and that he was a movie star. She'd even agreed to go on a date with some random guy (seriously, she'd forgotten his name already) to prove a point that she was just lonely and any guy would do. And even then she couldn't find the answer (the fact that it ended up being a bad date didn't help either). She could not ignore him, not because he was persistent (although he was), but because...  
  
Well, because... she _wanted_ him to be around.  
  
And he knew this. That son of a bitch (she didn't mean her boss) knew that she was attracted to him and played her like a fiddle. If in the end he'd be back to his  _girlfriend_ , why the fuck would he pay attention to her? And why did it bother her at all? Rey Johnson was a grown woman, not some silly girl. So, what the fuck was wrong with her?   
  
She pinched the back of her hand to get a grip as they arrived at Amidala's basement. Poe was already there welcoming Leia. After saying goodbye to her son, the Editor-in-Chief immediately jumped out of the car before he reached the door and rushed to the building. Poe then chased his boss while reading something from his phone.  
  
When Rey was about to open the car door, Ren was already doing it to her and then closing it right behind her back after she was out. Again, she had her back on something dense while he was looming over her. There was another scenario how something like this could be fun, but she managed to mentally slapped herself before her mind really went there.  
  
But as she raised her head at him, he didn't look as smug as she thought he would.  
  
"Rey," he said as he chewed his lower lip. "What Bazine said earlier... it doesn't mean anything."  
  
"It's not my business," Rey folded her arms, shifting her glance someplace else. "I don't want to know."  
  
"But I want you to," he muttered. "I would never do that to you. I would never derail your career or treat you—"  
  
"I don't think I'm the one who needs convincing here, Ren." She finally looked at him, "It's your problem with her. If you want to take care of it, do it with her. It has nothing to do with me. I'm just an outsider."

 _Shit._  She sounded like a jilted lover.   
  
His eyes widened, but his voice was still low. "You're not an outsider, Rey."

Being upset meant admitting defeat, but she wasn't upset, was she? She just really, really didn't want to hear any of this.

"Do you remember when you told me that even though I studied you, I still don't know you?" Rey raised her head, "Well, you were right. And I doubt that I want to."  
  
She grimaced at her own words. She wasn't going to pull the punches, she knew this. But she couldn't ignore the knot in her chest either. And he was quiet after that. She tried not to look at him because if she could see him hurt with that _face_ of his, it would mess her day more than it already had. But why should she care? It wasn't her job to make him feel okay. It was his  _girlfriend's_  job. Rey tried so hard not to hurl insults at him lest she'd look foolish. She just needed to leave.  
  
But when she was about to go, he started to speak again.  
  
"Do you want me to leave you alone, Rey?"  
  
Rey paused and looked at him, "What?"  
  
"Tell me you want me gone," he took a step toward her. "It'll be easy. Even my mother told me if I gave you any trouble, she'll drop me and keep you."  
  
_Oh._  
  
So that was why. Rey's mind clicked. He didn't want Leia to know about them, so he tried to not look at her during lunch? Why, because it would be too obvious for his mother to see?  _Well, isn't that just dumb?_  
  
"What are you talking about?" Rey furrowed her eyebrows. "Drop you how?"  
  
"Like I'll be gone from this project or something like that."

Her eyes widened and her mouth gaped open.  
  
"But the production is next week!" she shouted. "Are you kidding me? Are you threatening to quit right now?"  
  
He looked surprised at that. "What, no! I mean—" he ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "No, I was just... That was what _my mother_ told me. Of course, I’m not quitting! But you said earlier, before lunch, about me showing up on your floor, and—"  
  
"Because it was distracting and you knew this!"  
  
"Well, what do you want me to do then?"

"You're not going to ruin this for me," she stabbed his chest with her index finger, her voice was getting higher. "I told you this before. You're going to show up next week and finish your damn work."

"That’s what I want too!" he shouted back, his arms swinging to his sides.

"Well, good then!" she replied with the same intensity.

"Perfect!" he spat. "And then I'll leave you alone. I'll never bother you again because that's what _you_ want!"  
  
"Why do you think I want that?"  
  
"Because—wait, what?" Kylo's mouth hung open. And then he frowned while tilting his head in confusion, "Are you messing with my head right now?"  
  
Rey blinked. Her mind raced to find something to say, but then she just cleared her throat. "No."  
  
He raised his eyebrows before taking a step forward again until they were only few breaths apart. Rey could see his expression had changed, his eyes glimmered but he looked careful like he was still treading the situation.  
  
"No, as in..." he said softly. "You'll let me be around you after the project ends?"

She stared at his darkening eyes for a moment before rolling her eyes like it was the most obvious thing.  
  
"As  _friends?_  Yeah," she snapped. "I'm not going to chastise anyone just because—why are you laughing?"  
  
He put the back of his hand on his mouth as he laughed. Rey could even see the tears in his eyes.  _This was... funny to him?_  
  
"Okay, I'm sorry," he tried to get himself together. "I'm just—I'm just glad that today wasn't a disaster after all."

She still frowned at him when his eyes started searching into hers. They were quiet for a while, but then he cleared his throat, "But as your friend, I can still ask you out, though?"  
  
_Unbelievable!  
_  
"Don't make me regret this," she scowled. But he didn't seem to hear that, and proceeded to place his hand on top of the car as he leaned toward her like an asshole.  
  
"Where do you want to start?" he muttered, eyes fixated on her lips. "Dinner?"  
  
Rey blinked. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"  
  
"It's just a question," he chuckled. "I can ask questions, can I? Because that's what friends do. They talk to each other, making up names, and—"  
  
As he spoke, Rey started to imagine how the photoshoot would go. He knew how to be professional, of course, because if he started acting up, she could just threaten to report him to Leia. But even if she could tell him off, she figured he'd still find a way to mess around.   
  
"—spending time together, so I figured—"  
  
Everything was always about him.  _Kylo Ren._  It was  _always_  him who took charge of things. He started to flirt with her, calling her beautiful, sending her flowers, teasing her, calming down her nerve—it was always  _him._  
  
Maybe it was because this was how he always acted. Right. That was the problem. He'd been waltzing around Coruscant and getting what he wanted. And compared to him, Rey was no one. A blip in the journey of his _conquest._ She wanted to barf.  
  
"—we should start with something simple like—"

It wasn't that she wished him to be  _in love_  with her or anything—that was just dumb. But the truth was, having him around was not… that bad. She had  _missed_  him, but surely it was just lust speaking and nothing else. She just didn't want him to walk all over her. 

More importantly, if she kept letting him do whatever he wanted, she would be very disappointed in herself. She  _must_  do something.  _Anything._

Rey stared at him. Their faces were so close now— _when did that happen?_ And his eyes kept darting at her lips again and again.

Suddenly a light bulb appeared in her mind.

She stared at his lips and swallowed. _  
_  
Oh, she was going to hell for sure.  
  
"—dinner and  _hmmph!"_  
  
Kylo's eyes flew open as Rey planted her lips to his in a bruising manner. After he seemed to get a hold of the situation, his hands started to reach for her body—one hand was reaching for her shoulder and the other was trying to snake her waist. But she was faster; she gripped both of his hands and pushed them away. He growled in protest but managed to deepen the kiss, and she retaliated. She then steered their bodies away from the car so she could fight better without her back leaning onto it. His legs suprisingly just followed her without putting much of a fight.   
  
Thus, they were locked in a strange position. Her neck stretched up and his back hunched down. Their mouths were still deliciously exploring each other, but their arms stretched into two opposite directions like they were in a sword fight and neither of them wanted to yield.  
  
Her head went dizzy and her heart pounded erratically. She wondered if the same thing also happened to him, so she pulled back. And she was right. He looked at her with swollen lips and glazed eyes like he couldn't believe it. It was  _beautiful._  
  
Her hands were still strangling his wrists, and their breathing was short and heavy.  
  
"Rey..." he panted as he jerked his hands to try to reach for her, but didn't use enough strength that would make her grip loosened. His head tilted, searching for her jaw. "Please..."  
  
"No," she shook her head. She could feel a rush of adrenaline running through her blood stream. "I'm making the rules here. Do you understand?"  
  
He immediately nodded.  _Too_   _enthusiastically._  
  
"Keep your hands to yourself and be quiet," Rey reprimanded as she let his arms go. He kept them at his sides like a good boy in a church on Sunday. It pleased her to see how obedient he could be.   
  
She then took a step closer to him to the point that his breath touched her face again. He swallowed hard. Rey licked her lower lip slowly and he sucked in breath and shuddered like he was trying his hardest not to explode. She ran her fingers through his hair and immediately his eyes fluttered shut. He stifled a guttural moan like he was blissed out.  
  
She waited for him to open his eyes. And when he did, she lengthened her neck forward, deliberately exposing the skin for him to gawk. She could feel his hot breathing on the base of her neck as she put her mouth near his earlobe. He couldn't see her smile.  
  
"Let me remind you that this is going to be my photoshoot," she whispered, and then yanked his head closer to her. " _Mine._  I'm the one with the camera and I expect you to  _behave._  No talkback, no sass. Don't be a smartass."  
  
She let his hair go and took a step back so she could see him nod.  
  
"You listen to me and only me," she carefully wiped the trace of her lip gloss on his lips with her thumb until suddenly she paused. And then, she stared at him dead in the eye, "And what I say goes."

At once, his expression shifted; he didn't look so dazed anymore. Instead, his face lit up and it almost appeared that his lips twitched upward a bit that she thought her mind was playing trick on her. But she didn't let whatever that was stop her from taunting him. She was _this_ close to win this and she wouldn't let anything get in the way.

As she roughly wiped her own lips with the back of her hand, Kylo looked at her hungrily. His shoulders heaved aggressively although he didn't move an inch.   
  
She mustered her strength to look aloof, to not show how her heart felt like it almost leaped out of her chest. And with that, Rey took few steps back, turned on her heels, and left him alone.

This time, she was the one who didn't look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good job, Rey. That'd _definitely_ solve the problem.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> My tumblr is [here](http://rakefiree.tumblr.com), in case you want to say hi. (And I've just started posting stuff [like this](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/tagged/my-art) too lately. :D)


	12. A Good Use of Female Gaze and a Plot Twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first day of photoshoot. Kylo's _trying_ to follow the rules he agreed upon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. I'd like to say thank you for your delightful responses to the previous chapter. <3  
> I'm sorry for the late update, and to some extent, this chapter. ( 〃．．)

He wanted her.

He really, really wanted her.

He thought he'd go crazy if he didn't see her for another day.

And how many days had it been since their last... _kiss?_

He admitted that she was good—not about the kiss—although, yes, she was also delightfully good at it, but about how she deliberately avoided him after the incident in the parking lot. Kylo knew she had been busy and untouchable, being surrounded by her team at all times. He decided he wouldn't bother her anymore after the third text he sent was left read but unreplied, just like what happened with the other two. He got the message; she _knew_ what she was doing and how it affected his head. Now he just had to play by the rules. _Her_ rules.

But dammit if it didn't make time pass so slowly. 

To put it mildly, she'd been haunting him. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see her hazel-green eyes, her freckles, her smooth tanned skin, and her lithe body and those long legs, he could even smell her scent—everything. He could still feel the softness of her lips, the sweet taste of her tongue, and he wondered how other parts of her would taste like. God. That woman would be the death of him.

He didn't want to be a creep but he couldn't help checking on her online presence again. She rarely posted her own selfies, and lately she hadn't updated any of her social media accounts. But like a mad man obsessed with a movie star (see the irony, here?), he kept coming back to her old posts and imagining her walking around with her camera taking pictures of unaware strangers. Of _him,_ if he hadn't stupidly ripped that film out of that damn camera that day. 

It felt like a long time ago. Would everything have turned out differently if he wasn't so awfully rude to her? Would things have gone less hard—no pun intended—for him? Funny how his life had turned out like this—with _her_ being the constant thing in his mind. But, oh, he would never want it any other way.

"I'm the one with the camera," he remembered her saying right to his earlobe, the brush of air and the vibration from her voice sending electricity right to his groin.

He remembered how her hand ran through his hair, how she pulled it hard like he was a mere rag doll in her clutch. He remembered how she withdrew herself and enunciated her command and it was the hottest thing he'd ever seen. He was fixated only on her lips, the way they moved and how wet and plump they were from kissing him. That image kept repeating inside his head like some fever dream.

"And what I say goes."

_Yes yes yes._

And in his dreams, everything was intensified. Whenever she appeared in his dreams, it was all cinematic and rose-tinted. She would let her hair down and she'd let him caress it. He'd run his hand from the back of her head to her nape to her spine. And she'd close her eyes and part her lips, sensual like the rest of her. She'd let him do all the things he wanted to do and more. But one of these days, the ferocity of the real her also appeared, demanding him to submit and— _fuck,_ he'd let her do whatever she wanted.

Well, that was the plan. But the woman had been keeping him at arm length again. Kylo wished the photoshoot could happen sooner.

And he was ready. Not just physically, but also mentally. He'd even taken care of unfinished business so it wouldn't affect their future together—whatever that might be.

After Rey had left him alone in the (thankfully) empty basement, he immediately hatched out a plan. Not for her (he got plenty of time about what to do with her), but for the Bazine problem. He'd been doing some thinking himself about the state of their relationship since she'd appeared in his house that day. And perhaps he should've ended that a long time ago. Perhaps his mother had been right all along—not that he'd tell her about it.

Thus, that evening, Kylo showed up on Bazine Netal's doorstep with a bouquet of flowers and an envelope. As he'd predicted, she immediately goaded him, taking joy in how in the end he'd still be 'crawling back to her'. But she didn't expect what he was about to say.

"That's not the reason why I'm here," he said as he sat down in her living room.

"So your new girlfriend hasn't dumped you just yet?" she sneered as she smelled the bouquet in her hand. "She didn't look too happy to see me."

Kylo shrugged. "I'm here to apologize."

"What?"

"I'm sorry." He put his hands on his knees, "I've been such an ass to you, and I'm really sorry."

She just stared at him for what it felt like an excruciatingly long time. And then she raised from her seat and just threw the bouquet at Kylo's face.

"Fuck you!" she snarled. "You're trying to get rid of me, aren't you? Well, think again! Did she put you up for this stunt? Is her pussy that good? Fuck you, Ren. And take this half-assed apology with you!"

Kylo sighed and silently took the bouquet from the floor and placed it on the coffee table in front of him.

"It's not because of her," he then said calmly. "And she didn't put me up for anything. There's no stunt. I know how this would look like to you, but let me explain."

Bazine took a step closer and slapped him. Again, he didn't move. But when she was about to slap him again, he immediately gripped her wrist, and then the other one.

"Bazine, listen to me!" He got to his feet, "Listen to me. Please."

She glared at him but then decided to retreat. He let her arms go.

"Look," he started. "You were right. I couldn't stop thinking about what you said that day. About me being such a tool, and how I took advantage of your feelings—"

Bazine scoffed.

"—I shouldn't have done any of that."

She looked away.

"You've been such a good friend to me," he continued. "I don't want to keep hurting your feelings."

"And are you sure this has nothing to do with her?" she sniffed, face still hidden from him.

"I'm sure," he replied. "Well, maybe a bit. But it's mostly my own decision. Like I said, I've done my own share of thinking."

"And why now?" she finally looked at him. "What makes you think that now is the right time for this?"

Kylo bit his inner cheek. "I saw you today, didn't I?" he said. "I was planning to talk to you after my photoshoot with Rey is done. But you came by our table today."

She scoffed again. "You really do like her, don't you?"

He shrugged.

"That's foolish, Kylo Ren."

"Probably."

Bazine crossed her arms. "Well, today's not really a good day for me, then." She gave him a wry laugh, "I keep getting rejected by men."

"Audition?"

"Lunch with some casting director," she shrugged. "He said I'm terrible. But you knew that already."

Kylo took out the envelope from his jacket. "Here. You might need it."

"I'm not taking your fucking money!" she spat.

"Not money," he rolled his eyes. "Contacts."

Bazine blinked. But when Kylo offered the envelope again, she took it.

"I know good acting coaches and agents you may want to speak with," he folded his arms. "But this time please really attend the classes. The boring stuff will go away once you get used to it."

"No offense," she peeked into the envelope. "But I thought you were going to give me like, producers' phone numbers or something like that."

"I can't do that," he snorted. "You need to be at least decent first."

Her eyes shot daggers at him but then she shrugged. "Well, that's fair."

"If you want to be taken seriously, you have to make a name for yourself."

"It didn't hurt to try," she sighed as she closed the lid of the envelope. "Not everyone's got the chance to screw a Skywalker."

"Except that it did hurt in the end, didn't it?" he said. "You can't keep living like that—and I'm saying this as your friend."

Bazine stared at him for a while and then nodded. "Well, who knew," she said. "Who knew that I had to mess with your girl first to get you come to me and do this."

Kylo tilted his head up and looked down at her coldly before walking himself to the door.

"Hey, I'm joking!" she laughed.

He paused as his hand held the door open.

"Yeah, about that," he looked over his shoulder. "If you ever do that again, consider all my good intentions gone. And that envelope will mean nothing. Good bye, Bazine. Have a good life."

 

* * *

 

 

He didn't see her when he arrived at the abandoned church that became the first set. Korr Sella told him that Rey was talking with Poe Dameron and Paige Tico somewhere. Meanwhile, she said, he needed to get ready before she came back.

He was ready, all right. The night before he was so ecstatic like a hormonal teenage boy and had to force himself to go to bed as early as possible because he didn't want his complexion ruined in the morning (he still had to appear professional, after all). It didn't really work, but at least the makeup department could always fix it for him.

The first wardrobe was the same getup he wore when Rey visited him in the fitting room. The dark tunic with high-waisted pants. Kylo thought the pants were ridiculous, but thankfully the top covered that since it reached past his waist. He admitted he looked really good wearing it.

But nothing— _nothing_ had ever prepared him for how good Rey Johnson looked that morning.

She showed up when Snap Wexley, the make-up artist, was in the middle of pampering his face—"Well, Rey asked me to not cover anything up because you're gorgeous already," he chuckled. "But maybe we need to do something with the panda eyes. Haven't got enough sleep the past few days, Ren?"

Kylo saw her from the vanity mirror like a ghost in a third act of a play—but in a good way. She wore a pair of dark jeans and a low-cut white blouse that seemed to fall effortlessly to where her bra was supposed to be, giving him little imagination to the shape of it. Her hair was tied into her trademarked three buns, few strands of her chesnut lock hung loose near her ears. She looked amazingly pure and dangerous at the same time. And when their eyes were locked in the mirror, they were silent as though their reflections could tell the secrets they hid from the rest of the world.

She was the first to break eye contact and advanced. Kylo baited his breath as the phantom of her body brushed against his shoulder blade.

"Are you done?" she asked. He opened his mouth to answer, but the make-up artist beat him to it.

"Just a little bit more," Wexley said. "I'm covering the dark circles. I know you want him to look raw but—"

"Keep them."

Kylo raised his eyebrows. He could feel Rey's hand grip the back of his seat, and then when he tilted his head to see her, she was already lowering her torso close enough to his shoulder, her chin almost bumping against his temple. He let out a tiny gasp and jerked his head away in reflex, but her eyes were only directed at his reflection— _unbothered_ _._ Kylo turned his head back to the mirror.

"Keep them where they should be," she muttered, eyes flickered at his reflection. "I want him to look vulnerable."

Kylo swallowed thickly.

"Well," he heard Wexley's voice from behind him. "We're done then. But isn't he beautiful? This way, he looks like a prince with tortured soul and I _love_ it."

He saw Rey's reflection smirked as she pulled back. Kylo felt the loss of contact from the act, but most of all, his heartbeats couldn't stop hammering against his chest.

"That's where we're going," she looked at Wexley. "You've done a great job, Snap."

"Alright," the make-up artist winked at her as he took off the cloth covering Kylo's shoulders. "He's all yours."

Huh. He _wished._

Rey's reflection stared at Kylo for a moment before leaving. And as she turned on her heels and walked away from the tent, he didn't waste his time gawking at her backside, albeit clandestinely.

 _Her ass_ —Jesus, her ass was just so perfect. The worst part of him thought she deliberately swayed her hips like that to drive him nuts, but the better part of him was still trying to grasp the straws of professionalism as tight as he could—she'd kick his ass is she saw him drooling over her.

Truthfully, Kylo was very much obliged to follow her orders, and he didn't want to ruin her mood or anything. But she looked too damn delicious. There was a little part of him that wanted to rile her up a little so she could reprimand him like she'd done before. The only thing that stopped him from doing so was because the thought of it only brought a twitch from inside his pants—and he didn't want to get a hard-on in the middle of the photoshoot with many people around.

His dick really needed to behave and let him do his job properly—especially, since they were in a literal church, for fuck's sake!

God help him.

 

 

Kylo had been acting professionally more than a decade and showing emotions using only his eyes was his forte. He loved his job and never thought to ever retire. He'd got enough emotions to share already, the kinds that used to overwhelm him during his adolescence. His father never really understood this even though he was out there living his own dreams in the wide world. But something that Han Solo used to dismiss as simply being moody (or "just being Ben") now became Kylo Ren's greatest weapon. Nothing could take this away from him.

And this woman in front of him was nothing if she didn't make him feel so much. The moment she raised her camera at him, Kylo's breath hitched. It wasn't anxiety that overwhelmed him, but the feeling that she could see through him. Days before the shoot, Kylo had gone through the concept art multiple times and thought of creating some character to deliver Rey's vision. But he always ended up scraping everything. She had done her research on him. She didn't want a character; she wanted _him._

"Look at me," she muttered as her free hand gestured him to her lens. She kept saying that, but he thought she didn't need to. She was the only one whom he didn't mind looking. If only she knew.

 _Look at me._ That was supposed to be his words. _Rey, look at me._

When they took a quick break, the crew immediately descended to help him out. They just finished taking pictures inside the old church, and now they were about to do it in the eerie garden outside. While everyone was fixing his wardrobe and hair, Kylo kept stealing glances at Rey who was now conversing with Paige Tico not too far from him.

The lights from the outside shone through the tall windows, showering her like a halo. Where the sunlight touched the fabric of her clothes, it became more sheer and she was practically glowing from the reflection. No one has ever been so beautiful, not even himself with all the façade they covered him with. 

Kylo only stopped staring when he was escorted outside. He felt some sort of relief when she soon followed. He'd never thought that not seeing her for a couple of minutes could invoke such feelings from him. This wasn't like him. This was _terrible._ He needed to take a break. Maybe if he didn't stare too much—

"Is the next wardrobe ready?" she asked Korr Sella who was lint-rolling Kylo's sleeves.

"It is," Korr replied. "Do you want it change now? Or should we go with the original plan?"

"The flowers fit better with the other top, I think." Rey tugged the stray tendrils to the back of her ears, the other hand trying to block the sun from her eyes. "He'd still be wearing the same bottom, right?"

She kept talking about him like he _wasn't_ in the room. He could get used to it, but it didn't exactly thrill him or anything. He just wanted them to have a conversation other than orders about which direction to look at during photoshoot. He wasn't sure if Rey was distancing herself by acting cold or if she was just warming up to him.

"I'm fine with anything—or _without,"_ he then chimed in.

Korr laughed while lightly smacking his arm with the lint-roller. "Careful, Ren."

Kylo wiggled his eyebrows at Korr and snorted, but then paused when he saw Rey was already staring at him. She didn't laugh and her jaw tensed. _Shit._ Did he get in trouble _this soon?_

She took a step closer to him, her arms folded and her lips pursed like she was thinking hard. But with such a close distance between them, Kylo could see the freckles on her exposed skin in all the glory. And he also could _definitely_ see a small hint of her cleavage from her low-cut blouse. He wondered if she was aware of this or if she'd _planned_ it just to torture him.

Kylo darted his eyes away from her chest to her face again. But her eyes were now roaming all over him, judging him like he was a work of art—or a piece of meat. Either way, they way her gaze scanned his form only made it worse for the growing strain inside his pants. _Not now, you idiot!_

"I believe in you, Korr. Whatever you do," she said although her eyes kept fixated on him. "Keep him pretty."

Kylo's eyebrows raised before his lips turned into a faint smirk.

"That would be no problem," Korr replied as she went to her assistant. "Give me a minute to prepare the other top."

He then darted his eyes to their surrounding for a moment to make sure no one was close enough to hear him. And then he licked his lips before quietly asking Rey, "How am I doing? Have I been behaving enough?"

He still remembered the rules. He totally did. Yep.

"Hmm," she narrowed her eyes. "The jury's still out. But given we're in a church, you have to _act_ like it."

The way she said it sent an immediate buzz to his nape. Kylo cleared his throat while taking a quick glance around once again, carefully hiding the grin that started to form on his lips.

"Well, in that case," he lowered his voice until it rumbled in his chest. "I have to be good, haven't I?"

He could see her shoulders heaved, and the fabric clutching her body followed the movement. That sheer blouse of hers was just _obscene._ He promised himself he'd deal with it someway later— _if_ she let him.

"Rey?"

She turned her head away from him and he followed. The intern—Rose, her name was Rose—was standing not far from them with an iPad in her hand. Her face frowned at him and he felt like he just did something terrible, like strangling her cat or something. But when she looked at Rey, the seam on her eyebrows were relaxed. _What's up with that?_

"Will you take a look at this for a moment?" she then asked.

Rey nodded, "Sure."

She gave him one last look before turning to follow the shorter girl. He couldn't help staring at her ass again—and fuck, the way those jeans hugged the cheeks so nicely. From the opposite direction, Korr and her assistant were bringing another intricate wardrobe. Kylo shifted his gaze from Rey's cute bottom and sighed at the thought of having to take off the garment he was wearing and put on the other one. _Haute couture_ was always hard.

But when the stylist was about to reach the zipper on his back, Rey paused and turned her body toward Kylo again. He raised his head in anticipation.

"On second thought," she said, eyes not leaving him, and there was a hint of a smirk at the corner of her lips. "Lose the top."

_Minx._

 

* * *

 

The first day of shooting went smoothly and there were still two other days before they wrapped up. Kylo, on the other hand, felt like the day wasn't long enough for him. It wasn't like he was trying to sabotage his process (his conscience would never let him do that), but he was kind of _disappointed_ in himself because of how good he and Rey worked together. She made it so easy for him to follow the directions, and judging by her reaction during the shoot, she seemed to think that he delivered. But when suddenly she told him that they got all they needed, his heart sunk.

He wanted to stick around as long as he could, but he'd made a promise to not be an ass to her, so he couldn't do much than thanking everyone for doing a good job.

Thus, when suddenly Paige Tico asked him if he could stay for a little bit longer to talk with her and Rey about the next day, he didn't hesitate to jump right into it. Tico was elated because he didn't mind spending more time after his work hours, but he was enthusiastic for exactly different reasons. And boy, did he milk it for all its worth.

He was still mindful enough to make it less suspicious to Paige and the others (especially around that tiny intern who seemed to be able to shoot laser from her eyes whenever he was around—although he couldn't even remember what he'd done to her). Korr Sella jokingly told Rey to be patient because he could be that intense when doing a project—and basically, that was also what everyone else thought of him: a perfectionist who wanted to make sure things were going well. Of course Rey could see through the bullshit, but she didn't exactly ward him off or anything. He considered that as a progress.

Rey only rolled her eyes when Kylo _casually_ offered to drive her back to Amidala ("I'm driving my own car," she replied), and then later when he made up excuses to hang around in the building ("My mother wanted to know how I've been doing," he told her and everyone else in the vicinity—it wasn't exactly a lie, but more like something that Leia wouldn't mind to hear about if he showed up unannounced).

"Look," she sighed as she fastened the camera strap on her lap not long after Paige left them. She was sitting on one of the couches in the hallway on her floor at Amidala while Kylo was leaning against the wall next to her. "I need to get home quick. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"  
  
"Or..." he compromised. "...we can talk during your journey to your place? Where is it, by the way?" He narrowed his eyes, pretending to think, as some of the crewmembers walking past them. "Is it far? I still have _so_ many questions about this project."  
  
She raised her head at him, and if his eyes didn't fool him, she seemed to hold back a smile.  
  
"I'm not telling your my address," she replied firmly. The smile was definitely gone from her pretty face.  
  
Kylo chewed the inside of his bottom lips. _Well, a guy can try._  
  
She then got to her feet and clung the camera on her shoulder as his eyes followed her movement. He rested his head against the wall, and was about to say something when suddenly she craned her neck to the direction behind him. He followed her gaze and saw Hux getting out of the elevator. Kylo raised his eyebrows inquisitively. 

"Hux, what are y—"  
  
"Armitage!" Rey called him and the other guy faintly waved his hand.  
  
Kylo blinked.  
  
"Armi—who's Armitage?" he straightened his posture, shifting his gaze between Rey and Hux who was approaching them.  
  
"That's my name," Hux explained, his nasal voice was thick with weariness. "We've known each other for more than a _decade."_  
  
"Your _name_ is Hux," he argued. "No one has ever called you Armitage. Except for your nan. Does Rey look like your nan to you?"  
  
Hux rolled his eyes and then nodded at Rey. "Rey's a friend."  
  
"You're friends with this guy?" Kylo gestured his hand at the other man.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Rey asked _Armitage_ , ignoring Kylo. _Unbelievable._  
  
"Phasma's here," Hux fixed the position of his watch. "Is she done yet?"  
  
"I don't know," she shrugged while _smiling._ "I just arrived."  
  
"Alright," he nodded, and then walked to the empty space next to Rey. "I can wait here with you."  
  
_What the fuck?_  
  
"No, you cannot." Kylo jerked his head up, arm extending to shield Rey which immediately got a glare from her, "There are other places to sit."  
  
"Exactly," Hux said as he spread his legs wider, his hand gestured to the other couches across him. "You can sit wherever you want, Ren." And then he looked at Rey again, "Say, do you like plays, Rey?"  
  
"Plays?" she dismissed Kylo's arm from her front and sat down, clutching the strap of her camera with her free hand.  
  
"I'm performing one this weekend. If you'd like to see it, you can come over."  
  
Kylo scoffed. Rey wouldn't have the time to—  
  
"Oh. Really?" her eyes widened, her hands balled on her lap enthusiastically. "I'd love to!"  
  
"You don't even ask what the play's about," he scowled, realizing his tone sounded harsher than he intended to but it was too late. Rey narrowed her eyes at him for a moment before shifting her attention back to the damn ginger.   
  
"It's Cherry Orchard," Hux replied.  
  
Rey let out a tiny gasp, "I love it already."  
  
"Then, come see it. I'll send you the ticket. You can also bring a friend, if you'd like."  
  
"Sure."  
  
Kylo's eyes were scanning them in contempt. He did not like this one bit. When did they start being this... _friendly?_ Why didn't he know? And Rey could smile at Hux like that but not at him?  _But he's just—he's just_ Hux!   
  
"Hux?" Phasma appeared from the conference room across from their seat. "I thought you wanted to wait downstairs?" And then she looked at Kylo, "Ren?"  
  
"I got bored," Hux sighed while getting to his feet. He then looked at Rey again, "I'd like to ask Ren as well, but he always hates my acting and I hate his guts. I need an _appreciative_ audience, and you seem like the perfect fit for it."  
  
Rey stood up and gave him a beaming smile again. "That'll be me."  
  
"Alright," Hux lightly tapped her shoulder—effectively made Kylo flinch—before approaching Phasma. "See you this weekend."  
  
Phasma waved her hand and Kylo replied with a lazy gesture. And as the two of them got into the elevator, Poe Dameron sprinted out of the conference room and held the elevator door open.  
  
"Hugs?" he said. "You didn't tell me you were here!"  
  
"Oh, god." Hux contorted his face in disdain. "I'm here for Phas, not you and your doltish face."  
  
"Wow. Now you're just hurting my feelings," Dameron shook his head and then pointed his index finger at him. "I think you need to make it up by buying me a drink."

Kylo just rolled his eyes at how often he'd seen them banter like that. And as predicted, Hux just flipped Dameron the bird while the elevator door was closing. "Okay bye, Hugs!" the curly guy grinned with his hands on his hips.  
  
"You were saying?" Rey asked Kylo as she watched her boss walking back to the conference room. "You looked like you were about to say something before Armitage came here."

 _Armitage, is it?_ And he was just _Ren_ to her?   
  
At this point, whatever mood Kylo had had few minutes ago just evaporated.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
She just tilted her head at him, but her face didn't show any concern _whatsoever._ "Okay," she said. "See you tomorrow morning then."

 

  
  
When Kylo was going to his car in the parking lot, he heard Hux's voice from behind him.  
  
"Ren, is that true? What Bazine said?"  
  
Kylo exhaled sharply and then turned around, "She told you? Of course, she did."  
  
"To be fair, I didn't want to know anything." Hux raised an eyebrow, "She told me you got it bad for the girl."  
  
"Who? You and Bazine?" Phasma chimed in.  
  
"No, the other one." Hux waved his fingers in dismissal, "You've met her few minutes ago."  
  
"Ooh, is she the mysterious girl?" her eyes suddenly twinkled with delights. "How bad is it?"   
  
Kylo didn't react and just shifted his gaze to his own feet.  
  
_"That_ bad?" Phasma hollered. "Oh my god!"  
  
"Shut up!" Kylo hissed.  
  
"They're also working together," Hux leaned his head toward the tall blonde woman as if they were conspiring against him.  
  
Phasma narrowed her eyes while giving him a shit-eating grin, "That must be _fun."_

Kylo felt his ears turned red.   
  
"That's not—we're not..." he stammered in frustration while running his hand through his hair. "Our relationship is _strictly_ professional."

She just nodded like he was a child to be entertained. "It's not one-sided, is it?" she then asked, meticulously eyeing his expression before dramatically gasping. "Oh, poor thing!"

His jaw clenched. He wanted to strangle these people.  
  
"Well, who can blame her?" Hux sneered. "Anyway, be careful. She's not like us. Or Bazine."

Kylo knew that even though he didn't want to think about it. Hell, he didn't want to think about _anything._ He just wanted tomorrow to happen as soon as possible so he could see Rey again.  
  
"Just leave me alone," he waived them off. "I have an early shoot tomorrow."  
  
Phasma cackled while Hux was giving him a dirty eye and a snort. But fortunately, they soon left him alone—although he knew that they'd definitely not let this go the next time he met them.  
  
Kylo then got inside his car. When he was about to ignite the engine, his phone pinged. An e-mail. Reading the subject, he could only frown in confusion. But he decided to open it anyway.

  
  
**From:** st4rlurk3r2018@mail.com  
**Subject:**  ET TU, KYLO REN???   
  
_Well, everyone's already known that you've got a temper problem. But hitting a girl and forcing yourself onto her? That is low even for you, Kylo Ren._  
_Say, we're giving you 48 hours to think about this. If you make the right decision, we can cut you a deal. But if you don't, these will definitely go to TMZ._  
  
_P.S.: Don't even dare to try hiding her from us. Sooner or later, we'll find her._

  
  
Kylo felt like his heart drop down his stomach when he opened the attachment. It was a set of photos of him and Rey from a few days ago. The pictures were taken from behind him, so her face was completely hidden.  
  
They were kissing—yes, the pictures were taken during that time in this very place. However, from the camera's perspective, it did appear as if he attacked her and she struggled to fight him off.  
  
_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> Recently, I just figured out how to activate my [tumblr ask box](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/ask) (haha, I know).  
> Other than fics, I also make stuff like [this](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/post/176527825161/royal-kiss). :D


	13. Why Does It Have to be So Damn Hard?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has been acting strange and Rey wants to know why she cares at all.

Something was wrong.  
  
It didn't take Rey long to notice that Kylo Ren had been acting strange since the morning she saw him. _Strange,_ as in being too awfully quiet. _Strange,_ as in... being, you know, _strange._  
  
It wasn't that she hoped he'd be following her around or awkwardly crack a joke or two in front of everyone else—after all, she'd established the rules and he hadn't done anything that could put himself at risk—but, his attitude was way different and it _bugged_ her.  
  
Her thought immediately went back to their interactions yesterday. She thought it'd be fun to tease him a bit—and oh, didn't he deserve it? He'd been doing the same thing to her, and yesterday she just wanted to play a little. But... had she gone too far? Did the mild teasing finally get to him?  
  
After the incident in the basement, Rey had decided that she didn't want to let anything get in the way, either its her own insecurity about the project or Kylo Ren's possible antics. She figured that the only way to take control over him was to actually use the obvious attraction between them to her benefit. It ended up being more exciting than she'd expected, but now she wondered if he didn't find it funny.  
  
..well, she shouldn't even have felt bad because he was just Kylo Ren. _Right?_  
  
It'd already been ingrained in her mind that whatever it was he felt toward her was nothing more than lust—just like what she _sorta_ felt toward him or so she thought. She was just a blip in his radar, remember? By the time the project ended, he'd move on. Rey was sure of it. She didn't have to _like_ Bazine Netal to know there was a hint of truth in her words.  
  
Because it wasn't just Bazine who'd told her about it. There was also Armitage Hux.  
  
Rey never considered herself a gullible person who would take other people's words at face value. She just always expected the worst of the situation _—_ she couldn't help it. And between her own experience and the words of two people who were close to him, she could put two and two together.  
  
And it was a coincidence that Hux happened to be in the same place and at the same time when she was blowing off steam with Finn and Rose the previous weekend. Finn had dragged her and Rose to The Resistance because he said she looked so tensed. It was nice of him to take care of her like that, and just like every outing she'd had with him, she ended up having fun.  
  
But then, for some weird reason, Armitage Hux was also there. He came by when the three of them were playing darts. It was awkward at first because neither of them knew him that well, and it seemed he was just talking to them to avoid other people at the bar. The last time she saw him, he didn't appear to enjoy being at The Resistance, but maybe it was just because he was only there to pick up someone.  
  
Rey had always wondered what kind of relationship he and Kylo had. They were as popular and apparently also used to go to the same university. She'd only seen them together in two separate occassions, and their interactions weren't exactly helpful to figure out what they were to each other (mainly, because the last time she'd seen them in the same room, one of them was blind drunk).  
  
But that night, Rey found out that they were really friends, but in a complicated way.  
  
"Ren is not the easiest person to deal with," he said as he stirred his whiskey. The talk about Kylo Ren came up after Rose and Finn were goofing around about the shoot (after all, they just wanted to help Rey feeling better about the upcoming event). "But I admit that he is mad talented. In a brutish way. You've seen him."  
  
"You guys are rivals. That much we know," Finn cut him impatiently. He was the least welcoming of Hux among the three of them. ("He's an ass," he later told Rey when they were leaving the bar. "An elitist prick.")  
  
Hux scoffed. "Oh, we're more than that," his eyes glinted, somehow making Rey shiver. "We're friends. We've been for, I don't know, twelve years by now? We met at university. The first day of class and we got paired up for an exercise. It was terrible."  
  
"What happened?" Rose asked.  
  
"We wanted to outdo each other," he pursed his lips, letting the taste of liquor seeping through his cavity. "We were lucky—or probably not. There was a top producer who visited our class. Ren and I wanted to impress him so much because we heard he was scouting."  
  
He then darted his gaze at Rey. "Have you heard of Snoke?"  
  
She scrunched up her eyebrows. The name was familiar but she couldn't place it. But then she heard Finn answer it for her. "That's the guy who owns First Order," he said. "Or, well, half of Coruscant's entertainment industry."  
  
First Order was an entertainment company, probably the biggest one—she didn't have to be a movie buff to know what they were. Rey recalled Kylo Ren's post-indie films were all produced by them.  
  
"Anyway," Hux put down his glass. "We both ended up getting signed up by his agency. But that after years of competition at uni. Snoke was impressed by our little act, and was kind enough to nurture us. Ren and I became... well, friends, in a way." And then he chuckled, "But we still hate each other's guts."

Rey and both of her friends shared a look before burying their faces behind their glasses of beer in tandem. They'd speculated about Hux and Ren's university days before—mostly because once Poe had casually referred them as 'that odd couple who wanted to murder each other' without further explanation.  
  
"The competition between us was one of the things that I felt the need to thank him for," he then said. "It helped me to better myself. But, well, it didn't change the fact that it kinda got grating after a while."  
  
"We tend to want the same thing, for some reason." Hux shifted his gaze, focusing back on his drink, "At first it was the same part in a play, and then, as you've already known, Snoke's approval—there's no shame in admitting that. And then it spread to other things as well."  
  
"Like what?" Rose leaned forward.  
  
Hux laughed while shaking his head. "Many things," he shrugged. "From professional stuff to, well, less important stuff like cars, collectibles, ..." He then looked at Rey, "...girls."  
  
Rey blinked as she heard Rose snort.  
  
"I'm sorry," the dark-haired girl said, not sorry at all. "But that is _so_ typical. Straight alpha males hunting female preys just because they want to size up their dicks against each other. I bet you guys were also in some frat house."  
  
He scoffed, "We didn't have the time for dumb stuff like being in the _fraternity."_  
  
"Why, you weren't cool enough to get accepted?" Finn deadpanned. Rey noticed he and Rose were low-fiving each other under the desk. She lightly knocked Finn's ribs with her elbow, but couldn't help holding a smile herself. She could imagine younger Hux and Ren as theater nerds who got so high up their horses and scared off other students with their intensity.  
  
"No," the actor sneered. "Because we were busy building our rep. Not _everyone_ can be an actor. We have to make sure we were employed by the time we graduated." He then sighed—Rey could feel the pretentious vibe from him again, "But it doesn't mean we were never having fun."  
  
"And girls are fun?" Rose rolled her eyes.  
  
"Aren't you?" he raised one eyebrow. "I mean, don't you also want to have fun? It's not just a _male_ thing, you know."  
  
"Huh," she shrugged as she took a swig of her beer. "But I don't recall seeing you in the tabloids with some girl?"  
  
Hux sighed again. "Because I'm always _careful,"_ he replied. "And that was in the past anyway. Ren, on the other hand..."  
  
And that was the moment Rey learned about Kylo's dating habit. A lonely child with a lot of baggage, Hux called him. Kylo was never tied down because he always wanted to keep things under his control.

Kylo Ren was an observer, he liked paying attention to things that amused him and got fixated on something like it was a science project. He was like that to everyone, regardless how he seemed impulsive in his deeds. The dating thing was just one of the problems he liked to solve. That was why he'd never kept a girlfriend more than a few weeks. "A Skywalker thing," he then said. "Like grandfather like grandson."  
  
After that, they talked about lighter subjects. Finn wasn't exactly warming up to the other guy, but at least he managed to make it a challenge to play pool. Hux was telling the truth about his being competitive and Finn took advantage of it to piss him off. Rey and Rose also played a bit but then decided it'd be more fun if they placed a bet instead. Armitage Hux was a very strange man, she learned.  
  
But when she got back to her apartment, the thought of Kylo came over her once more.  
  
She'd gotten the vibe of an alpha from him since they first met. After all, he was built to be one. And it was the main reason why she felt the need to rise above him. Rey wasn't exactly a submissive person herself, so she always wanted to fight back. She hadn't gotten out of Jakku without learning one or two about fighting someone bigger than her own size.  
  
But sometimes... sometimes when Kylo was around, she felt some sort of comfort from knowing how much he paid attention to her. How his eyes were following her, how soft his lips were, and everything else that made her flutter inside. A damn science project, huh?  
  
If the situation were any different, she mused, she'd probably take his hand because why wouldn't she? He was a very attractive man and she hadn't gotten laid in a very long time—shit, how long had it been?  
  
But the reality was, he wasn't just some random hot guy she could fuck out of her system, and she wasn't just some college girl with nothing to lose. He was her model and a ticket to the career she'd wanted since she was fourteen years old.  
  
The idea of having a secret relationship enticed her sometimes, but did she have the labor to even do that? What relationship? She didn't want a relationship. Why would she? And as long as she was working at Amidala, there was a big fat chance that they'd see each other a lot. People just don't do one night stands with other people they often meet.  
  
And it didn't matter now since he seemed so adamantly distancing himself from her. It didn't affect the shooting process—it was still as efficient as it could be (he was a gifted actor after all). But every time they had a break, he would ask his assistant to bring him his phone. He then would spend all of his down time glued to the screen like nothing else mattered.  
  
She could just see his attitude as a payback for what she'd done yesterday, but she felt that wasn't the case. He always looked so distracted until Rose informed him that he needed to get ready. Even every conversation Rey initiated to build the atmosphere was welcomed with short answers and nothing else. She knew it shouldn't have bothered her that Korr Sella was the only person that could get him loosening up on the set.  
  
And yet, every time she saw them interacting with each other, there was a bitter taste in her mouth.

 

 

The photoshoot ended earlier than she'd predicted. It should've been a good thing if her mind didn't get tangled up in a mess.

By the end of the day, though, she successfully regrouped and convinced herself that it didn't matter how he acted as long as the project went well. So, although she felt a tiny bit disappointed that he left so very soon after she called it a day (Kylo had to go to Statura's studio to prepare for tomorrow's performance anyway), she managed to shrug it off and continue her work at Amidala, sorting the photographs and preparing for the next day—the toughest one in the project.

She went home when she was hungry enough to get some dinner. Jess texted her about the Chinese she'd ordered and was now waiting for her to come home. On the way home, Rey counted her blessings and decided that being surrounded by people like her friends was the most important thing she could've asked in her personal life at the moment. And by the time she arrived at her apartment building, she had left any thought of Kylo Ren out of the door.

After dinner, Rey immediately took a warm bath. She'd bought a set of bath bombs and bath salts when she'd gone shopping with Jess sometime last month but never gotten the time to actually use them. She thought now was the perfect timing. She might still have to convince herself that self-care was important, but she dared to try and normalize it. So, that was how her evening went.

However, when she got out of the bathroom, still with wet hair and a towel on her head, Jess informed her that her phone had been ringing. Rey had left it in her room for charging, so she couldn't hear it. When she opened her phone, another call was suddenly coming in.

It was Ren's manager.

"Uh, hello?" she greeted, her other hand still massaging her wet head with the towel.

"Miss Johnson?" the man from the other side started. "This is Mitaka. I'm sorry for calling you this late—"

Rey looked at the clock on her bedroom wall. It was 09:15 pm. She frowned curiously. 

"—but I'd like to inform you that Ren won't be able to come to the set tomorrow."

Her hand suddenly stopped moving, leaving the towel drop on her shoulders. "Did something happen?"

"Uh, yeah." Mitaka cleared his throat, "During practice this afternoon, he injured himself. It was minor but..."

 

* * *

 

 

Rey barely remembered the events that led her to where she was now. Everything happened so fast.

She cut off Mitaka's mid-sentence, couldn't really hear what he was saying, and just asked about Kylo's whereabout. He sent her his address—that part she remembered. And then she wore her jeans and jacket? And did she say something to Jessika? Did she tell her not to wait on her? But all that aside, Rey found herself in an Uber and was entering an elite downtown neighborhood she'd only glanced once or twice before.

And then she suddenly stood at the gate of an enormous building. Her fingers were cold from the weather, but she managed to punch the button of the intercom after talking to the guards.

"Rey?" she could hear Kylo's voice, distorted like he was using vocoder.

She was ushered by one of the guards to the elevator which then brought her to the penthouse floor. Soon after that, the elevator door opened and she saw Kylo Ren standing in the middle of another door with messy hair and bleary eyes like he'd just woken up. His hand was still holding the doorframe while the other was gripping his phone. He wore a worn-out The Darth Vader II t-shirt and a pair of training pants. Rey stared down at his slippered feet and saw an ankle support on his right leg.

But when she was going to ask him about it, he immediately grabbed her shoulder and took her in. His eyes looked panicked as he closed the door behind her.

"Did anyone see you coming here?" he asked while running his hand through his hair, his tone sounded frantic and Rey interpreted that as unwelcoming.

"Well, your guards did."

"Are you sure?"

She frowned at him, "Yeah. And I believe I didn't tell my Uber driver that I was—oh my god."

Rey tugged her jacket and then folded her arms in front of her chest.

"What?" he looked so alarmed. "Did someone see you?"

"No," she shook her head. "No one saw me coming."

She just realized that she wasn't wearing her bra, but he didn't need to know _that_. What did she expect? She dropped everything and just left when she was supposed to have a good night sleep after— _oh, fuck._

Her hair was still damp and uncombed. What was she thinking?

Kylo seemed to not notice her troubles, and instead he led her straight to his living room. His steps were as steady as usual. Now it was her turn to look at him suspiciously. 

"You're okay?" she asked him as he stood in front of a very tall and wide window that displayed the city lights. "I thought you were injured?"

"I am," he took a quick look down the street outside. "But it's minor. It won't affect my mobility or anything; I just need at least one day off to lessen the pain. Didn't Mitaka tell you that?"

Before Rey could reply, his phone went off. Kylo took a look at it, his jaw moving, and he looked distracted as he swiped it open.

"I'll call you later," he said to the caller and ended the conversation. He put down his phone on the counter next to him. But then he kept glancing at it while irritably massaging his knuckle with his other hand. For some reason, the feeling of being unwelcomed was intensified for Rey.

"Busy?" she shot.

"Yeah."

Her jaw tensed. "Well, it's nice to know you got your mind preoccupied with other things, just like what happened today." She gestured her arms to the air, "But hey, at least you got the job done, right?"

She could hear herself just fine. She could also hear how petulant she sounded. But it was too late anyway. Whatever peace of mind she'd built up during her bath time was already gone by the time his manager called.

 _His manager._ Right. Why wouldn't he call her himself? He'd got his phone in his hand all day and yet when something came up, he made his manager do his bidding?

Kylo seemed to pick up her tone. He straightened up his posture and his face contorted as if she just mocked him.

"What is wrong with you?" Kylo asked.

"Nothing. What is wrong with you?" she retorted, folding her arms again as his gaze fell onto her chest for a quick moment. She might've read into it too much.

"You know what," she then said, shifting her eyes to the wall. She saw no picture or any personal memorabilia so far—but it wasn't her business. "I'm glad you're alright. And now I can inform everyone else that we can resume—"

"Why are you here?"

She blinked at his question. _This guy... This_ fucking _guy..._

"Like I said, I heard you were injured. I want to know how bad it is in case it'll interfere with our schedule. Apparently, you just need one day off. What a relief!" she sounded pretty much sarcastic but couldn't care less.

He folded his arms, his expression cold as steel. She could definitely see how his eyes were dark and his jaw was clenched so hard.

"No," he took a step closer. "Why are you here, Rey?"

Rey retreated although she didn't break eye contact, "I told you—"

"You could've just called. But you're here." He kept moving toward her, "Why?"

She took steps backwards until her back hit the wall. And after both of them stopped moving, his eyes were searching her face. Once again, she found him looming over her and the familiarity of it made her feel all kinds of things.

But she knew neither of them wanted her to be there in the first place.

"This is dumb," she huffed while moving to the side.

"Where are you going?"

"Leaving," she replied as she walked away from him. "Obviously, you are fine now. I have other things to do first thing in the morning and I'm not supposed to waste my time right now."

"You can't just leave."

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't."

She glared at him and scoffed in disbelief. But then he hid his hands inside his training pants' pockets and leaned against the wall, propping his weight to the uninjured leg. Despite his casual demeanor, his presence was anything but. 

In fact, ever since she stepped inside, his _presence_ was grander than usual. And now it started to overwhelm her. _Suffocating._

"This is my place, not one of your sets," he said firmly. "You can't just come and go as you please."

Rey swallowed thickly.

"Alright, fine. I'm sorry for interrupting," she waved his hands, trying to diffuse the tension. "This won't happen again. I was a fool for thinking that you..."

Her voice faltered as she realized how stupid it was what she was about to say.

"For thinking that I _what?"_

She saw his eyes widened as he took few steps closer to her.

"Never mind," she shifted her gaze. She wanted the peace she'd felt for a quick moment earlier to come back. Coming to his place was a mistake.

"Rey, you're not leaving until you tell me what's going on." His voice was stern and demanding, and once again, she could feel the territorial authority that came from him.

Nevertheless, she tried to hold her ground still.

"You can't make me—"

"Rey..." he extended his hand toward her but then stopped halfway and ended up grasping the air as he pulled away from her personal space. He looked hesitant although his brown pupils had gone few shades darker. Rey felt her voice stuck in her throat.

"Why... Why did you ignore me?" she could hear herself saying.

"What?"

"During the photoshoot, why did you _ignore_ me?"

There. She said it. And she must've looked so ridiculous now. It was just one day, Rey Johnson. _He just ignored you for one fucking day and you can't stand it!_

"I—" he paused, his eyes roaming all over her. Rey felt her cheeks—her whole body hot under his inspection. She tried so hard to appear like she couldn't care less, but her current state seemed to disable that idea. She felt vulnerable and small even when he said nothing and just stood in front of her.

And when his eyes flickered and his shoulders heaved, she knew he wouldn't believe any excuses she could conjure in her head. He'd made up his mind.

"Why does it concern you?" his voice got deeper and she felt the hair on her nape rising. "You didn't seem to pay attention to me either for the past few days. I thought you didn't care. So, what's your game here, Rey?"

"There is no game!" she insisted. "I've been working and minding my own business."

"So have I," he narrowed his eyes. "As I recall, today also went really well. We even finished it earlier than yesterday. It was productive, I might say." He dragged his stare from her face to her form before piercing back to her eyes, "What's the problem, then? What prompted your coming here late at night, alone..." He inhaled sharply, "...fresh out of shower?"

"You were injured," she croaked. "I just don't want you to derail this project."

 _Shit._ She sounded meaner than supposed to. She cleared her throat, "I mean—"

He clicked his tongue. "Rey," he murmured. "I think we both know what's going on here."

She realized they were only few breaths apart. Did she take a step closer or did he? It always felt like this—they were like magnets getting stuck together. It was as if there was a force in the universe that seemed to never let them go. And with that realization, frustration built up inside her chest.

"I don't—I don't understand!" she finally snapped. "I don't fucking understand why you're always like this! Why me? Why do you always... Why do you always make it so difficult for me to just—to just live my fucking life?"

His eye twitched as though emotions which were piling up inside him wanted to explode. His eyes were so expressive, and it made her all the more frustrated. She wanted to just not be there with him. _Everything_ —everything went wrong ever since he came into her life.

"I think you know why."

It was all he could answer. Rey felt tears almost prickled her eyes and her throat was dry. She'd been trying to be strong. She wasn't a weak-willed woman who swoon over some guy just because he paid attention to her. She had so many things to lose and he—he would _never_ understand that.

This wasn't supposed to be this hard. People connect with each other all the time. After all, that was what she'd learned from taking pictures of strangers. She loved connections, she was enamored by the idea of finding someone and being found. She always sought for it in places she could lay her eyes on. And with him, it wasn't supposed to be like this.

This wasn't love, this was just physical attraction. The kind of attraction that apparently had become so achingly painful as time went by. She never wanted it to be anything more. She just wished it'd never happened at all. _Him,_ of all people. The man who could just take whatever he wanted.

She exhaled sharply. "No, I don't."

If she had to deny it, she'd do it with a fight. Regardless how unconvincing it'd sound because _fuck him._ She'd be back again tomorrow and finish her work and she'd achieve her dreams. She could just spend her frustration with someone else later. It wasn't a big deal. It _wasn't._

But then, his hand carefully reached for her cheek. The hesitation appeared again in his eyes and gesture, but this time, he followed through and really touched her. His skin was warm and familiar. It was so _unfair._

"Don't be afraid," he told her. But the words felt like a projection of what he'd say to himself. "I feel it too."

Her breath hitched. And with all the willpower she had left, she shook her head and took a step backward. That moment, it was the first time he looked so hurt.

"I have to go," she muttered. She avoided his stare and just headed to the front door, unhindered. But when she was about to reach the door handle, she heard him speaking.

"Is that what you really want?"

She paused—she shouldn't have, but she paused.

"I'm not going to stop you," he continued. "I always know where I am when it comes to you, but I won't stop you if you don't want the same thing. I won't say I could forget everything, but I promise I won't put it against you."

Rey felt her stomach was tied into a knot. Was this a goodbye? Would they meet again on set, acting like strangers? She'd convinced herself that would be the best option, but...

"I'll keep you safe even when you pretend nothing has ever happened between us. I promise."

Safe? From what? _What is he talking about?_

He'd been acting so strange today and none of their interaction in the last hour helped in explaining anything. He didn't make any sense. He _never_ did.

"But if you want to stay," she heard the pads of his feet closing in before stopping completely. "Then, stay."

It was quiet for a moment and she didn't dare to look back. And then she heard him again.

"Please."

Her hand was still paused mid-air from reaching the door handle. There was only silence that followed and none of them moved an inch. It felt like a big sword hanging above them, dangling where the wind willed it to. She wondered if that sword could cut them together, piercing each of their chests until they bled dry.

She balled her hand into a fist. _This isn't supposed to be that difficult._

She then looked over her shoulder. If this was over soon...

She nodded. 

...maybe then she could find the answer.

And when she turned around, it'd only took her a quick moment to grasp for air. Kylo had already lunged at her and pushed her back against the door. His mouth crashed into hers, ravenous and desperate.

His hands were all over her, and she helped him taking off her jacket. He grunted when he pressed her torso against his, feeling her bare chest underneath her t-shirt. His lips then left hers and went on to latch on her neck. She closed her eyes and reached for his hair as the sensation of his teeth scraping, wet tongue and lips suckling on her skin became too much. And then she felt both of his hands on her ass and she was soon lifted from the ground like she was weightless. She gasped in surprise, feeling him against her groin, before locking her legs around his hips.

He withdrew and stared at her.

"Rey," his breathing was hot and heavy. "Are you sure? Because... because this will change everything... between us."

Rey swallowed, and then attacked his face with an open-mouthed kiss. After a while, she pulled back and nodded, her arms framing his shoulders and the back of his head. And then she whispered right to his mouth.

"No take back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	14. Bare Necessities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're taunting each other, in bed, naked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I'm not sure how rating system really works between M and E, but I decided to make it E—just to be safe;  
> 2) I've never _really_ written a smut smut before, so I apologize in advance if this ends up cringy. ( ゜─゜)  
>   
>   
>  Anyway, enjoy the filth.

"No take back."

Those words were aimed at herself more than him, but he recognized it as an encouragement all the same. He smiled and kissed her again and again. Rey thought they wouldn't make it to his bed, but then he turned around and started walking.

Their heartbeats were thundering inside their rib cages and their eyes were locked on the way to the other room—which she assumed was his bedroom. He kicked open the door and then again to close it, only flinched once he realized he did it with his injured leg. Rey looked over his shoulder.

"Are you sure you're alright?" she withdrew, cupping his face with her hands.

"Uh-uh," he replied. And then the familiar smirk of his was back. "Worried?"

She felt her stomach flutter.

"Well, yeah, I mean," she cleared her throat, trying her best to look so innocent when all the intention behind her words was anything but. "It's common that any form of injury can affect a man's performance—ow!"

She yelped as he threw her into a massive bed.

"Let's see about that, shall we?" he said as he peeled off his shirt and threw it over to the side. He then hoisted her legs up one by one to take off her shoes. Once her feet were free, he ran his hands up her jeans to reach for the button and zipper.

But then, without warning, Rey put her leg up and kicked his shoulder, not too strongly but enough to prevent him from moving forward. He raised his eyebrows, "What?"

"Patience," she ordered, steadying her feet on his shoulder as she rose and leaned on her forearms. Kylo swallowed and his eyes flickered with anticipation. She exhaled sharply, and his eyes immediately darted to the heaving silhouetted nipples on her t-shirt. He licked his lips.

"No one can know," she muttered, pushing his shoulder lightly with the sole of her foot until his eyes were on hers again. "About this. About us."

He paused for a moment, and then grabbed her ankle. "Got it."

"Ren..." she nudged his shoulder again. "I'm serious."

"I know," he shrugged, placing her leg at his side. "We're on the same page here. Anything else?" He tilted his head, waiting for her to say something. "Well, if there's nothing else..."

He plunged toward her and kissed her hard until her arms shook. His hands reached the button of her jeans and flicked it open. When he tried to pull down the waistband, she bit his bottom lip and gripped both of his wrists tightly. For some reason, Rey still didn't want to make it easy for him.

Well, as much as she hated to admit, she might've gotten out of Jakku, but she couldn't get Jakku out of her.

Kylo seemed to be aware of her intention, and he chuckled as he pulled away. He looked at her dead in the eye and jerked her hands off his wrists. His knee was sturdy on the bed as his hands reached the band again.

"That doesn't work here, sweetheart," he yanked her jeans down and out of her. He threw them to the floor with reckless abandon, "My place." He then pulled both of her legs, effectively dragging her body to the edge of the mattress. "My rules."

Her back was completely flat against the surface as he stood in front of her, somehow looking taller and broader than she remembered. She was wearing a pair of regular cotton panties and there was nothing sexy about it—she didn't plan this after all. But there was no time to be self-conscious when his eyes wandered at her like that. He then hunched over her, his hand tugging her shirt up her waist and the other propping his weight on the mattress.

His raven hair plopped on his face, his fringe moved following the huffs of his breathing. Rey ran her hands through it, exposing his hungry eyes and the beauty marks on his alabaster skin. She stared deep into his blown wide pupils and saw her own reflection in them—oh, how she wished she'd lose herself inside. 

But then he slid his hand along her thigh before lightly slapping her backside. She blinked.

"Now be a good girl and take off your shirt," he ordered.

She was tempted to tease him again, but refrained herself from doing so because, judging from what he'd done, ripping her favorite sleeping t-shirt seemed like something he wouldn't mind doing. Thus, she sat up and obliged—although still, she did it _slowly_ until he groaned. Rey thought she could get used to this: pushing the right buttons until he followed her but still making him think he was the one in charge.

_Well, thanks, Hux._

—did she just... say that?

Now that her chest was bare before him, Rey couldn't help wondering if he’d be underwhelmed. Well, she'd seen Bazine's— _not_ that she cared. She didn't care. She was a grown woman. She'd got tits too. _Why did she even think about this?_

But when she fluttered her eyes at him, Kylo was already staring at her. At her chest. And he was silent. His shoulders heaved but he seemed to be stopped dead in his track. For some reason, Rey felt uncomfortable—not because of her body, but how predictable it was that he cared—

"Beautiful," she heard him saying under his breath. "God."

_Oh, he liked them._

Rey leaned back using her hands on the bed, arching her back. And at a speed of lightning, Kylo had his mouth latching on one of her breasts. "Fuck! Ren!" she yelped in surprise.

And soon, she was lying flat on the mattress again. He was grazing his teeth on her areola, and then licking and sucking while his hand massaging and flicking the other mound. He drunk her in like he was deprived of water. Rey's eyes clamped shut as she mumbled profanity, encouraging him to keep going.

When she opened her eyes, she saw the night sky right above her. She thought she imagined it, until she realized that, of course, this guy had installed a broad skylight in his bedroom. This wasn't supposed to be surprising since he'd always been that extra in everything he did. What a dramatic asshole.

The dramatic asshole then gave the attention to her other tit, and she grabbed a handful of his luscious locks as she canted her hips to his abdomen. She then hooked her legs on his lower back. It was when suddenly he paused and raised his head at her.

Without saying anything, his hand trailed down to the apex between her thighs. He kept his eyes glued on her as he caressed the fabric of her panties and she realized that he found her soaking wet there. He then looked down his pants and she followed him. There was a wet spot on it and they both recognized it as coming from her earlier.

Rey felt her face redden. He was just getting started and she was already that embarrassingly wet. _Shit._ She really, really needed to get laid.

"Holy fuck, Rey," he muttered, his lips tugged upward and his eyes gleamed with desire. She knew he wouldn't let this go. "Is this because of me? I did this to you?"

_Well, yeah, dumbass._

She ran out of option to answer because, of course, it was because of him. But his smug face really got on her nerves.

"Shut up and get on with it!" was the only thing she could say.

He nodded although that stupid grin was still on his face. He then reached the band of her panties and slowly dragged it down while peppering kisses to her navel and thighs—deliberately avoiding the one place she wanted him to kiss. She knew he was trying to get back at her, especially since now he knew she wanted this as much as he did.

And apparently, it was their thing now to get a rise out of each other as a form of foreplay. She _didn't_ hate it.

Rey groaned and hit the mattress in frustration. He laughed.

"Patience," he chided. She rolled her eyes.

"Quit stalling," she said. He just hummed and continued lowering her panties inch-by-inch while giving a full attention to her exposed flesh. "Or I might just fall asleep."

And that did it.

He snatched the fabric and then ripped her panties out of her legs and threw them away. He then grabbed both of his calves and spread her open.

"I was going to take my time, to worship you with my eyes first, you know, because—look at you," he sighed as he dragged his gaze at her whole body, studying her like she was a work of art. But then he immediately dropped on his knees, hooking her legs on his shoulders. His hot breath brushed her pussy in contrast to the bedroom's chilly air, "But apparently, someone's too eager—"

"Do you always talk this much during sex?" Rey huffed, rising to her forearms while looking down at him. "No offense, but I started to think that you're not as g—fuckfuckfuck! Ren, yes, fuck!"

She'd been eaten out before—once, and it was awkward and weird. It'd felt like a dare than an actual sex act that she'd enjoy. But this time it was different. _He_ was different. Kylo ate her out like her cunt was his life line.

Well, that was one way to put it.

He lapped his tongue like he was making out with her cunt, sucking her clit with the ferocity of a starving animal. He didn't even let her move an inch, pining her down with his heavy arm as she writhed and moaned. After a while, he put a finger inside her, mercilessly pumping and curling until she mewled and pulled his hair. She could feel him chuckle against her skin.

He then added another finger, and then another, and then she was gone. The sky above her felt like descending as her orgasm crashed through her. She felt her body convulsing with pleasure before going boneless, and her breathing was ragged. 

"Fuck, Rey," Kylo laughed as he raised his head. He wiped his mouth and then licked her juice out of his fingers. "How could you deprive me of this?"

She blinked, coming down from her high. When he loomed over her with his fists planted on her sides, she immediately grabbed his jaw. She kissed him hard, tasting herself on his tongue. She didn't think she could feel so intoxicated and so turned on.

And judging from the look of him, neither did he.

"Because you're such an insufferable prick," she whispered as she discarded him from her grip. She thought his eyes couldn't possibly be darker than they already were.

He immediately rose up to his feet, eyes narrowed and a smirk plastered on his face.

"Oh, am I?" he said, his voice so dark and low it made her squirm with delight.

Rey gripped the sheet tightly, bracing for whatever he was about to do. But instead, he turned on his heels and went to the bathroom. She craned her neck curiously.

He came back a moment later with a few condoms in his hand. He kept one and threw the rest on the night stand next to Rey. "Just in case," he said between his teeth as he bit open the wrapper.

"Well, if we're both clean, I'm—" she stopped herself from mumbling. She bit her lower lip as she saw him taking his pants off and putting the condom on. She knew he was massive—no surprises. But watching him made her breath hitch nonetheless.

"What was that?" he asked, turning his head to her. Rey didn't realize that she'd been rubbing her legs together until he pointed that out. "Ah-ah-ah, who gives you the permission to do that?"

She swallowed and tilted her chin up, taunting him. "What are you going to do about it?"

She was vile, she knew. She couldn't help it and he seemed to like it a bit too much.

He growled, and immediately lifted one of her legs, holding it around his waist while his other hand was lining his cock to her entrance. "You're a fucking minx, you know that?" he hissed as she held a smile, canting her hips to give him a better access.

Since she was practically soaked up, he sank into her in one swift movement. But then he pulled out only so he could do it again slowly like he was savoring the moment. His lips parted and his eyes zeroed in on where their bodies were connected as though he couldn't believe this was really happening. Rey whined, telling him to stop teasing. He stared at her and grinned mischievously, satisfied with how frustrated she was.

But then she decided to take the matter into her own hands. Thus, she held on his hips and just pushed herself to him. They gasped at the same time as they were fully conjoined. She felt like she was split in two and Kylo shuddered.

And when he started thrusting into her, his eyes never left hers. 

He started off slow and steady, but then Rey grasped a handful of his hair, and he started to pick up the pace. And she was right; he just _couldn't_ shut up. Although this time, he kept whispering dirty stuff to hear ears, telling her how tight she was and praising her for 'taking it so good'. The rumble of his voice sent an electricity right to her whole body with every thrust and stretch, and she felt everything was too much. But oh, she wanted _more._

"Ren... oh, god..." she fisted his hair tightly. Her other hand reached for his shoulder, almost digging her nails there but she paused and held his arm instead. Call her weird, but she didn't want to scratch him in any way. They still had another shoot to finish. 

But then he reached for her hand and pushed it next to her head, entwining her fingers with his. It was a small gesture, but she felt her heart somehow full. She hadn't had any intimate contact in a long time, and deep down, she thought that was probably what made her feel so overwhelmed at the moment.

"Kylo..." he panted, taking her back to reality. "Call me Kylo."

Rey ran her hand from his hair to his nape. "Kylo..." she sobbed. He buried his head on the crook of her neck, his teeth sinking to her skin. "...is a dumb name."

Kylo pulled back and glared at her, and she thought she'd gone too far this time. But then, he smirked as he raised and grabbed her hips with a bruising grip, and just hammered into her. Her body was unceremoniously pushed higher and higher on the mattress, her fingers wildly scraping the sheet as she struggled to catch a breath. His filthy mouth kept murmuring her name and telling her how she liked it so deep inside her like that.

He then took one of her legs and pushed her knee to her chest while hoisting the other leg high up his arm. Her hips were pulled upward and she'd never felt so full. She screamed profanity as he fucked her senseless.

Rey'd never considered herself a loud person, and yet that was what she became since he'd touched her. _Fuck._

He released her legs later on only to hook them around his waist so he could inch his face closer to her. He hunched down and leaned on his forearms, his body was a furnace against her. "Now touch yourself," he breathed right to her earlobe. His voice was so maddening. "You don't expect me to do all the work here, do you, sweetheart?"

And so, she obliged. It only took her a moment of rigorously rubbing her clit that she felt her orgasm building inside her. Her face contorted as the wall inside of her was tightening up.

"Look at me, look at me," he choked up while grasping her hair to hold her head steady. "I want... to see you."

When she came, she felt like seeing stars raining down on him. He followed soon after that, clutching her shoulders to keep her rigid under him.

Kylo then pulled out, tying up the condom before throwing it to the bin. He collapsed next to her.

Thus, they were lying there, completely bare and quiet. Only the sound of their breathing filled the room.

"This is not a one-time thing," she heard him saying. "There will be next time."

She turned her head to him, watching him all sated and sweaty—so beautifully debauched. He lazily caressed her arms with the back of his hand and his eyes were now soft and warm, like he was so content. She wondered how long he'd still look at her like that. How many weeks—days did they have until all of this was gone?

She shook the thoughts from her mind. It didn't matter. Now was the only thing that she had. That _they_ had.

"Only if you behave," she smirked.

His eyes widened and the hunger was back.

"Fuck," he muttered before attacking her mouth with a long hard kiss.

 

* * *

 

  
It wasn't the only time they fucked—at least, that night it wasn't.

Soon after he got hard again, he scrambled to reach a condom on the night stand (whilst complaining), and they did it all over again. Rey was worried about his injury but he then just lifted her up and sat her on his lap.

He gave her a sly smile, "Ride me?" 

She rolled her eyes, but did it anyway.

But then time passed and she found herself in the dark, having just woken up from a short nap. Her lower body was all kinds of sore when she shifted a little, but she'd expected this. She looked around as the moonlight shone through the ceiling. Everything felt foreign to her.

She realized she had to go.

"Where do you think you're going?" a heavy arm draped across her abdomen right when she was about to rise. Kylo's voice sounded so hoarse with sleep.

"Bathroom," she replied.

"And after that?" he asked again, burying his head on her neck before lazily nibbling her earlobe.

"I have to get back home quick," Rey sighed. She remembered she had to text her group chat about Kylo's absence. "I have to meet everyone at seven."

She heard him grunt. "But it's..." he turned his head to see the clock on the night stand. "...four o'clock here. I can drive you later."

"No, you can't."

Silence.

And then his hand made a small circle on her hips before reaching her folds. He did it so slowly that Rey moaned and her head lolled back. He then nodded. "No, I can't."

"You could..." she captured his hand, guiding it to the spot she wanted while grinding herself against him. "...be seen."

He sucked in breath and applied more pressure to her sensitive nub. His other arm snaked between her shoulder and her pillow, and she had her idle hand holding onto it.

"I know."

There was an unsettling feeling deep in her core when he said that although she couldn't explain it. She thought maybe it was because the reality came crashing into him like it did to her. That after their night together, now they had to get back to their own lives. And if he kept his promises to her, then this time he had to be careful.

Rey then wondered if he had been careful all this time, but there were people sneaky enough to follow his every move and got him 'caught'. Her stomach churned at that thought.

She realized how messy that would be, had it happened.

 

 

"Get some rest, okay?" she said as she stepped inside the elevator. Kylo was only wearing his sweatpants and his head was a cow-lick heaven. She found him endearing, but held herself from kissing him. Their relationship wasn't that kind of relationship. There was _no_ relationship.

"If you're that worried, you should come here again tonight." He grinned at her, "Just to make sure that I'm alright."

She scoffed, "You're the worst."

"Oh," he bit his lower lip playfully, displaying his puppy dog eyes that made her cringe. "I thought I was an insufferable prick. It's on-brand."

Rey couldn't help biting a smile. She shook her head. "Please really get some rest, yeah?" she pretended to be stern. "We're not done yet—"

He winked suggestively, so she immediately added, "—the shoot. We're not done with the shoot."

"I'll see you soon," he yawned while lightly scratching his chiseled abdomen. He then smiled like he was drunk in sleep, and Rey felt her heart could leap out any moment. She wasn't supposed to feel that way, was she? 

"Hm. Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you," she punched the button. He quirked his ears up. "I'm on birth-control, so actually I was fine if you weren't, you know, ..." She gestured the act of putting a condom with her hands. 

His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. When he was about to launch at her, the elevator door was closed.

And it only took less than a minute until Rey received a text from him.

 

_You're SO gonna pay for that._

 

She snorted.

They were going to ruin each other, she knew. Given their situation, it shouldn't have made her feel so excited. But she couldn't help it.

She left his message read but unreplied.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	15. Fighting Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's 48-hour is almost up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your reviews and kudos! I was worried when writing the previous chapter, so you guys really boosted my confidence. Lol.
> 
> (Also, we now have a [cover art](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/post/177046790842/chiaroscuro-by-rakefire-rakefiree) for this fic. <3)
> 
> Warning: implied violence.

His flight was in two hours.

The traffic in the early morning wasn't as bad but still, his body was fidgeting during the whole journey to the airport. It was a 90-minute flight and half an hour drive to get to his destination. He slept all the way through, figuring that it'd be the best to compartmentalize and reset his mind before his appointment.

After all, soon after she left, he promised himself to focus on the task at hand.

Four hours later, he arrived at a crappy motel in the outskirt of Cloud City in Bespin. It was a generic roadside motel with too much pink and white—the kind of paint job that'd go chippy real fast in the heat of summer, and a big neon sign that said Tibanna Motel.

There weren't many people around, but just to be safe, he buried himself in long dark coat and sunglasses, casually looking away every time someone saw him. He figured it'd be easier to strut in this place if he looked more like either a drug dealer or a cheating husband, rather than being recognized as Kylo Ren. He wouldn't have minded to be spotted if he really was supposed to be there.

But he wasn't.

Thankfully, it wasn't difficult to find the room. Soon after he knocked on the door, a familiar face he hadn't seen in months greeted him with raised eyebrows and a ratty polo shirt and a mug in his hand. They looked at each other like neither of them found it plausible that Kylo would visit a place like that.

"How was your journey here?" the familiar face asked, grunting before letting him in. His face frowned, and his hair was more gray than the last time Kylo had seen him.

Kylo took off his sunglasses and his coat, laying them down on the table and at the back of a chair. The table was a bit cluttered with gadgets and chargers, so he put them aside to make a room for him. "Traffic wasn't that bad," he said as he sat down.

The other man nodded. "Coffee?"

"Sure."

While waiting for his coffee, Kylo looked around at the tidy but modest interior. There were few dents and cracks on the wall and cigarette holes on the carpet. Other than that, it was mostly clean-looking. But he still wouldn't rule out the possibility that there might've been a murder in a place like this.

"Why are you staying in a motel like this?" Kylo asked as the other man put down a mug of instant coffee on the desk. "You can afford a better place."

"It's cheap," the older man replied. He sat down next to Kylo and reached for a laptop sitting in front of them.

"But it's unsafe and unsanitary," Kylo crinkled his nose in disgust after sipping the coffee. "You don't have to be that frugal all the time."

The man in front of him snickered. "I only need a place to sleep and take a dump. Nothing fancy," he quipped as he flipped open the laptop. "And I'm only here to work, not to be judged by my own son."

Kylo rolled his eyes.

Han Solo shook his head while holding a smile. But then he looked at Kylo's leg. The fabric of his pants was pulled upward, exposing the ankle support above his black Oxford.

"What the hell happened to your leg?" he asked, hunching his torso to see better.

"Nothing," Kylo answered as he took off his shoe and then the ankle support—the evidence of self-inflicted injury that didn't matter anymore.

He couldn't tell anyone that he'd deliberately hurt himself just so he could have a day off—and rather than faking a sprain (not that he couldn't), he'd decided to injure himself a little. Something that he could manage and know when to heal (he'd learned his own limits after years of doing his own stunt in movies). After all, he needed his choreographer to witness his fall to make it convincing. If he'd faked it, that would've been too obvious—he could've acted to make it seem like he was in pain, but his body needed to display the evidence. And if she'd known, Rey would've been mad at him.

Well, she'd already been kind of mad at him last night, until...

"So, what have we got?" he asked, steering his own mind to the present.

"Chewie's going to FaceTime us once he's got him," Han replied as he squinted his eyes behind his reading glasses, fingers awkwardly making contact with the keyboard. "One of our guys found him last night. You know, when I called you and then you told me you'd call back. Except that you didn't."

"I was preoccupied," Kylo shrugged while putting on his shoe. He then stuffed the ankle support inside his coat's pocket.

"Well, at least you're here now," his father muttered.

Soon after he'd received the e-mail, Kylo knew he could be screwed badly—and the worst of all, it'd drag Rey with him. He'd consulted his lawyers immediately to find a way to deal with the blackmailer, but neither of them could give him any satisfactory solution other than legal advice (which was actually useful if he'd got enough time). It was with a heavy heart he decided to contact his father, who was now in the middle of a job covering some shady business in Bespin.

They hadn't spoken in months, Kylo and Han. It was just their way of telling each other they'd been doing well.

Their relationship wasn't the best, but the days of shouting at each other and destroying properties were in the past (his mother _had_ _made sure_ of it). But still, they weren't the types of people who would call each other or have lunches together to catch up like what Leia wanted. And it didn't help that neither Kylo nor his father could stay in the same place at the same time—it was either because of their schedules or because they ran out of their luck when they were together.

Regardless, Kylo was desperate when he contacted him. He couldn't tell anyone—especially since he wanted to take care of it _quietly._ And if his childhood memories were not fooling him, his father was the perfect person to deal with blackmailers. A scoundrel that Han Solo had been—his own words, not Kylo's.

"I know it looks like I'm attacking her, but it's not true," he remembered telling Han over the phone after sending the photos.

"Who do you think would do this to you and why?" Han asked.

"I don't know," he replied. "It could be anyone. I pissed off a lot of people. I have a punchable face. People want money."

After that, his father didn't question him any further and just agreed to track down the culprit. It was either he believed him or he didn't want to think about the possibility of his own son being an abuser. But silence was always better between them. Kylo wasn't the best at looking at the bright side when it came to his own family, but this time, he'd burn to try.

"Dad," Kylo tapped Han's shoulder, drifting his father's attention from his technically-real injury. "He's live."

On the screen, they saw Han's longtime work partner and best-friend, Joonas 'Chewbacca' Mayhew, waving at the camera. He was a hairy, 7-foot-tall man with threatening muddy brown beard and rough attitude. He'd been in Kylo's life since he was born. An all-around nice guy.

Chewbacca had taken him fishing and to his first baseball game with his father; a third wheel in most of the father-and-son outings during Kylo's childhood—and sometimes when his father hadn't been present for him, Uncle Chewie would show up for an ice cream. And again, he was also the middle man when Han and him hadn't spoken to each other after he'd decided to pursue acting at university.

"Chewie," Han cleared his throat. "Ben's here."

"Benjiiii!" Chewie's face lit up upon seeing Kylo. "My nephew!"

"Uncle Chewie," he darted his gaze at the background behind his surrogate uncle. "Where are you now?"

"Canto Bight," he replied. "This piece of shit was playing goddamn poker when I found him."

"Canto—that's not that far from Coruscant!" Kylo cried, turning his head to his father. "I could've just gone there, Dad. Why did you make me fly all the way here if I could've just found him in _fucking_ Canto Bight?"

"And what?" his father raised an eyebrow, unperturbed. "Let you beat the shit out of the guy?"

He narrowed his eyes, "And Uncle Chewie _wouldn't?"_

"Chewie is not a famous actor who once got a court-mandated anger management for smashing other people's cameras!" Han yelled.

"Jesus, Dad, it was six years ago!" Kylo yelled back. "And they were just some goddamn paps!"

"Guys? Guys!" they heard Chewie from the screen. When they looked at him, the bearded guy was fisting his frizzy hair, "Can we continue?"

The father and son folded their arms in sync, looking sullen, but still managed to shift their attention back to Chewie.

Kylo noticed his uncle seemed to be in an enclosed space with bad lighting. It looked like someone's room or a rather spacious utility closet. Behind him there was another person sitting— _tied down_ on a chair, with a gag in his mouth. Kylo's eye twitched.

"Uncle Chewie, did you beat the shit out of him?" he asked nonchalantly, more to his father than Chewie. Han rolled his eyes.

Chewie just shrugged and then aimed his phone at the tied man before pulling off the gag. The seemingly beaten-up guy coughed wildly, but then managed to look at the camera. Kylo frowned, not recognizing who he was.

"So, that's the guy?" he muttered, his jaw tensed and his hands clenched into fists. His father's hand suddenly hovered in front of Kylo's chest, seemingly trying to keep him glued on his seat. Kylo took a deep breath. _Patience._

"Who are you?" he asked.

Chewie pulled the other man's hair, exposing more of the black and blue in his face to Kylo and Han.

"The name is JD," he panted. "I'm a photographer for hire."

"A fucking pap, you mean?" Han narrowed his eyes.

"That'll work, too." JD cleared his throat, "By the way, Han Solo, big fan. Uh, Kylo Ren, I watched your movies—but like the blockbuster ones only. I don't understand indie shit." He chuckled, "Sorry, man."

Chewie clicked his tongue, "You should be sorry for different reasons, you scumbag."

"Please don't hit me!" JD suddenly closed his eyes, his voice sounded so distraught. "I already told you everything! Please, Han Solo, Kylo Ren, please make him stop. I can't feel my bones!"

They couldn't see Chewie because he was behind the camera, but they could tell he was having fun scaring the guy. Meanwhile, Kylo could feel his own breathing start to quicken. It was a _shame_ really that his father made him stay in a motel in the middle of nowhere when he could've broken that guy's bones in just forty-minute drive.

"Why did you take his pictures?" Kylo heard his father saying.

JD swallowed, still looking pained. "I was hired by some dude to spy on Mr. Ren. He said he wanted a payback or something."

"It's true," Chewie popped up. "Someone sent him. He's got nothing."

"Who sent you?" Kylo and Han asked at the same time.

JD looked hesitant, so Chewie put the camera closer to him while shouting, "Answer them!"

"Alright, alright! Fucking sasquatch...," JD squawked, but then he straightened up his back. "Vos. Dryden Vos. He hired me anonymously through Kik, but when I met him I knew it was him. It wasn't that hard to recognize him."

Kylo gnawed his bottom lip, and his hands were clenched and unclenched. His father gave him a puzzled look, "Why's Vos targeting you?"

"I don't know," Kylo replied, his shoulders heaved. There was a surge of anger building inside him. His breathing became more erratic, "I punched him in the face. Broke his nose."

"You punched him _again?"_ his father asked.

"No. I haven't seen or heard of him since..." Kylo paused. His eyebrows raised as the realization hit him. "Since four years ago."

Four years ago, Dryden Vos was his photographer for a Rogue photoshoot. He punched him in the face after Vos made lewd remarks and sexual advances to...

"He's been holding a grudge for _four_ years just because you punched him in his sorry-ass face?" Han scoffed in disbelief, "Why didn't he look for me too? I also punched his face once in the eighties!"

"That wasn't you," Chewie chimed in. "That was Qi'Ra. You just spat on him after she kicked his ass." He then looked at Kylo, "So, why do you think he's looking for you now?"

"I'm not sure," he replied. "I've never heard of him in years after he dropped the charge against me." Kylo then darted his eyes at JD, "Does he have the file? Stuff that you sent me, does he have that?"

"He does," JD answered, looking more pained as the time passed. "It's digital, man. I sent it after he paid me half. But he wants me to deal with you because, I believe, he doesn't want to get his hands dirty. I just need to report to him once you paid the sum—or if you didn't, I'll leak everything to TMZ."

Han leaned closer to his son. "How much did this scum ask you to pay?" Han said quietly.

Kylo chewed his bottom lip, unfazed. "One and a half millions."

"One and a half milli—" Han's mouth fell open. "But you never planned to pay, right?"

"Actually, I was considering it," he leaned his back on the chair. "If you and Uncle Chewie couldn't find him, I would've. I don't have much time to do lengthy investigation—I tried contacting some PI's I know, but neither of them could do it with such short notice. So, I basically put my faith in you."

His father blinked and then shook his head, "Have you contacted anyone else?"

"My lawyers," Kylo took out his phone from his coat and then put it on the table. "They're on-call."

Han and Chewie stared at each other in silence.

"Benji, can I ask you something?" Chewie started. Kylo raised his head at him. "Why didn't you contact your mother and why didn't you want us to tell her?"

Kylo exhaled sharply while looking away.

"Chewie's right," his father added. "It's not that we didn't want you to call us, but your mother could've solved this faster."

"Yeah," Chewie directed the camera to his full face. "Among the four of us, Leia is the scary one. She burned down Jabba Hutt's illegal operation on her own—remember? Finding cockroaches like this guy would've been a piece of cake. Everyone's terrified of her."

Kylo shifted uncomfortably, not giving them any response. But Han didn't want to let it go.

"What is it, Ben?"

Chewie seemed to understand the atmosphere, so he walked outside the room. He shouted at JD while grabbing the door open, "You stay the fuck here!"

"I can't move, man!" JD shouted back, sounding so defeated. "What more do you want?"

Chewie then slammed shut the door and went somewhere he thought they could get more privacy. "Okay," he said, leaning his back on an unidentified white wall. "It's just us now."

Kylo sighed, debating whether he'd tell them the full story. When he asked for their help, he didn't even mention Rey's name. They never pushed, but surely they had questions.

"She's one of mom's," Kylo said, still avoiding eye-contact. "A photographer."

"Christ," he heard his father huff.

"But then, won't Leia protect her?" Chewie asked. "Or, does she not want her boss to know about this too?"

"It's complicated," Kylo shrugged.

"Ben," he felt his father's hand on his shoulder. "Spill it out. You're acting strange now."

Kylo's jaw tensed, and then he pulled away from his father. "I'm not acting strange. _Everything_ is always strange to you!"

He stared at Han. The older man looked surprised and there was a blip of sadness flashing in his eyes before he looked away. Kylo didn't know why he needed to be that hostile to him. It was just a question. He realized he was so protective of _her_ —but hadn't his father promised not to tell his mother already?

"Benji. Look," he heard his uncle speaking. "We care about you, buddy. This is just not like you. I mean, Han asked me to not mention this because he was so excited that you contacted him instead of—"

"Oh, shut your pie hole!" Han yelled.

"—your mother. _You_ shut up!" Chewie pointed his finger to the camera, and then when he stared at Kylo, his eyes softened again. "But nephew, this is not the first time you deal with lowlifes like that weasel. You usually just lawyer up, right? And if—we're talking the worst here—if the photos get out, you can still report this and you'll still win. Blackmailing is illegal anyway. She could even testify for you."

"I can't," he replied. "And no one's testifying anything."

"But you said you have your lawyers on-call?" his father asked.

"I have."

"How about her lawyers?" Chewie asked.

"My lawyers _are_ her lawyers."

"Oh, cool." Chewie nodded, "She agreed to do that?"

Kylo didn't answer. He was just staring at his own hands, playing with his phone. He kept gnawing the inner of his cheek, his jaw moving nervously. The other two men were quiet for a moment, paying attention to him in anticipation. But when he kept quiet, they finally arrived to their own conclusion.

"No." Suddenly he heard Han's voice, "No, you didn't. Ben, she _doesn't_ know?"

Kylo exhaled sharply. He could hear his father's voice was getting higher in exasperation, "Does she even know you're here?"

He swallowed, and his jaw went tensed.

Han scoffed, throwing his hands to the air in frustration, "Then, what does _she_ know?"

Kylo threw his phone on the table until it spun in front of him.

"I want to keep her out of this, okay? She's..." Kylo felt his voice stuck in his throat, "Look, she's got her own problems already—and I... I don't want her to even think about this! This is all my fault. If I _weren't_ me, she wouldn't have... _fuck."_

Han's eyes widened.

"Oh, Benji..." Chewie sighed and shook his head.

Han moved his jaw, the same gesture like Kylo had. They were more similar than they would care to admit. "How long have you two been together?"

"A while."

The room was quiet again for a moment. And then Han let out a sigh.

"Alright," he nodded, looking at his son empathetically. Kylo hated when he was like that. "We're just here to help you. You make the call."

"I want everything destroyed," Kylo answered without missing a beat. He then stared at his father's eye. "Not a trace left. Can you do that?"

Han dragged his laptop to face him. "Chewie, do what you gotta do."

In an instance, Chewie got inside the room again. His strides were in hurry, and upon seeing him, JD's eyes turned into panic.

"Wait, wait. Please don't kill me!" JD whimpered.

"Who's going to kill you, you dirty fucknuckle?" Chewie barked at him. He then looked straight at the camera, waving his hand. "Alright, I'll see you guys around. Have a safe flight back, Ben."

And the connection was cut.

"We still need to obtain the file in Vos' hands," Han said. "Meanwhile, Chewie will make sure JD tell that son of a bitch that we're onto his ass."

"I'll figure something out," Kylo took a swig of his bad coffee. "My lawyers already had a dirt on him from four years ago. I can hire a PI to keep a tab on him. If he left everything in JD's hand like he said, then I still have time to do something."

"Good."

Kylo got to his feet, putting on his coat. "So, how long are you going to stay here?"

"Until Chewie's back," Han closed his laptop. "After that we're going to Hoth."

Kylo looked at his father, placing his hands on the back of his chair. "Mom's retiring next year," he said. "You should too. Go somewhere tropical or do some shit old people do."

Han snickered, "I still have other stuff to do. There are still people who need help. I can't ignore that." He raised to his feet, glancing at the camera on the bed before looking at his son. "How about you? You're still working with that guy Snoke?"

"He's got wide audience," Kylo wore his sunglasses. "I have my own calling that I can't ignore as well—although my method is slightly different than yours. Not that you get it."

"No, I get it." Han walked him to the front door, "You were good in, uh, that film." He cleared his throat, "The new one."

His father couldn't see his eyes behind the sunglasses, but Kylo was definitely taken aback. Han Solo had never paid attention to his career (his mother said it _wasn't_ true), and it was still hard to believe that his borderline-stingy dad would spend a penny for cinema.

But looking at him now, Kylo felt like maybe his father really did pay attention to him. After all, this time he'd got his back.

"Thanks," he murmured. "Thanks for everything, dad."

He found himself reaching his father aging body and pulling him into a bear hug. Now it was Han Solo who was taken aback.

Kylo hadn't touched his father in years. He felt... smaller now. His father, who used to piggyback and swing his tiny body like he was a starship.

"You're welcome," Han patted Kylo's back. They then awkwardly withdrew from each other, avoiding eye contact while standing like two tall matchsticks. Kylo then opened the door and stepped outside. He nodded at his father.

"Son, can I tell you something for a second?" Han suddenly said.

Kylo paused. His collar was already high up his cheeks.

"If there's one thing I learned in life," Han leaned against the doorframe. "It's that women always figure out the truth."

Kylo stood there quietly, not knowing what to say.

And then his father gave him a knowing smirk, _"Always."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The incident with Vos was alluded in the second half of [chapter 3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14737622/chapters/34177355). Did you notice it? :D
> 
> I wanted to explore Kylo's relationship with his father for a bit, especially since it's common to think that he's got a better relationship as an adult with Leia than Han. But in this fic, I want Han to also get involved (and in this universe, no one dies, so). :D
> 
> I was going to include Rey's scene in this chapter, but then it's gotten too long already. But don't worry, reylo will be back in the next chapter!
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> 


	16. Things that Do Not Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey keeps telling herself that their relationship is nothing more than just a physical one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long, but mostly because of the dialogues. I tried to make it shorter, but then I couldn't. :(  
>   
>   
>   
> Warning: some fluff, some smut, some angst.

They were in his living room.

Her knuckles were turning white as she clawed her nails into the back of his couch. Her back and her ass were flushed against his chest and hips. She could see their reflections in the window, now dark with city lights scattering around like angry fireflies.

She was still wearing her plain white tee—now hiked up to her chest, but her jeans must've been somewhere on the floor. Her panties were in his back pocket, dangling like a climber on a cliff with only a few strands of rope left to warrant their life with every thrust he drove into her.

They were back at his penthouse again after wrapping up the shoot—obviously, driving their own cars separately with impeccable interval between each departure. His excuse to get away from the after hours gathering was his exhaustion (and his injury—which he told her was completely healed already), and hers was to review the footage.

No suspicion was raised because apparently, they managed to convince everyone else that they were two functional adults who would _never_ spend an entire day thinking about boning each other. 

He arrived first and waited for her in front of the elevator on his floor. Once she was there, his mouth was immediately attacking hers. And after that, they couldn't get their hands off each other.

They didn't even make it to his bedroom. Or fully getting out of their clothes.

"God, you're beautiful," he whispered to her temple, his hand delicately brushed the strands of hair from her face and his eyes were trained on her reflection in the window. He kissed the crook of her neck, "All _mine_ and beautiful."

If this had been any normal circumstances, a possessive declaration like that would've served him an elbow to his ribs. But this time, every word he said sounded like a music to her ears, his dark and sinful voice sending a jolt of electricity down her spine.

He then reached for her breast under the unclasped bra while his other hand was kneading her hip. She lifted her leg to dip her knee on the couch, and he hunched with her, following her body in a fluid motion.

"Now tell me," he whispered. His breathing was haggard and determined. "On my first day of work... did you... wear that blouse for me? After leaving me like that in the basement... and ignoring my texts?"

Her mouth parted and her head fell forward. She couldn't answer him if she wanted to. But then his hand reached her throat, tilting her head up so she could face his reflection again.

She smirked despite her breathing felt like being knocked out of her lungs. "You made it sound like it's a bad thing," she replied as fast as she could breathe, her hand captured his wrist so tightly.

He growled and then clicked his tongue. "Naughty, naughty girl."

"Shut... up," she chided. "I liked it better—oh, god—when you'd just..." She scrunched up her face, feeling the sting of pain mix with the pleasure of the moment. "...strike a pose and be pretty for me."

He grunted and suckled on her pulse point.

She was reaching for her clit but he beat her to it. And as he was roughly circling with his fore and middle fingers there—and oh god, this was too much—she heard him whisper again.

"Did you like it?" his voice was getting lower and lower. "Did you like ordering me around?"

"Yes," she moaned desperately, her mind starting to blur. "I _loved_ it."

She was close—so close, but suddenly he started to slow down. She groaned in protest and blindly grabbed his opened shirt to urge him to go faster.

He exhaled sharply. "Then do it again," he breathed, still slowing down. His mouth was pressed on the shell of her ear. "Order me around like I'm your—"

Kylo hissed in pain as she fisted his hair, pulling it hard like she wanted to rip it from his scalp. She then crashed her mouth to his jaw.

"Harder," she ordered.

"Are you sure?" he laughed, slowly pressing himself inside her. "I don't want to hurt—"

He winced as she pulled his hair again, "Fuck. Me. Harder."

And so he did.

He lifted her hips and then swiftly moved her entire body so she could get on all fours on the couch. With the new angle, she could feel him deeper inside her, impossibly big and demanding. Her mind went blank as she came, and he continued to fuck her to the couch, chasing his own release.

Her mouth fell open and her eyes shut as she felt him hot inside her. He pulled out a moment later, but still held onto her as they regulated their breathing. She felt her thighs wobbly and sticky—the heat from his body engulfed hers and she thought she was going to die.

_What a way to go._

Her mind snapped back to the present when he ran his fingers on her inner thighs to push his spend back inside her. She heard him chuckle.

"I can't believe you let me do this," he said breathily as she slumped on the couch.

She looked at him over her shoulder. _Neither can I._

Rey then heard a rustle from where he sat. She felt his weight was lifted from the couch. "Don't move," he said as he went away. She heard water running from the bathroom and then it stopped. He came back with a warm towel and sat behind her, parting her legs to clean her up.

"You don't have to," she murmured, feeling a blush on her cheeks. But he just hummed and continued wiping her inner thighs. 

After he was done, she turned her body around to face him. Kylo was sitting on his knees, his hands were caressing her thighs and the towel was placed on his lap. His eyes were glazed and his full lips parted, pink and inviting. The skin on his neck and exposed chest were flushed red and his hair was in disarray. Rey wondered if her grip was really hurting his head. But before she could ask him that, he started to talk.

"I promise I'll be gentle," he said, while stroking and kissing her legs. "Next time I'll be gentle."

"Don't worry about it," she rolled her eyes while wiping the sweat on her forehead with the back of her hand.

"I really don't want to hurt you," he continued. There was a familiar earnestness in how he gazed down at her.

That look again.

Rey's jaw went tensed. She covered her eyes with her arms and sighed. For some reason, this part of him—the way he looked at her when all the lust had been sated and she felt like she was the center of his world—was always too much for her.

When she agreed to sleep with him, the only thing that came into her mind was to seek the answer, to find release from their confusing connection—chemistry, whatever that was. But all she could find was more questions and more nagging desires that needed to be quenched.

She didn't mind their arrangement—after all, she was the one who had initiated it. But then, she started thinking about him a lot more than before. She thought that it was probably because of the amazing sex they'd had the last time. But when she saw him on the set that morning, she felt like she hadn't been prepared with how affected she was.

_She wanted him._

And if the only way she could deal with it was to fuck him, then so be it. She'd be careful, he'd be careful. And in a few weeks, when every passion was dissipated, they could both move on and there'd be no hard feelings.

But she didn't want him to be gentle. Being gentle meant intimacy—the dangerous kind of intimacy. And that was the last thing she wanted from him.

"You're not hurting me," she said as she sat up and clasped her bra back. And then she tapped his bicep, "Now give me back my panties."

He blinked. "Uh, no."

"Ren," she huffed. "Come on."

He straightened his posture, unceremoniously throwing the towel to the floor. His jeans were hanging low on his hips with his belt unbuckled and the button and zipper left open. He took her lacy pink panties from his back pocket and then hooked them on his fingers, closely examining them. "Did you wear these for me too?"

She rolled her eyes. "Not everything is about you," she swung her arm but he lifted his arm higher.

"But... did you?"

She bit her lower lip, trying not to smile. He was _impossible._

"You did!" He smirked triumphantly, "Of course, you did."

"Oh, shut up! I'm cold."

He finally relented and gave her panties back to her. He watched her as she stood up, trying to balance her shaky legs while putting them on. After she was done, he pulled her down on the couch with him, placing her on his lap and her back against his chest.

She wanted to protest but instead couldn't help giggling when he nuzzled his nose between her shoulder blades. "What are you doing?" she tried to get away from him. But he didn't stop, and continued tickling her with his nose and hands, peppering her with kisses on every part of her his mouth could reach. She almost fell back to the side, writhing and kicking his legs with the soles of her feet.

"Stop," she cried while laughing uncontrollably. "You're going to pay for this!"

And then he lifted her up and turned her body around so they could see each other. Their eyes met for a moment before they started kissing passionately. Her hand ran through his hair, giving his scalp a light massage as an apology for being too rough to it while the other stayed on his chest. He moaned as he softly caressed her skin underneath her shirt.

After a while, they pulled back.

Rey had her arms circling his shoulders as he licked his lips, his eyes were soft but piercing.

"You have no idea what you've done to me," he muttered.

She felt like her heart almost jumped out of her ribs in an instance. She shifted her body to fend off the uneasy feeling but he misread that as teasing and he groaned.

"You talk like an actor," she snickered. "Lame."

"I _am_ an actor," Kylo raised his eyebrows, his hand making small circles gently on her back. "But it doesn't mean I don't know how to be genuine."

"Yeah, but how do you know, though?" she teased. "You could've learned those words from some screenplay and stuff. So, how do you know if you're not just replicating from what you've read?"

His mouth fell open in disbelief. Rey tilted her head up in defiance, "Hmm?"

Kylo then frowned, his lips pouted—she didn't think he was deliberately doing that, but with lips like that, accidental sexy pouting could be as automatic as breathing—or sneezing. She didn't complain, and in fact, took pleasure in it.

But he didn't seem in the mood for her teasing. He rested his forehead on hers.

"Please don't make fun of my feelings," he said softly.

He stared at her with the intensity that she couldn't explain. She'd seen sadness in his eyes before, but by god, she refused to acknowledge it if that was what she saw right now.

She staggered back and laughed, "What feelings?"

_There's no need to overthink about it—about him._

His shoulders slumped down as he sighed, "Right."

Rey felt she couldn't bear watching him at a close distance like that, so she wriggled herself out of his clutch and lap.

"Where are you going?" he asked although he still let her go.

"Bathroom."

"After that?"

She snorted, "Why'd you keep asking me that?"

"Just in case," Kylo shrugged. And then his face was back to his usual playfulness. "I mean, I don't want to be _that_ guy, but if you leave right after we had sex, I feel..." he dramatically sighed and flung to his couch while putting his hands on his forehead and chest like a fainting maiden in Victorian novels. "...used."

Rey couldn't help laughing, "You're such a dork."

"Ah-ah," he wiggled his finger. "Not just a dork. I'm an actor too. A dork who's also an actor, it's as rare of a blessing as an EGOT if you knew one."

She walked to the other side of the couch, took a pillow, and threw it at him. He received it face first, but then hugged it to his chest while giving her a coy smile.

She found her jeans in the hallway and grabbed them right away. But then she paused when she remembered the discussion her team and Kylo had during the _crowded_ lunch today (he'd called various food trucks to make amends for his absence—Rey thought it was thoughtful of him although he shouldn't have felt bad for his injury, but he just laughed when she told him).

"About earlier today," she said as she turned around. "You're coming, right?"

He sat up and gave her a puzzled look but then his lips curled upward, "I... was."

Rey rolled her eyes, "Not that." She folded her arms as he grinned sheepishly. "I mean, tomorrow's party," she continued. _"Our_ party? In Outlander?"

"Oh, the one that Dameron initiated—oh, sorry, I mean, insisted to throw?"

"Yeah," she replied. "Poe said it's for us _and_ the team. I mean, it's fine if you can't go—I heard you said you didn't know yet. But if you can, please come."

"Of course, I can _come."_

The double entendre was not lost on her. Rey shook her head while kneading the bridge of her nose lightly, hiding a smile that betrayed her composure. He was that childish. Didn't she use to think that was _annoying?_

"Good," she replied quickly, trying to pull a straight face.

Kylo bit his lower lip, seemingly thinking about something. She waited in anticipation.

"Do you think they'll notice if we're suddenly gone?" he then deadpanned. "Because I’ll definitely want to have sex with you there at some point during the night."

"Oh, my god," Rey groaned, stomping her feet as she turned around.

"Parties are boring anyway," she heard him shouting as she entered the bathroom. "I'm just offering some help!"

"Shut up and order some pizza!" she shouted back with a wide grin on her face. "I'm hungry!"

Silence. And then she heard him again.

"Okay. But my offer still stands, though."

 

 

* * *

 

 

They started off the night in a private lounge in Outlander Club, with speeches from Paige, Rey, and then Kylo. They were brief—but Kylo's was the briefest. He made a joke about his _convenient_ injury, and it was definitely the one that invited the most laugh. Rey'd never seen him that loose around everyone else before.

He winked at her when no one else was looking.

 _You look stunning,_ he texted her.

Ever since he saw her that evening, in her red bodycon dress and high heels with her hair down, he'd been taking glances at her—sometimes, she caught his gaze linger a little bit too long than necessary. Rey realized that he wasn't looking horrendous either with slick hair and his red dress shirt rolled up to his forearms and black jeans. They hadn't planned to look so couple-y, but it was too late to change—and it wasn't like they shared the same closet or anything. And no one was supposed to even arrive to that conclusion in the first place.

Rey decided to mingle with everyone else as much as she could and treat him like her other co-workers. He gave her a knowing glance and did the same. She felt her stomach go flip-flop with the possibility of their secret rendezvous later.

But then, Poe managed to drag Rey and Kylo into the same booth with him until, as always, he got coaxed into a drinking game by the others and abandoned them.

"I'm surprised he didn't take us to The Resistance," Kylo quipped as they looked at Poe clinking his drink to Wexley's. "He might've been the only patron left at that bar."

Rey gave him a side eye. "What?" he shrugged. "I'm right."

She laughed. "Actually, I like the Resistance."

"What, you frequent there, too?" he tilted his head, his wolfish grin was apparent whenever he was amused with her. His eyes were still roaming over her form. Rey crossed her legs under the table and he was visibly gulping.

"Yeah," she shrugged. "Sometimes I go with Jess, sometimes with Rose. But always with Finn."

"Always?" he repeated. The amusement in his face suddenly disappeared and turned into something else.

"Uh-uh," Rey took a swig of her beer and then chuckled. "I think we always end up there every time we hang out—even when we initially go somewhere else; it's like the last stop before home. The other night we went there and stayed until the place was almost closed. I think it was after we saw a really bad movie and he couldn't stop ranting about it. What is it with summer and shark movies anyway?"

Kylo nodded noncommittally, but his eyes were downcast to the tapping of his fingers near his beer.

"Speaking of Finn," she then said after a brief awkward silence. "He's supposed to be here by now."

He raised his head at her, "Why would Storms be here?"

"He's my friend?" she staggered back, surprised by his sharp tone. "I want him to be here."

His eyebrows furrowed. "But this is a work occasion," he shot. "You can't just invite your _friend."_

In one way or more, she didn't like how he stressed that word. She could see his face hardened like there was an underlying current that made him try to be calm. And he was doing a bang up job at that, she thought. 

But she wasn't there to dampen his sudden foul mood. He'd got no right to speak to her like that.

"Well, for me, there _isn't_ anybody more deserving to be invited here than _Finn,"_ she said, calm but defensive. "He was the one who led me to this job."

She took a glance at him as she heard a tiny dismissive "oh," from him. When he looked away, she did the same.

But then she saw Finn looking around in the crowd not far from them. She texted him her position. He looked at his phone and then saw her immediately before approaching her booth. Rey stood up as he got closer.

"Look at you, you hotshot photographer!" he put his hand on his chest, gasping dramatically before giving her a hug. "You look beautiful, Peanut. Did I miss anything?"

"Thanks," she pulled away. "I'm glad you're here. We're just getting started."

Suddenly both of their phones pinged. A message from Rose.

_Your 3 o'clock. Unlimited booze. Poe's paying (Paige said)._

They turned their heads and found Rose sitting on a small round table. She waved enthusiastically and then gestured her hands to the alcoholic concoctions in front of her while mouthing, "Ta-da."

Finn waved back at her. He then bent his arm, gesturing Rey to take his lead. It wasn't a romantic gesture as much as a friendly jab at her due to her lack of skill in wearing high heels. She rolled her eyes but couldn't help smiling.

She turned around to excuse himself from Kylo, but he was already staring at his phone. When she told him she was going to Rose's table, he didn't even respond. His jaw was clenched hard and his attention was fully glued to the screen.

 _Whatever,_ Rey thought. If things kept going on like that, they might not need to pretend in front of the others because he wasn't going to get anything from her.

And so, she hooked her arm to Finn's and they marched to Rose all the while he was teasing her about the heels.

The three of them were in the middle of chatting up about nothing when they saw Poe Dameron sandwiched between a man and a woman on the dancefloor.

"Dude's got moves," Finn said while shaking his head. He'd known Poe longer than Rey, and had warned her about the vast difference between All-Business Dameron and Party Animal Dameron. "Both are fun for different reasons," she remembered him saying.

"He's always got that flair that made people pay attention to him," Rose added, sipping her margarita.

And then they saw the woman was feeling his butt and Poe turned around, really going at it. "Is he still... with that guy I saw him last with?" Finn asked, eyes still in awe. "Or with the other girl that he told me he met on the street during fashion week?"

"Dunno," Rose replied. "When I started my internship, I thought at first he was with Kaydel. But then Paige told me they weren't. But they seem to be really, really close."

"Isn't Kay engaged?" Rey leaned forward. "Honestly, I thought he's got a thing for Armitage Hux."

"What?" her two friends said at the same time, their heads snapped to her with widened eyes. Rose gasped in delight, "What makes you say that?"

"I don't know," she shrugged and then laughed. "Everything goes intense every time they're in the same room. They keep bickering, and it usually ends up with Hux stomping his feet. The tension is just so palpable."

"Hm." Rose nodded, "You mean, like you and Ren?"

"What?" Rey's voice pitched higher and her heart skipped a beat. "No. No no no. No. We're not—no."

"That's a lot of no's there," Finn sipped his daiquiri. Rey could feel her face reddened.

She cleared her throat, "He's like that to everybody."

"No, he isn't," Rose narrowed her eyes. "He's only messing with you all the time."

"Like what?" Finn took down his drink.

"Well," the shorter girl shrugged. "This is my observation since I was assigned to follow Rey around. But it usually goes like this: he's the one who's starting it, and then Rey takes his bait and then they argue. They were always pretty much like that during pre-production."

Rey squeaked, "No, we weren't."

"Yeah, you were," Rose slapped her own thighs enthusiastically. "It's not as blatant as the first time we started working, but he still teases you a little bit from time to time. I once saw him cornering you in the office. What was up with that?"

Rey's heart felt like dropping to her stomach.

Now it was Finn who started to frown. "Is that true, Peanut?" he put his hand on her arm in concern. "Has he ever got you in trouble?"

She opened her mouth and blinked. "No," she replied, hoping it'd be convincing enough to get them off her back. "There's nothing—look, it was all work-related. He's just intense like that. It's the whole perfectionist, A-list actor stuff. Even Korr told me about it."

"It's true," Rose snorted. "But still, at some point I thought it'd be a disaster, you know."

"Wow," Rey shook his head. "Thanks for the much-needed positivity there, Rose."

Rose laughed and shook her head. "No, not like that. I mean," she swallowed. "I used to think he was going to bully you or something. Between that or he's flirting with you—'cause, you know, fuckboys like him tend to act like a fifth grader. And you're pretty, so."

"What changed your mind?" Finn asked Rose.

For some reason, Rey felt heat prickling at the back of her head before she realized that his hand was still holding her arm. And still with the reason unbeknownst to her, she decided to withdraw and rest both of her hands on her lap instead. It felt like she'd been _guilty_ of something. 

"Oh, god! Oh, god!" Rose squealed. "You should've seen when they worked together. He's got that dangerous vibe, you know? The kind that makes you swoon even though you know he's bad news? And Rey could bring out that side of him—I mean, he's totally sexy and stuff, but when she got her camera on him—"

"You know I'm still here, right?" Rey narrowed her eyes.

"—our knees were weak." She then told Rey, "I don't understand how could you be so calm at all? I found him a bit off-putting at first—especially after the stuff Hux said, but then you made Ren took off his top and then everything was so confusing, but like, in a _good_ way."

Rey raised her eyebrow, "I thought you said he's a fuckboy?"

"Yeah, but I still have eyes, Rey." Rose rolled her eyes like it was so obvious to her, "And ovaries. Everyone was literally gushing about him in every shoot. Couldn't you hear the collective gasp every time he walked the set? And the choreography yesterday. Oh, my god."

Yes, she'd noticed. So had he. And that was why she needed to remain reserved and collected, because jumping and licking him on set would've been highly inappropriate and definitely unprofessional.

She blinked and then shook her head, horrified by the thought she managed to conjure up by herself.

"He's a good actor and an ex-model," Rey sipped her drink calmly, trying not to get weirded up when someone else was swooning over the person she'd been secretly fucking. "That was expected of him."

Rose turned her head to her. "When you have your camera on him, he's always had that intense smoldering look—oh," she then paused, her eyes darted over Rey's shoulder. "Like the one he's doing right now."

Finn jerked his head to the direction of Kylo's booth, while Rey was trying so hard not to even make a small turn. She knew what Rose was saying—which gaze that was, and how it always felt like boring deep into her skull, and how it made her soaking wet between her thighs less than 24 hours ago, with both of them naked in his bed.

"Why is he looking at you like that?" Finn furrowed his eyebrows.

She felt like texting Kylo and telling him to stop—but for what, exactly? Did she tell him what to do now? She knew he liked it like that when they were in bed, but telling him to what, not looking? That was too much. Also, she didn't know if he really was looking at her—she didn't even _dare_ to look, but that'd be just awkward if it turned out he didn't mean to stare.

"I'm sure he's just glowering at nothing," she quipped. "It's just his thing. If you hang out with him as much as I do..."

She stopped herself before finishing the sentence. _Shit._

"You're hanging out _with_ Kylo Ren?" Finn asked, looking more baffled than before.

"We," she corrected herself. "I mean, as _we_ do—you know, because of work. Right, Rose?"

Rose seemed to be oblivious with the sudden tension, and just nodded. "Oh, yeah, yeah. He's been surprisingly very involved," she said. "I thought it was going to be like that meme from The Office—you know, the one where Jim holding a board with it's been blank days since the last nonsense?"

Rey forced herself to laugh but it ended up weak and unconvincing. "Yeah, so did I."

Finn still took a glance at Kylo once in a while and she wished he could just stop. So then, as an attempt to distract him and Rose from prying further, she asked both of them to dance with her after downing her Bloody Mary in one go.

After a while, she started to feel lightheaded, so she excused herself to the restroom. When she finally turned to look at Kylo's booth, he was already chatting with Korr Sella. Korr was the one who noticed her and waved her hand, but _he_ was not even glancing at her.

 _What-fucking-ever,_ she spat inwardly. 

For all she cared, he could have fun by himself, just like how she definitely had fun with her friends. That way, no one would suspect their _relationship._ And it wasn't her fault that she left him alone (and he was _obviously_ less alone now). She didn't have to keep up with the changes of his mood—that wasn't what they were about. 

Rey wondered if she was really pissed at him or he was at her, and maybe soon he'd really sneaked them somewhere in the building just like he'd promised. In some twisted imagery, Rey hated that she didn't hate the idea of fucking him while her friends and co-workers were busy partying. _Especially_ now that they were on each other's nerves.

She checked on her phone. Nothing. No text from him.

When she was back to the dancefloor, he was already gone from his booth. The club was crowded with people. The music was loud and everyone else was high on adrenaline. Anything could happen.

_There's no need to overthink things._

Except that she already did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (disclaimer) (Finn and Rey see each other as just friends) (so do Kylo and Korr) (this has been a PSA.)
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	17. Some Liars Just Want to be Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After she heard about Kylo's whereabouts, Rey decides she's done with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending of the previous chapter might've looked abrupt, but it was because I'd miscalculated the length of the overall words. Lol. I don't want to burden you with long-ass chapters. 
> 
> (And I deliberately put the Finn/Korr disclaimer by the end of it mostly because I didn't want to lead you into some nonexistent love-triangle. Haha. If I wanted to write one, I would've approached it differently. But Kylo and Rey's problem is always between them—so far. I'm sorry if this explanation is unnecessary and what I did was sort of spoilery when it comes to their relationships with Finn and Korr, but I just want to make it clear ~~and I always have a soft spot for Finn~~ ).
> 
> Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the kudos and responses and everything. I'm so floored, and I hope I can deliver the story well. <3 <3

It wasn't her decision to bed him that bothered her, but the attachment to his presence that she resented. And now that he disappeared, she felt a sudden loss from not being able to be close to him—which was weird because she was sure that they were _definitely_ not like that.

That said, Rey was pissed at him for leaving and not saying anything.

After the dancefloor felt no longer preferable, she and her friends headed to the bar. And that was when she saw Korr talking to the bartender. Rey looked around with a little expectation that she didn't want to deal. But the subject of her interest was still nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Ren?"

The question didn't come from her, but from Poe. She turned her head and saw him standing right behind her, sweaty and blushing from all the dancing. She opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"I don't know," Korr shrugged. "He received a phone call few minutes ago, and then he's gone."

"He's upstairs," Jay Tubb, one of the crewmembers, raised his glass to the floor above them. "I saw him. He's... _busy."_

Korr and Poe raised their eyebrows and then looked at each other for a moment. Rey cleared her throat, "Busy?"

"Yeah," Jay snorted. "I saw him with some _fine_ dame in the lounge upstairs. They seemed pretty cozy. Like I said, busy."

Rey clenched her jaw.

She had suspected something like this would happen sooner or later. Once he decided that she wasn't interested (which she actually still was but he'd been such a man-child the last time they'd spoken), he'd hop on to the next girl. This was too cliché and predictable, but it didn't stop Rey from fuming.

"Good for him," the words escaped her mouth before she could even stop them.

"I know, right?" Jay chuckled, remaining oblivious to the venom in her voice. "Lucky bastard."

After that she could only stand there while her co-workers were talking about the _dame._ She didn't listen—was unable to. And perhaps Poe just told Jay to lay it off or maybe Korr just said something similar—it didn't matter. Her mind was somewhere else, and all she wanted was to leave—

"Oh, shit! Peanut, are you okay?"

Rey blinked.

In front of her, Finn and Rose were staring at her with horror in their eyes. Both of his hands were occupied with two glasses of drink. One glass was pointed to her direction, and it seemed that the content had been just spilled...

Rey looked at Rose and then followed her eyes to her own dress.

"Shit!" she shouted.

"I'm so so sorry," Finn handed both glasses to Poe who then placed them on the counter. "I was just about to give you that, but you turned around so fast—"

"Do you want me to take you to the restroom?" offered Rose, dabbing Rey's dress with a napkin. Korr popped up next to her, offering more napkins.

"I, um, I'll clean it myself," Rey said before storming out of the crowd.

Her feet started to hurt as she walked quickly to the direction of the restroom, but she couldn't care less. She just wanted to go somewhere and perhaps called it a night.

"Rey?"

She raised her head and saw him— _him,_ standing at the stairs with a phone in his hand. Even under the unforgiving strobelights that danced the room, she could still see his amber eyes, liquid and sparkling like they were made to put the artificial lights into shame.

Rey paused, and for a moment, felt a strange relief for being able to see him again. But then, she saw a pretty brunette standing few steps above him, staring down at her.

_Fuck._

She looked _exactly_ like her. The hair, the complexion—probably the eyes too. Well, maybe he'd got a type for sure. So much for a _replacement._ Rey cursed inwardly.

"Where are you going?" she heard him as she continued her strides away to the direction of the restroom.

Kylo kept calling her, but she ignored him. Her breathing started to hitch and her feet felt like death. Nevertheless, she kept going.

She was forced to stop when his hand suddenly grabbed her arm, rendering her immobile from the shock. She turned around and glared at him.

"Let me go."

"Rey?" he tightened his grip enough not to hurt her. His eyebrows were seamed by what appeared to be a genuine worry. And the look of it only made her the more vexed.

"I said, let. Me. Go."

He was quiet, although steady on his hold on her. She tried to pull her arm away from him but to no avail. She was frustrated with how strong he was. But then, as he seemed to be aware of her emotional state, he dropped his hand.

"You're upset," he muttered, his eyes searching. "Why are you upset?"

Rey still glared at him but provided no answer.

"Did something happen?" he said as he clenched his hands into fists, eyes wild on their surroundings. "Did someone _bother_ you?"

His teeth rattled in a way that made her feel a surge of anger from him. It was as if he was angry on _her_ behalf, and he would do unspeakable things to anyone who did her wrong.

"Nothing happened," she said firmly. The irony of his anger only pissed her off even more. _How dare he?_ "And I can assure you that I'm not upset."

He staggered back. Now it was confusion that appeared on his face.

In a flick of a moment, Rey's eyes were darted to the brunette at the stairs again. She quickly shifted her gaze back at him to cover up the subtlety of her attention to the other woman, but it was enough to make him turn his head to the stairs and found what bothered her.

"Oh," he said. "That's... Sarah. An acquaintance. She asked me for an advice..."

 _An acquaintance._ How stupid did he think she was?

She rolled her eyes, turned around, and left. But being as persistent as he'd always been, he followed her. And if it wasn't because of the presence of few other people in the restroom, Rey was sure he'd follow her there too. She slammed the door right in front of his face.

She leaned forward on one of the sinks, between two other girls who were fixing their make-up while discussing their stressful corporate jobs. The chattering from the other women filled the room as she took off her shoes and balanced her breathing. She closed her eyes, trying to tame her mind. _This isn't good._

Even with her eyes completely shut, she could still see him staring at her. He lingered like a ghost, even deep in her mind. There was no peace regardless of what she did. 

She had denied him for so long because she wanted to protect herself, because he was a dynamite who could destroy everything she'd worked so hard for. She knew what kind of crowd he'd been with—and someone like him would only bring trouble. He was a _stereotype_ , a fun distraction that she would've indulged with in college if she hadn't been so preoccupied with study and part-time jobs. It wasn't the end of the world if she'd kept ignoring him, she'd decided before. It didn't really matter if it ached a little bit.

She'd got everything figured out. She knew how things would go. She was an expert in self-denial.

But then everything felt too much and she couldn't deny him anymore.

And she thought, she wouldn't have been affected. It was _just_ sex. She wasn't exactly mad at him for how things had turned out to be—if anything, she was disappointed in herself again. He was always himself, and it was up to her to go to him or not. To feel more or not. To get attached or not. And how stupid—how fucking stupid that she ended up on that very side of the spectra. It felt like she just got knocked out of a chair and the sting from the fall worsened when she tried to go back up.

She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. The other girls were now gone and she grappled with the sudden quiet—leaving the muffled sound of music out of the door. She took a bunch of paper towels and ran them under the water before dabbing them to her dress. She recalled how sorry Finn looked. She'd make sure to apologize later for making him worry.

She didn't hear the door opened and closed as her attention was focused solely on her dress. She didn't even notice that the clacking sounds of shoes approaching her weren't from the sounds of high-heels. But when she could smell a familiar scent, she raised her head.

"You can't be here," she shot, looking down at her dress again. "Men's restroom is across the hall."

Kylo advanced and then leaned his backside on the sink next to her, his arms folded and his lips pursed. "That looks bad," he said, darting his eyes to the map of stain on her chest all the way to her stomach. "You need to get it dry-cleaned as soon as possible."

"I suppose it is your thing now to give an unsolicited _advice_ to an _acquaintance,"_ she quipped, still not looking at him.

She heard him exhale sharply.

"You're not an acquaintance," he said. "Don't be ridiculous."

 _Ridiculous?_ Rey paused and her lips were pressed into a line. But still, she didn't want to look at him as she continued her work on the dress.

"Alright," he invited himself to keep talking. "We hooked up before. Once—or maybe twice. At a party like this, a long time ago. And tonight—"

Rey felt her stomach was tied into a knot. "I don't—"

"—I was rejecting her."

Her jaw was clamped shut and her hand gripped the damp paper towels more tightly. _What, does he want a medal or something?_

"You don't have to explain yourself to me."

"Yeah, I do," he replied calmly. "I don't want to upset you."

She could see from the corner of her eyes that he tilted her head down to her—all the more reasons to not stare back at him. And as if he was too daft to read the room, or he just didn't care, he kept talking.

"Rey, my past is not relevant," he said, resting his hands at the edge of the sinks. "I'm not even that guy anymore."

She still withheld her response. The paper towels in her hands were tattered and leaving starch of white on her dress. She threw the clump to the bin and took few plies more from the dispenser, dampening and then dabbing them to her dress again. She wanted so badly that her repetitive action would be cathartic, as if her anger would subside with every swipe of her hand and she would be calm and collected, or if his words wouldn't mean anything at all.

"Rey," his hand touched hers, stopping her from furiously ruining her dress. She finally looked at him—but only to tell him to leave her alone. But when their eyes met, she saw nothing but a pained look on his face. And for some reason, her heart skipped a beat.

"There's no one else," he muttered. "Just you."

_What was she supposed to say now?_

"Well," she swallowed. "It doesn't have to be like that."

His eyes widened as he dropped his hand from her. "What's that supposed to mean?" he raised his voice, not because of anger but more of a confusion.

"We're not exclusive," she casually put down the paper towel and reached for her shoes. "No one has to change to be someone they're not. I don't care about your other affairs even if you had them."

She _did._ She definitely cared. 

She wore her shoes in hurry, thinking of leaving the club as soon as possible. Kylo didn't say anything, but she could hear his breathing started to pick up. She then raised her head at him.

"And who knows," she heard herself talking but it sounded so unrecognizable even to her. "Maybe I could do the same thing. You know, exploring things with other people."

Kylo's mouth parted and his eyebrows furrowed. She could see his eye twitched and his face started to turn red. He stood up into his full height and crowded her personal space. Rey took a step backward, feeling the heat from his body and suppressed emotions hurling inside him. He always had such a grand presence.

"Are you talking about _Storms?"_ he said through gritted teeth.

"What?"

"Tell me," he took a step closer to her. "Have you been thinking about _someone else?_ Or has someone been _approaching_ you? _Who?_ Is it Storms?"

"It's—it's none of your business!" she yelled.

"Of course, it is!" he yelled back. "You're my—" He paused, taking a deep breath and pinching the bridge of his nose. When he started to speak again, his voice was calm, and pleading. "Just tell me, Rey."

Rey eyed him for a moment and then turned her head back to the mirror. "Just so you know," she said, reaching for the paper towels. "I don't appreciate your giving me that tone when speaking to me." She stared at the stain on her dress again and decided to focus her attention to fix it—even though it'd been a futile attempt. "You have no right to be such an ass like that."

He stared at her reflection in the mirror, looking guilty.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was just—"

"No one," she carefully inspected her dress—anything to avoid his stare. "There's no one else. I've got no time to affiliate myself with other people."

She heard him letting out a sigh. All of sudden, the atmosphere in the room was shifted. There was silence that followed, making the clean white tiles and walls surrounding the restroom felt even more spacious, although the heat from his gaze was still suffocating.

"So," he then said after a while. "You and Storms... aren't like that?"

Rey rolled her eyes, holding herself from whacking him with a soap dispenser. "Right, because a man and a woman can't have a platonic relationship. Good assumption there, Kylo Ren. So logical and not at all sounding like a bullshit."

"No, I didn't mean—"

"Finn is my friend, you Heffalump!"

Kylo's eyes widened, looking completely baffled. But then the corner of his lips slightly tugged upward like he couldn't help it. "Did you... just call me a _Heffalump?"_

Rey grasped the paper towels in her hand. "What of it? I'm right."

He scoffed. "Is it because of my ears?" he asked, his tone sounded playful—not at all what she expected. He narrowed his eyes as he lowered his voice, "Are you _mocking_ my physical appearance, Rey Johnson?"

"What, no!" she turned to face him. "That's not—ugh, what I meant was you're big and—"

"Uh-uh," he nodded.

"—and you're loud! You just look scary and intimidating, but in actuality you're nothing like that. Like I said, Hef... falump."

Her voice faltered when she realized that they were standing very close to each other, leaving only few small inches between them. Her heart pounded faster with every beat.

He was staring down at her, his hands in his pockets and his tall build looming over her. His eyes were warm but dark, and his nose flared with every breath. His cologne assaulted her nose so deliciously that she thought she could get high from it. She licked her lips as she gazed at his.

A smirk started to form on his lips, and her breathing was caught short.

"I wonder if you knew," he whispered, slightly leaning forward to the point that his breath brushed her temple. "How adorable you are when you're angry."

Rey gasped—audibly so. Her cheeks were burning red and she failed to even conjure up a retort. He slowly took a deep breath, as though inhaling her scent and imprinting her like a predator to his prey. She swallowed thickly.

She could feel the slick between her thighs—an evidence of arousal that always betrayed her defense form his offense. She moved away from him, shifting her attention back to the mirror and her dress, her legs were squeezed together, hoping for the anger she'd felt earlier to stay and the desire to have him inside her to go away.

"If you're not going to be helpful," she said, pretending his words didn't affect her in any way. "Please get the hell out of here."

She was _still_ mad at him, wasn't she? She _should,_ shouldn't she?

But then he positioned himself right behind her, his body pressed into her back and she could definitely feel the growing strain from his pants started to prod her ass.

"What—what are you doing?" her voice was breathy. His hand gently reached for her waist while the other dwarfed her hand which had been gripping the poor paper towel to her chest.

"Being helpful," he replied as he pressed his lips to her hair.

Rey bit her lower lip, feeling his warm hand slowly guiding hers to the stain on her dress. "You can't be here," she said, her voice small and unconvincing. "Someone could see us."

"They won't," his eyes never left her reflection in the mirror. "I put an out-of-order sign outside."

"But—"

"And I locked the door."

She swallowed a whimper when he slowly rolled himself against her. "This is still not a good idea," she said as she put her free hand on his arm. He hummed with amusement, probably thinking she was just playing a cat-and-mouse game with him again.

"Everyone will be looking for us," she choked up when his hand caressed the underside of her covered breasts. His lips fell on to the crook of her neck, and she squirmed involuntarily. "This is our party."

"Exactly," he chuckled right to the shell of her ear, his breathing brushing the tendrils of her hair to her skin. "This is _our_ party. Don't you think we deserve some celebration?"

She gulped, her mind racing into dire scenarios. She had wanted him all night, but at the same time, she still wanted to think clearly to figure out what to do with him later. How it bothered her to no end that she'd been thinking about him too much. How dangerous that could be if she kept feeding the empty hole—no pun intended—with meaningless sex with him. And how it wouldn't help if they were caught doing whatever this was in a public setting—because although semi-public sex in a club bathroom sounded hot, she wondered if it was worth it.

Especially, not after he implied that he'd done it before with someone who looked _kind of_ like her. But the other woman's face in her mind kept morphing more and more into hers—and in the end, it was always Kylo and her. The image shouldn't have turned her on, but she couldn't help it. She tried to hold on to the last straws of her composure like it was the only thing that mattered. She was frustrated enough as it was.

"I don't—I don't think we should..."

"Celebrate?" he cut her. "Why not? You've worked so hard for the past few months."

The truth from his words went over her head as the more pressing concern had started plaguing her mind. She cursed at how irresistible his touch could be, and how easy it was to just fall—

"You should go," she cleared her throat. "I can do this by myself."

 _Right._ She'd rather take care of herself in one of the cubicles than giving her co-workers enough time to figure out where she'd been and _with whom_. It wasn't ideal, but she'd make do.

But he just laughed. The sound he made was low and rumbling, making the hair on her nape rising.

"Is that really what you want?" he sounded even more amused. His hand gently circled her hip, the other had left the paper towel to cup her breast. "Do you want me to leave you here alone?"

She shut her eyes, debating if her previous vitriol against him was still relevant. _Yes,_ she reprimanded herself. _Tell him yes—and tell him it's over._ But her answer was trapped inside her mouth with reluctance and an urgency of something more primal.

"If I explore further," he continued, clearly enjoying himself. "Are you sure I won't find any _evidence_ that suggests otherwise?"

And explore, he did.

His hand left her hip to go south so very slowly and it made her bite her lower lip harder. Their eyes met each other's in the mirror like this was an internal battle that needed to be won. But in all honesty, she knew she'd lost already. She wondered if she'd wanted to win at all.

The hem of her tight dress was hiked up while her waist was locked by the strength of his arm. And she did literally nothing to prevent him from sinking his fingers into her panties. He cupped her sex and found her wet for him. A guttural moan escaped from him as he slowly dipped his finger inside her. She felt her knees weakened and her head tipped back to his shoulder.

He chuckled.

"You're such a terrible liar."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank your for reading!


	18. Take It Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey comes to a conclusion about things she can fight and things she can't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains D/s elements as in D O M E S T I C/s o f t.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> (Sorry lol.)

She agreed to leave with him by the end of the night—and it turned out to be a bit complicated than she'd thought. After saying goodbye to her friends, Rey managed to get an Uber by herself and met Kylo at their appointed place. He couldn't drive her from the club because he had to be seen leaving Outlander alone.

"Vermin everywhere," he told her apologetically during the drive to his place. She remembered he'd called her that exact same word before when he'd mistaken her for another paparazzi. It felt like a long time ago. "Whenever they see someone famous getting in and out of a club, they eat that shit up. I got most of my scandals in my early career because of that."

Knowing that, the gravity of their secret somehow felt more apparent to her. She read about celebrities and their rumored relationships, and sometimes also about people whom they had to make sure to keep quiet to maintain their privacy. She wondered how many times Kylo had to approach his own personal relationships through legal perspectives to keep himself from troubles—and how many of them that worked and how many that didn't. It bugged her, so she asked him about it.

"Do I need to sign an NDA?"

He blinked drowsily, his head tipped back to the pillow in his bed. "What?"

"NDA," she repeated, splaying her palm on his glistening chest. His eyes were glazed with lust and he looked like his soul had just come back to his body. She steadied herself on top of him, swiveling her hips on his lower abdomen until he groaned back to earth.

"You can't _possibly_ be asking me that right now," he whined, his breathing ragged. His eyes were gawking at her naked form and he licked his lips when he paused at her bare breasts. His hands were clenched into fists, jerking the fabrics restraining his wrists to insist on a futile attempt to touch her. "But to answer that, no."

She bit her inner cheek while brushing stray hair from his face with her free hand, her straddling legs squeezed the sides of his torso for a good measure. "But what if I decided to take advantage of you?"

"That's the least of my concern," he smirked, although his voice sounded strangled from her little act. His shoulders heaved and he shifted his body in an attempt to encourage her to move lower. "You can take whatever you want."

Rey stared down at him and gave him a skeptical look. He probably just said that because he'd been tied up and denied under her (based on the stunt he'd pulled in the club, he got it coming). The desperation that came from him somehow fascinated her, and she wondered if she could coax him to say anything under the circumstance. But she decided not to pry further about the subject and just learned forward, licking and suckling his exposed neck agonizingly slow until he begged and shuddered in defeat.

The next day, she woke up early and brewed them a coffee. He got up a moment later, making a breakfast and cutting her some fruits. After they were done with the dishes, he ate her out on the kitchen counter. Then they took a shower together and had sex again.

It was Saturday and neither of them had any plan that morning. After he sent her dress away to be dry-cleaned, they spent the rest of the morning cuddling and making out on the couch like a pair of virgins trying to explore each other. They only got up when the lunchtime came on.

Later, Rey learned he liked feeding her with watery fruits just so he could see her making a mess when eating them. She played along and teased him mercilessly with every slice of a grapefruit until he couldn't deal anymore and threw her over his shoulder. He put her down on the couch, getting his t-shirt off of her again as fast as he could. They were fooling around as though they had all the time in the world.

And the funny thing was she didn't even want to stop or question anything.

Everything felt so natural and it was probably the first time since forever that she could laugh freely and relax around someone else. The night before, her mind was preoccupied with worries and suspicion—she would _never_ call that jealousy, especially not after he jokingly told her that it definitely was (and he got the death-glare that he deserved). But after they arrived at his apartment, she felt like every tension was dissipated and exchanged with familiarity and—this was weird—a sense of _belonging._

He let her take the lead that night (not that he had any choice), and she let him do whatever he wanted the next morning. It was as if they'd been together longer than just a few days of tryst. The conversation between them flowed effortlessly, and the more they conversed the more she was mesmerized by him. He had that snarky humor which apparently really worked for her. And his voice was a thing of beauty that she could fall asleep to.

She would still push any thought of what-might've-been far into the back of her mind every time it knocked on the door of her conscience. But she'd decided to welcome whatever came between them at the moment. It didn't matter if it ended in a few weeks or _days_ —he'd told her he started filming in a couple of weeks and she had set it in her mind that it would be their deadline.

A couple more weeks together wasn't that bad, she decided. She'd repent her sins later—quietly, away from her peers and employers (with one of whom being his _mother),_ and away from the rest of the world.

"Oh, come on!" she groaned. "Stop looking at me like that. It's not that bad!"

They sat on the couch with Rey's legs draping over his lap and his hand absentmindedly massaging the ball of her foot. They were talking about her 'practical' shopping habit that she had to do when necessary. The topic came up because he said he wanted to cook her a proper meal the next time she came over (he was also fretting about how _improper_ his refrigerator at the moment because of the 'photoshoot diet'). Another thing she just learned about him was what a good cook he was, and how fussy he was about what he put inside his body.

The latter wasn't as surprising, given his physical build and day job. But she wasn't prepared with how a real fuss he could be about it. He was baffled when she told him she would eat anything he made because her standard was literally just instant ramen and take-outs.

He frowned, "Eating instant ramen every day is bad, Rey."

"I don't do that anymore," she chuckled as she scooted closer to him. Her fore and middle fingers found the seam between his eyebrows and pushed them apart. She then ran her fingers on his hair—she had decided that she really liked playing with it. "Jess and I have been eating healthy—when we can help it, which is most days. Besides, canned and frozen fruits and vegetables are still fruits and vegetables. And I eat a lot of those."

"That's not good enough," he shook his head while grabbing his phone on the coffee table. "That's it. You need a better diet and I will make sure of it. I'm sending my assist—"

"No!" Rey's eyes widened. "I don't want you to _buy_ me groceries."

"Why not?" he raised his head.

"Because!"

Kylo waited for her to say anything else, but she just opened her mouth, wordlessly trying to catch her own thought.

"See, you have no reason why I shouldn't." He smiled triumphantly before staring at his phone again, "You like fresh fruits, so we can start with that. I'm going to get you _lots_ of them. What do you have in mind? I'll have a couple of boxes sent over to your address."

Rey blinked.

"My apartment doesn't even have enough storage for that," she said as she leaned forward, making sure he wasn't texting his poor assistant. "Our fridge is too small— _no,_ don't give me that look."

But he stared at her with a gleam in his eyes as though he was already hatching a plan. Rey tilted her head and saw his thumb was tapping and swiping the screen like it was trained to do it. Realizing what he was doing, she gasped disapprovingly.

"You're _not_ getting me a new fridge!" she immediately removed her legs from his thighs and snatched his phone from his hand. The sneaky bastard was already opening a search bar to shop for a new refrigerator.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, trying to reach for his phone again. But Rey was too fast and she hid it behind her back while pushing him away from her.

"You're not going to buy me anything—let alone a fucking fridge!" she scolded him. "If I let you do that, then what's next? Do you want me to call you daddy too?"

Suddenly he froze, his eyes bugged out and the tips of his ears flushed pink—not at all how she'd expected he would react. He gulped thickly.

"Do—do you want to?" he stammered quietly.

"No!"

Kylo gasped, looking _so_ offended. _"Why not?_ I'm older than you."

"And yet," she narrowed her eyes. "Sometimes you act like guys who are younger than me."

He staggered back, and then scoffed dramatically. "Wow. Okay, that's just mean."

She rolled her eyes and let out a big sigh. She took a look at Kylo's phone and tapped the exit button from the opened app, only to find her own picture was set as the wallpaper. It was a candid photo of her wearing a suit in a garden—she recalled it was during their accidental meeting when she worked wedding photography  _months_ ago. She had so many questions about it but decided to keep them for herself for now. It'd be a matter of discussion later.

"Besides, that's not what this is about," she then said as she put down the phone on the table, still away from his immediate reach—not that it was effective. He stared at her with more confusion. _"Us!"_ Rey furiously gestured the distance between them. "We're _not_ like that."

He was quiet although from the way his eyes were on her, he knew what she meant. They were _temporary._ It would all be over in a couple of weeks.

She felt a lump started to catch her throat.

"When we're done with whatever this is," she continued, shifting her gaze away from him. Her cheeks felt like burning as she clenched her fists nervously on top of her lap. "I don't want to get stuck with your stuff. And I don't think you want that either."

She was sure that he realized that too. It might be too hard to swallow, but this kind of conversation was necessary. It was an agreement—although not the binding and legal one (and it was exactly why she'd asked about NDA's). They _agreed_ that they were attracted to each other, and they _agreed_ that it would be strictly for the sake of physical release—at least, that was what she'd proposed to him. And things could go even more complicated if other things were involved. Buying things for each other—that was a couple thing to do. And they _weren't_ it.

After a long silence, she was worried if he would be hurt from what she just said—for some reason. But when she turned her head at him, he was already staring at her with his head propped to his hand, looking _positively bored._ Rey frowned her eyebrows in confusion.

"Amazing," he deadpanned. "Every word what you just said was wrong."

She scoffed in disbelief.

But before she could respond to that—not that she found anything to say, he'd already pounced at her and kissed her hard.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Do you really have to go and watch it?" Kylo pouted, leaning on the elevator door while playfully tugging the hem of her freshly cleaned dress. "You can stay here and we can watch movies and... stuff."

It was the next day. Rey told him the night before that she had to go back in the morning because she'd promised to take Jess as her plus one to Hux's play. She ended up leaving in the afternoon because the dry-cleaning was only done by then—and because he kept dragging her back to bed even though all they did was just cuddling and kissing. By now, they had immense and detailed knowledge of each other's curves, freckles, and scars—and how many of them were now covered in love bites.

Rey removed his hand from her dress and pressed the hold button. "Armitage is a good actor—he really _is._ And I got free tickets."

"Stop calling him that," he folded his arms and rolled his eyes. "His name is Hux. Also, why do you call him and everyone else by their first names but you never do that to me even though I _literally_ asked you?"

"What, do you want me to call you by your first name?"

He shrugged, "Yeah."

She bit her lower lip, narrowing her eyes at how boyish he looked when sulking. A giant of a man that he was shrunk into an endearing sight of a puppy before her. She couldn't help teasing him a little. 

"Alright," she nodded and his face suddenly lit up. "...Ben."

He frowned. "You—" he paused, seemingly thinking for a moment before shrugging it off. "I'll take it."

Rey grinned in disbelief, "I can call you _Ben?"_

"Yeah. My family calls me that," he replied, his hand casually tucking loose tendrils of her hair to the back of her ear. "You can too."

Rey's eyes widened, not knowing what to respond. He had been so soft on her for the past few days and she realized she started to get used to that.

Given the short time they had left and how now mostly her work could be done from home—thus preventing her co-workers to be suspicious if they spent time together, she had decided to embrace their newfound 'activity' as part of her schedule—and by extension, him. She thought, even if the sex thing was over, they could still be friends. It would probably be a little bit harder for her than him since she'd never had anything like that before, but she was sure she'd be able to manage.

She kind of knew that her view on him had drastically changed. That if their situations would've been different, there might be a chance that it could work. After all, being around him turned out to be not so bad.

But for now, there was no need to put any pressure. She was content with the fact that he made her...

... _happy._

Rey swallowed.

In front of her, Kylo— _Ben_ was smiling at her, not knowing that she just came to a big realization that struck her like a lightning to a tree. She looked into his eyes, expressive and warm, like an ocean that could just drown her breathless and she wouldn't mind. Rey would never get over the way he stared at her with so much adoration—and how his every little touch was charged with affection that made her heart grew three size bigger.

Sometimes she found herself wondering if he was always like that to his other _not-girlfriends_ (she wondered if she was one too now). And a surge of terrible feelings that came along with such thinking didn't get overlooked by her.

She wished she could stay longer, and the next two weeks would drag on more than the time would allow—just so she could have him all to herself a little bit longer. _Mine,_ a tiny little voice muffled deep in her mind.

"Well," she cleared her throat while breaking eye contact. "I've got to go."

Ben suddenly cradled her cheeks and gave her a chaste, tender kiss that made her stomach flutter. "I'll call you tonight, okay?" he muttered.

She had to force herself to pull back and nodded. Her heartbeats were drumming like crazy as her hand scrambled to punch the button.

The last thing she saw before the door was closed was him, waving his hand at her with a content look on his face.

It was as if she made him happy too.

 

 

 

When she arrived at her apartment, Jess was not home yet (she was still at the gym, she texted). The play was set at 7 pm and they still got some time to prepare. Rey checked on her SLR camera and saw there were few frames left before she could process it. So, after changing her dress and coat into more comfortable clothing, she decided to take pictures around the neighborhood.

It had been a while since the last time she really went out and excercised her street photography skill. So far she only worked for Amidala and the only subject she got to take pictures of was just _Ben._

Rey found herself fond of the use of his birth name. It did sound intimate and familiar. Ben. She liked it much more than his stage name. Ben Solo. _Her_ Ben.

She shook her head and smiled at herself at how ridiculous it was. If things like this kept going on, she'd be in so much trouble. And it was strange enough that her own volition to keep him out of her mind became less and less of a fight (did she even try anymore?). Now she wondered if she could just stroll around the gray area of their 'relationship' and enjoy it. She'd hit the brake when she needed to—she'd make sure of it. And it was going to be like that in two weeks. _No,_ fourteen days. Fourteen was better than two. It sounded longer.

Rey took a deep breath and focused her mind back on her camera.

She managed to take pictures of the passerby around her block before she stopped by a convenience store to get some milk. She looked at the instant ramen section and smiled, remembering Ben's disapproving look on her careless diet. "If you really like it," he told her. "I can cook you the real thing."

"From the scratch?" she asked. He nodded. Rey didn't know which one was more surprising, an accomplished actor like him who was secretly a skilled cook, or the fact that she could be so turned on just by listening to him listing the ingredients and how to cook them. She sighed and blinked back to the present.

Rey wanted to take a picture of the aisle and send it to him just to get his reaction, but her phone's battery was too low to function. She should've charged it before leaving the apartment.

But then she just shrugged and went to the cashier.

When she walked out of the store, some stranger bumped into her and excessively apologized. Rey just smiled and told him not to mind without really looking. But when she walked past the parking lot, the stranger ran after her.

"Excuse me," he said. "Miss?"

Rey paused and turned around.

"Yes?" she asked. The stranger turned out to be a tall older man with slick gray hair and faded blond strays and a tiny scar on his face. He wore a pair of red-tinted glasses and a maroon turtleneck like he was an eccentric professor or a tech visionary. His face was distinguished and looked familiar, but she couldn't really place it.

"Are you... Rey Johnson? The photographer?"

She blinked. "Uh, yes. Can I help you?"

"I'm—I've seen your works," the man gave her a sly smile that didn't reach his eyes. It then clicked to her that she'd recognized him.

He enthusiastically offered his hand, "I'm a big fan. My name is Dryden—"

"—Vos," she blurted out. "You're Dryden Vos."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> P.S.: I can't promise you any update for next week. My schedule for the next week or two won't allow me a proper time to work on my draft because I'll get tired by the end of the day. (´～`)  
> But I promise I'll be back with a new chapter as soon as I can. :D
> 
> [My tumblr](rakefiree.tumblr.com), where I occasionally post [reylo arts](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/search/ara%20draws).


	19. The Consequence of It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When reminiscing about the past few days, Kylo is confronted with an unexpected event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you reylocalligraphy and reylofanficclub for the [recommendation](http://reylofanficclub.tumblr.com/post/178180580962). <3  
> Check out their [masterpost](http://reylofanficclub.tumblr.com/post/178219178422). :D
> 
> This chapter features sappy Kylo and his little angst.  
> Also: a long chapter. So, expect awkward wording and general messiness.

He stood naked in front of his bathroom mirror, admiring her handiwork.

Patches of bruises on milky white skin—the evidence of her hunger for him. His fingers were slowly tracing his neck and his chest and his stomach, like the rosy and purple constructed a constellation on his body. His hand then touched his shoulder, caressing the indents of her sinking teeth when she'd held on to him for dear life. He was sure if he were to be put under a blacklight, he'd be covered in her prints. She had explored his body like she was a scientist. 

And he had marked her too. He'd marked her like she was his chapel. Her tanned skin was decorated with gospel from his mouth and his fingertips. Her neck, her breasts, her stomach, her back, her legs, her cunt. He'd made sure she’d be reminded of him when she looked at herself in the mirror just like he couldn't possibly forget her when he looked at himself.

She left with the smell of his shampoo on her hair, and now everything in his possession reminded him of her. It was _perfect._

Kylo bit his lower lip, trying to subdue the overwhelming bliss he felt inside. He missed her already. The memory of when they were together for the past few days had been ingrained in his mind like an award-winning cinema. His heart was full. He knew she'd come back and they'd be together again.

He'd never thought he could have a real relationship—his previous ones had never lasted long enough or had any impact on him to be so attached. But with Rey, things were a lot... different.

It was as if he finally found his match.

Of course there was still a problem with her being so unsure about the status of their relationship _(why?_ he wondered), but he could ease her into that. Bit by bit. It didn't matter if he had to wait for a couple of months (the photoshoot would be published by then) or even a year or as long as she wanted.

It didn't matter because he had decided he would never let her go.

He knew it in his heart that they were meant to be—Hallmark movies be damned. He didn't want to scare her into a relationship, but at the same time he wanted her to get used to it. He believed she felt the same spark when they touched, an electrical current that roped them together.

Kylo closed his eyes and the vivid imagery of her beautiful eyes staring back at him. He was entranced, bewitched—a _loser_ in his own game.

"You've been bad, haven't you?" he remembered her whisper, the brush of her breath assaulted his ear. "What did we say about you behaving badly?"

They were in his bedroom, having just arrived from the party. Her small hands were gripping his wrists, stopping him from pulling her closer, from the attempt to claim her with his mouth and arrange her the way he liked it. She was always stronger than she looked. "No," she told him. "You've lost your privilege."

He made a strangled noise of surprise, an excitement trickling down his spine.

"Am I being punished?" he whispered back. Her eyes flickered at him, deep and dark with wants, and he thought he could just die right there. But she'd got another plan. And she made sure he knew it.

Kylo knew he'd gone out of line when he assumed her relationship with her friend would be more than what it was. His jealousy had gotten the best of him, and when she left him alone that night, with her arm locking around Storms', it took so much of his willpower to not just march there and take her from him. She wouldn't have liked that—and she showed it so incredibly well that she didn't appreciate his little tantrum.

"Is it wrong that I think of you as mine?" he wanted to ask her. But the question got stuck in his throat like a desperate plea he couldn't afford. And he could only be angry with himself for not being able to say it out loud. _I'm yours as you are mine._

And then later that night he saw her alone again, storming among the sea of people. Kylo would never find it difficult to spot her. That moment was no different. But what surprised him was how upset she was. And it was because of him.

"Don't be ridiculous," he told her. She refused to look him in the eye. _No, you don't understand,_ he wanted to scream. _I am yours!_

_Yours._

He thought he'd messed up. He thought she'd tell him to leave her alone (and she did tell him that, in retrospect). He couldn't bear not having her by his side that night, not taking her home. He would've been miserable. So, he tried to get into her heart again. Bit by bit, slowly following the strands of emotions she let slide for him. _No, you don't understand._

_Rey, I'm yours._

By the end of the night, he was over the moon when she agreed to go home with him.

And it felt like his soul had left his body when she led him to bed that night. He had stripped himself bare before her, vulnerable and raw and erect. She didn't bat an eye when she ordered him to get in bed.

She'd asked him where he stored his ties, and had since used them to bind his hands to the headboard. "You're not allowed to touch me," she told him while fastening the fabric on one of his wrists. "Does it hurt?"

"Never," he replies. He sucked in breath as she gently ran her hand on his hair. "Good," she muttered.

She was smaller than him, but the power she held over him was always so grand. He basked himself under her control, his blood running faster and he'd never felt more alive. _I'm yours. Take me._

She sat down at the bedside, so bare and even more beautiful. Her face hardened as she gazed down at his body. Her fingertips then touched his clavicle and lightly trailed down to his abdomen, igniting a shiver that went straight to his groin. His eyes were clamped shut as he murmured, "Please. Please. _Please,"_ like a prayer.

He felt a dip into the mattress. When he opened his eyes, she had positioned herself between his legs. His breathing started to go ragged when she ran her hands on his thighs to his testicles to his shaft, stroking it up and down. But suddenly, there was hesitation in her eyes as though she was thinking about something. She let go of him as they stared at each other in silence.

Kylo recognized that look. The split second of her trying to make sense of their relationship, trying to retract her words, trying to deny him and her own feelings. The tell-tales of attraction that she'd been trying to suppress and forget. His heart sank.

He knew he wasn't the best for her. He knew how painful it was to admit that maybe she got a point to have ignored him in the past. He was a mess, and he could've dragged her with him.

Well, he almost did.

The weight of his secret suddenly felt heavier on his shoulders. What if the photos got out even though he'd done everything he could to stop them? What happened then? Would she leave him and never look back?

It’d be easier for her to leave since she was always the one who was in doubt, he thought. It’d be devastating for him, though. He'd never felt anything like this before. And he would do anything to cast her doubts out of her mind. He wanted her to look him in the eye with the certainty that he belonged to her. Because he did. He just wished she knew that.

But that night, it was his own doubts that were cast out of his mind. He would never forget how her glazed eyes were piercing right through his soul as she tasted him, her tongue swirling on the tip of his cock. Kissing him, caressing him—taking care of him like he was a fountain. She wanted him to look at her, her cheeks hollowed as her mouth was trying to accommodate his cock as deep as it could. His fingers and toes were curled as the desire to touch her raced with his own high. With every movement of her head, he felt like the night sky above him scattered and opened itself to heaven.

That night, he was at her mercy. That night, he was, undoubtedly, _hers._

On the next day, he ate her out like he was starving and she was an exquisite meal. The sex after that became gentle and _funnier_ —it felt like the most natural thing to do. Even when they did nothing, they were never away from each other. Their limbs were tangled together. Sometimes they lied down so close, side by side. Sometimes, her body on top of his—her lips on his neck, his arms around her back. Her eyes twinkled when he made her laugh. The warmth of her body melted into his and he didn’t want anything else in life.

It was as though he was at a screening of their future together. Him, the audience. Him, the actor. _Her,_ the star.

Kylo smiled as his attention was brought back to the present. He was still standing in his own bathroom, the sound of running water filling the room as his reflection was slowly covered with steam. He shook his head at his own silly thoughts, admitting how helpless he'd become.

He couldn't wait to see her again.

The play would be over before midnight. He could use the time to continue practicing the new screenplay. The filming was starting in two weeks, and he'd been behind his reading for the past couple of days—not that he complained.

He soon finished his shower and headed to his study. But suddenly he received a text message from the P.I. he'd hired.

 

_I think you need to see this._

 

A set of attached pictures loaded and showed Dryden Vos in front of a convenience store. But then, he also saw _her._

"Rey?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

He couldn't reach her.

He tried and he tried but it only led him to the voicemail. He called Nine, the P.I., but she told him she'd lost them.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I fucking lost him. It's a crowded street. I'll let you know once I find him."

"No, not him!" Kylo shouted, scrambling for his carkeys. "Her. Find her. I want to know where she is."

Once Nine spotted Rey, Kylo didn't waste his time to drive his car to the destination.

"She's alone," she told him. "She's taking pictures. But I can't make out where she was when Vos was with her."

"I don't care about Vos," he said as his knuckles turned white, maneuvering the steering wheel. His heartbeats were drumming inside his ears. "I want to know if she's alright."

"I’m sending you the map."

Thirty minutes later, he arrived at a student apartment building in Works District. He immediately figured out that it was her place. He'd never been there before. She didn't want him to come over—too risky and she'd got a roommate with her. "You're not the type of celebrity that can hide your appearance easily, can you?" she laughed, raising her head from his chest. "Also, we're not—let's not think about that. I'm fine with us being here. At your place."

It hadn’t been the first time Rey dodged his curiosity about her—her apartment was only one of the many topics she avoided to talk about. "We’ve known each other for months now and you know everything about me," Kylo told her. "Of course I want to know more about you."

She just shrugged, "But it’s only been days since the first time we slept together."

 _Sleeping together._ That was how she defined their relationship. It’d be easy to just agree with her and play the same game as long as she wanted. But Kylo had been there too long and he’d grown accustomed to how lonely it could be. And with Rey, he didn’t want it to be that way. He wasn’t even sure if she really meant it or if she said it out loud just to convince herself that it was.

But she had let him take her. Again and again. Kylo couldn’t get over how blissful it felt when she let him touch her, let him worship her. And sometimes, it did feel as though she let out more than she cared to admit. Her terrified look when she came over that night after he injured himself, and how guilty it made him feel for not telling her the truth. Her display of jealousy when she thought he would…

How could she think he would want anyone else after she kissed him back? After she laid her eyes on him?

"We’re not just sleeping together, are we?" he imagined himself asking. "You care about me, don’t you?"

He couldn’t ask any of that. Deep down, Kylo was terrified of what her answers might be. He didn’t want to her _lie_ —because she could’ve. Because for some reason he couldn’t understand, she still held on to the wall that kept him outside. And that was why he wanted her to get used to him. And it was fine if she didn’t want anyone know about them—especially since, these days, it could be dangerous for both of them. It was fine if she wanted them to just stay at his place.

But his better judgment had flown out of the window the moment he saw her in the same frames as Vos.

And thus, soon Kylo found himself in front of her apartment door.  _This is it._

"Ben?"

Her eyes widened with surprise before she cocked her head and checked on the hallway. "How did you—why are you here?"

"Rey," Ben heaved. "May I come in?"

She let him in and closed the door. She walked ahead of him, and he found himself gawking at the sight of a love bite peeking through the collar of her shirt. The satisfaction that came with it soon was exchanged with a sense of guilt. If _that man_ had noticed that too, then it might’ve confirmed…

He shook his head and then darted his eyes around for a moment. His heart pounded at the sight of her living space. Clean and a bit cluttered—it reminded him of his university days. There were house plants and books all over the place. There were framed pictures of her with her friends, smiling and having a good time. Her jacket was draped on the couch. A gallon of milk was left sitting on the counter. The afternoon sun peeked through the window, showing a dust of gold that fell onto her kitchen sink.

He shifted his attention back to her, and she'd already stared at him with furrowed eyebrows. "Is everything alright?" she asked. "Do you want some drink? Tea?"

Ben swallowed. "I’ve been trying to call, but I couldn't get a hold of you."

She opened her mouth but didn't say anything for a moment, as though trying to digest his words. "My phone's battery died," she replied as she took the jacket from the couch, gesturing him to sit down. But he remained still. "Is there something wrong?"

_Everything._

He looked at her meticulously, searching for a spike of emotion like it was a missing puzzle. But all he could see was her staring back at him as though he was the puzzle. “Ben?”

“Are you okay?” Ben asked.

“I… am,” she replied quizzically.

"Where were you?" he clenched his hands, trying his best not to sound frantic. “Where were you when I couldn’t reach you?”

She eyed him in silence. "Ben," she finally said. "You’re being weird right now. What’s wrong?"

"I've been trying to call you but you were not picking up your phone," he said, his breathing started to get quicker. "Where have you been, Rey?"

His questions were earnest in nature, but she didn't seem to pick that up with the same vibe. She frowned and her mouth parted. She then threw her jacket back to the couch and folded her arms. “Why’d you ask?”

_Calm down. Breathe._

He should, shouldn’t he? Calm down and breathe. But instead, he advanced her and made her took a few steps back. "What are you doing?"

_Calm down. Breathe._

"Just—just tell me, Rey. Okay?” his voice sounded sharper and demanding than he wanted to be.

_No. Don’t talk to her like that. Calm down. Breathe._

"I was taking pictures!" she yelled. "What the hell, Ben?"

"Did you see anyone?"

Another accusative tone came out from his mouth. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

"Did I see—what are you talking about?" she glared at him.

"Did someone..." he gritted his teeth. "…approach you when you were taking pictures? Did he do something?"

He knew someone did. He just wanted to know if something really happened.

 _"He?"_ her voice was getting higher. "What do you mean 'he'? Are you bringing Finn into _this_ again?"

“Finn—no, I don’t mean Storms. I just want to know if the man you saw today in the parking lot did or said something to you! I was told that you were gone and I couldn't get a hold of you!"

Rey gasped. And thus, it came into him that he'd let out more than he was supposed to.

_Calm down._

She took a step back.

_Breathe._

"You were _told,_ Ben?" she muttered. "Who told you? Did you... Did you have me _followed?"_

Ben got stopped dead in his track. _Fuck. No no no no no._

"Rey," he said. "Please..."

"Did you. Or did you not. Have me followed?" she repeated, her hands balled into fists. She stared at him with a mix of shock and fury, and Ben's stomach felt like being tied into a knot. _Calm down._

"No," he replied. _Breathe._

There was a slight change in her eyes—confusion, but it was also accompanied with suspicion that didn't go away. Ben swallowed and then covered his face with his hands, feeling defeated.

"Yes," he said finally. "I'm sorry."

He heard her gasp, and when he looked at her again, he could see her chin quivering as though she tried to hold herself together. "Why?" she croaked, her shoulders heaved. Ben hated himself.

_Calm down. Breathe._

"I didn't mean to," he muttered. "It wasn't—it wasn't a deliberate plan.”

"You’re following me," she whispered, but it didn’t mask the hurt and disbelief she felt. "Is this—is this something you just do?"

"No!" Ben ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "No, I have my reason."

"Then tell me!"

Ben looked at her in the eye, and realizing that his heart would be getting heavier if he lied. _Women always figure out the truth,_ his father said.

He took a deep breath. "I just want to keep you safe."

Her eyes shot daggers at him—gone was the hurt and it was replaced by anger. "Keep me _safe?_ From what?”

"Your life could be in danger. I just want to make sure—"

"I think I can handle myself just fine!" she yelled. "And do you know what's not fine? You! You're being weird right now. You told me my life is in danger and you had me _followed?_ Fuck, Ben! That’s not what people do! And why the fuck did you think that's an okay thing to do?"

"I can't tell you why!" he yelled back. But then he lowered his voice. "Just—just trust me, okay? You'll be fine."

He'd decided he could only tell her if something really happened. He didn’t want to risk telling her if it only became new information to her—he didn’t know where to start. His father’s words echoed at the back of his mind, but his heartbeats were too loud. Too suffocating.

"Why the fuck—" her lips tightened. "No! I can't just _trust_ you. You had me followed. You came here when I clearly told you how dangerous that is if someone sees you! Is this how it’s going to be? You just insert yourself into _my_ life whenever you feel like it? Why, just because we slept together?"

Ben’s jaw was clamped shut. Every part of his body wanted to tell him how wrong she was. But for some reason, he was rendered mute, unable to even defend himself. Of course she would think of it that way. Of course she would be angry.

“Rey,” he finally said. “That’s not—I didn’t mean to—“

"This is a mistake," she muttered. "You, me. If this is how it's going to be, maybe we shouldn't have..." She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, and then looked at him. "I can’t do this right now.”

His mouth fell open. "What... what do you mean?"

"I thought we could be friends," she started. Ben felt his eye twitch. "After everything— _when_ everything is over, I thought we could have a good friendship. But I can't—not when you have me followed and not with your jealousy and your tantrums—"

 _"Friends?"_ he repeated, his voice high. "You want us to be just friends? _Why?"_

She was quiet, but her face turned red like she was trying to not scream at him. But Ben also felt a big lump started building in his chest. _Friends,_ he repeated the word like it was filthy.

"We're _never_ going to be _just_ friends," he spat. "And we'll never be done with each other. You know this. We both know this. We're feeling the same way."

Rey scoffed. "Oh, so now, after ‘keeping me safe’, you also know how _I_ feel, don’t you?" she tilted her head up. "Jesus, Ben, we just had sex! How self-absorbed can you be?"

"Oh, did we?" he sneered. "I'm not blind, Rey. I can see the way you look at me."

"You're such a stuck-up, arrogant—"

"And if you think I'll let you go just because of this," he cut her. "You're wrong. You always have one foot out the door, even though you know that what we've got is good, Rey. We're so good. And you're angry because I was worried something bad could happen to you? By the way, do you know what you've been doing?"

Rey's jaw went tensed.

"You've been making the decision about us _by yourself_ —you never asked me how I feel," he continued, his hands trembling. "You're afraid. You're afraid of intimacy. You're afraid of admitting that what we've got is more than just sex. That it means something to you as it does to me.”

He took a step forward again, searching for her eyes. But she avoided him, folding her arms and shifting her gaze down like it could stop him from spitting the truth. And he knew deep down that he was risking it all. The words didn’t feel like coming out of his mouth anymore, but he was so terrified. He’d _promised_ himself to never let her go.

"Do you know why I can say this?" he said, slightly choking on his own words. He wanted to reach for her so bad, but he refrained himself from doing so. "Because that's how I feel. You've scared the fuck out of me ever since you stepped into my life, and yet if I were given a chance, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm not going to regret anything. Not even if you _lie_ to yourself and _pretend_ that we're nothing. And it’s all just because you're fucking scared of your own feelings!"

She was quiet. He’d said it all. The only thing left was just a declaration. But somehow, even after everything he’d said, he couldn’t get himself to tell her. It would be a nightmare if she said she didn’t feel the same way. It would break his heart. _Even if she lied._

Rey took a deep breath and then tears prickled her eyes. Ben felt like his heart just sank.

"You don't know me," she muttered. She raised her head at him, eyes piercing with anger like he just humiliated her. "You don't get to tell me how I feel."

He felt like his chest was going to bust open. _Calm down. Breathe._

"Then tell me," he said. His brain was screaming at him, telling him to stop talking—but he couldn’t. "Why do you never let anyone in? You have your friends around, smiling and laughing like _nothing_ ever bothers you. But you always push people away—"

Rey shook her head. "Don't do this, Ben."

"—and you never let anyone close enough to know you. You’re always looking for reasons to be out. Why? Why do you want to leave so much?"

"Don’t—"

"You know I'm right,” he enunciates. His voice sounded so far away. "If what we have isn't real and if you aren't scared, then say it!"

"You can’t make me!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. "I'm _not yours!"_

And with that, Ben fell silent. Her words came onto him like hot knives, stabbing and slicing every part of him like he was a flayed man. His whole body trembled and his eyes felt hot. In front of him, the woman he worshiped with all of his being was staring at him, wounded and terrified. And it was because of him.

It felt like his whole world just crashed and burned.

_Calm down. Breathe._

"Rey," he said quietly. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—"

"You didn’t mean a lot of things and yet," she violently wiped her face. "You did it anyway."

Ben felt tears fell down his cheeks. For some reason, now it was his mother’s words appearing in his mind. "You’re a man of feelings," she’d told him. "That’s what makes you a good actor."

But it didn’t mean anything now. He was a man of feelings and now they were eating him alive. He shifted his gaze away from her, hiding the tears that made him feel so exposed. So weak. _A loser in his own game._

"I need space," she said after a while. He nodded while rubbing his face to the sleeves of his jacket.

"Okay."

He knew there was nothing else to say. Not now. Although it was hard for him, he knew they needed some time apart. He needed to get himself together—he couldn’t even face her. Not after the hurtful things he’d said. And apology would mean nothing if he pushed.

Ben walked to the front door, and he could hear her steps behind him. He didn’t dare to turn around like the act would suddenly turn her into dust.

He opened the door and stepped outside.

His eyes widened when he found her roommate standing in front of him. Just like how he remembered her, she was unmoved, a shock painted her face—but now, there was also a mix bag of other emotions. It was clear that she’d heard everything—or most of the things; the _worst_ kinds of things.

"I—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—" Jessika shifted her gaze from him. "Rey!" she pushed him out of her way and immediately went to her roommate. "Are you okay?"

Ben was still staring at them as though his feet were planted on the floor. But then Jess turned around and held the door. "Please leave."

 

 

* * *

 

 

When he arrived at his place, he felt like every part of his body crumbling down.

He wanted to take back everything he’d said. It didn’t matter anymore if Vos had said anything. Ben realized he should’ve told her—he didn’t know how, but he should’ve. And upon realizing that, his anger started to build up again. He decided he was going to find Vos and make him pay.

But when he stepped inside, he found the lights in his living room were already on—even the lamps that didn't have any sensory detection. He immediately punched the emergency button to alert the security. He then cracked his knuckles, looking around like he was a predator. It had been a while since he got into a fight, and given what had just happened, it’d be the  _perfect_ outlet to break some bones. Adrenaline flowed through him and he felt a surge of hunger—the sort of primal emotions he hadn’t experienced for a while.

He heard rustling sounds from the kitchen. He quietly stalked down the source of the noise. But as he arrived there, he saw a very tall, scruffy-looking man holding a big bowl of cereal in front of his refrigerator. He staggered back, "What the—"

The man noticed him and his face lit up.

"Benji!"

"Uncle Chewie?"

"Oh, good. You’re here," another voice from another familiar figure suddenly materialized behind him. He jumped in surprise and turned around and saw his father standing right behind him, already wearing  _his_  bathrobe. Kylo’s nostrils flared.

"Dad!" he cried. "What did I tell you about personal space?"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost went with Leia's "Stuck-up, half-witted..." line in ESB, but then I didn't because Rey wouldn't call him dumb. _We_ call him dumb. :')
> 
> Uh, so, BB-9E made an appearance. I was thinking about converting her name to a human name, but then I decided to go by 'Nine.' Not my best effort, I know. Lol.  
>   
> If you need a distraction from all the angst, you may want to take a look at my new crack fic, [Among the Ash-Heaps and Farce](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16005527/chapters/37345523), where nothing bad ever happens (with the exception of one particular character). :D
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> [My tumblr](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/post/178327427912/rakefiree-rakefire-masterpost).


	20. On Her Own Terms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is coping in the way she knows best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again.
> 
> I'm sorry for the radio silence. I've addressed it on my tumblr (although a bit late), but I should've told you about not updating for weeks. :(
> 
> Thank you for the continuous support. I do hope you'd enjoy this chapter. :D
> 
> About this chapter:  
> There is a negative developing scene here. I've only tried it once before and it was a long time ago, so there's a big chance that my depiction of it is not accurate (I only used Youtube tutorial videos as the reference lol). If you find any part of the process isn't realistic to the point that it bothers you, let me know. :)  
> But the point of that scene is not really about the act of developing negs, but more about Rey's state of mind.

After the incident, time went by as though nothing had happened at all. Or it was more likely that Rey had decided to shove everything under the rug and just focus on what was in front of her.

Well, it worked for a while.

The moments when it did work happened that very evening. Rey was immediately taking a shower and giving herself no time to process what had happened few hours earlier.

"Are you sure we should go?" Jess asked, shifting from one foot to another, when Rey was just out of a shower. "We can just stay here. Maybe we can watch Netflix instead? Order everything from the shady restaurant down the street and get ourselves stomach flu?"

Rey smiled at her roommate's attempt of humor. "I'm sure," she replied, combing her freshly dried hair with her fingers. "I've promised to take you there anyway. And it's free."

Her response was almost too nonchalant that Jess gave her a hesitant look. But then she nodded before taking her turn to the bathroom, not wanting to debate Rey further.

Rey considered Jess her good friend. But even after everything, she was never used to other people being worried about her—especially when she didn’t want to talk about it. She realized it might've sounded selfish, but she felt like letting more people into her problem would not solve anything, let alone if the wound was still fresh. And Jess must’ve had questions, and Rey knew that she probably didn’t have enough answers to most of them.

On the way to the play, she was aware that her roommate was still tiptoeing on the subject. It wasn't that subtle, but Rey knew Jess was just trying her best to cheer her up, especially when things were getting quiet between them. By the time they arrived at the venue, it was clear that they would not talk about that afternoon, and Jess had relaxed herself and not shot her a worried look anymore.

And that, too, worked for Rey.

They enjoyed the play, even staying after the curtain was drawn—mostly because Hux wanted to say thank you for attending his already popular play. When she and Jess returned to their apartment, their conversation was filled with the enthusiasm from watching the play.

And then, the night came into view. Rey went to sleep, dreamless.

The moments when it didn’t work came up the next day and the day after that.

Rey woke up with warm wetness on her cheeks that she couldn’t explain. She washed her face that morning and tried to remember if she had, in fact, dreamed something but forgotten about it. It was like when she had nightmares when she was a child—or when she was drunk enough that her short memory failed her and only came up moments later.

Jess, this time, wasn’t there with her. She was working, of course. They didn’t see each other that morning, but she had left Rey a stack of warm waffles with sliced fruits—an overdone, call-in-sick breakfast. She hadn’t forgotten about the incident, Rey mused, _of course._

But moments after that, Rey started noticing how cramped up and messy their small apartment was. She decided to do some dish-washing, and then cleaning up their living room, sorting the scattered books, watering the plants. Sometimes her eyes glanced at her idle laptop on the counter, left open but turned off, and her stomach sank.

Rey still had work to do, a deadline to catch. She knew that she couldn’t hold that off much longer—and she needed to be professional to save her own life. If anything, one day off was the only time she got to clear her mind. She decided to leave the house and hunt when she felt she needed to get fresh air after all the cleaning. She came back hours later, immediately throwing the film rolls into a plastic container where she kept all of her used films.

She went to the kitchen after that, trying to find something to eat only because her stomach had protested for quite sometime. She ended up ordering pizza while turning the television on. Jess still hadn’t come back, although she texted Rey five times that day. And amidst the noise from the television and the waiting for her dinner, Rey found herself conjuring up another strained feeling from the pit of her stomach.

It wasn’t from hunger or boredom. It wasn’t from exhaustion from cleaning her house or walking around under the sun. It was from something else. And the feeling climbed up her throat as her fingers fidgeted on the fabric of the pillow she’d been hugging. In all of sudden, the room felt too spacious—very much in contrast with how crowded it had felt just this morning. The images from the television were moving like busy bees, and she was idle, with the darkness that somehow started to creep back into the surface of her mind.

She stood up and went back to her room, taking a dark bag and a developing tank from her drawer. She then randomly picked the used film rolls she kept in the container. She sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the television, lining three film rolls in front of her before shoving one of them and the tank into the bag. She released the film strip to attach it to the reel.

She then took the newly filled tank to the bathroom and ran water into it. The doorbell rang few moments later and she went to the door to get her dinner. She quickly stuffed her mouth with two slices of pizza as fast as she could before running back to the bathroom. She continued developing the negatives throughout the night.

Eventually, Rey found herself calmer during the process, like the noise became just right—like the tepid water in her hands and the smell of chemicals gently assaulting her nose were all she needed to get her feet on the ground again.

It was always like that. The act of film-processing felt therapeutic and automatic, as though she could do it while asleep. The dark bag, the water, the chemicals, the familiar touch on a soft surface when she ran her fingers on the strips and hung them to dry gave her the comfort of working.

Rey wasn't good at sitting down and letting her mind unravel itself. She had to move, had do something. And she found developing negatives could be the best choice she could do at the moment. And it was.

Every time her mind drifted to the dark place, she took a deep breath and kept her hands busy. An occupied body wouldn't let the mind wander too far, she repeated the words like a mantra with an attempt to drown the noise she otherwise would think about. 

She told herself she was going to do her real work the next day. And then she went to bed, too tired to even think about herself or the bland taste of her dinner. 

But she dreamed that night. A familiar figure was looming over her, hand stretched out in front of her, and her heart swelled. She woke up with heartbeats hammering through her ears.

She looked at her phone and there were only messages from her work group chat, and from Finn.

 

_Do you want to hang out later today? My appointment got canceled and Rose is not available. I think._

 

Rey left the message read and went to wash her face.

Jess was in the kitchen when she saw her. “Coffee?” she asked while swinging a mug at her. Rey smiled and nodded and took the leftover pizza out of the fridge for reheating. Their morning conversation went on like it normally was.

After Jess left, Rey cleaned up her camera. Her plan for the day was to sort and scan her negatives before sitting in front of her laptop and working. Maybe she could also hang out with Finn and ask him about Rose later. 

All three of them usually hung out together these days, so it was new to her that they had been hanging out without her. A tiny part of her felt a bit left out (and it wasn’t that she’d never noticed how the two of them were always stealing glances when they thought she—or the other person—didn’t look), but such feeling didn't bother her at all. She found it endearing that her two friends had found comfort in each other. Rey smiled at that thought as she stood in front of the kitchen window where her negatives were hung since the night before.

She took them off of the clothespins and brought them with her to her room. She then sat down in front of her desk, put on plastic gloves, and turned on the lamp. She took a pair of scissors from the drawer and cut the negatives into shorter strips so they’d fit the scanner. She turned on the music on her phone and found herself humming along, like everything was back to normal and whatever bad dream she'd had was nothing but.

And everything would’ve worked just fine if she didn’t see _him._

His pictures were scattered in the negative strips. In some frames, he was in different states of undress, either oblivious or fully aware of the camera aiming at him. In one of them, he was naked and sprawled in the bed, staring at her with _those_ eyes.

She bit her lower lip and half-ignored what was being displayed on the desk. But it didn’t really matter now that her plan to devoid herself of him had started to crumble apart.

Her jaw hardened as his voice suddenly echoed back to her conscience.

“What are you doing?”

He was still naked, half-covered with rumpled sheets. His hair was mussed up but it never looked so good. Rey walked toward the bed with a camera in her hands, glancing around to see their clothes scattered on the floor, although she had no desire to tidy them up. Just like some other parts at his place, they had christened his bedroom until she could faintly smell them.

“Uh,” she looked at her feet, her free hand pulling the hemline of his t-shirt she wore. “This may sound weird, but can I… take your pictures?”

They had talked about this before. "It's not a kink of anything," she had once told him, almost disbelieving herself amidst her laugh and his intrigued but delighted look. 

His eyes lit up at the question and his lips quirked upward. “Why don’t _we_ just film it?” he asked, leaning his back on the headboard. “I mean, I’m sure by now we know you take exquisite pictures. But, how about _moving_ pictures instead? That way we can, you know, watch it together and do... stuff while we're at it?”

Rey’s cheeks suddenly warmed up. “I’m not—I’m not making a sex tape!” she stammered.

He hummed. “Why not?”

“I’m just not!” she said, trying so hard to swallow her smile. “Besides, I don’t mean it that way, you know. This is for art—”

He snorted.

“—purpose _only_ and it's not like I'm going to make an exhibition out of it. But if you don’t want me to take your pictures,” she tilted her chin up. “It’s fine. I’ll just—”

“You can take my pictures as many times as you'd like,” he raised his arms and interlocked his fingers behind his head. The cocky smirk hadn’t left his face and it didn’t help now that she could see the muscles sculpted in his arms, all the way to his chest and abdomen so very well. _What a fucking tease._

“But,” he continued as Rey blinked. “How about _your_ pictures? I can’t be the only one getting pictures taken. It’s give and take—I thought we’ve established that already? It’s the eating and sucking of photography, as people say.”

“Literally no one said that,” she quipped, rolling her eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “Also, I don’t do—”

“Don’t tell me this is also something we shouldn’t do or talk about?” he jokingly huffed. “Damn Johnson, I swear if you told me you were a secret agent involved in some espionage shit, I'd believe you.” He then narrowed his eyes, “…are you?”

Rey rolled her eyes again. “Shut up,” she put her knee at the end of the bed while checking her camera setting. “Fine, you can take my pictures—"

"And I want my own copy," he grinned.

"—later— _what?_  Fine. Just don’t use it to jerk off when I’m not available.”

“You know I can’t promise that,” he gave a low chuckle and then tapped his hand on his lap. “Come here.”

He did take a picture of her the next morning when they were cleaning up after their breakfast. Rey remembered they almost got her camera wet from playing with the kitchen sink. He felt so bad about it, but she just laughed at him. "You didn't feel bad when you scratched it when we first met," she said nonchalantly.

His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. "I _scratched_ it?" He inspected her camera, his expression looking like he had just accidentally murdered her cat, "Why didn't you tell me?"

She took a step closer to him, pulling the camera strap hanging on his neck. She got on her tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. The tense on his back was suddenly gone and he found her lips again.

Rey took a deep breath as she steered herself back to the present. She pushed the negative strip further on the desk and put another one right below it. But then she paused when she noticed a couple of images she wasn’t particularly familiar with.

She dragged her desk lamp closer so the light could shine right above the frames. There was no recollection as to when the pictures were taken—one thing for sure, though, it was obviously taken during the same time frame as other private pictures of him she'd taken.

She turned on her computer and scanner. And then she shoved the negative strip into the holder and slammed the lid of the scanner down. She chewed her inner cheek as her hand worked the software to process the chosen frames.

After few seconds, the pictures were fully displayed on the desktop. Rey felt air just got knocked out of her lungs.

She was right.

She didn’t take them; _he_ did.

In the first picture, she was asleep—or so it seemed. It was taken when she was facing the other way, her hair undone and her back exposed—half naked with a blanket covering the lower part of her backside. The morning light that fell onto her curves from the skylight made it seem like she was in a painting. Her skin was golden-tinted and thoroughly kissed, a string of love bites scattered like petals. Her hair was splaying across the pillow like a river.

The second picture was the confirmation that she was indeed asleep when it was taken. It was shot from above. Her eyes were closed and her lips were slightly parted. She looked so peaceful, as though she had no care in the world.

She’d never had her pictures taken like that before—none of her very short list of exes would take her pictures that way even if they let her take theirs. It wasn’t an act that she wished someone else would reciprocate. She was an artist first and foremost, and all she wanted was to take pictures that would show what a real person looked like, as though other people could show her what it felt like to be _seen._

It was always like that since the first time she fell in love with film photography she’d first seen in her childhood’s foster home. And being a photographer, she is much more used to being the hunter than being hunted.

But he had taken her pictures. She knew it wasn’t the first time he’d done that—she’d seen the wallpaper in his phone, and there was nothing odd about it.

And although he had taken her pictures without her knowing, it seemed there was nothing perverse in his intention or the results of his work. If anything, the pictures looked like a secret that he wanted to keep from the world—like it was supposed to be  _their_ secret. He appeared to have wanted her to find it, as if his eyes couldn't be anymore obvious in showing his emotions. 

She couldn't help feeling as though all of her pent-up emotions were summoned back to life, bursting like a lightning in a bottle.

 _They're just pictures,_ she told herself as an attempt to downplay her own arising emotions.

And suddenly, there was a bitter taste in her mouth. He had her _followed,_ hadn't he? It was a red flag. The pictures were supposed to be a red flag.

But a small part of her, the one that was so persistent and loud, told her that wasn't something she'd like to believe. It wasn't right. It didn't match. His action was an action of someone who seemed to care, not someone who wanted to possess and dominate. Although yes, between his eyes and the hot grip of his hands, she could feel how he wanted her to be his.

It was too much.

Rey took a shaky breath and looked at her own hands. She thought of his, and how warm they were, as though his touch alone was enough to ease her doubts she'd always anticipated to crawl into the light. She looked at her own reflection on the desktop, intermingling with the picture of her like a double exposure. How long had she avoided really looking at her own body since that afternoon?

She couldn't hide the love bites and the bruises from his grip—the trace of his passion on her skin, the phantom of his breath that lingered on her ears, telling her how good she'd been to him. Suddenly she felt heat emitting from her core, slowly forcing her to push her legs closer to the center. There was a new and familiar ache that took her back to the thought of his embrace.

She looked at the other negatives on the desk, and with trembling hands she replaced the ones on the scanner with the others. She then took off her gloves after commanding the software to display her chosen picture.

She swallowed thickly.

His eyes were as black as the night, staring straight at her as though the camera was never there. There was no pretense, only raw emotions—primal and possessive, as though he'd let the world burn and keep her with him, and affectionate, as though he'd treasure her when nothing else mattered.

"Rey... _Rey..."_

Rey closed her eyes, recounting the events that followed.

He had just come inside her by then, with her on top of him. Their legs were tangled together and their breathing were heavy, mixing with one another. Their eyes were locked and their lips were swelling after countless searing kisses. His hands were on her hips, still not letting her go even though he was spent already. She put down the camera on top of the pillow as the cold air started to bite on their skins again.

“You’re beautiful,” he muttered. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

 _What a strange thing to say,_ Rey thought. She was the one with the camera, and she was supposed to be the one who said it. But he _always_ did it first. He caressed her back gently and she could feel her sweat warming up again from the touch. It was unfair. He was beautiful, but she didn’t get to say that. He beat her to it again and again.

“Oh,” she gasped as she swiveled her hips and felt his spend trickling on her thigh. He chuckled.

“Something funny?” she pouted her lips playfully, trying to make herself comfortable on his lap. He crinkled his nose as his hand moved the camera and placed it on the night stand.

“Nothing,” he shrugged. “I just… I like this. Very much.”

Rey felt her heart grow bigger. “Yeah,” she smiled. “I like this too.”

_Very much._

His eyes widened before he kissed her nose lightly.

He then lifted her off his lap, and laid her down on her back. He shuffled around and then positioned himself in between her legs, his hands spreading them open. She waited with baited breath as he lowered his head to the apex between her thighs. His fingers dug on her hips, locking her from straying away from his breathing that tickled her skin with excitement.

Her breathing hitched when she felt his tongue flat on her slit. They were past the embarrassment of having to taste their combined fluids—especially her, since she didn’t think he wouldn’t mind tasting himself on her. And she didn’t want to think if this was just his way to make love to anyone; the imagery of faceless women that kept his head between their legs could only make her want to barf.

She didn’t like to think of him with someone else, in fact, she _hated_ it. She’d like to think that he was only like that with her, that he had never liked it with other women as much as he did with her. It was such a childish thought—but sometimes, it was easier to be childish than having to endure the thoughts of his other lovers squirming under his touch.

She ran her fingers through his hair as he sucked on her bundle of nerves. _Mine._

However, after that, she had a change of heart again, certain that her emotions were only thickened by lust and everything she’d said was the result of being caught up in the moment. It was always like that: she got lost in his arms in one moment, and then backtracked when she was away from him. It was like a cycle. Sometimes she wondered if they were away from each other long enough, could they be just friends like she’d told herself repeatedly?

“We're  _never_  going to be _just_ friends!” she remembered him yelling that afternoon, and her reminiscence broke apart and sent her back to her desk.

She closed her eyes as she regulated her breathing. Her hand paused from working her clit, and she looked at his picture again. She put her free hand on the screen as her other hand started moving again. _Not enough. He’s not here._

_Not enough._

She rocked herself faster against her own fingers until her legs were shaking. Her eyes never left his picture, and the building annoyance started to tick her off even more. _Not enough._

Tears then started prickling her eyes in frustration. “Ben…” she whimpered quietly. “Ben…”

Rey closed her eyes.

_Ben._

She threw her head back as she came. She was still for a moment, and then pulled her hand out of her pants and stood up. She took a few plies of wet wipes and thoroughly cleaned her fingers. And without batting an eye, she replaced the strip on the scanner with another one.

She had seen his pictures today, anyway. She could not avoid him and her work any longer. She scanned again, but this time, she saw a picture of her. It was the one he had taken in the kitchen.

Rey fell silent as she stared at the photo's version of her.

It was a moment captured in a split second, vulnerable and candid. She was laughing, her eyes were  _beaming_ at him. 

"I can see the way you look at me," he had told her that afternoon.

It didn’t surprise her, strangely, now that she could see it herself.

 

* * *

 

 

Minutes passed since she'd stepped into the building and stood in front of the elevator. The nice doorman who always greeted her, Jeffrey, had asked if she needed help and she politely brushed him off. She told him she just needed to think for a while. And boy, had she been thinking.

Since the moment she abandoned her negatives and went straight to the other side of the town, Rey Johnson had been _thinking _.__  There was no resolution in doing so, and she knew this, but her heartbeats were racing as her mind was.

She could've reasoned herself again and sunk deeper into the familiar method of denial like she tended to do, but her effort could only last so far. And if she didn't want to believe her own decision was sober and necessary, she opted for the most logical reason there was: she needed answers.

Rey could tell him that was all she wanted to know, _not_ because she wanted to see him. Or probably she could just tell him the truth about how terrible the past two days had been because somehow she knew he could  _always_  sense her. She wondered if in front of him, she was an open book of emotions and she was just too blind to see it for herself.

Or maybe he was wrong, and her own act of emotionally chastising herself from him was the right the decision. They would never be more than they had been—and did she want them to go back like nothing had ever happened?

She knew there were more pressing questions than that which should be more important than the emptiness she felt deep in her heart—and in her cunt, if she was being honest.

She took a deep breath and raised her hand to punch the button, but then paused. She kept doing the same gesture for minutes and perhaps by now, if the doorman had been watching her, he would've thought she was unwell.

"Good afternoon, sir," she heard Jeffrey greeting someone else not far from where she stood.

Rey was still lost in her thought when she heard a male voice behind her. "You get in or not?" he asked.

She turned around and saw an older man with silver hair and a tan jacket standing few feet apart from her. His face was scrunched up with annoyance. He was very much occupied with a big paper bag full of groceries in one hand, and a stack of container, which Rey assumed was also filled with food, in the other.

The man's annoyance was suddenly dissipated from his scruffy but handsome feature, his hazel eyes softened. His eyebrows were then raised and Rey took it as his waiting for her response. But she was still. And it took her milliseconds to recognize him.

"Kid?" he continued. "You alright?"

Rey blinked as her mouth fell open. Han Solo was standing right in front of her.

 _Han Solo,_  she repeated inside her mind.  _Han Solo is here._

There was no way she could've mistaken him. He was her hero at some point in her childhood. He had been like her, a scrappy child raised in poverty who survived all the shit life had thrown at him. She might've not recognized his son when she'd first met him in Takodana, but not Han Solo.

Suddenly she felt a pang in her chest.  _His son._

_Right._

If the situation were any different, she would've introduced herself properly, telling him how much he affected her work. But now, from the look of it, he seemed to be on his way to see his son. And Rey felt as though she was in the wrong place and the wrong time.

"Uh..." she started.  _Say something, Johnson!_

But before any intelligible words came out of her mouth, the elevator door dinged open. Rey jerked her head upward and saw a tall, looming figure stepping outside. Her eyes widened.

It _wasn't_ him. Thank god, it wasn't him.

"What took you so long?" the very tall lumberjack-looking man shot at Han, his voice was hoarse like he had been screaming. "I thought you're dead in a ditch somewhere."

Solo gasped. "Excuse me?" he shoved the container and the paper bag at the taller man. "I had to sneak around  _my_ house—"

He took a deep breath and his voice suddenly dropped to a whisper, albeit still rather loud enough for Rey to hear him, "—to get that kid something to eat. My wife caught me  _pillaging_  our fridge and I had to listen to her yelling at me for being so 'secretive about my arrival'. And you asked, what took me so long? I had to explain to her, almost lying through my teeth—do you know how hard it was?"

The tall man barked a thunderous laugh until his whole body shook. It was a sight to behold, Rey mused.

"Yeah whatever, old man; you lost the bet, you get the food. You were the one who told us to not waste money when there's still food in the house," he then said. "Come on. Benji's waiting."

There was a tug at her heartstring when she heard the name. A variation of his name, she learned. There was a small part of her that admitted how endearing it was, but the rest of her thought she needed to leave as soon as possible. But then...

"Oh," she heard the tall man again. Rey awkwardly shifted her gaze back at him.

The tall man looked down at her with an indistinguishable expression. His mouth, under the unruly, long muddy-brown beard and mustache, was clamped shut. There was silence hanging in the air for a moment, as though the three of them were stuck in a two-dimensional universe.

"Right," Han Solo cleared his throat. "Do you want to go... upstairs?"

Rey gasped, and she looked at him and then the other man. They were looking at her in anticipation.

"No!" she croaked. "I—I have to go."

Before she could hear anymore of Han Solo's words, Rey forced her legs to turn around and just  _run._  

The last thing she heard was Jeffrey the doorman telling her to have a good day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Han Solo and Chewie's appearance at the end of the chapter? Well, yeah. 
> 
> Rey's getting there. Be patient. <3
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> Throwbacks:  
> Rey and Ben's discussion on meditation in [chapter 10](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14737622/chapters/35157701). She listened to him after all. ;)  
> Rey's artistic penchant on taking pictures is also discussed in [chapter 4](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14737622/chapters/34318218).  
> Idk, I've been gone for too long and there are many chapters already, so I thought you might want to revisit (or not). :D
> 
> My [tumblr](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/).  
> My [sideblog](https://reading-reylo.tumblr.com/), where I talk about fics that I like.


	21. Some Hearts Don't Break Easily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey decides to face her fear and confide to a good friend. There's a dinner party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a cameo in the previous chapter. Did you catch it?
> 
> Long chapter. Like, long (by this fic's standard). So brace yo self. <3

She just couldn't. Believe. It.  
  
She literally ran away from Han Solo like she just got caught stealing. What, was she still a starving eight year-old from Niima Outpost? Rey felt herself shrinking just from the reminiscence. She couldn't forget the confused and shocked faces in front of that elevator.  _Shit._  
  
She'd like to just disappear and never materialize again. Or probably, if she could just drink until her mind was too numb to even remember—  
  
"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there, champion!"  
  
Rey opened one eye and paused herself from chugging a whole bottle of beer down her throat. Next to her, Finn was already reaching out to the bottle. She flinched and put it down before he managed to take it from her.  
  
"Sorry," she let out a loud burp. "Thirsty."  
  
"I bet you are," Finn snorted. "Rough day?"  
  
Rey slowly hit her chest with her fist and a tiny burp came out. "Just tired," she replied. She then looked around the empty seats and then back at Finn again. "So," she then said. "What's up? Why do you want to meet at The Resistance on a broad daylight like this?"  
  
Finn bit her lower lip and then shrugged. "My appointment is canceled."  
  
"Yeah, I know," she quipped. "And then something something Rose." She then lightly punched his arm, "I can't believe you only want to hang out with me after Rose rejected you! I  _knew_  you first!"  
  
"Ow—she _rejected_  me?" his eyes widened in horror. "Did she tell you that?"  
  
Rey scrunched up her eyebrows, and then let out a snort. "What? So, I was right? Something really happened between you two?" She could hear her voice a bit louder than she normally was—and she wondered if one bottle and a half of beer had started to wear her off so soon. She should've eaten something for lunch.  
  
"Well..." Finn stared down at his own drink, as though he didn't know what to say. His voice was small when he said, "I kinda wish something really did."  
  
Rey blinked and gathered her conscience back to pay attention to her friend. She then shouted at the bartender—unnecessarily loud, "One more drink for this gentleman right here!"  
  
She paused for a moment and then, "Make it two!"  
  
"Jesus, Rey," he shook his head while laughing.  
  
"Might as well," she shrugged. "So?"  
  
"So," Finn parroted her.  
  
"Rose."  
  
"Right. Rose."  
  
Rey propped her head on her hand as she squinted at him. He shifted his body, attempting to make himself comfortable on a too-small stool before he began talking.  
  
"She kissed me."  
  
Her mouth dropped open. "Shut up!"  
  
"Yeah," Finn said, sheepishly biting his own smile. "She did. Remember when I accidentally ruined your dress—I'm still sorry, by the way—and then you left to clean that up?"  
  
_Oh, which one was it?_  That night when she and the other person were all over each other on top of a bathroom sink? Good, good memory. Her stomach sunk— _never drink with an empty stomach, Rey._  
  
Rey cleared her throat and nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I kind of felt bad so I went looking for you."  
  
Her breathing hitched in all of sudden, but she masked it by gripping her bottle and casually taking a sip. "You did?"  
  
"Couldn't find you, though." He tilted his head, "Where were you, anyway? I followed your path but the restroom was out of order."  
  
She shrugged. "Many restrooms in that place. I must've drifted somewhere else. Can't really remember."  
  
_One truth and two lies._  At least that worked.  
  
He nodded. "Alright, so we couldn't find you and somehow we found ourselves in the quieter side of the club. It's that one near the exclusive lounge?"  
  
“Uh-uh.”  
  
“We thought we saw you there, but apparently it wasn’t you,” he then paused for a moment. “Well, it was very unlikely that it was you.”  
  
“What makes you say that?”  
  
“The girl was  _all over_  some guy’s lap—I mean, there's nothing wrong with that; it was kinda hot,” he explained as she crinkled her nose and took a sip. “And I don’t think of you as a literal nun or anything either, but Rose said that you don’t look like someone who would hook up in a club with some stranger. No offense, but I kind of agreed.”  
  
Rey choked on her drink. Finn immediately patted her back, “There, there. I told you to slow it down.”  
  
The memory of her getting fingered in the club’s bathroom started to become vivid in her head like an explosion and her face turned crimson as she coughed wildly. But aside from that, did her friends really think her sex life was literally  _non-existent?_ Was she too high-strung or something?  
  
She wasn’t sure if she was relieved because they didn’t find her or offended by such sentiment.  
  
“Okay, wow.” Rey shook her head while letting the last coughs out, “First of all, how dare you? It could’ve been me—it  _wasn’t,_  but it could’ve. Second of all, what happened next?”  
  
“They—you know, the two people who were all over each other—saw us and called the security. So, we ran. And then things were a bit blurred after that. You know, adrenaline and stuff. And then in the height of that…” He let out a long sigh, “She kissed me.”  
  
Rey eyed her best friend and saw a faint tint of pink flushed on his cheeks. She smiled at him as he fidgeted and took a sip from the bottle. After a long pause, he cleared his throat.  
  
“I didn’t kiss her back.”  
  
“What?” her eyebrows shot to her forehead. _“Why?_ You didn’t like it?”  
  
“No! I liked it,” he jerked his head at her, but then darted his eyes to his hands. “A lot. It’s just, I thought she was too drunk and I wasn’t exactly in the best shape either because of all the booze we ordered. I didn’t think it was the best plan to do anything that could only make things… you know, terrible.”  
  
“You just had to kiss her back, Finn,” Rey rolled her eyes, almost laughing at his face. “That’s what people do when they like it when other people kiss them.”  
  
“I know!” his voice sounded frustrated. “And I regretted it—still do. And I could see she thought I didn’t like it—or her, and after that she sorta avoided me.”  
  
Rey thought of that night again and wondered if there was anything odd with Finn and Rose. Her mind then had been occupied with something—someone else, and all she’d wanted was to leave the club with  _him._  
  
“She’s not replying my texts,” Finn sighed. “I thought she might've told you something.”  
  
“I haven’t seen her since that night,” she said. “I haven’t seen anyone else.”  
  
_Except for him._  
  
“Well,” Finn shrugged. “That’s what’s up. And honestly, I still don’t know what to do and I need to tell someone else about this or I’m going crazy. And you’re my best friend, so I figured you deserve to know.”  
  
Rey bit her lower lip as a heavy feeling descended upon her. It wasn’t that she thought she was obliged to tell him anything in return, but she was also aware of her tendency to keep things to herself. She’d like to be as open as Finn—sometimes, and just talk about stuff that bothered her just to prevent herself from, like he said,  _going crazy._  
  
She thought of him again.  
  
_“Why do you want to leave so much?"_  
  
She closed her eyes.  _Because leaving is easier, Ben. Being left behind isn’t._  
  
A jolt of electricity suddenly ran through her spine. She had avoided calling his name as though that could prevent her from falling deeper into the darkness and the repetitions of their argument that afternoon. But in the end, she couldn't.  
  
If it wasn't because of the ghost of his face and everything he was kept popping up in her mind, it was because of how it felt like every time his name was uttered. It felt  _nice._  She liked calling him like that. She liked how he reacted when she did. But the last time he heard her calling his name... hadn't been exactly a pleasant memory for either of them.  
  
“Rey?” she heard Finn call her. “Are you alright?” She looked at him and saw him flashing her a worried look. “Is this too much? I mean, I don’t want to burden you with my—”  
  
“No, no. I’m glad you told me,” she waved her hand to convince him. “But I think, you need to talk to Rose. I don’t think she’s going to avoid you forever.”  
  
He hesitated for a while and then nodded, “Okay. I should, shouldn't I? Okay."  
  
They were quiet and enjoying their drinks as the bartender flicked the channel to a day-time talk show re-run. After a while, Rey exhaled sharply and put her index finger at the top of the bottle, twirling the rest of it on the table.  
  
“I’m sorry I cannot give you any advice other than talking to Rose,” she started, absentmindedly staring at the almost gone liquid inside the bottle. “I don’t know how to really deal with stuff like that, honestly. It’s been a while." She then chuckled, "And probably I should've taken my own advice and just faced it or something.”  
  
Finn raised his eyebrows. “Did something happen, Rey?”  
  
She swallowed.  
  
“Something kinda did,” she murmured. “I’m seeing this… person—well,  _was_  seeing this person. I don’t think things will be back the way it was.”  
  
There was a tiny knot in her stomach when she said that. She should've eaten something.  
  
Finn stared at her, and then folded his arms on the counter. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
  
And then, maybe it was her empty stomach and her drinks, or maybe it was her frustration talking, but she told him. She told him almost everything—leaving the details about who ‘this person’ was, and about the ‘stalking’. The latter surprised her since even when being faced with her own suspicion (although mostly, confusion), she couldn’t tell Finn about it, fearing her friend would see him in a worsened light.  
  
Maybe she did care about him more than she dared to admit. And maybe deep down, she had already made her choice about what to believe.  
  
“I didn’t mean to,” she remembered Ben telling her. “It wasn’t a deliberate plan.”  
  
What was his plan in the first place, then? She’d like to know, to talk to him—and most of all, to  _see_  him again. But she’d already bolted out of his building even before she could gather the courage to get inside the elevator. It was as though she became too afraid to face him. Right. Because facing him could also mean they had to  _really_  talk.  
  
“So,” Finn stared at the ceiling. “This person… this guy dated a lot of women in the past, and then he met you, and he told you he’s changed now?”  
  
“Pretty much.”  
  
“And you said it’s hard to believe him?”  
  
She nodded.  
  
“But he’s already told you that there’s no one else ever since you’re… dating him?”  
  
“I don’t—I don’t think we’re dating,” she said. “We’re just… hooking up. That was the original plan. Well,  _my_  plan. And then we—”  
  
“Became too attached?”  
  
She let out a wry laugh. “I don’t think we’ve become  _too_  attached, Finn. I think we’ve just got caught up in the moment…”  
  
Her voice trailed off as though she was tired of her own excuses. She didn’t believe any words she said.  
  
“Why, though?” Finn asked.  
  
“Why what?”  
  
“Why do you not want to be attached?”  
  
“I don’t—Finn, I don’t think you understand,” she laughed. “He’s not exactly someone whom I want to be in a relationship with— _ever._  It’s not supposed to be that deep. And now we’re fighting, apparently, and that brings me... well, here.”  
  
“Has he ever done anything to you? Hurt you in any way?” he continued, looking every bit of concerned. "Or, any red flags?"  
  
Rey’s eyes widened. “No,” she replied, her cheeks blushing. “He’s… very sweet, actually.”  
  
Another knot in her stomach. She really needed to order something. Fries, maybe?  
  
Finn pursed his lips and then tilted his head, closely inspecting her face as though he was trying to find some clues. “W—What?” she staggered back.  
  
“Rey,” he said, propping his chin on his hand. “Can I be honest with you?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
"First of all, disclaimer," Finn shifted on his seat. "I don't know this guy, so I'm not going to assume that he's better or worse than I thought he'd be. And honestly, I don't want you to be involved with some womanizer—"  
  
"He's not—"  
  
"—because I think— _I think,"_  he wagged his finger, gesturing Rey to listen. "You can do better than that, no offense. However, you seem to like this guy and I trust your judgment—however weird this makes me feel."  
  
Rey snorted. "Go on."  
  
"Okay," Finn took a deep breath. "Rey—Peanut, you're the coolest girl I've ever met—"  
  
"Why, thank you."  
  
"—but at the same time I think you're so cool, you _suck_ so bad at warming up to people."  
  
"What?" she huffed in disbelief. "I  _am_  warm! I've warmed up to  _you._  That's why we became besties in first place!"  
  
Finn shook his head, "Nu-uh."  
  
"Yu-uh!" Rey insisted. "I even told you about my past!"  
  
"You did," he nodded. "But that was _after_ you got shitfaced and rambled about it. You didn't tell me because you felt like you want to. You told me because you were in no condition to fully consent to that. If you weren't drunk, I doubt you would've told me  _or_  Jess anything at all. And honestly, if Jess wasn't with us that night, I would've left you on your doorstep. Ah-ah, it's tough love, Peanut. You shouldn't have drunk that much. You're tiny."  
  
Rey opened and closed her mouth. But then she darted her eyes away from him, her cheeks hot. "I think... I would've," she muttered, a bit defensively. "Maybe not that soon, but I think I would've."  
  
She felt Finn's hand on her shoulder. "Rey," he said. "I... I didn't mean it to make you feel like you had to. You own your story and you are under no obligation to tell anyone. And the fact that you let me in? I am very thankful for that." He playfully nudged her arm with his elbow, "And I'm not going to leave you on your doorstep like that. At least, I'll have the decency to leave you with a blanket."  
  
She let out a small smile, but still didn't dare to look at him. _Was she that terrible?_  
  
"What I'm saying is," he trailed off, as though trying to choose the right words. "Sometimes I think you... don't want people to really know you. I know it's strange for me to say this because we're close and you've heard me complaining a lot about my work—"  
  
"—or your grandma," she added.  
  
"—and my grandma, Lord help her," he chuckled. "But, Rey, sometimes being vulnerable in front of someone else can be a good thing."  
  
Rey took a swig. "But what if that person is not the right person?" She gestured her hand to the air, "Then you're left feeling like a fool for showing your weakness to them."  
  
"That's too bad," he shrugged. "But then you can build yourself up again. Being vulnerable is not the same as being weak, Rey—my dear grandma taught me that. Do you think those people in your pictures were showing their weaknesses to you? Do you feel like a fool for showing me that side of you?"  
  
Rey finally looked at him. "No," she smiled. "I think you're the right person."  
  
Finn gave her a warm smile in return. "Thank you," he said. And after a moment, he added, "Does  _he_  make you feel like a fool?"  
  
She fell silent on that. She bit her inner cheek so hard that she believed the act could prevent her emotions from bursting out of her mouth. Did he make her feel like a fool?  
  
In one way or another, yes. But not because he would betray her trust and break her heart—although strangely, those were exactly what she'd thought he'd have done when she realized that what they had was a mutual attraction. He'd desert her and move on, while the anonymous vultures would feast on her and ruin her life—as dramatic as it sounded, it still sounded feasible. He'd got Bazine and any other girls who desired him—and although it felt like a long time ago, back then it wasn't something that was so out of touch from reality. He could take whatever he wanted and leave. The woman, though, would be put in a public trial and have her career tainted.  
  
She'd worked too hard to see her name smeared like another random person on a tabloid. She'd left Jakku even before she physically could, running away from the man who branded her with everything she wasn't. "You'll be nothing but another white trash in a trailer park," she remembered that rotten scum had told her. "I saved you and fed you and clothed you. No one knows who you are if I didn't take you in, you ungrateful wench. And after everything I've done to you, you snuck around and stole my property?"  
  
Rey closed her eyes tightly. But Kylo—Ben wasn't that man.  
  
When she'd spent the night with him for the first time, it was... exhilarating, to say the least.  
  
He pushed her to the limit like she was almost fallen out of a cliff and then dragged her with him. Free-falling, adrenaline pumping itself to her whole body. And if she had been honest, it wasn't just the sex that had made her stay. The sex was the easy part—and perhaps, that was the only thing she could feel connected without the labor of giving up her soul to him.  
  
He was like a hurricane; he'd run her over, sucking her into the maelstrom and ruining her with him. And she'd thought that letting him inside her would've compensated all of the unnecessary emotions that came with the way his gaze lingered on her. The warm, innocent touch and the sheepish smile and the silence when he was just looking at her—those... those were the more dangerous threats.  
  
What if she'd let herself see him more than the pleasure of flesh? What would happen then? And what if, just like everyone else in her life, he'd end up leaving?  
  
And she should've known better that fucking someone could also lead to other things. She'd laughed at one of her exes when he'd told her he loved her the second time they'd slept together. It wasn't meant to be serious, she'd thought back then. "What the fuck are you talking about?"  
  
She'd had her reason to be so merciless then. She had been young and full of anger—and fear. Her desire to leave Jakku had been the most important thing in her life and there could be no one to hold her back. Rey Johnson would go far in life—further than her deadbeat dead parents, further than that garbage loser who owned the foster home, than the small town boys who fell madly in love with her.  
  
And she'd thought Ben Solo would treat her the way she'd treated her past lovers. After all, he was a big fish with power and more importance. What was she in the eyes of him? Nothing but a good lay. And she could've been content with that.  
  
But that was before  _everything else._  
  
And did it make her feel like a fool? Absolutely. She didn't sign up for his warm gaze and his laughter and his racing heartbeats. She just wanted him to fuck her and get over with it. What a disappointment.  
  
_Both_  of them, her and him.  
  
"...if he does that, I swear—"  
  
Rey blinked as Finn's voice and all of him materialized in front of her, stopping her train of thought. "What?" she said.  
  
"Him, that guy!" his face was frowned. "Did he do anything dumb to you?"  
  
Rey almost laughed at the change of tone in her best friend's voice. She must've gone for quite sometime that Finn thought she was too sad to respond to him.  
  
"No," she shook her head while placing her hand to his arm. "He's never done anything terrible to me. I think I did more damage than he did." She chuckled, "He said I never considered his feelings and only cared about protecting mine." She shrugged, resigned. "Well, I guess that's true."  
  
Finn's face softened.  
  
"Well," he then said. "Are you going to talk to him?"  
  
Rey flustered. "I don't know. I mean, we're moving too fast," she said. "We're only together for a very brief moment. It's too soon to tell. And I—I don't know if he hasn't moved on yet or if this—this thing he's got for me isn't something like he's used to. I mean—" she exhaled sharply, "He's been with a lot of women before—wow, I sound stupid, don't I?"  
  
Finn sighed and then took a sip from his bottle.  
  
"Peanut," he said. "If he hurts you, I'll be the first person who's gonna beat him up—no, I'll let you slash his face open and I'll just fucking watch. And I'm not saying that this whole vulnerability thing has to be with him. You're an awesome lady, you can get any man you want—but,"  
  
She stared at him in anticipation.  
  
"But," he continued. "If you care deeply about him, you need to stop punishing him for the things he hasn't done to you."  
  
Rey swallowed and then shifted her gaze to her own hands. Her mind was working to find any resemblance of rebuttal, but she couldn't find any. In the end, they were drinking in silence, finding comfort in each other's company.  
  
But after a long pause—and a long train of thought, Rey turned to her best friend again. This time, her face hardened.

"Finn," she started. "What do you know about Dryden Voss?"

Finn raised an eyebrow, and then took a sip. "What do you want to know?"

 

* * *

 

 

And just like that, days had passed and Rey was immersed in her works. Her mind drifted to her conversation with Finn once in a while, mostly because he'd decided to make it a challenge for both of them to talk to the person whom they concerned with. Finn had made up with Rose, they even went on their first date. Meanwhile, Rey was still trying to keep her job and finding the right words to talk to one particular person.

In other news, she eventually gave up on trying to spare her roommate from her anguish. She'd thought Jessika would've gotten over it and just gone over her days like usual—and telling her would've been a bad idea, Rey thought. But then she couldn't help it as Jess continually gave her careful attention as days passed, as though it was her who'd been sparing Rey's feelings, not the other way around. When she finally told her, Jess hugged her tightly and accompanied her going through the ice cream they'd been hoarding in the fridge.

Rey was not cured, but it wasn't bad.

One day, she was almost done with her work when Poe Dameron showed up on her desk and told her that she'd been invited to a dinner.

"Who what now?"

"The who is Leia," he moved his head from left to right. "The what is dinner. She's inviting you to a dinner at her house."

"Who else is there?"

Poe pursed his lips, seemingly thinking for a moment. And then he shrugged, "You, me, Paige, and Korr. Just the four of us."

Rey felt a sudden relief and disappointment mesh into one confusing emotion. "When is this?" she asked.

"This Friday."

And thus, on Friday evening, Rey was standing on Leia Organa's doorstep. She was four minutes twenty seconds late—not that she counted. Her car broke down again, and she was a bit late—maybe if she didn't just stand there dumbly, she could've been less late.

She heard the sound of an engine stopped not far from her, and then the sound of a car door opened and closed. But still, she stood.

"Here for the dinner?"

A familiar voice immediately made her turn around and there he was. His eyebrows raised and Rey could tell that Han Solo _recognized_ her. But he didn't say anything else, and just walked past her and rang the doorbell.

"You need to punch it extra hard," he smirked— _so familiar._ "I've been meaning to fix it but haven't got the time."

Rey nodded and gave him an awkward smile. She wondered if she should say something or probably asked if he really remembered her, but then the door opened and Leia Organa was holding the door open. She looked every bit of regal like she'd always been, but more. Her hair was styled a bit differently, and her simple burgundy red dress was so elegant and rich—so very unlike the little black dress Rey grabbed from a discount rack at Sears and had only worn once before this evening.

"Well, who would've thought you'd ring the bell, as oppose to sneak—Rey," Leia's voice suddenly changed into a lighter, singsong-y tone when she saw her. "Welcome. Come on in!"

It was one thing to see Leia Organa in her office (not that she often saw her personally), and it was another thing to see Han Solo in person (and ran away from him—but let’s not count that). But it was a whole different thing to see both of them together. The last time Rey’d seen them together in the same picture was when she learned about their marriage when researching their son—how long had it been?

And now, if she’d thought about it, it was a bizarre situation since (she hoped) neither of her respected heroes knew that she’d been fucking their son—well, not anymore, but the sentiment stood.

So there she was, being escorted by the Organa-Solo couple to the inside of their mansion, walking past the living room (it had those fancy chandeliers which Rey found not surprising) and a set of family pictures (which she tried not to appear to eager to see), and down to the dining room where everyone was there.

There was Poe. Paige and Korr were there. Han Solo’s tall friend was there too. And the last person whom she wanted to see… was also very much there.

Rey had been compartmentalizing during her work because what else could she do? She had been spending a lot of time at Amidala for that very reason; she figured if she could work while chatting with Rose about stuff (and Finn), she would be at least desensitized with whatever images she saw on her desktop. And more than once she cursed at herself, when her mind drifted again, about how it was always a bad idea to _date_ a celebrity.

How could a person completely get over someone when their face was plastered on a giant ad in the middle of Coruscant? How could a person choose to not hear their name being spoken— _gushed_ when literally everyone knew them? And it had been like that for Rey, if it wasn’t clear enough.

It wasn’t that she called what they’d had dating—they were… something, for sure. And after the revelation days ago, she had decided that she was going to face him. _Personally._  Maybe she’d go to his place (a bad idea) or they could meet at a neutral place like Starbucks or Maz’s Cantina (not a perfect, but better, idea). Everywhere else, _any time_ else even, but not here.

Especially not with his family and her colleagues around. Especially not with her looking so sleep deprived from work even under the makeup she sported, and him looking… looking…

Rey felt a tiny bit resentment mixed up with everything else (hunger, maybe—she hadn’t eaten well today or the past few days). Although it was true that her work deadlines had been robbing her of sleep and lunches, it was also still very much true that the man sitting right in front of him was also the main culprit. See, Rey had been compartmentalizing. _She had been._

And it wasn’t that she thought he would look so gaunt and sleepless, and perhaps with five o’ clock shadow and unkempt hair, just because of her. And it wasn’t that she thought he would look at her with the same intense eyes that got her belly fluttering, turning her into a giggly school girl when no one looked. And it wasn’t that she thought their reunion would be this big thing where they ran into each other's arms and shout out their feelings and… well, she’d never imagined past that.

But this man in front of him, Kylo Ren—Ben Solo, was not _that._

He looked… somehow better than the last time she’d seen him. She didn’t know it was possible. Better as in healthy—unlike her, who was practically dragging her ass to work every morning after going to bed at 2:30 am. Better as in glowing—also unlike her and her bad skin due to recent lack of sleep and nutrition. Better as in bigger—even when he was sitting next to the tallest and biggest man Rey’d ever seen. Better as in…

“Rey,” she blinked as he stood up and buttoned her sleek, black suit. “It’s been a while.”

Better as in… _he was okay._

And Rey felt a sudden lump get caught on her throat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Okay, so about Finn: I wanted to write him as Rey's best friend who is protective enough but not trying to dictate her on how she should live her life. I know it might sound odd that he 'let' Rey date a '(reformed) womanizer', but his concern is more about her well-being (as she's so, so closed off), not about him enabling a 'bad' relationship. I think it is important to be a friend like that (imho), and I don't want to write him as a controlling friend. He cares but doesn't limit, 'cause, y'know, they're both adults. :D  
> I hope I've written him well.  
>    
> I'm away from tumblr at the moment, but here are:
> 
> [My tumblr](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/).
> 
> [My fic rec tumblr](https://reading-reylo.tumblr.com).


	22. Some Hearts Don't Mend that Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Ben's been up to.

“It’s been a while.”

_No shit, Solo._

But what else could he say? She was standing right in front of him with his parents by her sides, as though they were _handing_ her to him. Not a good look. And hadn't his mother told him to be polite to the guests?

For days, his mother had been on his back about the dinner—and of course, his father too, for some reason. And if he could, he didn’t want to go—or maybe he did, but his mind kept changing. He knew who would be there, and it didn’t do well with his situation for the past few days.

His mother thought he was just reluctant because Luke was going to be there as well (and by the way, that hermit still hadn’t showed up), and she said he couldn’t get away from his family just because he felt like it—that wasn't how it worked in _her_ house. “And it’s been years, Ben,” she told him. “Get over it. If you can hang out with your father behind my back, you can tolerate your uncle. Also, the hard-working employees of Amidala who, by the way, just finished working with you are going to be there, too. Is it that hard to just sit down and be nice to them?”

From his mother’s perspective, it was the family thing that bugged him when in reality, it was about those hard-working employees—or, well, one of them in particular. His mother had been pleased with the preview of his work with… with _her._  He didn’t want to see it, though, and his excuse was it didn’t matter; he was going to see it at the launch party anyway.

“Oh,” his mother said, her eyes got that glint of satisfaction. “So you’re coming?”

 _Of course, mother._ Well, he didn’t know, honestly.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Maybe. It depends on my schedule.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’ve been involved in this project for almost a year, why didn’t you mark it down on your damn calendar? I’ll ask Kaydel to discuss it with Mitaka.”

His mother always got what she wanted—eventually. However, thankfully, the whole launch party was still a matter of discussion, and Ben still didn’t know if he wanted to go. Or about this dinner. He didn’t know—god, he really didn’t. His strategy apparently was just to wait and see. He wasn’t a coward or anything (it was difficult to grow up a coward with a mother like that and a father who was practically a daredevil with a camera). He was just… scared.

It was a silly thing to think about. Of course. But he did think about it. About her. About the last time he saw her. About the whole shitstorm.

In the first couple of days, all he did was just staring at the window, almost immobile. If it wasn't for his father and Uncle Chewie who kept talking to him whether about the case they were involved in or just anything mundane, he'd spend the day just sitting down with his sleeping t-shirt and sweatpants, facing the window and thinking about nothing and everything at the same time.

Later, he did go to meetings, training for his role, table-reading, and all that. Sometimes he went to the office, and saw Hux and Phasma there. He didn’t want to see them (or anyone else) that much, but Snoke had asked them to meet for possible future projects.

“You look like shit,” Hux told him during their elevator ride to the top floor of the First Order headquarters.

Kylo still couldn't really stand Hux sometimes—Phasma he could tolerate better; at least she'd got a sense of humor, but Hux? That guy was just as interesting as a blob of cold porridge left in kitchen sink, although strangely, they remained friends for years. Kylo's argument was neither of them were pleasant to be around with when they were younger and that resulted in them being stuck together. Two insufferable actors who were 'so full of themselves'—none of their peers had dared to say it right in front of their faces, but it didn’t mean they’d never found out.

And for some reason, the same genuine hatred toward other people's presence also became the thing that bonded them, other than the competitive nature of their relationship. There were, of course, moments where they genuinely talk to each other about life and the pressure of working in a massive spotlight. But other than that, Kylo couldn't really tolerate Hux's nonsense (and he suspected neither did the other man). He thought the only redeeming quality of the ginger was that he was kinda good at what he did. Plus, Armitage Hux was a sore loser, so that was a fun addition to the competition between them.

“Fuck off,” Kylo leaned on the elevator wall, his hands were hidden in his sweatpant pockets. His eyes flickered to the wall and saw the stubble that started to crowd his face. “Don’t you have a play to worry about?”

“Ah yes,” he could hear Hux snicker—proudly, as though waiting for Kylo to bring that up. “A _successful_ one, if I may add.”

Kylo rolled his eyes and just blankly stared at the mirrored wall. But then Hux didn’t stop talking—because, of course, he wouldn’t.

“Your _girlfriend,”_  he said with somewhat indignation. “She really came to my special Sunday show. Did she tell you that?”

Kylo clamped his jaw shut.

“Here,” Hux suddenly shoved his phone at him. Kylo groaned and reluctantly looked at the screen.

There he saw Hux smiling at the camera like Cheshire cat and beside him, a familiar face. Her straight white teeth and the twinkling eyes when she smiled. There was a slight pang in Kylo's chest that she looked happy without him _ _.__ It was a ridiculous thought, of course. But his current life was already ridiculous.

“She even stayed after the show,” Hux continued. “What a good girl.”

Hearing that, Kylo jerked his head at him. He knew Hux was just trying to get a rise at him—well, he knew nothing about them, but still, he was too sensitive at the moment.

"She's very young, isn't she?" Hux stared at his manicured nails. "Still a no name in the game but apparently is a capable one—so I've heard. And a pretty girl, too. I mean, I didn't know that she's your type; she's a bit... different than the girls you've been with."

Kylo felt like he didn't want to hear any of it. If that guy showed some interest in her the way their past competitions worked, he swore he'd shove his dumb red head against the elevator wall. But then Hux just glanced at him, not in a pompous way that his face was designed to be, but more like in a strange mix of incomprehensible emotions that he didn’t know Hux was capable to have. It was almost like… _sympathy?_

"She's not my type, although I understand the appeal," he then looked at Kylo and flinched as his eyes paused at the sweatpants. “That being said, I honestly don’t know what she sees in you." The elevator dinged open and Hux stepped out, “She's way out of your league. Did you know that?”

He knew that. He knew that very well. Too well.

That was the reason why he didn’t believe it when she let him touch her. That was the reason why he didn’t believe it when she wanted to stay and not leave. And if she’d left now, it was because of him. His fault. And it was easy to just fall trap into despair, or the possibility of her not wanting to see him ever again. He didn’t even want to see himself if he’d heard those words being spouted against him.

“Kid, go eat something,” his father told him the following morning. “Your mother will kill me if I let you starve. Especially, after she caught me pillaging her fridge.”

“I’m fine,” he replied, his chin resting on his chest and eyes glued on the laptop sitting on his belly. “Has Nine said anything else?”

He could see from the corner of his eyes that Han and Uncle Chewie were staring at each other again. Probably in concern. He couldn’t care less, although it kinda helped that they were at his place. For some reason, he didn't want to be really alone.

His house reminded him of her, every corner that she touched was a reminder of her. And there was not much left in his place that didn’t bring her back to his mind.

“You have a whole room for your Criterion collection?” he recalled her giggling when he took her to the movie room—his personal happy place. “What is this, you just go Criterion and chill with lady guests?”

It was just one of her jokes. She casually brought up other women just to tease him. He already told her there was no one else, and she just added, “At the moment, sure.”

He was right about her keeping one foot at the door. She was ready to bolt.

He wasn’t.

And that kind of rejection... well, that hurt. It wasn't that he wanted less of her now; he just thought maybe they needed to take a step back and think. Just exactly like what she’d wanted. _"I need space."_

The space between them had grown naturally now that they hadn't seen each other. The first night was terrible. He got pissy at his father for no reason that his giant uncle took him by the collar and just dragged him to the bathroom and locked him there. He ended up sitting in the bathtub, and for a good measure (and as dramatic as he could admit), he turned on the shower head and let the water wash over him. And during this time, he hated how weak it made him feel.

That thought alone angered him. He cursed at himself. How weak he was—like a child in a mask, playing pretend to be someone bigger than he actually was. And she probably could see this. And it hurt—it hurt to think that she never believed in what they had. And it hurt to know that he'd hurt her, too.

But time passed, and he had to do something, anything that could get his mind busy. The Vos case was one thing, and his father and uncle had been helpful in cracking it down (Ben promised himself he wouldn’t rest until that slimy piece of shit got what he deserved—at least this sentiment was unanimously agreed upon in his house, albeit not with the same intensity).

His mother, of course, still didn’t know about it—even if she knew, it was strange that she didn’t say anything, especially since it was her habit to just bother him with questions. She let him off the hook a lot these days, saying that he could hang out with his father instead since they hadn’t seen each other in a long time.

“At least now he’s home,” she told him over the phone. “But you’re coming to the dinner, right, sweetie? You have to. We haven’t had lunch together lately.”

Another one of his mother’s mind games. It was endearing, if it wasn’t a bit annoying.

He’d come up with all kinds of excuses to not have lunch with her, or to step into her office—like a coward. And because he’d spared his afternoons for that, now he’d got a whole free time for himself. And rather than sitting and staring and scaring his father, he used that to prepare for his upcoming project and… well, work out.

It did help to push himself to the limit, to make himself stop thinking for a while. And that was how his days had been: training for his role, working out, working on the case with his father and uncle, more working out, eating, sleeping, and sometimes entertaining his mother, like coming to a dinner like this one. And then…

“Rey, it’s been a while.”

_Well, yeah, no shit._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I was thinking about this when writing the part where Hux and Kylo are in the elevator:  
> What if this fic Rey and this fic Ben had met when they were younger and full of anger (Rey's of age too, of course)? Can you imagine the screaming and the 'I hate you but I can't quit you' and how destructive they are for each other until they mature up and reconcile as proper adults? Lol. Idk, I was just entertaining myself. I probably won't write it. Haha.
> 
> Anyway, I'm still on tumblr hiatus and considering to prolong it for another week.


	23. And the Opposite Remains True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner, Rey and Ben are thawing the ice—but are they really?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! (It's still January.)
> 
> I updated the tags! No reason, it just looked so cluttered and didn't spark joy lol.
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> I apologize for the radio silence.  
> Last year, I participated in RFFA and wanted to write a one-shot. But things happened and it ended up being a multichap. (´∀｀；)  
> So, that's why it took a while to go back writing this.  
> If you haven't read it, it's called [The Paradox of Not Giving In](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17116988/).  
> It's an AU where Ben is Rey's doctor. And oh, it's A/B/O but slow burn with a lot of emotional constipation. It's only 20k-ish words, so it won't take a long time to get through.
> 
> I had so much fun writing it (and I worked with my first beta!), so I hope you'll take a look at it. <3  
> And if you do, please leave a comment because I want to know what you think! ;)
> 
>  
> 
> *Spoilers and disclaimer about this chapter:  
> They aren't talking about RDJ (whom I am a fan of). And oh, I watch a lot of superhero movies and am very excited for Far From Home**. (This message is relevant once you get there lol.)
> 
> **nothing can beat Into the Spider-Verse, though. Miles and Gwanda are my children.
> 
>  
> 
> ***this whole chapter might not be my best writing. It just needed to happen.

Rey nodded.

That was the only response she could give him. If it wasn’t for his father—who had kindly drawn a chair for her—she’d probably just stand there, gawking at him. And right after Rey sat down, he sat down too, unbuttoning his black suit—a dashing Gucci she saw just few weeks ago on one of Poe’s moodboards.

Poe Dameron himself then leaned in to ask about her car. Rey had texted him on the way to the Organa-Solo residence, telling him she could be late. “You're not that late,” he winked after she told him what happened. Radiator problem, as usual. “Don't worry about it.”

She wasn’t worried about that, though. Well, maybe ‘worry’ wasn’t the right word. She had been anxious, because although Poe had told her that the dinner would only involve him, Paige, and Korr (and Kay, but she couldn’t make it because she had to visit her fiancé’s grandparents), Rey knew that a certain person would also be there.

She knew she shouldn’t be anxious, because this was what she wanted…, _right?_ She had wanted to see him again. But when the reality struck, she was almost chickened out.

The subject of her thinking, however, seemed to mind his own business. He chatted with Korr, and sometimes talked to the butler _(of course,_ Rey thought, of course this family had a butler).

Fortunately, Rey also busied herself in no time. She was soon occupied with Han Solo and Mr. Mayhew (who insisted to be called Chewie, short for Chewbacca—she believed there was more story to the nickname) who were sitting adjacent to her.  

Despite their awkward first encounter, Chewie and Han didn’t seem to want to bring that up. Even if they did, it didn’t show. They introduced themselves and showed interest in Rey’s job. After a while, they started rambling about their own story.

She later learned that the much taller man had been friends with Han long before he met Leia and her brother, Luke Skywalker (who hadn't arrived yet—traffic). They worked odd jobs together before settling on photo journalism. Traveling the world. Getting arrested in some foreign country they didn't speak the language of. Almost dying of hypothermia. Running from mobs in Kessel Run (“It was a grand auto chase. And those scumbags were _this_ close to catch us, but I was faster,” Han said proudly). Getting themselves stuck in a protest that somehow led them to Leia and Luke.

“Oh, please, let the girl eat in peace!” Leia shook her head, although her lips quirked into an almost smile. “I'm sorry, Rey. These two are always like that.”

“It’s alright,” Rey smiled, sipping her champagne. “I’d love to hear more. I used to collect The Coruscant Tribute and Rogue when I worked part-time in a camera shop during high school. That was when I first discovered your early works, Mr. Solo. My boss was a subscriber. He let me take home old magazines from time to time.”

...which then she hid from her guardian. _That slug._

Han’s ears quirked up at her explanation. “So, how long have you been taking pictures?”

Rey took a bite of her mashed potatoes. “Since I was… fourteen, I guess. But I only had my own camera when I was sixteen, got it from my boss. It was his and he let me fix it—I mean, I insisted, and then he just gave it to me. I took care of it. Got scratches here and there, but I still have it until now.”

“Is it the one you always use?” Paige asked. Rey nodded.

“Well, you take care of your belonging very well, then,” Han smirked. “It's good. I mean, if it isn’t broken..."

“Actually, it broke numerous time,” she shrugged. “But I still don't want to part with it. So I keep fixing it.”

“It’s your thing, isn't it?” Paige gestured her champagne flute to Rey. “Fixing things.”

She chuckled. “I didn't have a choice back then. But now, it’s just for sentimental reason. I only replaced the broken parts but never the whole thing. The last change I made was probably the leather strap…”

Rey paused, feeling the eyes of one particular person boring into her. It was sudden, like a headlight flickering on cue in the middle of a forest. She subtly drifted her gaze at him for a brief moment before going back to her meal.

“What makes you interested in working fashion?” Chewie asked. “I'm just curious. I can see you work in the same field like me and Han.”

Rey raised her eyebrow. “What makes you think so?”

The wild-haired man pursed his lips, thinking for a moment. And then he grinned, showing his teeth under his unruly beard. “Gut feeling.”

“She's a valuable asset for Amidala,” Poe narrowed his eyes at him and then gave her another wink. “So, I don't think we're going to let her go yet, Mr. Chewbacca.”

Rey felt her cheeks burn a little. She had never heard Poe compliment her in the open like that. Not that she expected it.

“I do street photography,” she said, masking the embarrassment. “That's where it started. Then I met Finn Storms, took his picture, and we became friends. He was actually the one who told me about the job.”

“And it so happened that we had just lost our photographer for the project,” Korr said, darting her eyes at the one person who caused it. He took a sip of his champagne instead, still saying nothing.

“It’s true,” Leia clasped her hands together. “It was unfortunate that we lost—” She shot her son a look, “—her, but now you’re with us and I am more than pleased. Have Poe briefed you about the launch party?”

Rey looked at Poe and then back to Leia. “Not yet, ma’am. We're still working on the documentary. It's our last task. The photos are done and everything will be on your desk by Monday.”

Leia raised her eyebrow. “You're ahead of the deadline?”

“Yes, ma’am. Only by a few days.”

“I told her not to pull all-nighters that often,” Poe said, smirking at her. “But she seems determined to get this done as soon as possible. Like, she just wants to get over it and go.”

“Weren't you the model for this project?” Han asked, aiming the question at the only person who hadn't said anything.

“Yes,” Rey felt a tiny jolt in her chest as the deep baritone voice replied. When she forced herself to look at him, he was busy cutting his roast turkey.

“It’s been months,” she said, and suddenly his hands paused from slicing the meat. His eyes darted blankly to the table between them. She heard Poe snort.

“You got tired of staring at Kylo, Rey?” he joked, before tilting his head at the other man. “See, I told you, once you become mainstream and your face is everywhere, things like this will happen. That big ad on Times Square was the nail on the coffin.”

There was no malice in how Poe said it. And they were friends, weren’t they? Poe and… _Kylo._ And yet, Rey felt as though she needed to clarify that it wasn’t the case.

But when she was about to say something, _Kylo_ sipped his champagne again and raised his eyebrows. “Aw, poor me then,” he shrugged nonchalantly, stabbing the turkey with a fork and shoving it to his mouth. “By next year, I’m gonna be called ‘overrated’ and ‘washed up’ simultaneously. And maybe I’ll play a superhero for the next ten years to make up for it.”

Rey bit back a smile. He had told her before about his disdain on playing superhero—and the ‘cinematic universe’ in general. “There’s not much range,” he’d told her. “It’s just similar stories with different packaging marketed as something groundbreaking. Well, they’re not.”

She remembered she’d called him pretentious for that, and he replied with a smirk before kissing her—

Suddenly, her throat felt so dry that she needed a big gulp of drink.

Poe and Kylo—Ben— _Kylo_ continued bickering with each other, while the elderly at the table continued eating their meal and talked about other things. Paige and Korr already took side (Paige was on Poe’s and Korr was on Kylo’s) when the two men started to argue about which cinematic universe was the best. Rey knew Kylo couldn’t care less about it, but he seemed to have a pretty good time hurling playground insults at Poe’s favorite superhero movies. His face was relaxed and his hands moved—just like they always did when he was excited.

“What do you think, Rey?” Poe asked her when she was about to take a big bite of her turkey. The eyes of the other three were suddenly on her, waiting in anticipation. Rey put down her fork.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Which one is making more money?”

Poe and Paige gasped and were ready to rebut her, but Rey just smirked and continued her dinner. She felt Kylo’s eyes were still fixated on her. When lifted her gaze at him, he was biting his inner cheek, almost smiling. She darted her eyes back to her meal.

“Money doesn’t guarantee the quality of the films, though,” he said. Rey felt her heart skip a beat, realizing that he really was talking _to_ her.

She stared back at him whilst her hands were slicing up her green beans on her plate. “Really? But high grossing also means that a lot of people go to see it, and many of them must be enjoying it. Isn’t that what entertainment is for?”

They had similar conversation before, Rey remembered. But with less clothing and more soap—

She shook her head.

His eyes glinted for a moment before he seemed to snap out of it, his expression was neutral again. “Junk foods make tons of money every year,” he said. “Still doesn’t make it good.”

“Hey,” Korr nudged his arm. “Which side are you on? I thought we’re against Poe and Paige and their _garbage_ universe.”

Poe and Paige protested. Their debate then escalated to the point that Han and Chewie chimed in while Leia shook her head before telling them to quit it and eat their dinner. It didn’t stop them, though.

And that left Rey with herself. After a while, she excused herself to the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

So. Rey was lost.

She had found the way to the bathroom easily with the help of the butler, Mr. Threepio—Charles, he wanted to be called, the blondiest man Rey’d ever seen who had soft but shrill voice and a smile that reminded her—somehow—of the Nutcracker.

Charles, she learned, was a chatty man. During the short trip, he talked to her a lot that she didn’t pay much attention to the surrounding.  It was partly her fault because she had asked him about his first time working with the Organa-Solo. The older man was immediately lost in nostalgia, enthusiastically telling the story about how it was Anakin Skywalker who had hired him and the other guy, who then became his longtime partner, who worked as the cook. And so, when Rey walked out of the bathroom, she found herself wondering which way the dining room was.

She texted Paige soon after but didn’t get a reply for quite some time (Rey assumed that the superhero debate must’ve been intense—no surprises there). When her phone pinged, she was already in the hallway of another unknown territory. _How big exactly is this place?_

 

<Paige Tico> _sry Kylo and Korr are_ _(￢_￢)_

_go to the left_

 

_I did. Now I’m in some hallway with lots of pictures._

 

She was. It was like an endless wall of fame, a long corridor with pictures and paintings on the wall. She was already inside when she noticed a sign that said, 'RESTRICTED AREA: No picture taking allowed.' Rey should've known better and probably walked out of there, but her curiosity got the best of her.

She strolled past each one of the pictures with newfound amusement and curiosity. Family pictures, taken in different periods of time. They were also good photography, she noticed.

And looking at the pictures that spanned along the wall, Rey got reminded of  how impressive this family was. She marveled at how strange it felt, to have a whole history of a family—especially if it was documented and displayed this way. It was no doubt that this family had been under spotlight for a long time, with their scandals and the public’s parasocial fascination with their private lives—even when the Skywalker children had opted to live as journalists themselves. But seeing the snippets of their lives with her own two eyes, Rey found it to be a completely different experience.

She was entranced by the picture of Anakin Skywalker and his wife, Padme Amidala, when Paige replied again.

 

<Paige Tico> _the dining room is in the west wing_

_…_

_you’re in southwest_

_Charles will be there after he’s back from the cellar_

_..._

_wait no I’ll pick you up_

 

_Ok_

 

While waiting, Rey continued her appreciation on the well-documented family history.

There were more pictures of the twins’ mother than their father. There were also many pictures of Leia and Luke with other adults whom they seemed to bear close relationships with— _uncles and aunts, maybe? Godparents?_

As she walked further, the generation changed. Soon, she stood in front of a wall with young adult Leia, Luke, and Han. Sometimes, Mr. Chewie was also there (she wondered if he was the one who took most of the trio’s pictures). And then…

A black mop of hair, bright brown eyes, big adorable ears, and pink chubby face. Wearing his banana onesie with a rabbit plush-toy locked in his meaty hand, beaming like he was the happiest kid in the world. Ben Solo, 3 years old.

There was a surge of fondness at the sight of it that Rey couldn’t help reaching out and touched the frame. Her eyes then wandered to the rest of the wall where his history was being laid down right in front of her.

Ben Solo as a baby, and then as a toddler, some time during a bath where he cried his eyes out (and his mother laughed while receiving water attack from his angry limbs). A five year old Ben in a flower costume for a ballet recital, another picture showing him wearing Mickey Mouse ears and slanted sunglasses that were too big for his face. A seven year old Ben with pursed lips and a lollipop sticking out of his mouth, another one with a stack of books and knitted brows as he read The Art of Seeing with his legs dangling on the couch. Another one with a backpack that looked bigger than his short build (Rey chuckled, amused with the fact that he was once so small). A ten year old inside an airplane control room, the same year with a camera in his hand looking so smug—and maybe it was the start of all that: the charm, the smirk, the general bad boy vibe that got more and more dangerous as he became a man—

“Such a shame, isn’t it?”

Rey jerked her head to the source of the voice. An older man with blue eyes and shaggy grey hair and a beard was smiling at her—a familiar face she had just seen few photographs ago. His hands were clasped in the back, his sweater had a big owl on it which was staring at her like it was judging her for being nosy. She felt her heart drop with the possibility of being kicked out of there. But the man just took a step forward, and then stared at the wall.

“He used to be an adorable little shit,” Luke Skywalker dragged his gaze all over the wall. “But now he’s just a little shit.” He narrowed his eyes playfully at Rey, “And he calls himself Ky _lo_ Ren? What kind of name is that?”

She shook her head but couldn’t hide her own smile. “Tell me about it.”

“Look,” Skywalker tapped his index finger on a picture of teenage Ben Solo laughing as he lifted his screaming mother over his shoulder. “This is when he started to get bigger and bigger. The more muscles he gains, the more exasperating he becomes.”

Rey couldn’t help but snickered.

Luke raised his eyebrows at her and his lips curled upward, “What? I’m not wrong.”

“You’re not,” she replied. “It’s a perfect theory.”

His eyes then darted at another picture and she followed. Ben at his high school graduation. _A valedictorian,_ she realized. _Of course._

“Smart kid,” he muttered. “Could’ve been a good photojournalist if he tried. But he hated it—well, I can’t blame him.”

Rey looked at him, furrowing her eyebrows at the new information. “What happened?”

Luke sighed. “His grandfather happened. Well, his fascination with his grandfather did.”

Rey recalled her first lunch with him in Takodana, back when they were just strangers and she still hadn’t forgiven him for burning her films. Kylo Ren always adored Anakin Skywalker.

 _Why did you want to be an actor?,_ she had asked.

_To follow my grandfather’s footsteps._

Since then, he had been open to her, answering her questions, spending more time just to chat—or flirt. In retrospect, it was almost certain that she would fall for him. She often wondered when it had started. All she knew was she had been obsessed with knowing a lot of things about him.

And yet, during those times, she was shutting herself from him.

_You’re dangerous. I have fallen for you and then you will leave me behind..._

She took a deep breath and stared at his picture. Another one with a camera in his hand, and then another with a stack of books about writing. She didn’t know about this part of him.

Even with her _thorough_ research on him, she still didn’t know enough. Suddenly, he felt like a stranger to her. She wondered if he had felt the same way about her, every time she shut him out.

When Rey turned to ask Luke Skywalker about what he just said, he extended his right hand—a prosthetic one that she had read about before with speculations surrounding the reasons why it had happened. _He had a big fight with his father when that happened,_ she once read. _No, it was cancer,_ another ‘source’ said. _No, it was a secret mission in the 80’s. No, he was a spy, that was how he got all of the information that made him who he is now._ _No, he fought a bear and won, what a legendary man._

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I haven’t properly introduced myself. I’m Luke. You must be one of Leia’s employees?”

She blinked and then awkwardly accepted his hand before shaking it carefully. But the man just grinned at her.

“Yes. I’m, uh, Rey,” she cleared her throat. “Rey—with an e—Johnson. I’m a photographer.”

“Oh,” he looked more interested. “The new girl. I’ve seen your work. Just snippets of it from Leia the last time I had lunch with her.”

Rey felt her cheeks burn, “You did?”

“You took pictures of my nephew, didn’t you?”

“Uh—yes, for Amidala.”

He laughed, “I also heard that you scared the crap out of h—”

“So, there you are,” a familiar, deep voice suddenly appeared behind them that Rey felt a sudden jolt down her spine. She turned around and was faced with the older, taller—the _present_ Ben Solo looking down at both of them. His eyes flickered to her for a brief moment before narrowing at his uncle.

“90-minute late and of course, you’re here,” he continued, looking bored. “Did you get lost, _Uncle?_ Mom is waiting for you.”

Rey frowned at his tone.

“Okay, officer,” Luke rolled his eyes. “I’m just accompanying Miss Rey Johnson here. No need to get your knickers in a twist.” He then winked at Rey, “Fun police is here. I better go. See you around, Rey.”

She nodded, “See you around, Mr. Skywalker.”

“Oh, please,” he waved his hand. “Luke. Let’s chat later. I can tell you more about everything you want to know about this little s—”

“Luke,” his nephew gritted his teeth. Luke Skywalker shook his head and headed to the other side of the hallway.

She kept staring at Luke’s back as he walked away. And as he went further, her heartbeat became more and more louder in her head. She tried to minimize the impact of the presence of the _other person_ by looking standoffish, fighting the urge to look at him or scent his cologne—a familiar scent that she had inhaled way too many times that sometimes it felt as though it lingered in her hair when she went to bed by herself.

Her jaw was clenched as she felt heat radiating from the man standing next to her. And then, still masking her traitorous heartbeat, she raised her head at him.

He had been staring.

Rey drank him in. She always forgot how massive he was. It had been quite some time, after all. But still, his presence still threw her off balance. He was dressed in all black—he always looked good this way. His hair was longer now, his face clean shaven like he had just done it for the evening. He was tall, still—and probably even taller.

If she was being honest, seeing him this way was the epitome of her week. It was different—of course, it was—to look at his pictures when she was on the clock, compared to… _this._

And yet, with the turmoil inside her chest, Rey had decided, even days before, that she wouldn’t let it shake her. She had decided that she’d like to see him again. It didn’t matter if she was never ready. She had to be.

She wondered if he had been thinking the same way. If the pain in his eyes she had seen that afternoon in her apartment still left any trace like it did to her. Plaguing her dreams, exhausting her heart, wearing her out like she was nothing but a trampled ragdoll.

It was almost funny how intense her feelings could be. It shouldn’t have been anything out of ordinary, and yet sometimes it felt like there was more to it than what it really was. People broke up all the time—and did what they have count as a break up? Breaking up required a real relationship as a prerequisite. Not just a few fucks here and there. Or a lot of them—

“Paige said you were lost,” he said, turning his head away from her.

She swallowed, missing his amber eyes as they were torn away from her. “She also said she’s picking me up.”

“Well, she’s not,” he replied, his voice terse.

She eyed him to find any semblance of emotion that could give him away. A hint, maybe, that he was not as okay as he appeared. But she found none. She wondered if it was his mother who made him find her and that was the reason why he sounded so reluctant in the first place.

“It’s alright,” she then said. “Luke told me how to get back there.”

She lied. But somehow she tried to seek victory in not needing his help. A foolish attempt, since she only saw Luke heading to another hallway and she wasn’t sure if he was really going to the dining room. She then checked on her phone just to busy herself, finding a series of texts from Paige about another change of plan and _Kylo is on his way._ She must’ve been too busy chatting with Luke Skywalker to notice.

Had she seen the text, she thought, she’d probably run back to the bathroom.

But she had also promised herself to act like an adult when she saw him. _Talk to him, Rey,_ she’d told herself. _Tell him how much…_

Rey swallowed and looked at him again. His shoulders heaved subtly while his eyes were focused on the wall.

“I don’t know why my parents are so obsessed with documenting everything like this,” he suddenly said. She blinked and turned around, her eyes roaming over the same wall of pictures. “It’s embarrassing.”

"Really?" she raised an eyebrow. "I think it's endearing."

"Endearing?" he repeated.

"Yes. Although, I think they could also use some high quality albums."

"Did you assume they don't have albums stacked somewhere in this house already?" he asked, his voice tilting up in a way that sounded playful and intimate. "Ostentatious. Dramatic."

"It's a family trait, then," she quipped before stopping herself. But when she looked at him, his lips were already tugged into an almost smirk that he seemed to try to repress.

"Do you think we're like that?" he narrowed his eyes. _"All_ of us? No exception?"

Feeling brave, she continued. "Don't you?"

He pursed his lips, and then a smile ghosted his face. "Touché."

They were silent for a moment. Rey was worried that their conversation would end right there, and the rest of the night would continue with them talking to other people. But when she looked at him again, she found his hands were moving at his side, clenching and unclenching, like he wasn’t even aware of it.

“I think,” she started. “I think it’s good that your parents want to do this.”

His shoulders dropped—were they tense before?—and he turned his face at her. “It is?” he asked. “Even though there are ten pictures of me, taken during the same time here? Me, in diapers, crying. This is a wall of shame. They enjoyed this way too much.”

Rey chuckled, and that prompted his eyes to widen for a moment, before he looked ahead again.

“Doesn’t it mean they just… care about you? About the whole family history?”

He bit his lower lip. “Well, if you see it that way—”

“I don’t know what it feels like to have my childhood treasured this way,” Rey didn’t know what was in her mind when she said that. But, for unknown reason—or maybe because Finn’s words about being vulnerable kept swimming inside her mind, she continued. “The only childhood photos I had were taken when I was old enough to go to school and the ones the government had to keep track of me.”

Rey regretted it as soon as it came out of her mouth. _What are you doing?,_ she chastised herself. _No one wants to hear your sob story in a casual conversation, Johnson. Congratulations, you’ve just ruined the mood._

She waited for him to say something, probably expressing a pity. She didn’t like pity. She loathed it. That was also why she wasn’t inclined to tell her own story. She wasn’t ashamed of it; she just hated it. Big difference.

But he didn’t say anything. And when she looked at him, he was still staring at the wall. But it didn’t fail her to see how his jaw was working. He then folded his arms.

“Your parents…” he said, still not looking at her. “What happened to them?”

She looked away. “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Haven’t thought of them in a long time.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” she waved her hand. “It was a long time ago. I’ve never really remembered much about my life before I was five, I think. The angsty part is gone, though. I’ve had that phase when I was younger. Now I just find the whole thing funny.”

He finally looked at her, his eyes dark but his expression was still unreadable. “How so?”

“You see,” she cleared her throat, feeling more relaxed now. “I’m not that sure if my birth certificate is even real. Like, who knows how old I actually am. Am I really twenty four?” She tilted her head at him, “Or am I actually fifty four? Who knows.”

He finally _really_ smiled at her attempt of humor. The first time she made him that night.

“You don’t look fifty four,” he replied, his eyes searching her face. There was a hint of sadness—perhaps sympathy—coming out of his gaze mixing with an almost smile.

“Hm. Maybe it’s genetic,” she said, brushing off the sudden attention from him. “Or maybe I have that superpower that grants me youth? There should be a movie being made about me, if that’s the truth.”

“Oh, really?”

“Maybe I’ll ask the studio to cast an overrated or washed-up actor to play me for the next ten years.”

“Now you’re just making fun of me,” he narrowed his eyes. “I said what I said. Just because they make money, it doesn’t change the fact that superhero movies are boring.”

“Pretentious.”

“Well, you’re a brat...” his voice trailed off as their eyes were locked together. There was a beat of silence, before he cleared his throat and looked at his watch.

“I think we should go back,” he said.

“Right,” Rey nodded, feeling a bit disappointed. “They must be waiting for us.”

He turned his heels and walked ahead before pausing after a few steps, waiting for her. Rey balled her fists and caught up.

They walked side by side in silence on the way back to the dining room. Sometimes their fingers brushed and her heart jumped a little. But other than that, there was no other interaction between them.

And just like she had predicted, once they were back at the table, they were busy talking with other people. Even though, yes, sometimes she found him glancing at her. And the only reason she was aware of that was only because she had been glancing, too.

The dinner party ended a couple of hours later. Leia insisted on the guests to take home the leftovers in containers and didn’t take no for an answer. Rey didn’t mind; she wasn’t the one who would reject free food. But apparently, Poe had informed Leia about her affinity for food that the editor-in-chief gave her extra containers. And that successfully made Rey blush.

She carefully placed the containers on the backseat of her car, making sure they were really airtight and the delicious smell wouldn’t invade the seat. After she was satisfied with how they were stacked, she went to the driver seat and turned the ignition on.

But the car wouldn’t start.

Rey groaned in frustration as she kept trying. She slammed her hands at the steering wheel when suddenly Han Solo popped up in front of the window and she screamed. She then rolled the window down.

“Oops, sorry,” he said, his hands raised in surrendering gesture. “I didn’t mean to surprise you. Is there a problem?”

“Uh, yeah,” she sighed. “But it’s fine, I think. I should just—”

“Do you want me and Chewie to take a look?” he asked. And like being summoned by his name alone, the hulking man appeared from behind to Han.

Rey’s mouth opened and closed before she nodded and got out of the car. “Thank you,” she said.

“No problem, kiddo,” Han smirked. “Everything will be up and running in a sec.”

Except that... it didn’t.

It had been minutes—probably almost an hour—since they tinkered with the engine, but the car was still too stubborn to start, not even after they tried to cool down the radiator with water that the cook, Artoo, brought. It was an old car. She bought a second-hand sedan after saving from working numerous jobs in Jakku most of her younger life. A junk that had been pestering her for so long that she was this close to just send it to a junkyard where it belonged.

“I think it’s going to take a while,” Han raised his head from the engine. “I also think it’s better if you leave her here, let me take a look at her tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, um, are you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” Chewie chimed in. “We’re good at this. Just give us a day to figure this out.”

“You’ll save a lot of money, too,” Han said. “No need to pay for shop. They can rob you blind if you’re not careful.”

She raised her eyebrows, almost smiling. “Well. If that’s the case, then, I’m calling an Uber—”

“Let Ben drive you home,” Han told her, wiping his hands with a cloth. “It’s late already.”

Rey blinked. And before she could say anything, Han already instructed Artoo to summon his son. She tried to get out of it by telling Han that she could, in fact, get an Uber, that it was fine, no problem. But the man was dead set on making his son driving her home.

And before she knew it, said son jogged to their direction. His hair was a bit bouncy from running, and he was no longer wearing the suit. He stopped and rested his hands on his hips, his sleeves already scrolled up to his elbows and the fabric on his chest strained as though the buttons were on the brink of popping out and hitting her eyes. Rey swallowed.

“What’s going on?” he said, his eyes rummaging the car before landing to Rey who had been biting her nail nervously.

“Take Rey home,” his father said.

“I can call an Uber,” she fidgeted. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Leia suddenly appeared behind her son. “The other option would be for you to spend the night here. We can let you go home like this.”

Rey felt her cheeks redden now that everyone in the family was there. She just needed to wait for Luke, then the checklist would be complete. _Skywalker bingo._

“I can ask Charles to prepare the guest room if you want to stay,” Leia continued. “Artoo, tell—”

“No!” Rey exclaimed, and then she covered her mouth. “Sorry, I mean, no, thank you. I don’t think I should stay. I have to wake up early and my apartment is closer to Amidala. So…”

“Are you sure?” Leia still looked at her in concern. She then cocked her head to her son, about to say something. But he already walked toward Rey.

He paused right in front of her, crowding her space even more. She staggered back like a drenched mouse in front of a big cat. 

“Rey,” he muttered, his voice soft like he was trying to calm her down. “Let me take you home.”

Rey opened her mouth but no sound came out. Her heartbeat raced faster as she noticed the twitch under his eye. 

And then, with certainty, she nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about them breaking (thawing?) the ice, so I hope you don't mind the slow progress. The next chapter is solely focused on them, though.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [My tumblr](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/)  
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/rakefired/)


	24. Unknown Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drive, and the _drive_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drink every time Ben is being sappy. Stay hydrated, folks. ;)
> 
> CW: angst. Some really dumb angst.  
> Long chapter, unbeta'd. Expect mistakes. <3

She looked so beautiful.

There was no way Ben didn’t notice. She let her hair down, a bit shorter now, lightly hovering above her shoulders. Her lithe body was covered in a little black dress that showed her long legs and taut calves. A pair of high heels—she rarely wore those, but when she did…

And then, there was her beautiful face. Her hazel green eyes were piercing still like there was always fire within her. The delicate curves of her face that he remembered perfectly, painted with barely there makeup, and her pink lips flushed with the faint rosy stain of her lipstick, inviting and yet looking so pure.  

When he saw her the first time that night, he was almost unable to breathe. Rey Johnson, apparently, still had that impact on him. He wondered if that would ever change.

He had prepared himself for the evening, knowing well sure that she would be there. And his mother even dared to seat her right across him, as though mocking him for thinking about her too much. Leia Organa-Solo, of course, didn’t know. Because if she did, he was sure that she’d have him sat in her study and lecture him already. His mother was never a fan of his ‘conquest’ stories—not that he’d ever told her any. God, no.

But it was never a conquest with Rey. It wasn’t a game. And if it was, he had lost from the beginning.

It was a white flag, ever since that day in Takodana.

And it wasn’t like Ben knew what he was going to say to Rey that could make whatever situation they were—he was—in any less of a mess.

After they got back from the Record Room, he felt like he couldn’t mask his feelings anymore. Of course, there was a matter of other people at that table. But he couldn’t help staring at her—couldn’t help thinking about her, about her words, about her… everything.

She was finally there and he was too much of a coward to face her.

Now they were driving in silence.

It was almost comedic that after being away from her and spending most of the night pretending to be unaffected by her presence, he was now driving her home.

Rey Johnson, in the flesh, was sitting right next to him in the confine of his Mercedes. Streetlights fell on her profile so beautifully as she looked ahead—not even once glancing at him.

It was ridiculous to overthink, but he couldn’t help wondering if she was still mad at him. They’d talked during dinner, yes, mostly because it would’ve been weird if they hadn’t. She had  _casually_ told him about her childhood story when they were alone (and how it made him see red for what her parents had done to her—whether they were dead or alive now, who knew). He wanted to know more but didn't want to pry, not wanting to make her uncomfortable—although he admitted that listening to her confiding in him like that pleased him in some way.

But even then, he didn’t know if Rey had forgiven him. What if she—

“I’m sorry.”

Ben’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, his vision still on the road. He took one breath, two breath, and then…

“What for?” he asked, knowing well sure what she meant. He hoped he didn’t sound like choking.

Silence.

“This,” she then said softly. “Sorry for making you do this. You don’t have to—”

“It’s alright,” he replied, probably a bit too fast. “I’m fine with driving you home. My parents were right. It’s dangerous…” He swallowed, “It’s alright, Rey. Don’t worry about it.”

Silence again.

“Thank you.”

Instead of answering her, his jaw was clamped shut. He could’ve said _you’re welcome_ or _no problem_ or _actually, I’m looking forward to this—not about the car, but being with you,_ but he lost the momentum. What was left was another long silence, _ad infinitum._  

“How are you—”

“How is it going—”

Their voices blurted out and halted at the same time, leaving for another beat of silence. And then, a chorus of polite exchange followed.

“You first.”

“No, you first.”

“No—”

“Ladies first.”

She snickered. And that successfully made him glance at her. She shook her head, and repeated his words. “Ladies first?”

“That’s not… that’s not what I meant.”

“I know, Ben,” she replied. “Don’t worry.”

A wash of relief bloomed in his chest. He had to clench his jaw again to prevent himself from smiling. He was still _Ben_ to her.

“I’ve been busy,” she continued with a chuckle that sounded a bit forced. “With work, of course.” She paused, “Our project. It's... uh, almost done.”

He took a glance for a moment, feeling his heart heavy with fondness and a tiny bit ache. “So I heard,” he said. “I mean, Poe couldn’t shut up about it. And neither could my mother.”

“Oh,” was her only response. When he glanced at her again, he found her face blushing. He chuckled.

“No bad words, I promise,” he convinced her. “They spoke highly of you.”

“Well,” he heard her voice turn small, just like every time when she was deeply embarrassed. “That’s worse.”

Ben smiled.

He then slowed down the car before stopping when the traffic light turned red. Usually Coruscant was so crowded even at night like this, but for some reason, the street was a lot emptier now. It was already late, but it wasn’t even _that_ late. He wondered if they would arrive in no time.

He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel about that.

“Have you seen it?” she asked. “The thumbnails?”

He turned his head to her. Her fingers were entwined on her lap, moving like they were knitting the air. _Nervous?_

Ben shook his head. “I’d like to see it during the launch party.”

“Are you going to attend it then?” she raised her eyebrow. “Poe said, well, Leia told Poe and Poe told us. He said you wouldn’t.”

“I think I might,” he said, his eyes never leaving hers. “My schedule is a bit of a mess for the next few months. But, I don’t know, I think I might—”

“You don’t have to force yourself to come.”

“Our project is also a job, though. I have to.”

She looked away, another small ‘oh’ coming out of her mouth. Now it sounded like she was disappointed. About _what?_ About the possibility of him attending the party? About his explanation that it would be just _another job_ for him?

Ben took a deep breath, eyes searching the subtle movement of her chest and shoulders like he was trying to sync up their breathing.

“I’m fine, by the way.”

Her shoulders tensed for a moment before she turned her gaze at him again. The traffic light turned green, and Ben drove again. “You asked earlier,” he continued. “How am I? I’m fine.”

“Good.”

“Yeah, good.”

She hummed a response.

“I’m busy, too. With work.”

“The new film?”

“Yeah, the new film. Pre-production.”

“When will it start filming?”

“Next week.”

“Is it still in Crait?”

“Yes.”

“When are you leaving?”

His jaw worked before he replied, “Tomorrow.”

Another silence. Ben tapped his fingers on the steering wheels, eyes staring at the road in front of him absentmindedly. They still had a few more minutes before arriving, but for him, every second moved unfairly faster.

He had never wished the worst case of traffic to happen so badly before. But mostly, he wished he could hear her mind. Did it make her uncomfortable to be with him now? She had wanted an Uber, but he couldn’t let her. He could’ve slowed down his car and let her think that it was just how he drove. Because he didn’t know if she wanted—

“Ben,” she started. His shoulders jerked in response.

“I think,” she cleared her throat. “I think we should turn left after this.”

Ben raised his eyebrow. He peered at the map showed on the monitor. Turning left would lead them further away from their destination. _Why would Rey—_

“There’s a roadwork ahead and it’s not done yet,” she added quickly.

He turned left. All done without hesitation.

If it only meant for him to be with her a little bit longer—even if it was just a couple of minutes more, he’d do it. And he was aware of the renovation few days ago. Some of the road was blocked and it would be uncomfortable to go through that.

Except— _except_ that he knew well sure that the roadwork had been over already. He knew it because he had been driving past her neighborhood a few times since their fight—accidentally, of course. A _little_ forty-minute detour when he needed some milk, or when he got back from his office or the gym.

And now, he was taking another detour to avoid a roadwork they both knew didn’t exist anymore.

Ben waited for her to say something. He clenched his jaw, trying to mask his anticipation. She _wanted_ to talk. Just like he did—okay, maybe not like he did. Because all he wanted was they went back to the day where everything was fine.

She might want to talk about other things. Or _shout_ things. Like, maybe she’d call him a jerk and say that she would never ever want to see him again, or wish that his flight to Crait would be hell, or that he’d get no reception while being there, or his director would not be pleased with him and the critics would hate this movie, or that he would get chlamydia or a severe case of diarrhea—

He felt his hands start to get sweaty. This could be his nerve talking, probably, due to this being the eve of his departure. Regardless of how many times he’d flown miles away from home, he still got jittery. And now, the thought of being miles away from _her…_

He shook his head. He needed to focus. They only had a little time now.

“Rey—”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she finally started, effectively making him hold back whatever he was about to say.

He cleared his throat. “About what?”

A pause.

And then she continued, “That you were a valedictorian—and a Spelling Bee champion.”

Ben almost swerved off the road in surprise. “Wh—What?”

“Careful,” she snorted. “You’ll scratch the car. It’s expensive, from the look of it.”

“It is,” he blinked. He then took a glance at her and found her biting her lip in an almost smile. Taking a chance, he added, “You’re worried more about the car than us? I could’ve gotten us into an accident.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Did you want that to happen?”

“What, no! But you said—”

“That is just awful, Solo. Awful.”

“Well, if you didn’t mention Spelling Bee out of the blue,” he rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t have done that.”

She giggled.

She… _giggled._

The realization shot through Ben’s chest. In a swift moment, he drove the car to the side and turned off the ignition.

“Why are you stopping?” she craned her neck to the parking space.

Ben huffed, leaning back on the headrest. “I just experienced a traumatic incident and I need to take a rest for a minute.”

“Bullshit,” she folded her arms but couldn’t mask her smile.

“Whoa, is that how you speak to your driver, Johnson?” he narrowed his eyes _._

“A real driver would’ve gotten me home by now.”

“Excuse me. I’m a good driver. I passed all the test in flying colors.”

“You almost got us killed.”

“So, now it escalates to me getting us killed? Not about the car?”

“And it was just because of a Spelling Bee? Can you imagine the headline? Famous Actor Kylo Ren Got into an Accident with a Mysterious Woman…”

She trailed off before being quiet completely, lowering her hands back to her lap. Ben’s hand twitched, almost reaching hers but he paused and gripped the fabric of his pant leg instead.

“That… would be bad, wouldn’t it?” he said quietly.

She looked at the window at her side. “That would be bad,” she repeated.

Ben felt the distance again. He stared at her, observing the back of her head like it could spill secrets.

Her shoulders heaved slowly in contrast of how tight her fists were. She was thinking—re-thinking something, probably. He knew her enough to see the telltales. It was like whenever she wanted to take a step back after she let herself out too much in front of him.  

“Rey,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

She perked up before turned her head to him again. Ben could see her eyes were a bit glassy—was she about to cry? He wouldn’t dare to ask because he believed the same expression was also plastered on his face. He bit his lower lip to stop his chin from quivering. 

“Ben…”

“I’m sorry for being such a jackass to you,” he muttered. “I should—I should’ve explained everything before I freaked out like I did. That day.”

“Ben, you don’t have to—”

“Rey, listen,” he closed his eyes for a moment. “Please?”

He saw Rey swallow before nodding. Ben unbuckled his seat belt so he could face her better. The weather started to get chillier now. He reached for his jacket which has been hung on the backseat window and giving it to Rey.

He thought she would refuse, but she didn’t. She unfastened her seat belt instead and wore the jacket, letting the fabric fall too big on her. _What a sight._

If he was being honest, Ben had been practicing for this moment. Pacing around the kitchen while his script abandoned on the countertop, he was muttering something to imaginary Rey. Sometimes, she would appear angry and ready to leave. Sometimes, she would appear cold and distant, like she didn’t care about him anymore. But most of the time, she would look like how she’d looked like that afternoon. Hurt.

In the end, the real thing never resembled what went on his head. 

They were in his car, in the dead of night. She was sitting next to him, with his jacket enveloping her body. And she looked at him like she...

...like she _cared._

Why would she look at him like that? He felt like his heart almost jumped out of his ribs, but his mind was clouded with confusion and anxiety that all he could focus on was his own insecurity. _That must be pity._ Or an ounce of sympathy she could muster.

Because she had made it clear that she wanted them to be friends after they got over whatever they had got. _Friends._ Fuck. Of course, she would think of that. She could’ve just cut all form of communication and she’d be alright.

Days ago, Ben had thought she’d really cared for him, and he had been happy with that possibility. But after mulling over it thousands times on his own, he now realized how dumb that must’ve sounded. He was too sure. Too cocky for his own good.

How could he expect her to think he’d changed _for_ her? After everything she’d read on the tabloids and the incessant gossips and ‘conspiracy theories’ on the internet about him and his past? She probably didn't care about most of them, but what kind of woman would believe a rapid change of heart of a man like him? Even though the rumors were not always true, he still knew what he did. He knew that his reputation, although it was blown out of proportion like every manufactured persona, was also the result of his own doing.   

He took a deep breath and then stared at the dashboard.

“I’ve never followed you or sent anyone to follow you,” he finally said, his throat dry. “Not intentionally. That day, it wasn’t supposed to be like that. I don’t know if I can explain this to you. I have been following someone… bad. It goes back to what happened years. It's been a while since I last heard about them. And that day, they were in your area. I just wanted to make sure you were alright, but my temper got the best of me.”

He turned his face to her, worrying that his words would shake her. He saw her eyes widen for a moment, but she didn’t appear shaken or slightly disturbed. If anything, she only looked mildly surprised before nodding, as though she just confirmed something.

“You knew?”

“I figured,” she replied. “I mean, I didn’t know know. I just thought there must be something going on that you couldn’t tell right away.”

“And… and you’re alright?”

She cast down her eyes, hiding her hands inside the oversized jacket. “I—honestly, I don’t know.” She sighed, “You have… this other world that I don’t know. You have your own people, your own life. And you’re a powerful man, Ben. I'm not saying your life is like The Darth Vader, but whether you want to admit it or not, Kylo Ren is a big name. Something like that would attract different kinds of crowd.”

This other world that _she didn’t know._

 _His_ own people. _His_ own life.

Ben had never seen it that way. His job had been his whole life, sure. He was surrounded by his team when working—his manager, publicists, agent, stylists, a whole lot more people who made sure he looked and acted like Kylo Ren when stepping out of his house.

They were also the people Ben had been playing cat and mouse so he could spend more time with Rey.

And he was… powerful, in a way. That was why Bazine and others came to him. Sure, sometimes he thought even Bazine Netal could have a tiny bit of feelings other than her constant desire to survive, but even then he was dismissive of it. Because it was just how it worked. He’d been around for more than half of his life as a thirty three year-old man, things that happened in the industry had rendered him insusceptible to his surrounding. Someone was always something. Some people were sharks. Some people were tiny fish waiting for the bigger fish to lift them up. Some people were the scum of the earth, like Dryden Vos.

“How bad are they?” he heard her asking. “The person you’re following. Are they going to hurt you?”

 _The possibility of him trying to hurt_ you _is what I’m afraid of,_ he thought.

“Don’t worry about it,” he shook his head. “It’s all dealt. They can’t do anything anymore.”

“Are you sure?”

“I got all the help I needed." He chuckled, attempting for some humor, "But don't worry, there's no bodies being buried or thrown into the volcano like in The Darth Vader."

She still looked unconvinced, but didn’t ask further. She chewed her lower lip, her eyebrows knitted like she was thinking hard. Before he could ask her what was wrong, she said, “But why did that person in my area? And even if they were there, what danger could they possibly do to me? No one knows about us.”

Ben’s mouth fell open but he couldn’t say anything.

“Ben?” she shifted her body to face him. _“No one_ knows about us, right?”

He saw her fists ball on his jacket, the first evidence of discomfort that came from her. Her eyes shot straight at him, demanding an answer and he knew he couldn’t get out of that situation. Not even when he felt a pang in his chest as he realized that her genuine fear was not about someone who could harm her, but about someone _finding out_ about them.

When there was no response, Rey shut her eyes and breathed shakily. “How?”

“Rey—”

“How did they know?” she asked. “Who else—do your parents know about us, too? Leia… does she know?”

Ben reached for her hands but paused midway. “No, she doesn’t. Neither do Han and Chewie. I’ve never… They don’t know. It’s only us. Trust me.”

As the words rolled out of his mouth Ben started to wonder if his father and uncle _really_ didn’t know. They were both sharp and naturally curious. But he didn’t want to entertain that thought, not when Rey was worried about her employer finding out about their… _affair._

The more he thought about it, the more he realized how badly he’d fucked up.

“No, it’s not only us,” she said. “You just told me there’s another person.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. How did they know?”

Ben worked his jaw for a moment. “He saw us.”

“Where?”

“Amidala’s parking lot,” he replied. “Weeks ago, before we… Rey, are you alright?”

She ignored his concern, although her face already told him what he needed to know. “Parking lot. Was that after we went for a lunch with Leia? How?”

“It was after we got back from the lunch,” he nodded. “He saw us when we were—”

“Kissing.”

“Yes.”

“What else that person did?”

He sighed. “He took pictures.”

Now Rey's mind seemed to have gone someplace else. Her hand trembled as it touched her lips. Ben instinctively touched her shoulder, trying to give her reassurance.

“It’s alright,” he said softly. “He can't—"

“Do you have them?” she turned to face him again. “I want… I want to see them.”

Reluctantly, Ben took his phone out and accessed the cloud. His lawyers had advised him to keep the pictures for evidence in case things went south, but that kind of detail wasn't exactly something he wanted her to know. Not yet, at least. He showed the pictures to her, and she immediately took his phone and stared at the screen. The light shone on her face; she looked every bit of horrified.

“Oh my god,” she muttered. “Oh my god.”

“Rey,” he reached her hand, finally touching her skin. She was cold and trembling. “It’s over. He can't touch you. I made sure of that.”

As though she was awakened from a trance, her eyes shot at her. Eyes wide and face pale. “Why didn't you tell me?”

There was no accusation in her tone, only genuine worry—and curiosity. But her shoulders heave and she looked like a deer in a headlight. Again, as though his body moved faster than his brain could allow, Ben touched her face. But as he started to lean into her, to kiss her worry away, his brain snapped and took him back to reality. He pulled back.

“I couldn’t,” he said. “I didn't want to freak you out.”

She scoffed. “That’s your reason? You've freaked me out already when you appeared on my doorstep.”

“I know, I'm sorry.”

“What else?” she asked. “He took our pictures. There must be something more. Did he ask for ransom?”

Ben was quiet for a moment, and then he replied. “Yes.”

“How much?”

“It doesn't matter.”

"Ben—"

"It really doesn't," he shook his head. "I made sure he won't get anything from me. Or you."

When she didn't look any less upset, Ben continued, “I don't want to drag you into this, okay? This is all me. I attract these kinds of people. You don't deserve this. That's why, I had to deal with it quietly.”

“Ben, you can’t just not tell me about this,” she protested. “I’m in those pictures, too! You should've told me. I told you I can handle myself.”

 _I didn't want to lose you,_ he thought. _I didn't want to tell you everything because I was scared you'd leave._

“This is different, Rey. This person is a scum and he won't stop until you—”

“I kissed you!” she yelled. But then she took a deep breath. “I did it. I started it. If I didn't kiss you in that parking lot, then he wouldn't have come after you.”

“Rey…”

“If he's as bad as you said he is, then you could be still in danger and I… and I…”

Ben reached for her hands, letting his phone fall on her lap. He tightened his grip, engulfing her cold hands with the warmth from his skin. “Rey, it’s alright. You are safe. Everything is fine.”

“I _know_ I’m safe—Ben, I don't care…,” she paused. And then she withdrew her hands from his and looked the other way. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“What?”

“Maybe I shouldn't have kissed you,” she shook her head. “In a parking lot, of all places. God, that was so stupid. Of course someone must've seen that. If it wasn't some creep who asks for ransom, then it could've been a staff or an intern—or even your mother! What was I thinking? Why didn't I have better self control?”

He stared at her as she lightly knocked her head against the window while mumbling ‘stupid, stupid girl’ and something about being a ‘hormonal wreck’. He tilted his head, amused.

“That wasn't stupid for me,” he said. She looked at him again.  “That wasn't stupid at all. In fact, I'm glad you did it.”

Rey blinked, horrified. “Are you serious? Ben, I caused this… this mess.”

 _Well, that's cute._ He couldn't help smiling.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Rey. I can assure you,” he said calmly.

She groans, covering her face with her hands.

“Rey,” Ben reached for her hands, pulling them away from her face to hold them. “You did nothing wrong. If anything, it felt right to me. What you did… when you kissed me that day, and everything that happened after that, I wouldn't change a thing.”

Her fingers twitched but she _didn't_ pull back. “Ben…”

“You made me the happiest I've been in my life,” he said, and then chuckled. “By far.”

He sees her cheeks flush in pink. Her doe eyes were staring at him like she couldn’t believe what he just said—although, in retrospect, Ben didn’t believe it either. But there was nothing but the truth in his words. She needed to know that. He _wanted_ her to know how he really felt.

“I mean it, Rey. I love—”

He paused.

“You… what?” she asked, her voice small and unsure. “You what, Ben?”

His grip in her hands tightened and his heartbeat pounded even faster. She looked at him in anticipation, like her breathing was _hitched_ because of him. Ben ended up releasing her.

“I really liked what we’ve had,” he finally said, cursing inwardly. _Coward!_

“Oh,” she breathed.

Silence. Ben looked the other way to let himself breathe, the warmth from her skin still lingering on his palms. But then, she spoke.

“I hated it, though.”

Ben’s eyes widened. He slowly turned to look at her.

“I hated how you made me feel,” she smiled, looking defeated. “I hated that you made me feel... _seen_. Transparent. Like I wasn’t thinking. Like I was a fool. I was not used to that, Ben. I never am. You pulled me out of my…”

She let out a shaky breath, covering her face with her hands again. “Oh god, I’m not used to this,” she muttered. "I really hate this. Fuck."

Silence fell between them for a moment as her words sank in. He had repeated this scenario multiple times in his head already. He knew how this would go, but it still hurt all the same. So then—

“It’s alright.”

She raised her head at his words. His words, which escaped his mouth. His words, which didn’t feel like his own. They felt practiced, so far away, like another voice in the back of his head. A muscle memory. “It’s alright,” the voice repeated. “I’ll take you home.”

Her mouth fell open. “Ben?”

And then his hands fastened his seat belt before perching on the steering wheel and starting the ignition. His eyes looked ahead as the car exited the parking space and joined few others vehicles on the road. And then he was driving.

“Ben,” he heard her. “I don’t think you understand what I’m saying.”

“I think I do, Rey. And it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine!” she insisted. “Ben, listen.”

“Please,” he said, his eyes still on the road. “Let me take you home.”

She was quiet after that, although he could see in his periphery that she was still fidgeting. Ben focused all of his attention to anywhere else but her, even went as far as turning the radio on. After a while, Rey stayed still.

They arrived in front of her building soon after that.

“We’re here,” he said, turning off the radio.

When there was no response, he turned to look at her again. She was still on her seat although her seat belt was already unbuckled, her arms folded with his jacket still engulfing her. She stared at the dashboard, her brow furrowed, looking sullen like she was a child in detention.

“Rey—”

“You’re an asshole, you know that, right?” she said, still not looking at him.

He opened his mouth, but then he closed it again and swallowed. “Excuse me?”

“You—” she clenched her jaw until her neck tensed. And then she jerked her head to him. “You. Are. An. Asshole.”

“What?”

“What is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with _me?”_

“Yes, what the fuck is wrong with you?” she pointed at him with her index finger. “You ignored me all night, and then talked to me for a bit in that… gallery—”

“It’s the Record Room—”

“—shut up, let me speak!” she yelled. “If you keep cutting me off, I swear to god!”

Ben scooted away from her until his shoulder hit the window. His hands were on his knees, submissively awaiting for her wrath. She closed her eyes for a moment and folded her arms again as she furiously leaned back on the seat.

“How dare you?” she asked, but of course it was rhetorical. And Ben believed if he _dared_ to say anything, nothing good was going to happen to him.

“You came here the first time, hiding things from me and acting like a mad man—”

He felt another pang in his chest.

“—and then you were gone for days—”

Technically, she had _asked_ him to leave. But again, he wasn’t going to challenge that.

“—and finally, when I got to see you in person, you kept your distance. You acted like nothing was wrong all night, and then you drove me home and dropped all that bomb on me?” She scoffed, averting her gaze back to the dashboard as though she could put a hole by just staring at it. “You yelled at me before, in _my_ own house, telling me that I decided _everything_ for us, but look at you, Ben! You don’t even want to listen to me. Do you think I didn’t spend my waking hours thinking about what went wrong? Thinking if I should give you the benefit of the doubt? Thinking that if you were a real crazy stalker or some stupid womanizer, then maybe I could feel better for letting you go?"

She paused, her hands shifted and grasped the fabric of her dress. "And I still have to see your face at work! Listening to everyone else talking about you! No one! No one in this damn world has let me take a break from you or your face or—or your family, for god’s sake. And even after that, I kept going back to where we’d left off, kept questioning myself what had happened, kept coming back to you—like a damn fool! And when I wanted to tell you how _I_ feel, you! You ignored me again! So, yeah, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Ben gulped. The spitfire of a woman who had been occupying his mind for months just yelled at him from the top of her lungs. He didn't miss the shakiness in her voice, how it felt like it punched him in the gut. Her words slowly registered in his mind, and the only thing that he could do was just dumbly staring at her. He balled his fists, a rush of blood too deafening inside his head.

“Rey,” he muttered, his throat felt constricted. His hands were now trembling as he moved closer to her. “I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t—”

He fell silent as Rey suddenly glared at him, a tear falling down her cheek despite the anger in her eyes. His heart sank.

“You broke my heart, you dick!”

And then—and then, maybe the stars were miraculously aligned in his favor, or maybe he'd just used up all of his luck for this very second, she raised from her seat, yanked his collar, and planted a kiss on his stupid mouth. His eyes were bugged out like the heat and softness from her lips jolted his body awake.

She _kissed_ him.

 _Rey Johnson_ kissed him.

He thought he was going to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Benjamin, you're so fucking stupid! :))
> 
> I was mulling over how to end this chapter and it took much longer than I had expected. At first, I thought ending it with Ben misconstruing Rey's message about 'hating' the time they spent together would be just fine. But then I felt like it was oddly-paced because of what happens in the next chapter. So, I decided to end it with Rey speaking her mind.  
> His worry that leads to misunderstanding her intention is of course dumb, but when you're in love, there's not much intellect that can be taken into account for one's behavior or perception of reality lol.
> 
> And he's a Skywalker and a Solo, so of course, he's a bit dramatic.
> 
> *in case you've forgotten, The Darth Vader is like The Godfather in this AU. :D
> 
> If you haven't seen it, I wrote a [two-shot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17558951/chapters/41380364%22) about Minimalist Ben and Hoarder Rey. It's a light-hearted comedy, and probably unlike the stuff I've written before (it's not that it's better or worse; just different ^^). Please have a look, if you'd like. <3
> 
>  
> 
> As always, thank you for reading!
> 
> [My tumblr](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com) | [My giveaway](https://rakefiree.tumblr.com/post/183280855956/rakefire-1st-giveaway)  
> [My twitter](https://twitter.com/rakefired)


End file.
